Disclaimer: This story takes place after the events of Episode I: The Phantom Menace, but Anakin is not Obi-wan's responsiblity. I don't own any of the characters or places that pre-existed, they are all property of George Lucas. The cahracters and places that I did invent werecreated out of and into the Star Wars universe, so they're really not mine, either.
Warning: This story contains scenes of somewhat explicit sex, rape, and probably some language, too. Flame if you want, but this is my first shot at writing fan fic, so encouragemnet and helpful suggestions will be accepted graciously.
Prologue
As the ship rose into the eternal night of the galaxy, a solemn calm fell upon it, veiling it like a dark but welcome cloud on an unbearably bright day. Most of the passengers were sleeping, tucked away on a sofa, a chair, dreaming of returning home and living a short time in utter peace and quiet. They slept and they dreamt of things entirely indescribable in the tangible world. Rest was generally needed at a time like this. Rest for recovery of the spirit as well as the body.
But one passenger did not close an eye; he stayed awake, aware of his surroundings and his situation. No happy dreams would enter into his mind for a very long time. Obi-wan sat in a small, secluded room, only the dim light of a lamp to keep his eyes conscious to reality, though he didn't recognize it. He saw what his mind chose to show him, but he was far from actual rest. He couldn't have slept if he'd wanted to. Too many feelings were coursing through his body, pulsing in his very veins. Sadness and loss were possibly the hardest. He was not ready to be without his master yet, whom had been somewhat young, for a Jedi at least. Obi-wan couldn't have dreamed that his master would be leaving him so early, but the violent way in which Qui-gonn was taken made it so much worse. Obi-wan knew he would never forget the look on Qui-gonn's face as he lay dead in Obi-wan's arms. The less strong feelings, though only slightly, were failure and guilt. Failure for not being able to save him, and guilt for having these feelings in the first place. After all, he WAS a Jedi.
However, they were feelings that he simply could not shake. He knew that when he returned to the Temple, he would be commended for his show of bravery, for his skill. They'd tell him he'd come a long way. But none of it mattered. He would gladly go into exile if he could get Qui-gonn back, know that he was alive. Qui-gonn hadn't simply been a Master to him, Not even a brother. He'd been the father that Obi-wan had never had. That was the loss that Obi-wan couldn't seem to cope with. He'd had memories of more that just going on missions. They'd gone on vacations together when the council felt that they had earned time off. It was on these that Qui-gonn's paternal relationship to Obi-wan had bloomed, whether it was enjoying peace and meditation in one another's presence, or Qui-gonn showing Obi-wan the simple pleasures of a relaxing day at a lake fishing. He knew that he would never find this bond with another person. There was no way to get that feeling back again. Obi-wan was now a man of 24, and it was time to go on in his life, to fulfill what he'd always felt was his destiny. And that was to become, not the greatest, but a very honorable Jedi. He could not spend his time mourning the loss, but he certainly would not forget about it, not for the rest of his days. His one consolation was knowing that Qui-gonn had died as he had lived: a great Jedi Knight. His accomplishments would never be forgotten.
As the ship sailed smoothly towards the planet of Coruscant, Obi-wan felt the wave of tiredness slip over him. His body begged him to rest, but his mind stayed alert, sifting from thought to thought with no sign of slowing. He felt as though years of suppressing so many thoughts and feelings was finally weighing down on him, to the point where it was hard for him to even evaluate what was going on and how exactly to deal with it. What was the Jedi way? Qui-gonn had transformed from the state of the living into the Force. Easy enough to comprehend. Obi-wan simply wished he knew how to contact him, to apologize for his own shortcomings. He knew that if Qui-gonn were here now, he would tell Obi-wan that these feelings were normal and that they would pass in time. But then again, that was exactly the problem. Qui-gonn was not here, and he never would be.
Obi-wan's mind finally began to relax into a state of submission. They day had been much too long. He finally joined the others in a shallow state of slumber, but unlike the rest, Obi-wan dreamt only in painful, disturbing images.