Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is Owned by Gainax. Buy the DVD's of
the Series and the Movies from them. I did, and it was worth every dime.
I don't own anything except my DVD's, and this is done for my own
satisfaction.
Episode 2:21 When the lights fade, and darkness comes at last.
Takes place after 1st season, and the End of Evangelion Movie.
Presumed date is April 19th, 2019
Shinji stood there, looking down at the shattered white and gold Cherubim. It's S2 Organ had been crushed, and it's body broken.
"Shinji," came Misato's soft voice over the comm. "Shinji, there was nothing you could do for her. Those things isolated her and crushed her between their AT fields. She didn't have a chance."
"Misato, I... I should have been there for her. She died alone, and its' all my fault. I could have saved her but I let them distract me. And while I was busy, they isolated her and killed her. This was only her second combat mission; I should have been watching out for her."
"Shinji," Toji said, walking up in his Black Cherubim armor, and placing a hand on Shinji's shoulder, "Shinji, you did everything you could. You saved the rest of us. Come on, lets go back to the base, and get out of these things."
Shinji's large purple and green EVA simply nodded. He hesitated a moment, and then bent over to pick up the shattered Cherubim. Cradling it to him like a father carrying his child, he carried the Cherubim's body back to the elevator, and returned to the buried Cherub hangar.
Misato walked into the hangar where the Cherubim normally waited between actions. Shinji's EVA stood there, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, gripping his shoulders in his hands.
"Toji, how long has he been like this?" Misato asked the Pilot, who was standing in the center of the hangar, looking toward the EVA with concern.
"More than an hour. After we came back from the battle, he laid Kim's Cherubim Armor down, and leaned up against the wall. He's been there ever since."
Misato turned to look at the shattered white and gold armor, laid out carefully in the center of the large room.
"Ritsuko says that with the S2 Unit shattered, there's no way to retrieve her. She's really dead," Misato said.
"Any ideas, how we get him out of there?"
"He'll come out when he's ready," Misato said, shrugging.
The EVA turned to look at them, and then crouched down, kneeling at the end of the room, and before the feet of the Cherubim as if to pray.
Shinji Ikari appeared in a glowing light at the foot of the EVA.
Misato and Koji walked up to him, and Misato put her arms around him, hugging him fiercely. It felt almost like hugging a piece of lumber, he was so stiff. She laid her head against his chest, as she clutched at him.
"It's okay Shinji, it's okay," she repeated.
"Misato," he said, pushing her back gently, "please, don't. It's not okay. I don't know if it ever will be okay again. I failed, and as much as I might want to slip back into old habits and run away, I can't. Today showed me that I can never give up these constant battles. Without me fighting at their side, the Cherubim will eventually be defeated, and this whole thing will have been for nothing. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take a shower."
Shinji turned and walked into the Male Pilots Locker Room, shoulders slumped, looking beaten. Toji looked at Misato, before scratching his head, shrugging, and following his friend and commander into the room.
Shinji paid little attention to the other pilots who were still here, and didn't even notice as Toji walked in behind him. He stripped and walked into the shower, turning the water on as hot as he could stand it, and submerged himself.
Toji glanced at Kensuke and the other Pilots, and the two friends motioned that the others should go. They sat down, and started playing cards, waiting for Shinji to finish his shower.
"This is the worst I've seen him in a long time," Kensuke observed.
"Yeah," agreed Toji, "He's acting like the old Shinji."
"You saw what happened, it wasn't his fault, he did everything he could, but they were just too fast."
Shinji spent a long time in the shower, before finally getting out, and changing into his street clothes. He looked like a man who'd lost his way.
"Shinji, buddy, why don't you let me drive you home alright?" said Toji.
Shinji simply nodded, and waited for Toji to lead the way.
They arrived at Shinji's house about twenty minutes later, and Toji had to walk around and open the door to let Shinji out. Shinji got out of the car, and walked into the house, Toji watched him go upstairs, and enter his room, closing the door behind him.
"I'll take care of him Toji," Kensuke said, walking up behind him. Kensuke had ridden his bike home ahead of them, and had been sitting on the couch when Toji and Shinji came in.
Toji turned and looked a Kensuke, and then heard Hikari and Nazomi come in the back door. Kensuke held a finger up to his lips and motioned for them to have a seat at the table. He walked into the kitchen and returned with a pot of tea and cups for them all.
"We heard about the battle. It was all over the radio. Kim's dead?" Hikari asked.
"Yeah. Shinji's not taking it well." Kensuke said.
"She's the first Cherubim to be killed in battle, I think we're all taking it hard," Hikari said.
"But not like Shinji. I mean, I know he's the unit commander, and he's technically responsible for all of you, but it's combat, people get hurt, and sometimes they get killed," Nazomi said, rubbing Kensuke's shoulder in sympathy.
"I don't get it, though, you'd have thought she was his girlfriend, the way he went berserk when she died. You saw what he did Toji; it was over in seconds," Kensuke said.
"We only got a report that the attack had been repelled, and Kim Keller's Cherubim was destroyed. What happened?" Hikari asked.
Toji ran his fingers through is hair, and looked at his wife. "Well, it started out like any other battle. We got the alert, and headed out. As soon as we broke the surface, we headed for the engagement zone. Things went from bad to worse pretty quick."
"There were four of them waiting for us. Shinji flew on ahead, trying to distract them, while we got into position," Kensuke said.
"We'd closed on them pretty fast, and held back while Shinji took them on. It was incredible Hikari, you should have seen it. These big black and purple things looked almost like an EVA, only more massive. They had these built in particle cannons on their sides, and some kind of energy blade coming out of their hands. But that wasn't the worst of it. They had these monstrously powerful AT fields. You could see them sparking in the atmosphere."
"Shinji dropped down in the middle of them and started to tear them apart, between the Lance and his AT field he was hacking and slashing these things like no tomorrow. But every time one of them went down, the other three would up the pace of their attacks, and give the fourth the time it needed to recover, and then it was up again."
"We decided to move in, to give Shinji a hand with these things, when it happened. Kim was out on the end of the line, and all of a sudden there were two more of them. They just exploded up out of the sand, and she was caught in between them. They opened fire on her."
"She screamed for help, but we couldn't do anything, their AT fields were too strong for us to get close to them. Shinji was using his field to neutralize the AT fields of the other four, but these two were too far away. While we were trying to get closer to them, they started moving together, still firing away at us and at Kim."
"We all saw the fields flare as they pressed in on her. She was screaming now, and we were trying to attack, but we kept bouncing off. We called for Shinji to come and help us, but he was too occupied with the other four to break away."
"She let out one final scream, and then it happened. Her S2 Unit imploded under the pressure, and she just sort of slumped over. Well we all just stood there stunned. And then Shinji let out this... this... Roar."
