Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own Harry Potter, and yeah, I don't work for the show Wife Swap. Okay?

A/N: Well, this is my first ever posted fanfic. Wish me luck!

"We're doing WHAT?" shouted Mr. Vernon Dursley of Number 4, Privet Drive.

"Wife Swap," said his wife, Petunia, timidly. "It's a reality television show. The wives of two families switch places for two weeks."

"And remind me," said Mr. Dursley, beginning to calm down, "remind me why you signed up for this?"

"All of my friends were. I couldn't be the only one who didn't," said Mrs. Dursley.

"So these people decided we should be on the show, yes?"

"Yes," replied Mrs. Dursley.

"Well, what are we going to do with the boy?"

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were the proud parents of one Dudley Dursley, aged nine. In their opinion, he was the finest boy who ever lived. Dudley, who weighed 200 pounds, enjoyed beating people up more than anything in the world.

Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were also the not-so-proud aunt and uncle of Harry James Potter, who lived with them. The Dursleys hated Harry, and Mr. Dursley was right to ask what they would do with the boy while on a reality television show, because to most of the world, Harry's childhood wouldn't qualify as "normal." He did four times as many chores as his cousin, was entirely too light for his age, and wore his cousin's hand-me-downs, which were four sizes too large. To top it all off, he slept in the cupboard under the stairs.

Mr. Dursley, however, didn't appear to be worried about what the world thought of the treatment of Harry, but rather whether anyone would discover the boy's secret.

"What if he does something…abnormal?"

Mrs. Dursley sniffed. "He hasn't for over a year. He should be fine for two weeks."

"Okay," said Mr. Dursley. "If you really want to do this, we will."

Christine Walker stepped out of the limousine and surveyed the house in which she was to spend the next two weeks. It was identical to all the other houses on the street, and if it weren't for the large brass "4" on the door, she wouldn't have been at all sure that she was at the right place.

Christine was 34, with a seven-year-old daughter, Jessica, and a husband, David. She was tall, of average weight, and had shoulder length brown hair. Her eyes were sparkling brown, and there was a dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks, giving her a youthful look.

Christine was a businesswoman. She worked at a major television company, and her husband did most of the cleaning at home. She did, however, get home at 6 o'clock on weekdays; in time for dinner.

She had no idea what the family she would be living with was like, except that there were two boys, a husband, and a wife, but she knew enough about "Wife Swap" to know that it would be very different from her own. The wife was probably a stay-at-home mom. Christine walked up the driveway to the house, and stopped at the door, which was painted red to match the shutters. She held out the key which she had been given and stepped into the house.

She had two hours before anyone was supposed to get home. In that time, she was supposed to explore the house and read the "manual" that the woman, Petunia Dursley, had left behind for her, all the while being followed around by the cameras. She guessed she would have to get used to those cameras.

Christine's first impression of the house was that it was too clean. Everything was spotless. There were no foot prints on the floor, no smudges on the wall, no specks of dirt in the carpet. It looked as if no one lived there. The cleanness unnerved her, and she immediately decided that she would have to mess it up a little. She voiced her opinion to the cameras, feeling very silly, as if she were talking to herself.

Christine was about to move from the entry hall into the family room when she noticed a small cupboard under the stairs. Thinking that it was a place to put her coat, she opened the door and gasped in shock at what she saw.

There, in that tiny cupboard, no more than six by four feet from side to side and five feet tall, there was a cot. On the cot lay a blanket and pillow, and she could see clothes protruding from underneath. Behind the bed on a shelf lay a few toys and three books. This cupboard, unlike the rest of the first floor so far, looked very, very much lived in.

Christine backed out of the cupboard in shock, and the cameras moved in to get a view.

"It looks…It looks like someone sleeps in there," she stuttered. That wasn't possible, though. There was no way that someone could actually live in that cupboard!

Christine decided to leave the mystery of the cupboard behind and explore the family room. There, she found tasteful furniture, a 32 inch television, and many pictures of the family on the mantle and walls. There was something amiss in those photographs, though. She just couldn't figure out what. Then she realized; there were only three people in the photos. The producers of "Wife Swap" had told her that she was swapping into a family of four. Had they given her the wrong information? In these photographs, there was only one boy, and a rather large one at that. They'd told her that there were two boys. It was yet another mystery for Christine to figure out.

Christine peeked into the kitchen to find yet another unnaturally clean room. She saw the "manual" sitting on the kitchen table and decided to leave it until she had seen the upstairs.

The upstairs appeared to be much the same as the first floor, at least at first. The first room she went into was obviously the master bedroom. There was a king-sized bed with a blue comforter, two bureaus, and an adjoining bathroom. Everything was spotless.

The next room was similar to the master bedroom, except that the bed was king-size, there was only one bureau, and the color scheme was green. She decided it was probably a guest bedroom upon examining the bureau and finding no clothes in the drawers.

It wasn't until after she'd seen the gleaming bathroom that things began to change. Christine opened a door to see another bedroom. This one had a bed with a white blanket and a bureau, but they were hard to see for all the clutter. Everywhere, there were toys. She could see a broken television, a broken air rifle, a broken just about everything. There were also books, but they didn't look used, let alone broken. The room looked as if it should be lived in, but it was hard to imagine someone owning so many broken things. It made more sense than sleeping in a cupboard, though.

The last room was also a bedroom, and also a mess, but nothing there was broken. Everything was brand new. Christine saw a television, a computer, a video game station, and a stereo, among other things. Food wrappers littered the floor, and clothes were thrown everywhere. Christine didn't venture into the room to examine further. This was obviously one of the boys' rooms.

Having explored the entire house, it was time for Christine to read the manual that Petunia Dursley had left behind, directing her on how to run the house. The things specified in the manual were things that Christine would have to do for an entire week until she got to change the rules.

Christine settled herself at the table in the immaculate kitchen and began to read the neat little booklet entitled, "Guide to the Running of the Dursley Household."

As Christine read, she grew more and more shocked and outraged. As it turned out, the Dursleys did have two boys. They just didn't have two sons. Their nephew, Harry Potter, lived with them, and had ever since he was a year old and his parents had died in a car crash. Harry, the manual said, helped Petunia cook dinner every night, and then cleaned up afterwards. He made Dudley's lunch in the morning, and weeded the garden after dinner in the evenings. His bedtime was nine, and he did, indeed sleep in the cupboard under the stairs. Dudley's bedtime was "whatever time he feels appropriate," and he, unsurprisingly, slept in the room upstairs with the television and computer.

There were other rules- something about a tea party every day- but Christine ignored them. She kept coming back to the rules dealing with Harry Potter. Surely this was a joke. No one could be so blatantly unfair to their own nephew.

When Christine was done reading the manual, she looked at her watch. It was 4:02. According to the booklet, the boys should be getting home from school right about now.

As if on cue, Christine heard the front door open. She was about to meet the family.