A second chance?

Chapter 5: You've never hugged me

The first thing Leo noticed when he orbed into Piper's bedroom was his son, who was lying still – very still – on the bed. Leo's heart, mind and breathing stopped working while he stared at his (dead?) son for what seemed like an eternity. Actually it was just a second before Chris turned his head and opened his eyes to look at him. Immediately Leo let out a little sigh of relief and quickly knelt next to the bed. "Chris..." he said, not even aware of it, while he stroked through his son's hair.

"Hey..." Chris managed to say. He wanted to say so much more, but his voice didn't seem to work anymore. Instead he gave his father a small smile, glad that he was finally here. In the next second the reason why Leo had been gone came back to his mind and caused him to make his voice work again. "Where's Wyatt?" he asked, while he tried to look around to find his brother. Leo would have brought him if he would have found him... This can't be happening, Chris thought. I couldn't save him, I failed...

"He's okay, Chris" Leo interrupted his thoughts in a soothing tone. "And now we're going to save you. You can hold on, okay?"

Chris nodded weakly. He didn't feel like he could hold on for much longer, but when he saw the scared and pained expression on his father's face he knew that he had to try at least. But that was easier said than be done. He could feel himself slipping away and it became more and more difficult for him to keep his eyes open. Listening to his father's soothing words and feeling his gentle touch on his forehead, he decided that he could close them – just for a little while... But he opened them as quick as he could when he heard Leo's panic stricken voice.

"Chris, please don't give up, okay?" Leo whispered, unable to hold back tears. He looked frantically over to Paige who was mixing two potions at once.

Suddenly one of it blew up. "Shit..." Paige cursed, but then her face lit up when she finally knew what ingredients she had to use. "Okay, I know it, just hold on a little bit longer, okay?" she exclaimed, while she picked up the right ingredients.

Leo immediately turned back to his son. "You've heard her. You're gonna be all right" he said, mentally urging Paige to hurry up.

At this Chris tried with all his last strength to hold on, like his father and aunt asked of him. For a few seconds it worked. He could block out the pain a bit, focused his view on his father's concerned face and the room stopped even spinning for a little while. But it didn't last long until everything in front of him became blurred again. Just the pain didn't seem to come back as strong as it was and Chris was for a moment relieved, but then he realized what that meant and he wished that it would come back. He was dying, fading away and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

There was so much he wanted to tell his father before the end would come. He wanted to thank him for saving his brother, tell him how sorry he was about his imprisonment in Valhalla and the incident with the spider demon. He also wanted to apologize for the way he had treated him in the last three months. But most importantly he wanted to tell his father that he loved him and that he was glad that he would die in his arms. Wyatt was saved; the future was good again... there was no reason why he should hold on any longer. And it wasn't like he had another choice...

"Chris!" Leo almost yelled when he saw his son closing his eyes for the second time. Only this time he didn't open them again when he called his name. "No, please... no, don't give up..." he sobbed while the guilt, sorrow and pain seemed to eat him away. How could he let this happen? This wasn't fair... He was so caught up in his own thoughts and anguish that he didn't hear the small explosion from the other side of the room.

"I've got it!" Paige exclaimed and ran hurriedly over to them with a vial in her hand. "Leo!" she screamed and finally managed to snap the grieving father out of his own world.

Leo turned his head over to his sister-in-law and looked at the vial with hope rising inside if him. He took it and poured the content over Chris' wound before he once again tried to heal him. The golden glow came immediately and Leo found himself begging all forces of good he could think of to allow him to save his son. First it didn't seem to work and Leo's begs started to turn into curses, but then the wound finally started to close. Leo concentrated even harder and a few seconds later the wound vanished and he let out a breath, he hadn't even been aware of holding.

Chris opened his eyes again, clearly disoriented. But when he saw his father kneeling beside him with tearstained cheeks and a relieved smile on his face he remembered everything quickly. Out of instinct he put his hands on his stomach, but found no gaping hole in it. There wasn't a single scratch. He smiled slightly and wanted to sit up, only to be pushed back by his now concerned looking father. "Dad… I mean, Leo… I – " He looked at his father insecure. Now that the whole dying thing was over he once again didn't know how to act around him.

"It's okay" Leo said calmly, seeing his son's emotional turmoil. "Just rest now. We can talk about everything later."

"But..."

"No buts" Leo interrupted him with a fatherly voice. "You're gonna rest now, okay?"

"But what about mom?" Chris asked and looked over to Paige.

"I'm going to the hospital and see how she's doing" Paige immediately offered and walked over to her nephew's side. "And you're gonna listen to your father, got it?"

"I'm not a kid anymore" Chris contradicted and sat up, before he said in a slightly whining tone "I wanna go and see mom."

Paige laughed. "Now that sounded very mature" she said and hugged him. "Welcome back in the land of living – and don't scare me like this ever again." She pulled away from him and smiled before she orbed away to the hospital.