"He went berserk. It was just like those times he and Misato told us about back when he first joined NERV. Except it was SHINJI going Berserk, not the EVA. The first four Legionnaires were hacked to pieces within seconds, and he lept over us, and landed there, next to Kim, and destroyed the last two units with a single slice of the Lance. It was scary to watch. He fell to his knees, and shook Kim's shoulders, and started begging her to wake up."
"But she was gone. We finally got him to leave her be, and then he stood up, and looked to the west. He just stood there for ten minutes looking out over the lake towards the Sea of Japan."
"West?" Hikari asked. "I'd bet he was looking towards Germany not the Sea."
"I hadn't thought about that," Toji said, nodding.
"So anyhow, we finally got him back to the base, and out of the EVA. After we got him to take a shower, we got him dressed and came back here. He was in no shape to drive."
"I just don't understand it, though," Kensuke was saying, "We're combat pilots, we all know the risks."
"But Shinji's your Commander, and he feels that we're all his responsibility," Hikari said.
"That, and he liked Kim," Nazomi said, and the room went silent.
"What?" Toji said, shocked, and trying to keep his voice down.
"It's not like that Toji," Hikari said, shaking her head, "You wouldn't understand. You're a guy."
"Obviously. I'd appreciate it if you could explain it to me though," he said.
"It's like this Toji. We all know that Shinji is sure that Asuka is out there somewhere and that she's going to come back to him. And he's been saying for months now that it's going to be sometime soon. You've seen it on his face, and how he acts, he can't wait for her to come back."
"Yeah, so what does his hang up with Asuka have to do with how he felt about Kim?"
"Well it's like this. Except for a very few of us here, mostly his close friends, most people don't understand that Shinji is 'taken.' He's totally off the market, head over heals in love with Asuka. There is no one else for him, and there never will be. I've actually worried about what would happen to him if Asuka were to die."
"Anyhow, I guess you haven't noticed the amount of female attention Shinji attracts when we go out to any of the official functions?"
"Yeah, the guys a chick magnet, you've got to beat them off with a bat," Kensuke said.
"Exactly. But have you noticed a change lately?"
"Well, no. Honestly though, I hadn't paid much attention, I've been a little distracted." Kensuke said, holding Nazomi's hand.
"Well, lately word had leaked out amongst the women on the base that Shinji was REALLY off limits. There was a rumor going around that he was seeing someone. That someone was Kim."
"Whoa. Wait a minute. I thought he was hung up on Asuka, now you're telling me he was dating Kim on the sly?" Toji asked.
"No, but that's what they were letting everyone else think. The truth was, they were just good friends, who liked to dance together. She never asked anything of him, like all the other women trying to get close to him. She understood how he felt about Asuka, and was happy to just be his dance partner. They'd go to dances together as protection more than anything. That way they could cover each others back. And as long as he was with her, no one would bother him."
"Okay, so now you're saying he wasn't dating Kim, but they were still going out."
"Yeah. Look, you have to understand, that if I guy like Shinji is sitting around pining his life away, every available woman within a 5 mile radius is going to be drawn to him like a bear to honey. As long as it looked like he was actually with someone, though, he would be left in peace. Kim didn't want anything from him, except to be his friend. He told me on several occasions that she'd met a young man in America the year before Third Impact, and was hoping to return there some day to see if he'd returned."
"This way, though, they could both still attend Pilot functions and make it out in one piece, unmolested," Nazomi finished for her sister.
"Okay, so let me see if I've got this all right. Kim and Shinji were pretending to date," Kensuke ticked off the point on his hand, lifting one finger.
"Correct," Nazomi nodded.
"They were just friends," another finger.
"Good friends."
"They only danced together, nothing physical or romantic," a third finger.
"Correct."
"But every woman on the base thought they were, so that made Shinji off limits," a fourth.
"Correct."
"And Shinji is still just as hung up on Asuka as he's always been," the thumb.
"Still."
"And every woman on the base now thinks that Shinji's single again," Kensuke finished, holding up the index finger on his left hand.
"You've got it all," Nazomi said.
"God I need a bottle of Sake," Toji said.
"Hey, save that until tomorrow," Hikari chided.
"Yeah, Misato announced on the radio that there's going to be a public ceremony honoring Kim's death at the parade grounds."
"Oh No!" Toji said, burying his face in his hands.
"It's okay Toji, I'll be there for you," Hikari said, comforting her husband.
"It's not that. It's just that that means I'm going to have to wear my White Dress Uniform for the ceremony," Toji groaned.
The other three just glared at the morose young man.
The next morning dawned calm and clear, and the Suzuhara and Ikari/Aida households were up early, preparing for the memorial service. Shinji was up, but wasn't talking. He put on his white dress uniform, and went downstairs to get some coffee. Still drinking his cup, he dialed the shuttle bus office and requested a pickup. Before any of them realized it, Shinji was gone.
"I guess he went to the base," Kensuke told Toji when he demanded to know where Shinji was.
They all puttered around the houses, not thinking about what was going on at the base, until it was time to leave. They hopped in Toji's 4Runner, and drove over to the parade grounds. The stadium was already filling up with people, and there were several chairs spaced out on the field before a large podium. Behind the podium was Kim's shattered Cherubim, flanked by an honor guard of six others.
Toji spied Shinji sitting in the front row aisle seat that was labeled as 'Reserved for CO Cherubim Force.' He guided the others down to their seats and sat there waiting for the ceremony to begin. It really was a beautiful ceremony, Misato and Dr. Akagi both spoke, and Professor Fuyutsuki even said a few words. Then, after a prayer, it was over.
"There will be a brief interment ceremony inside the base for Cherubim Pilots and Guests only. Thank you," Misato said, and the crowd waited while the six Cherubim walked forward, and lifted their fallen comrade between them, and carried her into the base, for the last time.
Once below ground, they traveled deep into the depths of the base, until they came to the Cherubim Chamber, the place where Dr. Akagi and Shinji had overseen the birth of the giant warriors. At the back of the chamber was a passageway that Toji had never seen before. He asked Doctor Akagi about it.
"No, Toji, it wasn't here. Shinji came in here this morning with the EVA, and did his AT field trick, punching a hole in the rock."
"Why?"
"So he could make this," she said, pointing to another smaller chamber, off to the side.
Toji looked, and, within it, was Kim's Cherubim, laid out like a sleeping beauty in her glass coffin. It was fitting. This is where the Cherubim had been born, and this would be where it rested for eternity.
"After he left, I figured out what he wanted us to do. I'm going to have Resource management install a giant plug here, and place a memorial plaque upon it."
They all thought that was a good idea, and then grew silent as Misato began a speech to the small group gathered here. There were less than 100 of them now, and they shared many personal memories of better times with their lost friend, and in the end they prayed for her soul, and turned to leave, one by one. As they were about to exit the room, Toji noticed Shinji, lagging behind the others, and waited for him to catch up.
"I'm not going to tell you it's all right Shinji. You already know that. I'm just going to tell you this. As warriors, we all knew the risks when we scrambled yesterday. It could have been any one of us, and there's nothing you could have done, no way you could have known. You did what you could for her, and, if what Hikari told me last night, it sounds like you two did what you could for each other."
