I do not own The Matrix or any of its rights.
Sometimes, when I think back to the days of happiness, alarm clocks come to mind. In my world, waking up had been the hardest thing for me. I would set it for six in the morning, then climb into the bed, and pull the duvet up. My head would hit the pillow, and it seemed like almost immediately I would be asleep. In my dreams was were I longed to be every waking moment.
My dreams were my refuge; my place where I went to forgot my past, present, and future. Sometimes, I would be a bird, soaring on the currents. Another time, I could be a fish swimming happily along in the ocean. It seemed like there was no end to my ability to give life to that which was not. Even when my life was at it is worst; my dreams always gave me the initiative to finish the day.
Looking back on what was, music also comes to mind. The times I had just sitting in my room and listening to music, were great, though nowhere near as good as my dreams. Sometimes, if I sat and though long enough, I could see the music: the blue of the bass, the red of the drums, and the yellow of the voices.
They would dance around me like people, always inviting me to join them. At one point I did. I became a string of music and I danced. The bright purple that was I was all over. I would rub along the yellow and give it harmony. The blue and I could play a duet. Red and I traded rhythms, and rocked together. It was as if my only worry was who to play with next.
It was with these thoughts in mind that I went to my weekly therapy session. This week, we were supposed to bring the one thing that mattered most to us. I had my most precious CD. It was a remix of all the Beatles hits. My personal favorite was "Yellow Submarine" because the background noises gave me a new strain of color, Green.
I slowly climbed the staircase that led to the loft. Dr. Phillis felt that if you were comfortable, you could get comfortable with others. That in my opinion was a load of bullshit, but I went anyway. He had this way of bringing out your insecurities and making them disappear. I almost wish I hadn't gone that day.
Finally, I reached the loft, panting and flushed. It seemed like the stairs had gotten a lot longer since last week. I opened the door quietly because I knew that it squeaked very easily. The other two turned around to look at me.
Before I go on, I guess I should tell you about Mimmi and James. Mimmi is not your average twenty-three year old. She is spunky, happy; go lucky, and totally crazy. She started life with a normal family. She had an older sister and they were close. After she moved out when Mimmi was 15, things didn't go so well. Slowly, but surely, Mimmi began to mentally deteriorate. At first, it was little things such as forgetting where she left things, and mood swings, which she dismissed as feminine problems.
Unfortunately, for her, they were not. As her mood swings got violent, and her forgetfulness became worse, other problems accrued. She began to black out, minutes at a time. The time rapidly increased, leaving Mimmi not knowing when it was. At one point, she was blacking out for days at a time. They all suddenly stopped though, because as she later found out, she had brain cancer. It wasn't the cause of her mental problems, but it was her temporary solution.
As her life grew into a "normal" setting, the cancer took a hold. Mimmi slowly began to get more tired, and he vision became fuzzy. Also, she began to have strange dreams. Ones that involved people in little pods; machines came up and scanned the pod. They then moved on. It was almost as if they were using the humans for something. Mimmi began to ponder this as she sat in the hospital. In order for her to live, she had to undergo an operation.
The operation in itself was really simple. Go in and take the tumor out, end of story. Poor Mimmi, the doctors decided to do a test on her. Why not take a chunk of her brain out and see how she functions? So they gave her about three times too much anesthesia and set out to work. They first removed the tumor, then removed the area directly underneath.
After Mimmi woke up, she noticed something was wrong right away. Her eyes didn't work right. All she could see was white and black! She thrashed and cried out, grabbing the attention of the nurse. She came in with a needle and injected Mimmi in the stomach with it. She woke up two days later in an ally near Blackbird Street.
James was another matter entirely. He is twenty-one, solemn, and reserved. He just sits through the sessions talking when it is his turn. Otherwise, he sits three his eyes half open, occasionally muttering some unbearable phrase. I guess you could say he kinda clams himself up if he's not speaking. It all has to do with his past.
When James was born, his mother killed herself. She was a raped, mental patient of Mercy Hospital. When she was first admitted her doctor, the lovely doctor that stole Mimmi's color vision we would later find out, knocked her out and raped her. He left town afterwards, and left her moneyless and pregnant.