After she left there was an awkward silence in the room. Both father and son had realized that they had made a lot of mistakes in the past and they knew that they had to talk about it, but no one seemed to know how to begin. Chris fumbled nervously with the blankets and looked at his hands. His own thoughts about his father from a few minutes ago came back to his mind. First he wanted to blame it on the fact that he had been almost dying that he had thought like this, but he knew that was just partly the truth. Despite his refusal to get close to his dad, he knew that deep down he had always wanted it. And now he was here in the past, his father obviously cared about him and had tried desperately to get a good relationship with him in the last three months. Something Chris had, without admitting to himself, wished for his entire life.

Leo watched his son anxiously. He was afraid that Chris would, probably with good reason, still hate him. After all he had almost been responsible for his own son's death. If he would have believed him than none of this would have happened. Leo realized that Chris had every right to be mad at him. In the last months he had tried everything to get close to his son and when Chris had finally given him a chance to prove that he really cared he hadn't believed him. Leo tried hard to think of something he could say to him. A simply 'I'm sorry' wouldn't be enough.

"Where's Wyatt?" Chris asked suddenly. His dad had told him that his brother was save, but where was he?

"What?" Leo asked back startled. He had been lost in his own thoughts.

"Wyatt. Where is he?" Chris repeated his question.

"Oh, he's in the hospital with Phoebe" Leo answered.

Again – silence. After a minute Chris couldn't stand it any longer. "Leo – dad" he began and sighed, not knowing how to address his father.

Leo was also uncomfortable and tried to push his son back on the bed. "Just rest now. We can talk later…"

"No" Chris said in a stern voice that remembered Leo of Piper. "We need to talk now."

Leo nodded slightly. "Okay." He then hesitated a second, before he forced himself to look directly into his son's eyes, afraid of what he would see there. But to his great surprise Chris didn't seem to be angry. That gave him all the encouragement he needed to do what he wanted to do so badly since three months. He reached forward and pulled his son into a tight embrace. In that moment everything was perfect for him. His son was here, alive and well, and he didn't even struggle to get away from him. He could have stayed like this forever, but he knew that Chris was right. They needed to talk. So he reluctantly pulled away again and was stunned to see that there were unshed tears glistened in his son's eyes. That immediately caused his heart to break and to ask himself when he had hugged his son the last time in Chris' future. From what Chris had told him he hadn't been there for him ever…

"Did I – did I ever hug you?" he then voiced his thoughts, already dreading the answer.

Chris didn't respond at first, but then he answered with his eyes downcast "Not that I can remember."

Leo's eyes also watered up when he heard his son's heartbroken voice. He knew that Chris tried to hide it, but it was all too clear. And Leo could understand it. What he couldn't understand was why he hadn't been there for his son in the future. He had never hugged him. He was Chris' father for goddess' sake! Why had he never hugged him? He needed answers. He promised himself that he would never become the way he was in Chris' future, but still he knew that he would never be able to accept that in another timeline he had caused his son so much pain. He needed to understand what the hell went through his future self's head that he would be such an asshole.

"Chris, do you know why?" he asked his son gently, not wanting to upset him even more.

Chris shook his head. "No, I've never understood it. I tried to make you proud of me, like Wyatt. I did my best, really. It's just, my best never seemed to be enough for you" he told his father, still not looking at him. It was hard enough to talk about this without letting the pain overwhelm. He didn't know if he could hold it in, if he'd look at him. He waited for Leo to say something, but when he did, it wasn't what Chris had expected.

"Am I still alive in your time?"

Finally Chris lifted his head and looked at him incredulously. "Why are you asking that?"

Leo shrugged. "Am I?"

"Yes, you are" Chris answered, still not able to comprehend why his father was asking that.

"Fine, then let's go to the attic" Leo said and stood up from the bed abruptly.

"What? Why?" Chris asked even more confused.

Leo hesitated a second to answer, unsure how his son would react to his plan. "Because I want to summon him, me – or whatever. You know what I mean."

Chris' eyes widened in disbelief. "You can't do that!" he exclaimed while he too got up from the bed.

"I know that I can't do it, but you can" Leo replied and watched worriedly how his son seemed to be getting angry again.

"Do you really need to see that? Do need to see how he treats me like shit? So that you know how to do it?" Chris snapped, unable to stop himself. He had really started to think that this version of his father cared about him and now he wanted him to summon the man who had caused him so much pain. Why should he do that? He wasn't crazy. He didn't need to be reminded of how much his own father seemed to despise him.

"No, I want to see what I have to prevent from happening" Leo answered and tried to calm his son down. "And I want to understand why my future self did this to you. You can't tell me that you don't want to know it too."

Chris didn't know what to say at this. Yes, a part of him, the part who has always wanted a father, wanted to understand. But the other part, which had accepted it a long time ago that he would simply never have a dad, just wanted to forget about it. A month ago Chris would have chosen to hear of the second part, but now that he was looking at his father, who had just two minutes ago hugged him, he couldn't suppress the sudden urge to understand.

He sighed heavily, before he asked "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Leo nodded immediately. "Yes, I am. I want to make sure that I'll never do the same mistakes again."

"Fine, then let's go" Chris said and walked out of the room up to the attic with Leo following him, determined to find out why he had caused his little boy, the one who was being born right now, so much pain in the future.

TBC…