Shinji looked shocked, like Toji might not understand the truth, and seemed about to try and explain or apologize again. Toji stopped him.
"She was a good friend, who helped you for while in her own special way. I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Although you are going to have to make sure one of US talks to Asuka when she gets back, or else someone who doesn't know the truth might get her very upset with you."
Shinji koffed, "Um, yeah, I think I'd appreciate that. She might get the wrong impression if someone else said something."
"Sure. Now come on, I hear the Officers Club is going to throw one hell of a Wake, and I'm not going to miss out on all that booze."
Putting an arm around Shinji, he walked out of the room with his friend
The next morning Kensuke Aida was sitting at the table nursing the worst headache of his life. How had Misato lived all those years getting drunk every day and waking up like this.
"Dear god, if it's got to hurt this bad just kill me and get it over with," he murmered.
An explosion and a crash heralded the arrival of Toji Suzuhara.
"Shhhhhh, Not so loud," Kensuke whispered.
"Not so damn loud, Kensuke, I can hear you just fine. No need to shout."
"Men," said Hikari, walking though the door, closing it after her sister was through.
"Where's Mari?" Kensuke asked.
"She's next door watching cartoons. The Petersons said they'd come over to pick her up this morning, so we can have some time alone. I'll meet them over there when they honk."
"They're going to honk," Kensuke said, horrorstruck.
"Anyhow, I'm going to make breakfast for all of you, I think you could all do with something to eat," Hikari said, and bustled into the kitchen.
"Shinji up yet?" Nazomi asked.
"I haven't heard him moaning, so I assume not. I don't even know what time he got home last night, don't even remember getting in myself. I sort of remember a trip on the shuttle bus, but it's all a very painful blur."
"It should be. Nazomi and I took the car home at eleven, and you and Toji got in a little after 3," Hikari chided. "Nazomi could you go check on Shinji and see if he needs anything?"
"Sure thing, be right back."
She walked up the stairs, and soon came back into the kitchen.
"Hikari, Shinji isn't here."
"He isn't, well did he leave a note or something?"
"No. His room, it's too clean. It doesn't look like it's been slept in, and his dress uniform isn't anywhere to be seen."
"He never made it home last night?" Hikari guessed.
"That'd be my bet," Nazomi said.
"Hmm... that's not good. I think we'd better call Misato," Hikari said, grabbing her cell phone and dialing the NERV commander.
"Hello," came the voice on the other end.
"Misato, it's Hikari Suzuhara, Shinji never made it home last night, and I was hoping you could tell us where he is."
"Sorry Hikari, I'm still at home. Toji made up for my sobriety by drinking half the bar under the table last night. When I finally hauled him out of there Shinji and your husband were still there, and they were pounding them down hard."
"Well, Toji made it home by 3, but Kensuke was with him, not Shinji."
"As soon as I get to work, I'll have the guys see if they can track him down with the sensors. We've got every piece of clothing he wears bugged just in case of incidents like this."
"Thanks Misato, I just want to be sure that he's feeling alright. He had a rough day."
Six miles away from the Ikari/Aida house, the subject of the discussion was deciding that he was definitely not okay, and didn't know if he was ever going to be so again. He sat on the edge of a bed, looking down at his clothing, and dreading what he knew must come. He reached out, and pulled his cloths on, stood up, and tried to walk out of the room as quietly as he could.
"Shinji?" the soft voice behind him called.
"Yes," he said, then gritted his teeth.
"Can I call you later?"
"Yeah, Kikyo. I guess. I need to get home and change though. Goodbye," he said, walking out the door, and quickly found his way outside.
He couldn't remember anything after Toji had ordered that last round of Tequila, and based on the fact that all of his clothing, including his boxers, were laying on that floor covered by her bra and panties, he wasn't sure he wanted to remember anything.
He felt sick.
First, he'd let Kim die. Then he wallowed in this pain over that until he had gotten so falling down drunk he'd evidently gone home with Kikyo, Maya Ibuki's night shift substitute at the command center.
'I guess we...' he began, but couldn't complete the thought. His churning stomach and the sick feeling in his soul had nothing to do with the monstrous hangover that was pounding away in his head, demanding attention.
"Shigeru, get me a fix on Ikari's location," Misato said, holding the cell phone to the side of her head as she drove.
"Hang on, I'm activating the system now. Charging, Charging, Signal acquired, Triangulating. Okay, we've got a fix. He's over in the Sea- Cliff Loop neighborhood. Looks like he's walking out towards the main road."
"Okay, Shigeru, I'm on my way there to pick him up, call me if his location changes," Misato said, hanging up her phone.
Sea-Cliff? That's where all the NERV General Staff lived. Misato put down her phone, and grabbed another gear as she came around the corner leading out of the Command Staff Neighborhood. What in the world was Shinji doing in the Sea-Cliff Neighborhood.
"Teri? It's Kikyo, you will never guess who just left."
"Who."
"Shinji Ikari."
"The EVA Pilot? No way."
"Yes way. He was at the Officers club last night, and they were about to call him a shuttle bus when I offered to take him home."
"But you never said to who's home right?"
"Well, no that kind of slipped my mind at the time. Anyhow we get back her, and I brought him into my bedroom and stripped off all his cloths."
"And?"
"I can attest that the rumors are true. And he's also got a body underneath those loose button down shirts he always wears."
Misato pulled up beside Shinji as he walked along the roadway, not even bothering to look up as she approached.
"Hey Shinji," she called at him, and was immediately concerned when the young man looked up at her. He looked horrible. The puffiness in his face and eyes made her think he might have been crying.
"Shinji? Are you alright?"
Shinji's eyes went out of focus, and then locked back on her face. He shook his head no.
"Get in Shinji, I'll take you home," she said, reaching across the seat and unlocking the door. Shinji numbly opened the door and got in.
Misato had a hard time driving Shinji back home, as she kept her concentration split between the road, and her former charge.
"There's Misato now. And look, she's got Shinji with her," Nazomi said, and ran to open the front door. Misato was leading Shinji up the walk, when she heard the door open. Nazomi was about to say something when she saw Misato shake her head. Nazomi stepped out of the way as Misato helped Shinji upstairs, and lay him down on his bed. Taking his dress jacket off, she hung it on the rack behind the door, before pulling a sheet up over him and stroking his hair absently.
Misato walking back down into the living room, and greeted the four friends.
"Misato is Shinji alright? What happened?" they wanted to know.
"I don't know, guys, I found Shinji walking on the side of the road in the Sea-Cliff area. He's pretty upset about something, but he's not talking. I'm going to have Kaji come over to talk to him, and see if he can get him to open up."
"Is there anything we can do?"
"I'd say just keep some food and tea on hand, in case he gets hungry, and be there for him when he needs you. I'll make sure you guys all have leave until Shinji's back up on his feet."
