Chapter 13

Simone's POV

I tried for the next half hour to awaken Sydney before
I admitted to myself she'd drifted away again. She was
sick, and she needed help. Obviously I was doing
something wrong... My sister seemed to always fall ill
when I was around. And after all, she HAD said she
didn't want me to take care of her.

I knew there was no way Michael and Dad could come
back, so as I climbed carefully out of bed, I
considered my options. Dixon had a family; I didn't
relish the idea that I might awaken his wife or
children along with him. Therefore, my only choice was
to call Eric.

I went to the kitchen and looked up the number, then
dialed it quickly. The phone seemed to ring fifty
times before it was answered.

"Hello?" Eric asked sleepily. I felt bad for waking
him. But I felt I had no choice. "Eric, it's Simone. I
need your help."

"What happened? Is Sydney...?"

"Unconscious," I filled in, beginning to cry. "I tried
to wake her up, I really did. But she's gone, and
I... Will you come help me please?"

"Sure," Eric said, sounding instantly wide awake.
"I'll be there soon. Just stay with her, I'll be there
as fast as I can."

I thanked him, said goodbye, and hung up. Then I
returned to the bedroom, where Sydney lay just as I
had left her. I sat down on the bed and simply looked
at her. It was so strange. She appeared to be just
sleeping, but I knew she was so much farther away than
that. I couldn't stand the quiet, so I spoke my
thoughts, even though Sydney wouldn't hear them.

"Eric is on his way here, Sydney. He'll know what to
do. When you get better, we'll go out shopping, or to
the park for a nice long walk. Whatever you want. I
just want you to come back."

I sat there talking I don't know how much longer when
the doorbell finally sounded. I rushed to answer it.
I'd never been so relieved to see someone as I was to
see Eric at that moment. He quickly said hello. then
went straight back to Sydney's room. I followed him,
nearly bumping into him when he stopped short in the
doorway.

"Sydney..." He whispered. "How did this happen?" He
asked me gently.

We both stepped inside the bedroom before I spoke.
"She was sleeping, and she started to say things,
about why Dad and Michael had left her. She started
talking about being sick, and then... Then she was
quiet. I tried to wake her up, but..."

"I know... I've been through it. I remember. Don't
blame yourself, Simone, you didn't do anything. Try to
go get some sleep. I'll stay with her."

"Do you think we should take her to the hospital, Eric? She hates it so much, and she's not doing anything to hurt herself. I'd rather just keep her here and take care of her ourselves. I'd understand if it would be too much on you, though. But I can't do it alone. If I can't get some help, I'll have no choice but to take her there."

Eric gave me a sarcastic look. "Is that a threat?" He laughed. I knew he was just as upset as I was, and it must have taken a lot from him to make that joke, but it was what we both needed. "I'll be here, Simone. And we can call Dixon tomorrow morning, and then the three of us can work out a schedule. We can't leave Sydney alone, or she might start to hurt herself again. Plus, we want to be here if she ever comes back, even for an instant. It'll make her feel better."

"Thanks so much, Eric. I couldn't have done this without you. What kind of boss do you guys have anyway, that he would command Dad and Michael to go away when Sydney needs them most?"

"Aha! So that's what happened. I meant to ask earlier, but I didn't want to make Sydney wait any longer. Did Kendall make them go away? They didn't say anything about it earlier in the evening. It must have been sudden."

"Yeah, really sudden. Not ten minutes after you left, Dad got a call and he argued over the phone in his room for a long time, and when he came out he told us that he and Michael had been assigned a mission. They were going to have to leave tomorrow morning, but then Kendall called back, and wanted them right away. That's why they're not here. I knew this would happen and I'd let Sydney down. I feel terrible. Why does she always do this on my watch?"

"Simone—if you don't mind me calling you that—I don't think this has anything to do with you. Sydney just goes sometimes. It's not based on anything you've done or failed to do. Sometimes it can be something she hears or sees or even remembers that triggers it. We'll never know. My point is that there's nothing you could have done. There's still nothing to do. It sounds grim, but there's really nothing to do until she decides to come back. All we can do is wait."

