A.N: This story is the retarded brain-child of three demented minds, who also happen to be sisters. Although posted under EvilEatingSanta's name, AlmightyIshboo and Queen-Akasha are also partially to blame. We just figured we'd post it under Santa's name because her sole, yet wonderful, other story was getting lonely.
Chapter One
Doom was fast approaching Konaha in a cheerful, skipping gait. Konaha slept on, not aware that they were, in essence, done for. The all wise, all knowing, always drinking, big-breasted Tsunade-sama had recently signed a treaty with their former enemy, the Sand Country. As a way of sealing the pact, each village had agreed to send a small contingency of shinobis to live in the other village, as a way of fostering trust and good will. Konaha had sent a small group of competent chunnins. In return, they received the Sabaku no Popukon sisters, who were, in reality, the aforementioned doom of the village.
There were three of them. Furuiakachan, or "Fu-chan" as she was affectionately called by her sisters, was the eldest. She had been one of the fiercest hunter-nins of the sand village…until one day, her colleagues began to notice she was a little bit "off", as they so succinctly put it in troubled whispers to one another. Her assignments and missions had slowly decreased in number, until she was spending almost all of her time at home, engaging in her favorite pastime, namely staring at the wall with a blank, but vaguely panicked look on her face. She had long, blood-red hair, which she mostly wore in front of her face, and fierce crimson eyes. The people of her village would have said that her skin was as white as purely fallen snow, but since it never snowed in the sand village none of them had the foggiest idea of what the hell snow looked like. Furuiakachan dressed in black, always in black. Her favorite outfit consisted of a tight leather V-neck tank top, that was almost - but not quite - completely scandalous. To accent and accentuate the blackness of her top, she carefully picked a pair of tight, black leather pants, that were - without a doubt - the most scandalous piece of clothing ever conceived of by the human mind. The pants, or shall we say, lack thereof, she claimed to be an asset in battle, as the male shinobis she was fighting could never quite take their eyes off her ass in time to notice the sharp kunai that was quickly sprouting out of their throats.
Aoitorikonbou was the second, and quite possibly the least "there" so to speak. She had a constant glazed look upon her face, sometimes coupled with the occasional drool sprouting from her gaping mouth. No one knew exactly what rank of ninja she held, and she herself wasn't entirely sure. All she was aware of was that she was, quite obviously, a ninja. Whenever she was sent on missions, she would forget what she had been sent to do, and therefore usually failed all of her missions. On the rare occasions that she DID remember what the mission was, she completed them with flying colors. She did have one ability that left everyone scratching their heads in confusion, which was she would just randomly appear. It seemed she was especially fond of appearing at times she wasn't needed or supposed to be present. When asked how she did this, she would just blink and stare at the person who asked her, a confused expression upon her face as she responded with, "I dunnoooo…". She wore a blue t-shirt with the phrase "I have no idea of what's going on" courtesy of her two sisters, jeans, bright orange gloves, and a flowing magenta cape. Her hair was more difficult to describe, going a little past shoulder length and slightly pointed at the top. The colors in her hair ranged from light blue at the top, down to navy blue at the bottom, quite possibly the result of a freak accident at a hair-dying salon.
Niwachibizenki was the youngest of the three sand village ninjas, being only 14 and a genin. She hummed a chipper tune to herself as she walked next to Aoitorikonbou, her white, shoulder length hair bobbing up and down. She was indeed the most "lively" of the group, taking every small situation and jumbo sizing it to the size of a rather large willow tree. Niwachibizenki was also known for having mood swings, almost being famous for it back in her home village. Zenki, as she was called by her sisters, dressed very strangely, having a polka-dotted piece of cloth wrapped around her head and a flamboyantly colored blazer that had one sleeve torn off. Her jacket's left sleeve had been a casualty in an accident with her newest jutsu, which resulted in her summoning a horde of angry possums with empty stomachs. Her usual Possum no jutsu was the summoning of Sherman, who was a very large possum. When she tried her Many Many Possum no jutsu, it seemed the people in the Sand village weren't too excited about her learning it, as all of the ninjas had to chase down the half-starved, half-crazed possums that were wreaking havoc on the village. Needless to say, the Kazekage forbid her from using it ever again, as it had apparently been a "nuisance" and of no "real gain". In other words, Zenki couldn't surround herself in her little furred friends anymore, and this made her very sad, angry, frustrated, and confused. All at once she had tried to express these feelings, her face contorting strangely and her body jerking in sporadic, convulsive ways, but it just resulted in her falling into an unconscious state for a few weeks.