"Thanks Misato."
"Keep an eye on him will you?" Misato asked, waving as she walked out the door.
"Akemi? It's Teri."
"Hey Teri, what're you up to this morning?"
"Not nearly as much as Kikyo was, if what she said is true."
"Oh, and what was Kikyo up to this morning?"
"Taking care of a very attractive and single EVA pilot."
"NO! Ikari? You mean she..."
"Yup, She's going to meet me for coffee later and give me all the details."
"Think she'd mind if I came along?"
"I don't see why not."
"Oh my god, I've got to call Maya. She's going to die when she hears this."
"Okay, see you in an hour?"
"Sure, see you then."
"So I figured if he wouldn't talk to me, he might want to talk to you, man to man."
"Well, I don't know what good I can do, love, but I'll try," Kaji said.
"I think just a friendly shoulder and a firm hand might do more good than anything right now dear," Misato encouraged.
"Okay, I'll see what I can get out of him. But you may want to have Ritsuko standing by with some sedatives or something."
They had stopped in front of Shinji's house now, and Kaji kissed Misato goodbye and mounted the steps. Hikari let him in, and he walked up to Shinji's room, waving to the kids as he walked up the stairs.
"Shinji, it's Kaji, I'm coming in," he said, knocking briefly before opening the door and going in.
Shinji was sitting up on the bed, holding his cello in his lap, and was crying softly. He looked up at Kaji, and Kaji instantly knew that Misato had been right. Whatever was wrong with the young Pilot was something that he would only share with a man who'd suffered as he was suffering now.
'Shinji,' he thought, 'if you could see the look on your face. It looks like my face did the day Misato abandoned me in Germany to take that job offer in Japan.'
Misato sat down at her Command Station, and looked over the reports that were here. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be near Shinji, so she could comfort him. Kaji would do a good job though, she was sure. He was far more intuitive than she'd given him credit for when they were in college.
Lt. Maya Ibuki came trotting up the stairs from her station down below.
"Ma'am."
"Yes Maya, what is it?"
"Is there a problem with Shinji?"
"Something, yes, we're not sure what happened though. Kaji's trying to talk to him now. I just came here to get some of my paperwork done, and then I'm heading back over there."
"Ma'am I think there's something you should know. One of my girlfriends just called me, and told me a very interesting story."
"Is this a story I'm going to want to hear?"
"Probably not Ma'am, but you'd better know now."
Kaji walked back down the stairs, stunned. It had taken almost 20 minutes for Shinji to say a word, and then he'd started to cry. He'd gripped the neck of his cello so tightly that the strings cut his fingers. He broken the bow over one of the posts on his bed, as he'd begun his story. When he reached the end, he'd taken the cello and busted it into pieces against his desk, slamming it again and again, until it was splinters. Kaji had grabbed him then, and calmed him down.
Shinji had grabbed hold of Kaji like a drowning man going under for the last time, and held him tight while great sobs had wracked his body. Kaji had finally detached the young man, and laid him back down in bed, telling him that Ritsuko would be there in a little while to give him something to relax. Shinji had simply gulped and nodded, laying in the bed very still.
"Kaji, is everything alright, it sounded like a war zone up there."
"Shinji's going to be fine, Toji, but he's going to need some time to think. He's also going to need a lot of support from you guys." Kaji's phone rang, and he answered it.
"Yes?"
"Kaji, Honey, how's Shinji?"
"In shock I think you should tell Ritsuko to get here now, he needs to relax, and I think he needs some sleep. Tell her to bring some anti- depressants too, just in case. I think Shinji needs to deal with this on his own."
"Did he tell you what happened?" Misato asked.
"Yes he told me."
"Well?" came Kensuke and Toji's whispered question, trying not to intrude, but intensely curious about what was hurting their friend so.
"Boys I..."
"Tell them Kaji," Misato said.
"What? Then, you already know?"
"Yes. Evidently the rumor mill is in full swing Lt. Ibuki brought me up to speed about five minutes ago. I called the young woman and confirmed it myself. Aida and Suzuhara need to know if they're going to help him through this."
"I love you, you know?" Kaji said.
"I love you too. Stay there, and I'll bring Ritsuko by in a few minutes. Bye."
"Bye," he said hanging up.
"Well?" Kensuke asked, impatient.
"Last night, after you all came home, one of the girls on the Command Staff took Shinji home with her. He lost his virginity to her, and doesn't even remember it."
Kensuke and Suzuhara at first didn't think that that was such a bad thing, until they saw the looks of concern on Kaji's and the girl's faces. Then it hit them like a ton of bricks.
"Oh god. I can't believe this is happening to Shinji," Kensuke said.
"Yeah," Toji agreed.
Nazomi started to cry on Hikari's shoulder. Hikari looked up at Kaji, "It's Asuka isn't it?"
Kaji nodded.
"Shinji has spent the last four years of his life totally in love with that young woman, and had promised himself that he'd wait for her, in every sense. Now he feels that he's betrayed everything. He says that he knows she's going to be back here soon, but that there's no way he can face her now.
Shinji's five friends sat in his living room, and just looked numbly around at each other or at the floor, not knowing what to say or do. This was definitely not the way they had imagined this day would be for Shinji when it finally came.
His greatest step into manhood had happened, and he had apparently walked off a cliff.
Next on Episode 2:22 of Neon Genesis Evangelion Asuka has spent the last six months in Germany trying to figure out what it is she's supposed to be doing here. She thinks she may have a clue, when she discovers that there have been some changes made to the base that no one is even aware of. Discovering these changes threatens to expose a buried secret, and Asuka may have to pay with her life for even knowing it.
It's Evangelion Episode 2:22 The changing face of Evil.
Authors Notes: This is the first chapter I've ever dedicated to someone, but I feel that I should. I've often heard it said of great writers, that you should write what you know.
I once knew a young woman by the name of Kim Keller. She was bright and funny, and full of life. And at a time in my life when I was devastated by the death of my parents, she was there with her bright smile, and her easygoing attitude.
Although not my girlfriend, she was, nonetheless, a good friend to me, and we spent many nights dancing and laughing with friends. I felt safe with her, and could relax and be myself for the first time in months. She never demanded anything of me, other than that I keep up with her, and hold her tight when a slow song was played.
She helped me to remember that life continues, even in the face of disaster, and that we are, after all, but mortal.
Sadly, barely a year after we'd met, Kim was killed in a horrible car accident with five of her friends. I was one of the first people to view the scene, even before the paramedics had a chance to respond. What I saw there has always bothered me deeply, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about it lately. Hardly a month passes when I don't drive by the site of the accident, where a memorial to the dead has been erected. I never got a chance to thank her before, so I would like to request your indulgence here, as I do so now.
Kim,
You'll never know how much your smile meant to that hurt and crushed young man, the first time you asked me to dance. You helped me to crawl out of that dark pit of despair that I'd fallen into. I'm older now, with 4 boys, a dog, and a wife that I love. But there are times even now, that I wish I could have just one more dance with you.
