I watched as the golden light flickered against the wall of my apartment. The trees outside making the mid-day sunshine into a glistening shadow. I liked New York. Not as much as maybe some other places. Places such as Carmel. It held a lot of bad memories in this city. And yeah, I admit that in some ways it suited me better here. But it never felt like home. I doubted that it ever would. Gina was perched on a stool opposite me, so that she could keep checking that I wasn't contemplating running away. She knew me way too well.

I sat up a little straighter in my squishy chair to get a better look at the man standing in front of me. Jesse. I wasn't imagining the fact he looked pissed. He was. I could see it.

Plus I'd witnessed him slugging Paul in the stomach after he found us together. Apparently he's still as over-protective of me as ever. It's just a shame that it was completely platonic. And always would be. He'd had his chance.

But then why did my heart flip over when I saw him?

"What are you doing here Jesse?" I asked tiredly. If I'd had my way he would have left right after he'd whacked Paul. But of course he wouldn't.

"I would have thought that was obvious Susannah." He replied just as tiredly. Which of course annoyed the hell out of me. Because I truly had no idea what he was doing in New York City. Alive.

Not that I could mention that in front of Gina. I mean, she knows some of the stuff about me being a Mediator. And of course I'd told her why I had to leave Carmel. But I'd never mentioned the fact that the guy that had broken my heart was in fact deceased.

Or used to be last time I checked anyway.

And I didn't intend to inform her of that now. Well, not until I'd thought through how to explain it all to her. She'd no doubt have a zillion questions. Including why I never told her earlier.

"I think we need to talk. Gina will you leave us alone for a minute?" I asked sweetly. I guess she noticed how annoyed I was with him. She raised both of her dark brows before nodding.

I watched as she strolled towards the door. Stopping on the way to get a word in with Jesse.

"If I hear you've done anything to her I'll break every bone in your body. Got it dude?" she informed him lazily. It was more a statement than an actual question. I saw the surprise on Jesse's face when she called him a 'dude'.

I guess he isn't used to being talked to like he's shit, I thought absently. He'd better get used to it. I had a feeling that Gina knew who he was. The fact that he was the guy from Carmel anyway. And she doesn't take kindly to people that cross her. Or me apparently.

I waited until she'd exited the room to make my conversation point. The thing that had freaked me out the most about seeing him after all this time.

"Okay spill." I told him through gritted teeth. He regarded me dubiously for a minute before finally speaking.

"Don't you think you have something you want to tell me first?" he probed, pushing off the wall that he had been leaning against. I stared at him in annoyance. We were so not going to get anywhere like this.

"No. Actually I ran out of things to say to you back when you ditched me." I informed him acidly. I watched with smug satisfaction as his eyes sparked with rage. I'd obviously hit a nerve.

"And what exactly did you expect me to do?" he asked angrily.

"Not leaving me for no reason would have been a good one don't you think?" I replied.

He stared at me confusedly for a minute like he couldn't figure out where I was getting my argument. I tried to block out what Paul had told me about Jesse earlier. Before they'd got into yet another fist fight over me.

"Maybe you don't think that it was a good reason. But I certainly do. Did you not even consider for one moment the result of your actions?" he yelled angrily.

Just like when we last met, I thought sadly. I didn't want Gina to come back inside though, so I just did what any woman in my position would have done. I slapped him. Hard.

I watched as shock filled his face. Well, at least I finally managed to shut him up. And I won't lie to you: it felt good to take my anger out on someone. Especially the cause of all my misery. I felt tears spring to my eyes as I stepped back and went to sit on my window seat, overlooking the city. I deliberately avoided his eyes as I came to realise what I'd just done.

I'd slapped Jesse. Oh shit.

And there was me trying to convince myself that I was moving on. Yeah, like that was ever going to happen. Finally I found my voice.

"Don't ever talk to me like that again. Not now. Not ever. Got it?" I hissed as my voice cracked.

I flinched as he stormed out and slammed the door behind him. I shouldn't have hit him. I shouldn't have gotten angry at him. Now I'll probably never see him again, I thought brokenly.

Because if this little visit had taught me one thing it was this: I still loved Jesse more than anything.

I would willingly die for him here and now if I had to. I shook myself mentally, trying to get a grip on reality. But Jesse just kept creeping back into my thoughts.

What can I say? The guy has an effect on me. He always has and probably always will. Even if I did just whack him for a stupid -and most probably childish- reason.

"Hey Suze? Everything okay in here?" asked Gina worriedly as she poked her head around the door. I smiled at her tensely.

"Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. We just needed to talk is all." I informed her calmly. She stepped inside and slowly closed the door behind her.

"That was some 'talk'. The guy had full-on devastation written all over his face. It was like watching one of those American Idol wannabes. What'd you do to him anyway?" she asked curiously.

I rolled my eyes and returned my gaze to outside of my apartment. Devastated my arse, I thought angrily.

"Nothing that he didn't deserve." I replied hearing my voice crack again. I was shocked for a moment when I realised that I was crying. Seriously crying. And not even in the attractive sense. Gina looked pretty taken-aback as well. I guess she isn't used to me showing emotion. I tended to not let her see how much stuff hurt me. Mediating-wise I mean.

She looked about ready to say something when my cell phone rung. Seeing as I wasn't exactly in the mood to answer it, Gina picked up for me.

"Hey, Suze isn't available right now do you want me to take a message?" she asked politely. It only took me a couple of seconds to realise that it was important. Gina signalled to me that I needed to take it. I nodded and took it from her.

"Susannah Simon, New York Gazette. How may I help you?" I asked shakily. I heard a relieved sigh from the other side of the line.

"Thank God Suze. Where've you been? I've been looking for you everywhere girl." My understudy Ray told me hurriedly. Working as a Crime Reporter had always been a challenging job. Especially with the Mediator thing. But having Ray as my young learner helped. Even if he was the clumsiest sixteen year old ever.

"I took the rest of the day off. Personal problems." I explained.

"Ooh! Say no more girl. I know all about that kind of thing from my mama. She always taught me to respect her specially at that time of the month, if you know what I'm saying."

I blinked in complete embarrassment. How the hell did he get from personal problems to……………..

"What the hell? I am not on my period Ray. Please never ask me that again. I may have to run from the room." I told him, feeling my cheeks heating up. Gina suppressed a giggle, obviously getting what he'd asked me. I on the other hand was mortified. I don't know why it felt like such a big deal to have a guy ask me that. It just……was.

"Oh right. Well whatever your 'personal problems' were, the point is that we need you down the Gazette like now." He said in a rush. He obviously expected me to fight against the idea.

"Why? What's the deal? Everything was clean when I left. No homicides for the past two days. A few suspicious circumstances maybe. But nothing to write about. The CIA has us gagged. You know that."

"Yeah, of course I know that. Why the hell do you think Robson's got me calling you? We got the case. The Venderson killings on 23rd Street. We just got the press release. It's conclusive. It's a double murder. They're advising all citizens in that area to stay at home. We got it girl! But we need you for the forensic side. You're the only one qualified to……"

"I'll be there in ten minutes. Meet me by the bridge at the Point. I've got a guest, so bring the files with you." I ordered him quickly.

"Whatever you say boss." He replied with a chuckle. I felt the need to bring him back to reality.

"When's our dead-line?" I asked grabbing a pen off the counter and scribbling on my hand.

"Oh right. We have till this Friday."

"That's a whole week!" I exclaimed. We were usually lucky if we had a days notice at the moment. Gun crime had made our schedule pretty hectic.

"Yeah I know. Robson said that it'll go to press on Saturday. Everything's quite at the moment. He wants to build this story up or something. We're the only ones with the scoop. Everyone else is too focussed on the new celeb baby. What's its name? Grapefruit or something?"

"Okay, listen to me. The only reason Robson's doing this is to make hysteria. Anything less than that and he'll have both our butts in the fryer. Got me?" I asked, suddenly tense.

The line went quite for a moment as Ray figured it out as well. He'd be the first one to get cut if they decided to do any shift-around in the office. He was only the new kid. If he didn't do his first proper case right, Robson –our editor- would have no problem in sacking him.

"Yeah. Yeah I got you." he replied faintly. I decided to keep my pep talk for later though and decided to get moving on the case.

"Okay then. Remember to meet me –"

"At the Point Bridge, with the files. I know boss." He cut me off sounding annoyed. I rolled my eyes at Gina who'd been eyeing me with interest.

"See ya later Ray." I said as the phone clicked off.

"So where too now Simon?" Gina asked with amusement. I grinned and grabbed my keys.

"We have a murder to solve."

A/N: WOW! That is possibly my longest chappy ever. Cool. Lol.

Thanx for all the great reviews guys! I've been writing this while I've been ill so I hope it pays off and doesn't suck!

Now all ya have to do is push the little blue button and REVIEW!

And about the Jesse/Suze situation. Don't worry. I've got it covered.