"Well, thanks for coming to wait with me. I appreciate it. Somehow, it just makes everything more endurable."

"I know the feeling. So how did you want to work all of this out?"

"Well, I know you must want to get home, but if you could stay here tonight I'd like that. Then tomorrow we can work out a schedule for who will watch Sydney when. We can call Dixon first thing in the morning and all meet together. For now I think I'll just stay in here with Sydney, and you can find somewhere to sleep…that is, if you're willing to stay."

"Of course. Just make sure to call me if there's any trouble or any signs from Sydney."

"I will, thanks again, Eric."

"No problem."

He left the room, and went out to his car to bring the things he had packed so he could stay the night. He made himself a bed on the couch in the living room, and soon he was asleep. I knew I would be lucky if I got any sleep tonight. All I was able to do was get back into the bed with Sydney and watch her. I sat there for a long time, just watching her chest expand and compress with each breath. After a while, I was able to close my eyes, and finally fall asleep. I did not sleep well, but it was something. The slightest noises woke me up, and the slightest movements of Sydney's body seemed like earthquakes. As the night wore slowly on, I began to fall into deeper sleep, until finally, morning came, and it was time to get up. Eric came into the room at around 7:30 with a small breakfast. It wasn't much, but I appreciated the thought.

"I suppose you had about as lousy a night as I did." We looked at each other and chuckled.

"Yeah, actually I did. But it's okay... I didn't want
to leave her alone. I feel bad sitting here eating
breakfast when she can't..."

"I know. But we have to eat. When she comes around, wecan get her anything she wants. If there's anything
you needed to do after breakfast, I can stay here withher. I'll talk to her and see if I can bring her around."
I smiled, but I felt strangely sad at the same time.

"Thank you. I'm really glad you're here... I'm still
not sure how to do this. Does it always feel this
hopeless when she's sick?"

Eric sighed. "Yeah, pretty much. Mike always did a
great job, though. You would have been impressed. If
she's not better by the time he gets back, he'll make
her well."

"Isn't that an awful lot of pressure for one person?"

"Yeah, I guess it is. But he loves her, and she trusts
him. There are things we can do, though, and I'm going
to start trying."

Within the next few minutes, I finished my breakfast
and decided to go get a shower. By the time I came
back into the bedroom, Eric was carrying Sydney in his
arms, standing beside the window so they could see the
outdoors. I heard him whispering to her, but heard no
answers from Sydney.

"Any luck yet?" I asked in a whisper. Eric answered
without turning around.

"A little. She opened her eyes for a second, but she
didn't really look at me. I think she's looking for
Mike."

I sighed, then asked Eric to put Sydney back in bed,
so I could give her a bath. As I did that on my own,
Eric went to call Dixon, who arrived by the time I'd
finished bathing Sydney and gotten her into clean
clothes. She didn't surface again for the rest of the
afternoon, and by bedtime, she wasn't showing even the
slightest response when anyone talked to her.

Eric, Dixon, and I worked out a schedule for watching Sydney. I
volunteered to spend the most time with her because the other two had to work and
Dixon had family. We tried to work the schedules out so that Sydney had two
people with her most of the time, but there were a few times when I
would be caring for Sydney alone. I wasn't too worried, because I knew that
either of them would be just a phone call away. Both of them made that clear
to me.

Eric and Dixon spent the whole day with me and Sydney, just because
they had taken the day off work anyway, and had the time to offer. We always
had someone with Sydney and the other two tried to stick together for
social purposes. If we wore ourselves out, this would get too tiring too
fast, and Sydney needed us to be at our best.

Just as lunchtime was approaching and I was going in to Sydney's room
to get Dixon so we could find something to eat, there was a knock on the door.
I heard Eric get up to answer it, so I continued on, asking him what he
would like for lunch. Before he could answer, Eric called across the house
that a "guest" had brought us lunch.

I had never seen this person before, but Dixon and Eric knew him well.
They referred to him as Kendall, and I took an instant disliking to him,
because of what he had done to Dad and Michael, and therefore to
Sydney.

