Renovating the Dark Side
By Destini Johnson
Notes: I was very bored when I wrote this. I love Star Wars & I'm just poking a little fun at it. I, in fact, am a huge fan of the Dark Side. So me poking fun at Darth Vader, Darth Sidious, and the Storm Troopers is just for laughs.
Copyright Stuff: I do not own Darth Vader/Sidious, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Storm Troopers, R2D2, or the Death Star. I don't own or claim to own ANY Star Wars character/element whatsoever.
Chapter One: Color Me Bad.
It was a quiet night for the Dark Side. Several storm troopers could be seen guarding the entrances of the Death Star. Darth Vader is seen sitting in his chamber. He's discussing new plans for the Empire with his master, Darth Sidious.
"I think there needs to be a change in the mechanics of things, my master." said Darth Vader. "Wouldn't you say things are getting a bit stale? Constantly killing Jedi's, Jedi young'ns, Wookies. It's getting boring!" Darth whined to Sidious. Sidious coldly remarked "Well, what do you want me to do about it? Paint the Death Star a new color?" "That could be a start!" Darth said enthusiastically. "We can paint it a more vibrant color. It'll get everyone more excited about fighting for the DARK SIDE! Wouldn't you say?" "Well…I was being blatantly sarcastic…but you have a point. What color would you suggest then, Lord Vader?" Darth stroked his chin while in thought. "Well how about a shade of magenta? It's not too pink, and it has a deeper tone that shouts WE'RE BADDIES AND WE'LL KILL YOUR E-WOK COLONY INSTANTLY. What do you think about that?" "Well, I like it, frankly. I'll have a few troopers get on the job immediately." Sidious said with a smirk. Darth clapped his hands frantically and breathed about 80 decibels louder than usual. "Be calm, my Lord Vader. You'll have another asthma attack." Sidious said in concern. "Yes, my master." Darth grabbed his inhaler and inhaled the meds through his mask's vents. His breathing lowered to its regular loud level.
Later on, on the outside court of the Death Star, Darth Sidious was seen talking to two storm troopers. They were his most loyal troops, in fact. "Now men, I have a new order for you. It's directly from Lord Vader himself. We want you…our most loyal troops…to paint the Death Star!" "Wait, what? We thought we were getting promoted to Dark Jedi." Stated the trooper know as Desjo Nalos. Tovna Prlos, the opposite trooper was just as surprised. "Yeah! We were more than ready to get out of this crap armor. You want us to paint? I thought were we your most loyal servants? This is grunt work!" Sidious stayed calm and said "Men, this is not grunt work. This is an honorable task. Who else will be able to say 'I painted the most formidable force in the galaxy magenta?'" Desjo stood shocked and shouted, "MAGENTA? Are you serious? What kind of color choice is that?" "Are you questioning LORD VADER!" Sidious implied. Tovna stepped on Desjo's food to get him to quiet down. He whispered, "Are you trying to get us evaporated? Just shut up and let's do it. If we do a good job, we'll get on the Dark Lord's good side. We'll become Dark Jedi's for sure." Desjo grunted but agreed. "Ok, Lord Sidious. We'll paint." Desjo said with a bit of reluctance. "This better get us to Dark Jedi status. Or I'm kicking MUCH ass."