"Hokage-sama! The ninjas from the Sand Village are here!" Tsunade heard the voice of Kotetsu, one of her bodyguard ninjas, yell from outside the sliding wooden door that led to her office. Tsunade glanced up from what she was reading and attempted to straighten her hair by running a hand through her golden locks. She had pulled another all-nighter. Being Hokage wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
"Alright, let them in." she sighed and stood up to greet the newest additions to the village of Konoha. The door slid open to reveal three figures, all of them female. One of them with white hair jumped into the room as soon as the door was out of the way and glanced around, narrowing her eyes. Another with strangely colored hair, it was actually different shades of blue, stood outside staring at Kotetsu with a dazed expression on her face as she reached up to pull the bandage that was running across his face off. The third was walking slowly through the door with red hair falling into her face as she moved to stand next to the first one, who was now standing on tip toes for some strange reason. "Welcome to Konoha village. We are grateful to you for coming here." Tsunade waited for one of them to speak, but none did, all still engrossed in their separate activities. "…what are your names?" the Hokage asked, sitting back down at her desk to look for the papers that the Sand Village had sent to them that had information about the separate ninjas. Tsunade looked back up after she had failed to find them in the sea of papers that flooded her desk and saw the three ninjas staring at her with wide eyes. The one with blood red hair was twitching and the blue haired ninja had a line of drool running out of her mouth. The other was just staring at the Hokage with a mistrusting glare stamped on her face. "…what's wrong?" Tsunade asked tentatively, quickly becoming, well, freaked out at the strange antics of these sand village ninjas.
"…who are you?" the one with blue hair uttered from the doorway, squinting her eyes to see past the other two ninjas.
"Oh! I'm sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm the Fifth Hokage and my name is Tsunade." Tsunade quickly said, being extra polite with the three ninjas. She didn't trust them and didn't want to make them angry.
"Hi, Tsunade-sama!" the white haired one chirped, jumping a bit at the sound of her own voice. "My name is Zenki! This here…" she said, nudging the one with red hair who was standing at her side and earning a glare from said person, "is Fu-chan and that over there is Aoitorikonbou!" she finished, stumbling slightly over the last name.
"Er…nice to meet you." Godaime said, shuffling her feet nervously. "Kotetsu will show you to the houses you may live in." Tsunade said, wanting to be free of these nerve wracking people. "Like I've already said, welcome to Konoha Village and may your stay here be…er…pleasant, I suppose." She finished, gesturing with her hand to Kotetsu, who gave her a pleading look before turning to face the ninjas.
"Please follow me." He said stiffly, then escorted the strange people out of her office. Tsunade sighed when they had left and put a hand to her forehead, idly tracing the blue diamond that looked to be tattooed there. "Zenki, Fu-chan and Aoitorikonbou. It seems like Konoha has gained a few nut cases, rather then ninjas…" she thought, before turning back to the mountain of papers on her desk.
Kotetsu showed the women to their new home, and got the hell out as fast as he could. In his haste to escape, he didn't see the still, silent figure in front of him until it was entirely too late. The next thing he knew, he was laying on his back, staring up at the sky, a curious pain all down the front of his body, which incidentally, was now smeared in fresh ramen and shitake sauce. All was silent for several moments, then suddenly the air was filled with the surprised gasp,
"Kotetsu-san? You…you okay?"
Kotetsu managed to recognize the voice, and lifted his head, staring at the man in front of him, whom he had run into in his haste to escape. Iruka-sensei stood before him, a broken brown paper sack cradled in his arms, it's contents now happily soaking through the front of Kotetsu's jounin vest. The thought that he now smelled very good briefly flashed through Kotetsu's mind, quickly followed by an even stronger thought that he was very hungry. He hastily jumped to his feet, and grinned embarrassedly at the baffled chuunin.
"Yeah, I'm great. Just great. Sorry about your supper," he gestured helplessly, but cheerfully to the front of his vest and shrugged. "Can I make it up to you?"
