Watching, Waiting & Hoping – Part 2

Usual disclaimers apply. George Lucas, the great Zahn and KJA cos I borrowed some of his dialogue. I am making no credits from this. Ash.

Mara entered her apartment and gazed thankfully at the welcome décor. It was a little plain, but it was all hers and the view from her balcony was stunning. Okay, it was more than plain. It was empty and impersonal and… lonely. The welcoming feeling left her. She'd always been alone. Luke had been alone too. Callista's abandoning him without explanation had hurt the Jedi Master deeply and he'd gone through some tough years, trying to be all things to everyone and undertaking far too many things on his own. "Luke is my friend and she betrayed him, hurt him. He doesn't need that again." Mara spoke the words to her empty room. "He loved her very much, although I don't think it was the real forever kind of love. I think he needed to love somebody and she fulfilled his desire to protect."

A sad little smile flickered over her expressive face. "He tried to look after me, too," she told herself. "But I'm not the kind of Alderaani hothouse flower you can coddle in an artificial environment for long. I was happy for them – I really was but I couldn't stand to be with them. All that happiness sickened me." But the sight of Luke together with Callista far from sickening her, had actually caused Mara real pain and somewhere at the back of her mind was the discussion she and Callista had once had over Luke in the canteen at the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV. It had been about the only discussion they'd had, as Mara had removed herself from the scene until Callista had gone.

"I also heard hints that you might have been interested in Luke yourself at one time."

"Who told you I was ever interested in Luke Skywalker? When I first met him, the thing I wanted most in the universe was to kill him. I thought that way for a long time… Sometimes it still seems like a good idea to me. Not a great basis for a long-term relationship, you think?"

Mara dropped her rucksack heavily on the floor. Something broke inside it with a muffled crack. "I'm not interested in Luke Skywalker. I can't be…" But deep inside, Mara knew that she was and always had been. The closeness she felt with Luke was unlike anything she had ever shared with another human being, even the Emperor. She had worshipped her master and would have done anything for him, but he was not someone she had felt an affinity with. Palpatine had not cared the way Luke did. He had been her master, not her friend. There hadn't been kindness in him the way there was in the Jedi. Luke was her friend and she didn't trust Callista one bit. "Jade," she admonished herself. "That's your own prejudice talking. You just don't want to see him get hurt again, that's all."

Deep inside she knew she was lying to herself. She was the one that would get hurt by Callista's return.

After a welcome shower with real water, Mara stood before her mirror and pulled a brush through her damp, tangled curls. She met her own green eyes and wondered what people saw in Mara Jade. 'What do they see?' she asked silently. 'Do they see the assassin, the smuggler, the potential Jedi or do they see me as a woman? Karrde sees me as the perfect smuggler; most of the NewRepublic Council sees me as the assassin and I know which one Luke envisions me as – it's the only one I haven't yet achieved. What does that say about Luke…or me?.'

The full lips tightened and a flash of bitterness moved swiftly across her perfect features. "I don't want to suffer emotions. I should be able to move above them. I killed Luke's clone and fulfilled my last command. I should be free of this… this… whatever it is." Her eyes darkened to sage and she bowed her head staring at the sink. Mara's eyes rose to the mirror once again and there was new knowledge present. Luke had ignored Mara for Callista the first time around. Who was to say he wouldn't do the same the second time around? Why had Callista returned after all these years? Had she recovered her presence within the Force? Mara tried to recollect, but all she could do was remember Luke's vivid blue stare as it had gone beyond her outer barriers and seen straight through to her heart.

Mara walked to her bedchamber and stood in front of her clothes, grumbling at her inability to choose. The robe dropped with barely a whisper to lie pooled at her feet and Mara stared curiously at herself in the full-length glass in her bedchamber. Her hair had already started to dry and come to life in a ripple of soft waves that would eventually turn into riotous curls - the fiery red-gold colour unlike any other anywhere. Her body was still lithe, all the curves in exactly the right places. She could take down any wild animal or threatening being with a blaster or a lightsaber, if she had to. She was attractive, capable, successful…so why did she feel so lost? She was at a place in her life where the roads split and for the first time in many years, she felt frightened. This time she did not know which way to choose.

A muted growl from her stomach caught at her ears. The rumbling of her stomach reminded Mara that she was hungry and she had nothing in the house apart from some out of date ration bars. The thought of them turned her stomach. The nearest place to eat was only a short trip away on one of the small internal palace shuttles. The last time she'd been there had been with Luke. He was probably somewhere upmarket with Callista. She didn't want to eat, but she needed nutrition and the small tapcaf was the nearest one serving decent food.