Goodbye.
Episode 2:21 When the lights fade, and darkness comes at last.
Takes place after 1st season, and the End of Evangelion Movie.
Presumed date is April 19th, 2019
Shinji stood there, looking down at the shattered white and gold Cherubim. It's S2 Organ had been crushed, and it's body broken.
"Shinji," came Misato's soft voice over the comm. "Shinji, there was nothing you could do for her. Those things isolated her and crushed her between their AT fields. She didn't have a chance."
"Misato, I... I should have been there for her. She died alone, and its' all my fault. I could have saved her but I let them distract me. And while I was busy, they isolated her and killed her. This was only her second combat mission; I should have been watching out for her."
"Shinji," Toji said, walking up in his Black Cherubim armor, and placing a hand on Shinji's shoulder, "Shinji, you did everything you could. You saved the rest of us. Come on, lets go back to the base, and get out of these things."
Shinji's large purple and green EVA simply nodded. He hesitated a moment, and then bent over to pick up the shattered Cherubim. Cradling it to him like a father carrying his child, he carried the Cherubim's body back to the elevator, and returned to the buried Cherub hangar.
Misato walked into the hangar where the Cherubim normally waited between actions. Shinji's EVA stood there, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, gripping his shoulders in his hands.
"Toji, how long has he been like this?" Misato asked the Pilot, who was standing in the center of the hangar, looking toward the EVA with concern.
"More than an hour. After we came back from the battle, he laid Kim's Cherubim Armor down, and leaned up against the wall. He's been there ever since."
Misato turned to look at the shattered white and gold armor, laid out carefully in the center of the large room.
"Ritsuko says that with the S2 Unit shattered, there's no way to retrieve her. She's really dead," Misato said.
"Any ideas, how we get him out of there?"
"He'll come out when he's ready," Misato said, shrugging.
The EVA turned to look at them, and then crouched down, kneeling at the end of the room, and before the feet of the Cherubim as if to pray.
Shinji Ikari appeared in a glowing light at the foot of the EVA.
Misato and Koji walked up to him, and Misato put her arms around him, hugging him fiercely. It felt almost like hugging a piece of lumber, he was so stiff. She laid her head against his chest, as she clutched at him.
"It's okay Shinji, it's okay," she repeated.
"Misato," he said, pushing her back gently, "please, don't. It's not okay. I don't know if it ever will be okay again. I failed, and as much as I might want to slip back into old habits and run away, I can't. Today showed me that I can never give up these constant battles. Without me fighting at their side, the Cherubim will eventually be defeated, and this whole thing will have been for nothing. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take a shower."
Shinji turned and walked into the Male Pilots Locker Room, shoulders slumped, looking beaten. Toji looked at Misato, before scratching his head, shrugging, and following his friend and commander into the room.
Shinji paid little attention to the other pilots who were still here, and didn't even notice as Toji walked in behind him. He stripped and walked into the shower, turning the water on as hot as he could stand it, and submerged himself.
Toji glanced at Kensuke and the other Pilots, and the two friends motioned that the others should go. They sat down, and started playing cards, waiting for Shinji to finish his shower.
"This is the worst I've seen him in a long time," Kensuke observed.
"Yeah," agreed Toji, "He's acting like the old Shinji."
"You saw what happened, it wasn't his fault, he did everything he could, but they were just too fast."
Shinji spent a long time in the shower, before finally getting out, and changing into his street clothes. He looked like a man who'd lost his way.
"Shinji, buddy, why don't you let me drive you home alright?" said Toji.
Shinji simply nodded, and waited for Toji to lead the way.
They arrived at Shinji's house about twenty minutes later, and Toji had to walk around and open the door to let Shinji out. Shinji got out of the car, and walked into the house, Toji watched him go upstairs, and enter his room, closing the door behind him.
"I'll take care of him Toji," Kensuke said, walking up behind him. Kensuke had ridden his bike home ahead of them, and had been sitting on the couch when Toji and Shinji came in.
Toji turned and looked a Kensuke, and then heard Hikari and Nazomi come in the back door. Kensuke held a finger up to his lips and motioned for them to have a seat at the table. He walked into the kitchen and returned with a pot of tea and cups for them all.
"We heard about the battle. It was all over the radio. Kim's dead?" Hikari asked.
"Yeah. Shinji's not taking it well." Kensuke said.
"She's the first Cherubim to be killed in battle, I think we're all taking it hard," Hikari said.
"But not like Shinji. I mean, I know he's the unit commander, and he's technically responsible for all of you, but it's combat, people get hurt, and sometimes they get killed," Nazomi said, rubbing Kensuke's shoulder in sympathy.
"I don't get it, though, you'd have thought she was his girlfriend, the way he went berserk when she died. You saw what he did Toji; it was over in seconds," Kensuke said.
"We only got a report that the attack had been repelled, and Kim Keller's Cherubim was destroyed. What happened?" Hikari asked.
Toji ran his fingers through is hair, and looked at his wife. "Well, it started out like any other battle. We got the alert, and headed out. As soon as we broke the surface, we headed for the engagement zone. Things went from bad to worse pretty quick."
"There were four of them waiting for us. Shinji flew on ahead, trying to distract them, while we got into position," Kensuke said.
"We'd closed on them pretty fast, and held back while Shinji took them on. It was incredible Hikari, you should have seen it. These big black and purple things looked almost like an EVA, only more massive. They had these built in particle cannons on their sides, and some kind of energy blade coming out of their hands. But that wasn't the worst of it. They had these monstrously powerful AT fields. You could see them sparking in the atmosphere."
"Shinji dropped down in the middle of them and started to tear them apart, between the Lance and his AT field he was hacking and slashing these things like no tomorrow. But every time one of them went down, the other three would up the pace of their attacks, and give the fourth the time it needed to recover, and then it was up again."
"We decided to move in, to give Shinji a hand with these things, when it happened. Kim was out on the end of the line, and all of a sudden there were two more of them. They just exploded up out of the sand, and she was caught in between them. They opened fire on her."
"She screamed for help, but we couldn't do anything, their AT fields were too strong for us to get close to them. Shinji was using his field to neutralize the AT fields of the other four, but these two were too far away. While we were trying to get closer to them, they started moving together, still firing away at us and at Kim."
"We all saw the fields flare as they pressed in on her. She was screaming now, and we were trying to attack, but we kept bouncing off. We called for Shinji to come and help us, but he was too occupied with the other four to break away."
"She let out one final scream, and then it happened. Her S2 Unit imploded under the pressure, and she just sort of slumped over. Well we all just stood there stunned. And then Shinji let out this... this... Roar."
"He went berserk. It was just like those times he and Misato told us about back when he first joined NERV. Except it was SHINJI going Berserk, not the EVA. The first four Legionnaires were hacked to pieces within seconds, and he lept over us, and landed there, next to Kim, and destroyed the last two units with a single slice of the Lance. It was scary to watch. He fell to his knees, and shook Kim's shoulders, and started begging her to wake up."