Just as we began to eat, Sydney started calling. Eric, Dixon, and I
left a perplexed Kendall at the table and ran to her aid. The situation was
grim. She had immersed herself in the bed sheets and appeared to be choking
herself. She was screaming the now familiar line, "I killed them!
Both of them! Dead! What should I do?"

We first unraveled her from the maze of sheets and blankets, and got
her hands away from her throat, and then tried to calm her down. She did
not hear us, but she started to calm down when her efforts to strangle
herself were resisted. It took the three of us to keep her still for some time
until she finally went into her normal, quiet state.

Kendall had come after us, and stood in the doorway the whole time.
From his appearance, I hadn't judged him to be an emotional man, but after
Sydney's outburst, I noticed he was crying.

I didn't know what to say to Kendall at that point.
After a moment or two, he started telling me how sorry
he was, that if he'd realized how difficult things
would be for Sydney, he wouldn't have made Michael and
Dad leave her.As I settled Sydney back into bed, I
said,

"Yes, well, you should have thought of that before.
She's been like this since not long after they left."
As I pulled the covers up, Kendall saw the bandage on
Sydney's right wrist. "How did that happen?" He asked
hesitantly.

"She cut herself with... with a razor. We took her to
the emergency room. It's healing now."

"No, she isn't. Not after what I saw. I should call
them back here, but I can't. They have to finish
things before they come home. I only have a few
minutes before I have to go back to work. I could stay
here while you go have lunch."

"Why would we leave you alone with her?" Eric barked
at him. The next few minutes passed in a haze of angry
words, but I suddenly noticed tears falling down
Sydney's face.

"Eric," I said urgently. "We have to go to another
room, right now. She's..."

We all went out to the living room, and soon Dixon
joined in the criticism of Kendall. All of us were
tired, frustrated and worried, but Kendall deserved
every word regardless. After a while longer, we all
fell into angry silence, knowing that no matter how
much we argued, it wouldn't bring Dad or Michael back
any sooner.

We all sat down to lunch, which by then needed to be
reheated. As soon as we'd finished, Kendall left with
barely a goodbye. I wasn't surprised he didn't offer
to come back to see Sydney again. I didn't want him
anywhere near my sister anyway.

By that night at bedtime when I went to join Sydney inher room, I saw bruises on her neck, obviously from
when she'd tried to choke herself. Dixon had gone home
to his family a couple of hours before, but Eric had
stayed. I called to him to come to the bedroom, and
then immedaitely pointed out the bruises to him.

"Look at that. They look awful... Isn't there
something we can do? Don't you think that hurts her?"

"No," Eric answered somberly. "She doesn't feel
anything right now. And that's not worse than the
burns. She'll be okay, Simone. It will take a while to
calm Jack and Mike down when they see that though."

"Yeah, I suppose so," I whispered, tears coming to my
eyes. "This isn't fair... Maybe we should take her to
a hospital. I can't do this the way she needs me to. I
don't know what I'm really doing."

"Doctors don't have the answers. Not for Sydney. She's
tried. Most of the time, they make her feel worse
instead of better. And Mike wouldn't want her checked
in anywhere. She's our responsibility, we'll manage.
You love her enough to keep trying, don't you?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I want to love her enough, but it's hard.
I'm her sister, and I should love her, but it's hard to love someone you've
never known. When and if she ever comes out of this, we'll have to build a
whole new relationship. I don't even know if she'll recognize me or truly
accept me." I wiped away a tear that was beginning to form, and wished more
than anything that I had someone to hold. Even something as childish as a
teddy bear would have done fine.

In that moment, Eric came close to me, and embraced me. This hug was
more than a symbol of affection. It was a sign of support. We would make
it through this together, no matter what. That hug was the single reason
why I could not quit. I had to press forward and help my sister out of this.
If one of her coworkers could love her that much, why shouldn't I?

