Chapter 3: Lists
Ah, disapointment rears it's ugly head once again. Only one more review, from the sweet and anonymonous Bambi.
But alas, my sister and I shall bravely continue our roleplaying. Again, I am Lily, she is James.
... Would it be self destructive of me to ask why I don't have a chance?
Potter (Happy Christmas.)
Yes, it would be suicidal to ask why.
So. Don't.
Evans (Not Christmas.)
Okay then. I won't ask. But would it be totally git-tastic of me to demand an answer?
I. Demand.
Potter (So, then Happy Easter. Here's a chocolate bunny.)
You can demand all you want. But it won't do you any good.
Evans (Not Easter, nor April Fool's, so don't try.)
May I beg then?
Wouldn't you just love to see me grovel?
Potter (Fine. Merry Halloween, Evans.)
Actually, I wouldn't mine seeing you beg.
Evans (It's the middle of May. No holidays in sight.)
Yeah. I knew you couldn't resist me.
Potter (What about Memorial Day?)
What were we arguing about? Refresh my memory.
Evans (Memorial Day is towards the end of May. And why might you want to remember a muggle, American holiday?)
My chances with you, L.E. How can you not remember? It's quite an important event in the history of Hogwarts. Mmmhmm.
So...Do I have a chance with you? And please answer me this time.
Potter (Knowledge is good. You of all people should know that. Gosh.)
Again, no you do not have a chance with me, LE, as you put it.
Evans (That made no sense, JP, you do realize that, don't you?)
Okay. I see you do not want to answer that truthfully.
So, I'll just ask you, for purely scientific purposes, to rate the attractiveness and chances (in your opinion) of the following on a scale of 1-10:
Me, James Potter
-Me mate, Sirius Black
-Me other mate, Remus Lupin
-Me other other mate, Peter Pettigrew
-Me not so mate, Lucius Malfoy
-And me worst enemy, Sniveillius
You should have fun with this, eh?
Scientific purposes, of course.
Potter (It made perfect sense to me. And I've been hit in the head with a bludger a few times, so it should be crystal clear to you.)
I refuse to participate in such a futile activity. It is an immature act, and I'm sure my responding to that list will only give you ideas. Incorrect ideas, at that.
Evans (I don't think you were hit in the head with a bludger only a few times. You must've rolled off the changing table when you were an infant or something more drastic-like.)
Uhh, no it won't. I, madam, am a scientist, as muggles call it. A scientist! We do not come up with incorrect ideas. They are the correct ones!
Which is beside the point. Anyway. C'mon, Evans. It'll be fuuuunnnnn. I'll even compete a list of yours, so it's fair.
Potter (Harsh, Evans. So harsh. I'm sure nothing so brutal happened in your childhood, because you are perfect. Well, except for your extreme judge of character, but that's not permanent.)
Fine. I'll play along. But I'll have you know that the answers I put here are subject to change at any and ever whim of mine.
Got it?
sigh-
You: -10
Your mate: -5
Your other mate: 5 (at least he respects women)
Your other other mate: n/a (because it is non-existent)
Your not so mate: 0
Your worst enemy: 0
As far as whether these scores are concerning attractiveness or 'chances,' I'll let you decide.
Evans (I don't have an extreme judge of character. But if I do, it will forever be programmed this way against you.)
Sniff. At least now I know where I stand. In front of Wormtail, but behind Padfoot. Nice. Moony has betrayed us, attractiveness and chance-wise. We shun him.
But, wait. HEY. Malfoy and Snape get a zippy zero while me and two of my mates get integers?
This must be a cruel mistake on your part.
Potter (You only say that because you are an EJC. Extreme judge of character. 'Tis a grievous disease. You should get yourself looked at, you should.)
Actually, you are behind both 'Wormtail' and 'Padfoot,' as you called your mates. In fact, I believe you are on the lowest end of the list.
Pity.
Evans (Ah, and you, sir, might want to get your eyes checked. Again. Clearly, your glasses aren't serving their purpose.)
Not.
Wormtail has an n/a, which means he's like a -100, or something. At least I'm not an n/a. I have a -10 attractiveness, which is something, I suppose. I am grateful for not being 'not available' (n/a).
But I agree, yes, it is horribly depressing that I have sank so low in your eyes. What can I do to raise myself up?
Potter (Ouch. I see perfectly fine, thankyouverymuch.)
Ah, I'm afraid you can do nothing to raise my opinion of you.
Again. Pity.
Now, make a list for me, would you?
Evans
Why would you want a list, Evans? I thought you loathed every hair on my body.
Is someone curious?
Potter
Ew.
That's some pretty odd phrasing on your part, isn't it Potter?
You might want to rewrite that. I mean, I most certainly want you to.
Evans
Wha? I'm pretty sure I phrased that right. Or should I ask Remus and Sirius? I'm sure they'd just love to know as well.
Potter
Really?
Then why don't you go and ask your mates?
Please, don't do me any favors by staying here.
Evans
...Um. You sure?
Won't you be embarrassed?
Potter
It hardly matters if I'm embarrassed or not, now does it?
Evans
...Erm. Yeah, it does.
I lied anyway. I'm not going to ask Sirius or Remus. Hahaha. Tricked you.
About that list...
Potter
Am I mistaken or do you seem overly proud of yourself for being an accomplished liar?
Yes. The list. The one I requested of you to complete.
Evans
Yeah. About that. You want a list of the person you claim to absolutely loathe on who he finds attractive, etc. because...?
Potter
Because I'm curious, all right?
Besides, you started this ridiculous exchange, so it's the least you could do to repay me for the precious time I've spent (or rather, wasted) replying.
Do you need any more explanations?
Evans
Touché.
Okay...out of ten-
Lily (the future Mrs. James Potter) Evans: 113
Andromeda Black: 5
Molly Last-Name-Forgotten: 3
Alice Last-Name-Slipped-Mind: 2
Narcissa Evilhead: -82
Bellatrix TartPimple: -113
Potter
Well, that sure puts things into perspective.
My thanks.
And, now I'm off.
Evans
WHAT?
That's it?
You're really gone?
Potter
((A few minutes later...))
Evans?
Oh, Evans?
Feel empowered enough yet?
Where art thou flowering blossom?
Psssst. Lily? Lily? You there, Evans? I miiiisssss you.
Is this about the list? You know I was kidding, right? You're really like a million plus one on the list while all the other girls are in the negatives.
Fine. I'll leave you alone then. See you in Transfiguration.
Potter
And that's the end of that.
Be nice and review!