"But she was gone. We finally got him to leave her be, and then he stood up, and looked to the west. He just stood there for ten minutes looking out over the lake towards the Sea of Japan."
"West?" Hikari asked. "I'd bet he was looking towards Germany not the Sea."
"I hadn't thought about that," Toji said, nodding.
"So anyhow, we finally got him back to the base, and out of the EVA. After we got him to take a shower, we got him dressed and came back here. He was in no shape to drive."
"I just don't understand it, though," Kensuke was saying, "We're combat pilots, we all know the risks."
"But Shinji's your Commander, and he feels that we're all his responsibility," Hikari said.
"That, and he liked Kim," Nazomi said, and the room went silent.
"What?" Toji said, shocked, and trying to keep his voice down.
"It's not like that Toji," Hikari said, shaking her head, "You wouldn't understand. You're a guy."
"Obviously. I'd appreciate it if you could explain it to me though," he said.
"It's like this Toji. We all know that Shinji is sure that Asuka is out there somewhere and that she's going to come back to him. And he's been saying for months now that it's going to be sometime soon. You've seen it on his face, and how he acts, he can't wait for her to come back."
"Yeah, so what does his hang up with Asuka have to do with how he felt about Kim?"
"Well it's like this. Except for a very few of us here, mostly his close friends, most people don't understand that Shinji is 'taken.' He's totally off the market, head over heals in love with Asuka. There is no one else for him, and there never will be. I've actually worried about what would happen to him if Asuka were to die."
"Anyhow, I guess you haven't noticed the amount of female attention Shinji attracts when we go out to any of the official functions?"
"Yeah, the guys a chick magnet, you've got to beat them off with a bat," Kensuke said.
"Exactly. But have you noticed a change lately?"
"Well, no. Honestly though, I hadn't paid much attention, I've been a little distracted." Kensuke said, holding Nazomi's hand.
"Well, lately word had leaked out amongst the women on the base that Shinji was REALLY off limits. There was a rumor going around that he was seeing someone. That someone was Kim."
"Whoa. Wait a minute. I thought he was hung up on Asuka, now you're telling me he was dating Kim on the sly?" Toji asked.
"No, but that's what they were letting everyone else think. The truth was, they were just good friends, who liked to dance together. She never asked anything of him, like all the other women trying to get close to him. She understood how he felt about Asuka, and was happy to just be his dance partner. They'd go to dances together as protection more than anything. That way they could cover each others back. And as long as he was with her, no one would bother him."
"Okay, so now you're saying he wasn't dating Kim, but they were still going out."
"Yeah. Look, you have to understand, that if I guy like Shinji is sitting around pining his life away, every available woman within a 5 mile radius is going to be drawn to him like a bear to honey. As long as it looked like he was actually with someone, though, he would be left in peace. Kim didn't want anything from him, except to be his friend. He told me on several occasions that she'd met a young man in America the year before Third Impact, and was hoping to return there some day to see if he'd returned."
"This way, though, they could both still attend Pilot functions and make it out in one piece, unmolested," Nazomi finished for her sister.
"Okay, so let me see if I've got this all right. Kim and Shinji were pretending to date," Kensuke ticked off the point on his hand, lifting one finger.
"Correct," Nazomi nodded.
"They were just friends," another finger.
"Good friends."
"They only danced together, nothing physical or romantic," a third finger.
"Correct."
"But every woman on the base thought they were, so that made Shinji off limits," a fourth.
"Correct."
"And Shinji is still just as hung up on Asuka as he's always been," the thumb.
"Still."
"And every woman on the base now thinks that Shinji's single again," Kensuke finished, holding up the index finger on his left hand.
"You've got it all," Nazomi said.
"God I need a bottle of Sake," Toji said.
"Hey, save that until tomorrow," Hikari chided.
"Yeah, Misato announced on the radio that there's going to be a public ceremony honoring Kim's death at the parade grounds."
"Oh No!" Toji said, burying his face in his hands.
"It's okay Toji, I'll be there for you," Hikari said, comforting her husband.
"It's not that. It's just that that means I'm going to have to wear my White Dress Uniform for the ceremony," Toji groaned.
The other three just glared at the morose young man.
The next morning dawned calm and clear, and the Suzuhara and Ikari/Aida households were up early, preparing for the memorial service. Shinji was up, but wasn't talking. He put on his white dress uniform, and went downstairs to get some coffee. Still drinking his cup, he dialed the shuttle bus office and requested a pickup. Before any of them realized it, Shinji was gone.
"I guess he went to the base," Kensuke told Toji when he demanded to know where Shinji was.
They all puttered around the houses, not thinking about what was going on at the base, until it was time to leave. They hopped in Toji's 4Runner, and drove over to the parade grounds. The stadium was already filling up with people, and there were several chairs spaced out on the field before a large podium. Behind the podium was Kim's shattered Cherubim, flanked by an honor guard of six others.
Toji spied Shinji sitting in the front row aisle seat that was labeled as 'Reserved for CO Cherubim Force.' He guided the others down to their seats and sat there waiting for the ceremony to begin. It really was a beautiful ceremony, Misato and Dr. Akagi both spoke, and Professor Fuyutsuki even said a few words. Then, after a prayer, it was over.
"There will be a brief interment ceremony inside the base for Cherubim Pilots and Guests only. Thank you," Misato said, and the crowd waited while the six Cherubim walked forward, and lifted their fallen comrade between them, and carried her into the base, for the last time.
Once below ground, they traveled deep into the depths of the base, until they came to the Cherubim Chamber, the place where Dr. Akagi and Shinji had overseen the birth of the giant warriors. At the back of the chamber was a passageway that Toji had never seen before. He asked Doctor Akagi about it.
"No, Toji, it wasn't here. Shinji came in here this morning with the EVA, and did his AT field trick, punching a hole in the rock."
"Why?"
"So he could make this," she said, pointing to another smaller chamber, off to the side.
Toji looked, and, within it, was Kim's Cherubim, laid out like a sleeping beauty in her glass coffin. It was fitting. This is where the Cherubim had been born, and this would be where it rested for eternity.
"After he left, I figured out what he wanted us to do. I'm going to have Resource management install a giant plug here, and place a memorial plaque upon it."
They all thought that was a good idea, and then grew silent as Misato began a speech to the small group gathered here. There were less than 100 of them now, and they shared many personal memories of better times with their lost friend, and in the end they prayed for her soul, and turned to leave, one by one. As they were about to exit the room, Toji noticed Shinji, lagging behind the others, and waited for him to catch up.
"I'm not going to tell you it's all right Shinji. You already know that. I'm just going to tell you this. As warriors, we all knew the risks when we scrambled yesterday. It could have been any one of us, and there's nothing you could have done, no way you could have known. You did what you could for her, and, if what Hikari told me last night, it sounds like you two did what you could for each other."