"Simone, I know this is hard on all of us, but we have to make it
through. If Sydney doesn't make it out of this, we'll never forgive ourselves.
I can't promise you that Sydney will accept you, but I can tell you that I have
known her to be the most wonderful, forgiving person in the world, and
I cannot imagine her rejecting you. That whole thing before over your
father was because of her illness, and I must say it surprised me.
Sydney has never acted like that before. She didn't mean it, I'm sure."

"Thanks, Eric. I'll give it a shot. I just don't know how well I'll
do."

"None of us do. I don't think this has anything to do with any of us.
This is a conflict she has to sort out on her own. She'll come back
eventually."

I decided that this conversation had gotten too emotional, and we
needed to talk about something else, so I switched the subject. "Don't you think
Sydney needs to eat? She must be starving. She hasn't eaten since
last night. I know she probably doesn't feel it, but her muscles and brain
must be running low on energy. What should we do?"

Eric thought for a long time. Finally, he looked up at me
questioningly. "I have an idea, but I don't know if it'll work." He got up silently and
quickly made a small lunch for Sydney. He put it through the food processor so
it was ground into tiny bits. I followed him into Sydney's room, where he
gently fed Sydney as if she were a baby. I stood behind her, and held her body up.
Eric took tiny spoonfuls of liquefied sandwich and placed them in her
mouth.

Much to my surprise, Sydney ate. It took a few tries, and many gentle
words from Eric, but she finally began to swallow. Her eyes did not open, and
she did not say anything, but she was swallowing normally.

It took nearly an hour to get the food down with the tiny bites, but we
finally finished. Eric looked at me and smiled. "See, she gives us
small signs of life sometimes. Nothing much, but you grow to appreciate them
after a while."

"I guess we have to," I said with a sigh. "Eric,
what was she like before, when she was healthy? Dad
kept saying how strong she is, and I guess she must
be... She's still alive after all the things she's
gone through. But that's only part of it, isn't it?"

"Yeah. The job we all do is tough. I mostly stay in
the office, But Sydney... She's out there in the field
all the time. And she's good. It's really hard work,
and sometimes pretty painful... But she always kept on
going. She's so strong and determined. Just amazing."

"I hope I'll get to know her, when she's back to the
person she used to be. I was told this all started
when Sydney thought she killed our dad. But he's back
now. Why isn't she better?"

"I don't know. The person we'd have to ask is Sydney.
We can't, at least not yet of course, so maybe once
she comes around. I hope she's fully conscious before
Mike gets back. It breaks his heart to see her this
way. He'll just sit here, for days... waiting."

"He doesn't sleep?"

"Not much. It's just... Since the day they met,
they've been tied to each other, in an emotional kind
of way. He's been protective of her... He knows what
she's feeling a lot of times before she says a word
about it. Keeping her safe on missions was his job...
But before long he was doing more than that. He just
loved her. I used to tease him about it. But it's not
a joke. He'd sacrifice himself to save her, if he had
to."

"Wow." I knew that sounded like something a kid
would say, but it was the only thing that came to my
mind. I studied Sydney's face, and laid her
back carefully into bed. "She loks tired. I don't know
how I can tell, since her eyes are already closed,
but..."

"Hey, I get it. Go out for a walk or something. You've
earned a break. I'll stay."

"No, it's okay. I'd rather stay. If she opens her
eyes, I want to be here."

"You sound like Mike now," Eric said with a chuckle.

Then his face turned more serious again. "Why don't
you try something new to help her? None of us has ever
tried reading to her before. Maybe she'll like it."

I shrugged, standing up from the bed. "I guess it
can't hurt. What book should I read? Most of our stuff
is still in boxes, especially stuff like that. I'd
have to look for one."

"Go right ahead. Like I said, I'm not going anywhere.
The two of you are stuck with me."

Eric's POV

Simone looked at me pleadingly. "Could you find one, Eric? I want to stay with her, and I wouldn't know what she'd like anyway. All the boxes should be marked."

"Who could refuse a look like that? I'll have to start calling you 'Puppy Dog.'" I had been looking for a way to lighten the mood, and I had finally found it. I wanted to break Simone's shell. She'd been so serious since the day I'd met her. Perhaps it was because of her concern for Sydney, but it could also be that she was uncomfortable around me. I wanted to convince her that I was relaxed and that she could let her guard down a bit. It would have done her some good.