With a snarl, Mara pulled out a clean ship suit and dragged it over her body. Why was she letting him get to her lately? Mara closed the concealed fasteners and brushed down the sleek, durable fabric. Karrde provided only the best in such serviceable apparel to all his employees, but you couldn't exactly call it pretty. Grabbing a handful of hair, she braided it tightly until it hung sleekly down her back.

The fire inside her had been tamed or had it? Mara wanted more than friendship with the Jedi Master but wasn't ready to fight for it; she was still too busy battling against it.

With her stomach reminding her that ration bars have their place, but if an alternative solution is nearby, go out and grab it, Mara made her way to the nearest restaurant. It was only when she arrived there, that Mara realised Luke had had the same idea. She'd subconsciously known he'd be there and she'd gone anyway. He always ate there. She wanted to see him. Mara stood stricken, mere feet away from Luke and Callista. The former Jedi did not notice Mara but Luke did and when she felt his light mental probe she reacted in the only way she could – with hot, bright anger - and fled from one of her only friends for the second time in one evening.

Luke's Apartment

Callista wondered what had happened between Luke and Mara Jade as they'd encountered one another outside Luke's apartment building. They both stood stiffer than Coruscant marble statues, eyes locked, faces still. She didn't need to have the Force to guess that something important had been exchanged between the two of them. She swung curious grey eyes over the Jedi Master and the former Emperor's Hand. No, she was wrong. They hadn't gone totally still – there was something burning in Luke's eyes and she could have sworn there was been an answering flash in Mara's. How strange.

So the strange friendship between Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade was unchanged.

Callista let her memories surface of the first time she'd been able to hold Luke in her arms. She'd been so confused when she'd emerged from the escape pod. Confused, shaken, angry, happy, and so in love with the wonderful Jedi who had rescued her from the Eye of Palpatine. But then she'd found out what she had lost. She'd given up the Force; unknowingly she'd paid a price far higher than she'd been prepared for. It hadn't been enough. Luke hadn't been enough. She'd loved him as much as she'd been able to, but in the end it had paled beside her desire to regain her powers. Mara Jade had been there when she'd emerged to her new life. Mara, who still had the Force but stupidly rejected the chance to fulfil her destiny as a Jedi. Now she was standing immobile in front of Luke, begging him with those bright green eyes of hers and Luke was trying to answer, but neither one knew what to say or do.

"Hello, Mara," she murmured composedly and moved to stand next to the frozen figure of the Jedi Master as if staking her claim.

"Callista!" Mara muttered abruptly, giving Luke an enigmatic glance before fleeing. That was the only way Callista could think of to describe her departure - one of flight from a situation she was totally unprepared for.

Luke stood immobile for a moment longer, staring after the redheaded woman as if he could see her run all the way to her apartment.

"Luke?" Callista asked quietly. "Mara has an apartment in the same block as you?"

"What…?" he murmured, his manner distracted. "Mara's apartment? Oh, yeah. She's not here very often, though. That's the first time I've seen her in two or three months. It's the old wing of the Imperial palace as you know and Mara's on the floor below mine…or is it two floors? No, I think its one floor below. I'm not here very often either. It was lucky I was here when you arrived. Yeah, most of us are housed hereabouts. Me, Mara, Wedge… I think Tycho's in the next block. It's a long list. But I'm normally on Yavin – that's where the Jedi are. I get the feeling you wouldn't have visited me there." Luke began to gabble his words out.

Callista's mouth drooped. "Yes, I still don't think I could have tolerated Yavin IV. Don't get me wrong; it's wonderful what you are doing there. But the temptation to try and touch the Force again, when surrounded by Force adepts, is too strong and I swore I would never turn to the dark side – you know that. It's still the only way I can touch the Force."

Luke placed his hand over hers and squeezed comfortingly. "I understand, truly I do. You are brave. Others might not be so strong willed and give in to their anger, knowing the power it could bring them." He smiled warmly at her. "I'm glad you've come back, you know."

"Really?" Callista's heart began to pound. He'd been so friendly since she'd returned. Just friendly. She was searching for signs of love and finally that was going to happen.

He nodded as he approached the door to the restaurant where he'd made reservations. "After you," he murmured politely, as he ushered Callista inside. They sat in a corner booth perusing the menu in silence before giving their orders to the holo-waiter.

"I wondered if you were well; sometimes I doubted that you were still alive." Luke stared at the woman he'd futilely searched the galaxy for. She was totally Callista now - her face angular, the striking, large grey eyes within the strong cheekbones framed by the braided malt coloured hair. There was little trace of Cray Mingla, the Jedi who had sacrificed her life so that Callista could be with Luke, in the woman she had become. He stared curiously at her and smiled as she talked, hearing nothing that she said. She was well and strong and he felt… nothing.