Shinji looked shocked, like Toji might not understand the truth, and seemed about to try and explain or apologize again. Toji stopped him.
"She was a good friend, who helped you for while in her own special way. I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Although you are going to have to make sure one of US talks to Asuka when she gets back, or else someone who doesn't know the truth might get her very upset with you."
Shinji koffed, "Um, yeah, I think I'd appreciate that. She might get the wrong impression if someone else said something."
"Sure. Now come on, I hear the Officers Club is going to throw one hell of a Wake, and I'm not going to miss out on all that booze."
Putting an arm around Shinji, he walked out of the room with his friend
The next morning Kensuke Aida was sitting at the table nursing the worst headache of his life. How had Misato lived all those years getting drunk every day and waking up like this.
"Dear god, if it's got to hurt this bad just kill me and get it over with," he murmered.
An explosion and a crash heralded the arrival of Toji Suzuhara.
"Shhhhhh, Not so loud," Kensuke whispered.
"Not so damn loud, Kensuke, I can hear you just fine. No need to shout."
"Men," said Hikari, walking though the door, closing it after her sister was through.
"Where's Mari?" Kensuke asked.
"She's next door watching cartoons. The Petersons said they'd come over to pick her up this morning, so we can have some time alone. I'll meet them over there when they honk."
"They're going to honk," Kensuke said, horrorstruck.
"Anyhow, I'm going to make breakfast for all of you, I think you could all do with something to eat," Hikari said, and bustled into the kitchen.
"Shinji up yet?" Nazomi asked.
"I haven't heard him moaning, so I assume not. I don't even know what time he got home last night, don't even remember getting in myself. I sort of remember a trip on the shuttle bus, but it's all a very painful blur."
"It should be. Nazomi and I took the car home at eleven, and you and Toji got in a little after 3," Hikari chided. "Nazomi could you go check on Shinji and see if he needs anything?"
"Sure thing, be right back."
She walked up the stairs, and soon came back into the kitchen.
"Hikari, Shinji isn't here."
"He isn't, well did he leave a note or something?"
"No. His room, it's too clean. It doesn't look like it's been slept in, and his dress uniform isn't anywhere to be seen."
"He never made it home last night?" Hikari guessed.
"That'd be my bet," Nazomi said.
"Hmm... that's not good. I think we'd better call Misato," Hikari said, grabbing her cell phone and dialing the NERV commander.
"Hello," came the voice on the other end.
"Misato, it's Hikari Suzuhara, Shinji never made it home last night, and I was hoping you could tell us where he is."
"Sorry Hikari, I'm still at home. Toji made up for my sobriety by drinking half the bar under the table last night. When I finally hauled him out of there Shinji and your husband were still there, and they were pounding them down hard."
"Well, Toji made it home by 3, but Kensuke was with him, not Shinji."
"As soon as I get to work, I'll have the guys see if they can track him down with the sensors. We've got every piece of clothing he wears bugged just in case of incidents like this."
"Thanks Misato, I just want to be sure that he's feeling alright. He had a rough day."
Six miles away from the Ikari/Aida house, the subject of the discussion was deciding that he was definitely not okay, and didn't know if he was ever going to be so again. He sat on the edge of a bed, looking down at his clothing, and dreading what he knew must come. He reached out, and pulled his cloths on, stood up, and tried to walk out of the room as quietly as he could.
"Shinji?" the soft voice behind him called.
"Yes," he said, then gritted his teeth.
"Can I call you later?"
"Yeah, Kikyo. I guess. I need to get home and change though. Goodbye," he said, walking out the door, and quickly found his way outside.
He couldn't remember anything after Toji had ordered that last round of Tequila, and based on the fact that all of his clothing, including his boxers, were laying on that floor covered by her bra and panties, he wasn't sure he wanted to remember anything.
He felt sick.
First, he'd let Kim die. Then he wallowed in this pain over that until he had gotten so falling down drunk he'd evidently gone home with Kikyo, Maya Ibuki's night shift substitute at the command center.
'I guess we...' he began, but couldn't complete the thought. His churning stomach and the sick feeling in his soul had nothing to do with the monstrous hangover that was pounding away in his head, demanding attention.
"Shigeru, get me a fix on Ikari's location," Misato said, holding the cell phone to the side of her head as she drove.
"Hang on, I'm activating the system now. Charging, Charging, Signal acquired, Triangulating. Okay, we've got a fix. He's over in the Sea- Cliff Loop neighborhood. Looks like he's walking out towards the main road."
"Okay, Shigeru, I'm on my way there to pick him up, call me if his location changes," Misato said, hanging up her phone.
Sea-Cliff? That's where all the NERV General Staff lived. Misato put down her phone, and grabbed another gear as she came around the corner leading out of the Command Staff Neighborhood. What in the world was Shinji doing in the Sea-Cliff Neighborhood.
"Teri? It's Kikyo, you will never guess who just left."
"Who."
"Shinji Ikari."
"The EVA Pilot? No way."
"Yes way. He was at the Officers club last night, and they were about to call him a shuttle bus when I offered to take him home."
"But you never said to who's home right?"
"Well, no that kind of slipped my mind at the time. Anyhow we get back her, and I brought him into my bedroom and stripped off all his cloths."
"And?"
"I can attest that the rumors are true. And he's also got a body underneath those loose button down shirts he always wears."
Misato pulled up beside Shinji as he walked along the roadway, not even bothering to look up as she approached.
"Hey Shinji," she called at him, and was immediately concerned when the young man looked up at her. He looked horrible. The puffiness in his face and eyes made her think he might have been crying.
"Shinji? Are you alright?"
Shinji's eyes went out of focus, and then locked back on her face. He shook his head no.
"Get in Shinji, I'll take you home," she said, reaching across the seat and unlocking the door. Shinji numbly opened the door and got in.
Misato had a hard time driving Shinji back home, as she kept her concentration split between the road, and her former charge.
"There's Misato now. And look, she's got Shinji with her," Nazomi said, and ran to open the front door. Misato was leading Shinji up the walk, when she heard the door open. Nazomi was about to say something when she saw Misato shake her head. Nazomi stepped out of the way as Misato helped Shinji upstairs, and lay him down on his bed. Taking his dress jacket off, she hung it on the rack behind the door, before pulling a sheet up over him and stroking his hair absently.
Misato walking back down into the living room, and greeted the four friends.
"Misato is Shinji alright? What happened?" they wanted to know.
"I don't know, guys, I found Shinji walking on the side of the road in the Sea-Cliff area. He's pretty upset about something, but he's not talking. I'm going to have Kaji come over to talk to him, and see if he can get him to open up."
"Is there anything we can do?"
"I'd say just keep some food and tea on hand, in case he gets hungry, and be there for him when he needs you. I'll make sure you guys all have leave until Shinji's back up on his feet."
"Thanks Misato."
"Keep an eye on him will you?" Misato asked, waving as she walked out the door.