Iruka shook his head, saying, "Don't worry about it. It wasn't my supper anyway, just a little housewarming gift for the new neighbors…" As soon as he uttered those words, Kotetsu's eyes became cold, and he pressed his smiling lips into a thin, straight line. Staring gravely at Iruka, he uttered in a strangled growl,
"If you value your life, stay away. AWAY I SAY!" and with that, Kotetsu vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving a very startled and confused teacher staring at the mess of food that now littered the sidewalk. Shrugging, Iruka tossed the paper sack into a nearby waste bin, erasing the weird behavior of the jounin from his mind. The poor man is just probably overworked and tired, Iruka mused to himself, as he mounted the stairs that led to the front door. He raised his hand to knock, but before he had the chance the door flew open and he found himself face to face with a rather remarkable woman. Crimson eyes peered out at him from beneath blood-red hair, but the thing about her that most overwhelmed the gentle teacher was her almost complete lack of pants. Iruka found himself staring at the pale, white legs that were only concealed in parts by black leather. Blushing, the teacher dragged his eyes away, and upwards.
Bad idea, he flinched, as he was immediately distracted by a top that was cut so low it would have put Tsunade to shame, although the woman in front of him didn't quite have Tsunade's…gifts. Iruka flinched, and blushed even more furiously, his twitching right hand rising behind his neck and beginning to rub furiously. He forced himself to look at the woman's face, and found that she was staring at him with a serious, but uncritical look on her face. She remained silent. Iruka willed himself to speak.
"Pleased to meet you. My name is Umino Iruka, We're neighbors. Welcome to Konaha." He stopped, and waited for the woman to introduce herself. She merely stared at him, with the same solemn expression on her face. Iruka grew uncomfortable, and began to shift from foot to foot, and was about to say something else, when the woman suddenly spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Your pupils."
For the second time that day, Iruka was completely baffled. Your pupils? He thought to himself. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Just to make sure he had heard her correctly, he asked, "What?"
"Your pupils," the girl said again, her expression unchanging. This time, Iruka was unable to hide the confused look on his face. Seeing this, the girl blinked, then said kindly, "They've eaten your irises, you know."
Iruka did not know what to do with this information. He tried to run it through his brain a couple of times, but it continued to not make sense. From within the house, he heard a small noise, and another figure appeared beside the woman. It was a younger girl, about Naruto's age, with white hair.
Zenki bounced over to Furuiakachan when she noticed her older sister standing with the door open. There was a strange man standing in the doorway with a very confused expression on his face. He had a scar that ran over his nose and his brown hair was pulled up into a tight pony tail. Zenki peered at him for a moment before wrinkling her nose. Did she smell ramen?
"Who are you?" The young girl peeped, glaring at the older man.
"I…I'm Umino Iruka, and your neighbor. I just came over to greet you and welcome you to Konoha but…" Iruka trailed off, confusion spreading across his features once again.
"But…when you were on your way over a whole group of evil bats attacked you and when you got here you were so flustered that you forgot to and then Fu-chan opened the door and you were all 'AHH!' and she was all 'Grrr' and now you don't know what to do because you are one confused man, yes you are." Zenki rambled, waving her hands in the air to accentuate her points. Iruka stared at her with his mouth hanging open, but shut it promptly before anyone noticed. "Hi! I'm Zenki!" the girl continued, holding her hand out to shake the dumbstruck teacher.
"H…hi…I…I'm Umino Iruka…we…welcome to Konoha." Iruka stumbled, reaching out to shake the strange girl's hand. His mind devoid of all thoughts save one: My neighbors are mad. Zenki giggled.
"You've already said that, jeez!" She then darted around the teacher and stood on the last step, looking back to Furiakachan. "I'm going out for a bit! I'll be back in time to make supper!" she chirped, holding her arms out from her sides and running in zig-zag lines, jumping over a rock every now and then.
Zenki liked Konoha. It wasn't as warm as the Sand Village. Zenki didn't like warmth. She would have preferred going to the Snow Country, but Konoha would have to do, she supposed. Running down the main street that was dotted with market stands, Zenki jumped up the steps that led to a large building. She pushed the doors open roughly and shouted, "I'm here!" making everyone who was in the building jump, scream, or both. Zenki smiled widely and marched up to the desk, slamming her hands on the thick wood. "Alright, Captain, we need a full frontal attack on the earth worms. They are taking over the ramen shop!" Zenki continued seriously, glaring into the confused person's face.