She became a raging, hormonal, pregnant, drug addict. Every day she complained of various problems: bladder control, cramps, and blurry vision. The staff knew that it was a load of crap, but it kept her quiet. So James's mother started to hurt her baby. At first, it was simple. An unneeded aspirin here and there, maybe a joint or two, or a good old fashion smarty sniff was all she needed to get happy. James on the other hand, didn't. When he was born, they immediately noticed brain problems. Instead of crying, James just stared at everyone.
At first, they thought he was free from pain. As he grew, they realized that his brain was miss formed. When his mother sniffed the smarties, it infected his brain, inflating his lower left region. That allowed him a larger threshold from pain, at the cost of not being able to perceive his world. He could solve word problems very easily, but when the problem was physical, he lacked the skills to solve it. That usually lead to fights, fights lead to bruises and cuts, and cuts lead to infection, which leads to the hospital.
Mercy Hospital. When he was 15, James was admitted for an infection in his arm. Someone had nicked him with a rusted knife, and he was getting sick. They gave him about five shots to the stomach, and then they stuck him in a room to rot. They couldn't do anything for him, because he was street trash. Raised by a slut, kills cats and dogs for food, and fights with every idiot that looks at him. Mercy Hospital didn't like that kind of publicity. They shunned him and helped as little as they could.
As James sat in his bed with the horrible pain, he began to think. If he wasn't good enough to be treated as a person, why should they be able to live? As the days went by, James began to form a plan. A plot that involved a gun, a knife, and lots of anesthesia; also it involved the death of the entire hospital.
James slowly crept through the hospital each day, gathering what he could of tanks and syringes, storing it under the bed. After about a week, he felt like he had enough to complete what he needed. He opened his air vent and released the container of anesthesia, knocking out the whole hospital. He then took the smelling salts that he made, and went looking for the doctor who sent him to this hell.
As James has crept around, he would catch bits and pieces of conversations. One interesting fact was that Mr. Doctor and his slut would sneak into Room 69 every day for a little private meeting. As he ran down the hall, his feet pounding on white tile, he tried to remember where he had felt like this before. He dismissed the thought as he neared the door. He opened to find everyone's favorite doc. He crept up and waved the smelling salts under the nose of the large naked frame. It shot up quickly, coughing and spitting. James cocked the gun at him and told him:
"Move the wrong fucking way and I'll blow your goddamned brains out."
He looked like a deer in the headlights of an on coming car. As he slowly moved up, James noticed that his lover was stirring. He fired the gun, instantly ending her life. The man jumped, and James fired his gun at the floor next to him. He jumped, and James whipped out his knife.
"You moved the wrong way shit-for-brains"
He brought the knife in a wide arc, slicing into the neck. A thin line of red appeared as he grabbed at his throat. James grabbed the guy's shirt, and wiped his blade on it. He then tossed it to the guy and walked out.
James got away with murder, and to this day, no one knows, except for us. I guess you could say that is the one thing that scares me about him. He's already done it once, why not again? Anyway, when they turned to face me, I blushed and went to sit in my normal chair.
"Sorry about being late, I forgot to set an alarm." I said grabbing a cookie from the table next to the chair.
"It's no problem JJ, you know that as long as you come we don't mind." Dr Phillis said smiling. "Mimmi was just telling us about her stuffed sheep."
"It's not stuffed silly! Knickers-Nicker is just being shy! Aren't you, you silly sheep?" she said ruffling the sheep's hair.
"Anyway, James what did you bring?" Dr. Phillis asked, his view swinging from the right to the left.
James pulled something out of his jacket. It was a small case, silver on the outside with the initial J engraved on it.
"I brought salvation." He said popping the clasp. In it, were three sets of pills. Three of them were red, and three were blue. "To make things simple, this world is not real. A computer program called the Matrix is controlling you, telling you that the cookie tastes like chocolate, or that a carrot is a carrot. In my right hand, I hold the promise of a life free of slavery. In my left, I hold the pill that will keep you here in fantasy." He said, his continence not changing.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dr Phillis said. "I'm calling security!"
"Not so fast." James said, whipping out a gun. He aimed and shot, causing Dr. Phillis to grab at his back. As he fell, his white shirt began to stain red. "Hurry up and pick one!"
"I'll take the red one, 'cuz me and Nickers love red!" Mimmi said as she reached for his right hand.
"Red." was all I said.
I popped the pill and started to feel weird. As the world swam in and out of focus, James said "Welcome to the Real World."