"Akemi? It's Teri."
"Hey Teri, what're you up to this morning?"
"Not nearly as much as Kikyo was, if what she said is true."
"Oh, and what was Kikyo up to this morning?"
"Taking care of a very attractive and single EVA pilot."
"NO! Ikari? You mean she..."
"Yup, She's going to meet me for coffee later and give me all the details."
"Think she'd mind if I came along?"
"I don't see why not."
"Oh my god, I've got to call Maya. She's going to die when she hears this."
"Okay, see you in an hour?"
"Sure, see you then."
"So I figured if he wouldn't talk to me, he might want to talk to you, man to man."
"Well, I don't know what good I can do, love, but I'll try," Kaji said.
"I think just a friendly shoulder and a firm hand might do more good than anything right now dear," Misato encouraged.
"Okay, I'll see what I can get out of him. But you may want to have Ritsuko standing by with some sedatives or something."
They had stopped in front of Shinji's house now, and Kaji kissed Misato goodbye and mounted the steps. Hikari let him in, and he walked up to Shinji's room, waving to the kids as he walked up the stairs.
"Shinji, it's Kaji, I'm coming in," he said, knocking briefly before opening the door and going in.
Shinji was sitting up on the bed, holding his cello in his lap, and was crying softly. He looked up at Kaji, and Kaji instantly knew that Misato had been right. Whatever was wrong with the young Pilot was something that he would only share with a man who'd suffered as he was suffering now.
'Shinji,' he thought, 'if you could see the look on your face. It looks like my face did the day Misato abandoned me in Germany to take that job offer in Japan.'
Misato sat down at her Command Station, and looked over the reports that were here. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be near Shinji, so she could comfort him. Kaji would do a good job though, she was sure. He was far more intuitive than she'd given him credit for when they were in college.
Lt. Maya Ibuki came trotting up the stairs from her station down below.
"Ma'am."
"Yes Maya, what is it?"
"Is there a problem with Shinji?"
"Something, yes, we're not sure what happened though. Kaji's trying to talk to him now. I just came here to get some of my paperwork done, and then I'm heading back over there."
"Ma'am I think there's something you should know. One of my girlfriends just called me, and told me a very interesting story."
"Is this a story I'm going to want to hear?"
"Probably not Ma'am, but you'd better know now."
Kaji walked back down the stairs, stunned. It had taken almost 20 minutes for Shinji to say a word, and then he'd started to cry. He'd gripped the neck of his cello so tightly that the strings cut his fingers. He broken the bow over one of the posts on his bed, as he'd begun his story. When he reached the end, he'd taken the cello and busted it into pieces against his desk, slamming it again and again, until it was splinters. Kaji had grabbed him then, and calmed him down.
Shinji had grabbed hold of Kaji like a drowning man going under for the last time, and held him tight while great sobs had wracked his body. Kaji had finally detached the young man, and laid him back down in bed, telling him that Ritsuko would be there in a little while to give him something to relax. Shinji had simply gulped and nodded, laying in the bed very still.
"Kaji, is everything alright, it sounded like a war zone up there."
"Shinji's going to be fine, Toji, but he's going to need some time to think. He's also going to need a lot of support from you guys." Kaji's phone rang, and he answered it.
"Yes?"
"Kaji, Honey, how's Shinji?"
"In shock I think you should tell Ritsuko to get here now, he needs to relax, and I think he needs some sleep. Tell her to bring some anti- depressants too, just in case. I think Shinji needs to deal with this on his own."
"Did he tell you what happened?" Misato asked.
"Yes he told me."
"Well?" came Kensuke and Toji's whispered question, trying not to intrude, but intensely curious about what was hurting their friend so.
"Boys I..."
"Tell them Kaji," Misato said.
"What? Then, you already know?"
"Yes. Evidently the rumor mill is in full swing Lt. Ibuki brought me up to speed about five minutes ago. I called the young woman and confirmed it myself. Aida and Suzuhara need to know if they're going to help him through this."
"I love you, you know?" Kaji said.
"I love you too. Stay there, and I'll bring Ritsuko by in a few minutes. Bye."
"Bye," he said hanging up.
"Well?" Kensuke asked, impatient.
"Last night, after you all came home, one of the girls on the Command Staff took Shinji home with her. He lost his virginity to her, and doesn't even remember it."
Kensuke and Suzuhara at first didn't think that that was such a bad thing, until they saw the looks of concern on Kaji's and the girl's faces. Then it hit them like a ton of bricks.
"Oh god. I can't believe this is happening to Shinji," Kensuke said.
"Yeah," Toji agreed.
Nazomi started to cry on Hikari's shoulder. Hikari looked up at Kaji, "It's Asuka isn't it?"
Kaji nodded.
"Shinji has spent the last four years of his life totally in love with that young woman, and had promised himself that he'd wait for her, in every sense. Now he feels that he's betrayed everything. He says that he knows she's going to be back here soon, but that there's no way he can face her now.
Shinji's five friends sat in his living room, and just looked numbly around at each other or at the floor, not knowing what to say or do. This was definitely not the way they had imagined this day would be for Shinji when it finally came.
His greatest step into manhood had happened, and he had apparently walked off a cliff.
Next on Episode 2:22 of Neon Genesis Evangelion Asuka has spent the last six months in Germany trying to figure out what it is she's supposed to be doing here. She thinks she may have a clue, when she discovers that there have been some changes made to the base that no one is even aware of. Discovering these changes threatens to expose a buried secret, and Asuka may have to pay with her life for even knowing it.
It's Evangelion Episode 2:22 The changing face of Evil.
Authors Notes: This is the first chapter I've ever dedicated to someone, but I feel that I should. I've often heard it said of great writers, that you should write what you know.
I once knew a young woman by the name of Kim Keller. She was bright and funny, and full of life. And at a time in my life when I was devastated by the death of my parents, she was there with her bright smile, and her easygoing attitude.
Although not my girlfriend, she was, nonetheless, a good friend to me, and we spent many nights dancing and laughing with friends. I felt safe with her, and could relax and be myself for the first time in months. She never demanded anything of me, other than that I keep up with her, and hold her tight when a slow song was played.
She helped me to remember that life continues, even in the face of disaster, and that we are, after all, but mortal.
Sadly, barely a year after we'd met, Kim was killed in a horrible car accident with five of her friends. I was one of the first people to view the scene, even before the paramedics had a chance to respond. What I saw there has always bothered me deeply, and I've spent a lot of time thinking about it lately. Hardly a month passes when I don't drive by the site of the accident, where a memorial to the dead has been erected. I never got a chance to thank her before, so I would like to request your indulgence here, as I do so now.
Kim,
You'll never know how much your smile meant to that hurt and crushed young man, the first time you asked me to dance. You helped me to crawl out of that dark pit of despair that I'd fallen into. I'm older now, with 4 boys, a dog, and a wife that I love. But there are times even now, that I wish I could have just one more dance with you.
Goodbye.