She laughed a little, and then she had an idea. "I know. Dixon has family, right?" I nodded. "Maybe he has some books. Children's books. I wouldn't want to read anything too long to Sydney, and I doubt she has anything short. What do you think?"

"I think it's worth a shot. I'll go call him, Puppy Dog." She gave me a glance, and I knew not to call her that any more, but the glance also had a hint of a smile. I was starting to make her more comfortable, and that was a good thing.

I went to the living room to call Dixon. He said he'd be right over with some books, and he came ten minutes later with a few boxes of them.

"I have to go back home now, but here's what we have left over from the kids' books. Good luck. It's a good idea. I'll be over as soon as I get done with work tomorrow to relieve one of you. Good luck, Eric."

"Ok, thanks for the books. Good night. I think I'll give Simone the time off if she'll take it."

We both heard her yell sarcastically across the house, "Yeah, right! I'm not going anywhere!" We both laughed, and Dixon left.

I brought the books back to Simone, who sorted through them until she found a short book entitled, "The Runaway Bunny". "This looks good. I'll read this one. How does that sound, Sydney?"

There was no response, but Simone went on talking as if Sydney had answered. There must have been a sisterly connection between the two of them that I could never understand, because Sydney became visibly less tense and, although she didn't wake up, she seemed extremely relaxed and at ease. I quietly backed out of the room while Simone began the story.

While she was reading, I decided to go sleep on the couch. It was getting late, and I should have gone home, but I wanted to stay one more night, just in case there was any trouble.

I got my bed set up, and laid down to sleep when I realized that if I was still, I could hear Simone reading to Sydney. The story was about a baby bunny who wanted to run away from his mother and become all sorts of different things to get away from her. She would use the baby's tactics against him and imagine herself also changing in order to keep a protective watch on her little one. The story reminded me of Sydney, running away from us—from consciousness—and the three of us trying desperately to protect her.

Simone was reading enthusiastically, as a parent would to a child. She used different voices for the baby and the mother, and put her whole heart into reading the book. I could tell she was drawing the same connections as I was. When she reached the end, and the baby finally gave in, being hugged in his mother's arms, she started to cry, and I came in quietly behind her and put an arm on her shoulder.

She was not startled by the touch, but she turned around and looked at me. That look communicated more than words could ever say, and we held each other's gaze for a long time, there in Sydney's room, knowing each other's thoughts.

After that, we both went our separate ways to bed. Simone changed and went to Sydney's room and I went back to the couch to spend another night. I laid for a long time, thinking of the day's events. Surprisingly, most of my thoughts were centered on Simone. I thought I would have been thinking of Sydney or Jack and Michael, but I was thinking of her: of her gentleness, her kind heart, her sincerity, her strength, and her trust. That was the trait I admired most. She had an immense amount of trust not only in me, but in many other people she had only met a few weeks ago.

I had just begun to fall into sleep when I heard her call. At first I thought it was a dream, but I soon realized that it was Simone's worried call. I jumped to my feet and ran to Sydney's room, fearing the worst. What I saw wasn't far from it.

"Eric," Simone said weakly. "She's not breathing...
She's turning blue, and I don't know CPR."

"I do," I said gently. "But you're going to have to
help me, if her heart has stopped too."

I checked quicly, and was relieved to find that
Sydney's heartbeat was strong and regular. Therefore,
I was able to begin mouth-to-mouth rescusitation on my
own. As I worked, I heard Simone crying behind me. I
could only imagine how helpless she felt.

It was several minutes until Sydney drew a breath on
her own. It was very weak and shallow, but she was
breathing. I pulled back and watched her. Her lips
retained the frightening blue tinge, and her breaths
did not deepen, though they were steady.

"Come on, Sydney," I urged her. "You're going to have
to do better than that. Try to take a nice deep
breath, okay?"

Sydney did as I asked, which surprised me. Soon after
that, though, she began to struggle again. Simone
nearly pushed me out of the way and knelt beside the
bed.

