Author's note: I hope this won't be disappointing to anyone, but this is a pre – "The Woods" chapter. "The Woods" hasn't aired where I live and I didn't want to walk on that territory without watching it. I did it with "Creatures of the Night" and "Best Friends", but I didn't want to do it with "The Woods".

Spoilers for this chapter: 2x21 "Creatures of the Night"

Thanks: to my beta-reader, AndreaB.

XXXXX

Chapter 5 – Lilly Rush

I toss my suitcase and my coat in the couch. The same happens at the end of every investigation. I feel both relieved and drained. However, my feelings have been quite unbalanced lately. The relief hasn't made up for all the draining. And I know very well why.

Olivia is now trying to crawl under the couch. She can't fit in there, but she's desperate to reach for something. I smile, "Hey, what have you got there?" and reach down the couch.

A hair clip. That's what she was reaching for. It's of a vivid shade of red, and it's definitely not mine. It's hers. Flashbacks play quickly in my head. "It's been nice having you around, Chris." I flip the hair clip in my fingers. "I'm going to take you out for your birthday."

I was falling for her charms again, then why wouldn't he? Too bad she played her game with us again. She's a master at it, I must say. I shake my head, letting out a bitter smile. I wonder if she's aware that I envy her sometimes. I shake my head again, get up, open a drawer on the living room cabinet, toss the hair clip there and close it.

I wonder how and when we ended up like this. I used to think it was after the Patrick incident. After the last events I had been thinking it was when we realized we'd never have a mother, at least in the practical meaning of the word. No one to tuck you into bed, no one to fix your milk and chocolate in a cold winter night. Grow up by yourself, if you want to. In the end, I guess it was always meant to be like this.

Not that this knowledge makes me feel any better. I used to believe I could just shrug at the unpleasant events in my life and move on. Denial becomes a way of life. The truth is, I've been spending some nice bucks to have a full-time nurse taking care of my mother, but I can't make myself visit her more than once every couple of months. And that counts those times when I can't get pass the living room into her bedroom.

Like now, when I'm sitting in my car, in front of her house, for the last half an hour. Let's face it. Lilly Rush can't forgive and forget.

So, again, I drive away. I never noticed how predictable I am. As always, I end up here. Files that are more than 20 years old are sent down to the second basement. The pages are starting to get yellow on the borders. The whole place smells like the past – enough to make you sick.

I already know the words by heart and I have memorized the pictures. Like I said, Lilly Rush can't forgive and forget. I take the file, and I tell the floor's archivist it's related to a homicide case. She doesn't ask any questions. Like most people in our line of work, she has become numb. Or she tries to.

I shove the file in my desk drawer, and I don't think about it for the rest of the day. Before leaving, though, I discreetly put it in my suitcase.

3 a.m. I read the file for the 100th time tonight. The detectives back then said it was a dead case. I look at the drawing that was made from my description. There isn't such a thing as a dead case. At least not until there's justice to it.

XXXXX

There might be a post-"The Woods" chapter for Lilly.

Thanks all of you for reading, and stay tuned for the next fics...