Disclaimer - The Characters that are featured in this FanFic belong to the Great George Lucas. ;o) I don't own any of them.
Jaina's body shook with exhaustion. It had been another long day cramped into the cockpit of her X-Wing and her body was physically displaying that it had had enough. She could just barely remember the last time she had been allowed to just sleep. Sleep wasn't something Jaina did anymore. She trained, she worked, and she worried, but she didn't sleep. Not since Anakin died and Jacen had been lost.
She left lost inside her own mind. A dark haze had settled over her life and she was lost trying to find her way out. Everything was numbed. Her life no longer held any warmth or comfort. The safety bubble that had once surrounded her family had burst in one horrifying moment and Jaina had been left broken. Jaina knew that if Anakin had been there he would have been able to fix her. He had always had a knack for fixing things. Jacen would have told her one of his terrible jokes to make her smile. But they weren't there.
As much as Jaina pained for her younger brother, the loss of her twin tore into the fabric of her very soul. Jaina was missing half of herself and the black hole left from the void threatened to swallow what was left of her.
Jaina found that she no longer had any compassion, whether it was toward others or toward herself. She honestly didn't care if she was vaped in the next conflict with the Yuuzhan Yong. She had been lucky too many times and her card was coming up, but she didn't care.
When Jaina had returned after losing her brothers everyone had expected her to run into her parents waiting arms, but Jaina couldn't make herself take comfort in them. Han, whom was already crippled with grief, looked the picture of misery and Leia tried too hard. Her wounds hurt more when she was faced with her parents. So instead of surrounding herself with loved ones, she withdrew into herself and let her life be consumed with fighting the race that took her brothers.
Jaina knew that such actions of pure revenge were of the Dark Side but she could hurt the enemy and save others doing it. What would turning to the dark Side mater if she didn't live past the war? So with a heart crying for vengeance Jaina threw herself into the war with everything she had left, even if it wasn't much.
Jaina walked in a haze as she found her way back into her small cabin. Her feet instinctively knew the way. Jaina's mind and body were separated. Her conscience floated away to contemplate other things but the numbness that grabbed hold to her soul made those thoughts just out of reach.
Jaina collapsed onto her bunk. She knew she needed to clean but the slightly itchy oiliness of her body was inconsequential to the over powering exhaustion of the mental and physical form.
For the first time in a long time, Jaina didn't cry herself into an uncomfortable sleep.
MORE COMING SOON