"What's the matter, Sydney?" she asked as if she truly
expected an answer. She suddnely gasped, her eyes
fixed on Sydney's neck.

"The bruises are worse... Maybe everything is swollen
inside."

"Maybe. We'll find out. First, why don't you help her
sit up? I'll be right back."

Simone's POV

I didn't know just what Eric had in mind, but I
decided I had to trust he knew what he was doing. I
sat on the side of Sydney's bed and lifted her into a
sitting position, then shifted to be positioned behind
her so she wouldn't fall over again. I listened
closely, and was glad to hear her breathing already
sounded a little easier.

A moment later, Eric came in carrying a small glass of
water. I looked at it with alarm. "You're not going to
try to make her swallow that!"

"Just a little. If things are as bad as they seem, she
wont get it down anyway. I'll just try it once, I
promise. I won't let anything else happen to her,
okay?"

"Okay, but how are you going to get it out if she can't or won't swallow it? I really don't want her to drown."

"If she can, she'll swallow. I can get her to do that. If she can't then we know what the problem is, and I have a few ideas about how to fix that. Quickly go get me a washcloth please. Just in case she can't swallow."

I was nervous, but I had to trust him. I said a quick prayer to myself and ran to the linen closet where we had put our spare towels and cloths. I grabbed one and ran back to Sydney's room where Eric had been planning out his options. I handed the cloth to me, and he told me to go get an ice pack to reduce the swelling around her throat. I was glad to leave, and I wondered if he hadn't sent me away just to spare me the pain of watching my sister in so much trouble.

As I was getting the ice pack, I listened carefully for a call from either Sydney or Eric, but thankfully, I did not hear either of them. I got an ice pack from the freezer, and headed back to Sydney's room. When I entered, I saw Eric with the cloth, dabbing at Sydney's mouth, getting the slight amount of water out of Sydney's mouth. I knew that the swelling was the problem.

"Here," I managed to whisper. "I got the ice pack. We'd better put it on her before it swells up again."

Eric gently reminded me, "You know this means that she'll need constant monitoring. The ice pack can't be on for more than ten minutes at a time, with a ten minute break in between. Seems like neither of us is going to get much sleep. I'll stay up with her. You have a long day ahead."

I was grateful, but I needed to offer something. "But you have work in the morning, Eric. You can't be tired for your kind of work. That would make things even more dangerous than they already are."

"I think I'm going to take the day off after this. Kendall will understand, and even if he doesn't, he'll be so sorry for what he's done, he'd like a way to think he's reconciled. Not that he will have helped things in any way. He's the one that started it all."

"You're getting too worked up over this. Just pay attention to Sydney. I'll come back in a few hours and we can alternate that way. Then you'll have gotten some rest before work. How does that sound?"

He let out a sound and finally consented. "Fine. If I have to."

We smiled at each other, and I went into my bedroom for the first time in what seemed like ages. It was still unmade because of all the chaos that had taken place in the last few days. I hadn't had time for cleaning or tidying up. My sole focus had been my sister's care.

I stayed awake for the longest half hour of my life listening for the slightest noise from Sydney's room, and finally fell asleep from exhaustion. The next thing I knew, it was three hours later in the early morning and my alarm clock was beeping in my ear. I turned it off and headed straight for Sydney's room.

"How is she? Is she breathing?" I asked before I even entered. I saw Eric wide awake, obviously exhausted, but hanging in there for Sydney. His strength and effort gave me the strength to tell him confidently that I could stay awake the rest of the night so that he could go out to the couch and get some rest.

He seemed grateful, and not the least bit worried. It felt good to have him put so much trust in me and believe my word that I would stay awake. I knew all I would have to think about was him in order to stay awake.

At that point in my life, I would not have admitted it to anyone, including myself, but I was beginning to love him, not just for his devotion to my sister, but for his kindness and compassion and gentleness. Secretly, somewhere in the depths of my heart, I hoped to build a friendship—maybe even something a little deeper—with him sometime in the near future. For now, our job was to get Sydney well, or at least to keep her alive.