"W…what are you talking about?" he stuttered, his hands twitching nervously. Zenki frowned and scratched her chin, then closed her eyes. She stood still for a few seconds before snapping her eyes back open, a slow smile spreading across her face.
"I don't know! Let's just get on to business. I need to be put in to a Genin group since I just got here from the Sand Village." Zenki said, straightening her jacket.
"Oh…oh right. Let's see…Godaime left some instructions for you…ah! Here they are." He said after rummaging through some drawers. Zenki snatched the paper from his grasp and stared at it, nodding her head and scratching her chin. Yes, this would have to do.
"Okay, thanks mister!" she said, waving her hand over her head as she turned her back on the man.
Zenki burst back through the doors and jumped over the steps that led up to the building, landing in the middle of the street. She looked up and to her surprise there was a girl staring at her with wide, green eyes. The girl had strange pink hair, and it made Zenki want to pull it. The white haired girl reached out and grabbed a fistful of the pink hair and yanked on it strongly, making the girl fall into the dirt.
"Woops!" Zenki giggled, bending over to pick the girl back up. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to pull your hair. It's good hair-pulling hair. Hi! How are you? My name is Zenki. I'm new here in Konoha. Who're you?" Zenki continued after pulling the girl back to her feet, dusting off her shoulders.
"Oh…oh are you one of the Sand villagers? Hi, my name is Haruno Sakura." The girl said, bowing swiftly to the girl. Zenki's eyebrows rose when she saw Sakura bow, then she grinned evilly.
"Yes, yes! Bow to me you ingrate!" Zenki said, pointing at her and laughing maniacally. Sakura looked back up, and stared at Zenki confusedly.
"Are you a genin?" she asked, then, seeing Zenki nod her head with a grin on her face, asked, "What genin group will you be in?" she asked nervously, hoping that it wasn't hers.
"A…A…Asu….Asu….Asuma?" Zenki said, putting a hand to her chin and looking off into the trees. Was that right?
"Oh, Asuma-sensei! Yes, I hear from Ino that he's a very good teacher. You'll do well with him." Sakura bubbled, clapping her hands together gratefully.
"Oh…so you're not in his group?" Zenki asked sadly, lowering her head.
"No, I'm with Kakai-sensei. But we can still be friends!" she added, seeing the tears welling in the girl's eyes.
"Y…You hate me!" she accused, pointing her finger as tears spilled down her cheeks.
"No! I don't! I'm sorry that we're in different groups, but…hey, I have an idea! After your first day of training you can come over to my house and tell me all about it! Here, I'll give you my address…" Sakura said, patting the girls shoulder and reaching into her pouch that was around her waist for a pencil and a piece of paper. A good ninja was always prepared. Zenki sniffed and looked up to see Sakura writing on the piece of paper. She smiled when Sakura handed it to her, then looked at it.
"Hey! You sorta live close to me! Like…we're in the same village! That's so awesome!" Zenki exclaimed, pointing her finger at the paper and waving her other hand in the air.
"Y…yeah…" Sakura murmered, backing away slowly from the strange girl.
"Okay, Sakura-san, see ya tomorrow! Because tomorrow is, after all, my first day of training!" Zenki said, jumping up and turned to run back home, her arms waving in the air as she went. Several people had to jump out of her way to avoid getting smashed in the face by her arms. Zenki smiled to herself. She was glad that she had made a new friend. If only she knew how her newfound friend would betray her…
A.N. II: This story may smack a little of Mary-Sueness, and that is entirely on purpose. Furuiakachan is Queen-Akasha, and the name itself means "Ancient Baby" in Japanese. Aoitorikonbou is AlmightyIshboo, and means "Bluebird Stick" (don't ask). If you're keeping track, then you must have already deduced that Niwachibizenki is EvilEatingSanta, but what you may not know is that it means "Garden dwarf said…". The reason that it is "dwarf" is that there is no word for "gnome". At least that we could find. As for the nin-sister's last name, Popukon…well, you figure it out.