Who am I? part 1: Hosts and Candidates
Info:
whoever says/does something:
/actions/
thoughts
(some useless comments the writers considered necessary)
(some other useless comments the writers considered necessary)
announcements
Jessica: Mwhahaha! This is where the real story begins! Prepare for some serious bashing, cursing and laughing. Probably we will have to say some warnings from now onbecause of some….stuff.
What happened last time:
Esther gave up saving the day and decided to join with the dark and evil bad guys, chatting about… things bad, dark and evil guys and girls chat about. Yami's bad hair day got even worse and Kaiba fell down the toilet seat. Jessica took over Esther's saving the day part, but failed miserably when a psycho dude without jeans chased her around the set, accidentally unleashing the hidden powers of super fan 3000. So she started the chaos of: "Who Am I?"
Jessica's sweat drop got even bigger. "It's the set of a gameshow, has plenty of stupid people to kill or brainwash and even more people with golden watches, necklaces and bracelets waiting to be stolen… I thought you might be interested in…"
She looked up, only to discover that they already left at the word "gameshow."
She sighed.
"Oh happy day."
Esther shoved the hostess of the show of her pedestal and took over the microphone. "Welcome ladies and gentlemen to…..'WHO AM I?'!"
"What did she say?"
"I don't know, couldn't hear anything!"
"What! You mean they're having technical difficulties already! I thought the batteries of my hearing aid were empty…"
"Test 1..2..3… Can everybody hear me? Hello? HELLO!"
A tornado produced by Esther's vocal cords started ravaging the audience.
"Good! Now, Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to…..'WHO AM I?'"
All of a sudden some random guy in an Easter bunny costume started skipping through the studio while holding up: a sign that said "clap" and a bazooka.
Jessica + Yami Marik + Seto Kaiba + Yami Bakura were momentarily sitting on a leather "guest couch" while they were clapping like there was no tomorrow.
"And our first contestant today…He claims to be a former leader of a great, ancient sandbox, yet now lives isolated in a three dimensional puzzle! His hobbies are playing games and helping his hikari's gramps doing the laundry. His quote: "Rather a pineapple than a carr…" I mean "Let's Duel!" only then with some stutter effect that not even I am gonna produce."
The man in the Easterbunny suit saw the ending of Esther's first announcement as a sign to start throwing random things. For instance some knives at the feet of the audience with the word "cheer" engraved in the blade and the light at Yami Yugi and his restored candlehair.
"And…..He doesn't know who he is?"
The man in Eastersuit again held up: a sign with "ooooooh" and several pocketknives.
Crowd + Jessica + Yami Marik + Seto Kaiba + Yami Bakura started Ohhhhhhh-ing their brains out.
"Well, that's what the game's all about!"
After this Esther handed the microphone back over to the hostess and walked over to the "guest couch".
The hostess glared daggers at Esther and then came back with her toothpaste-perfect smile. "Tonight we'll have two special teamcaptains as always! Please welcome…Jessica and Esther!"
WTF was probably the first thing that came up in the heads of the just announced teamcaptains.
Cool, total control! was most likely the second thing.
The hostess grabbed a hat and managed mysteriously (read: loads of hand fluttering) to snatch out a note. "And the with joy overwhelmed team captain who will receive our special guest is..."
Esther prayed: Not me, not me, not me, not me…
The hostess shouted: "Jessica!"
Jessica showed the signs of a five feet sweat drop.
Feel. The. Joy.
Well, at least he always wins his games. But now I have to listen to his megalomaniac laughter and quotes! O.O
Happy as ever the Easterbunny was holding up: a sign with "cheer" and a Molotov-cocktail.
The crowd had absolutely no choice but to go wild. Though, this could also be because some fangirl found a picture of Seto in his trunks and was drooling all over it while screaming with the other zillion fangirls.
Our dear, for now nameless hostess was announcing the next contestant.
"This Youngman enjoys torturing minor people, and when he does this he does it BIGGGGGG. His favorite mythological being is a phoenix and this evil mastermind controls a dialect written in hieroglyphics. Audience, give it up for….the dark side of Marik Ishtar"
Easterbunnyegg held up: in his right hand a sign with "applause" and in the other a torch.
The audience went crazy and wild…again. Then the sprinklers went off, thanks to the Easteregg's torch, what let to a ruined picture of Seto.
The Easterguy quickly changed the sign from "applause" to "terrified and disapproving screeches and swapped the torch for a trenchcoat with the name Seto Kaiba in the collar.
Terrified to death by the trenchcoat some screeches were coming forth out of some mouths, other people were just too shocked to do anything.
Caroline, the name of our dear hostess, took out a bingo game and started rotating the handle. All of a sudden the circle motion stopped and a ball rolled out of the thing were all the balls were in. Caroline slowly opened the ball and shouted out the name of the team captain who would receive this contestant. "Jessica, my dear, Yami Marik will sit next to Esther!"
When the spotlights hit Yami Marik, the audience screamed blue murder, Yami Yugi glanced apathetically at Marik, and Marik glanced back with a neurotic twitch.
"And it's time for our next contestant! He is LONG! He is WELL BUILT! Hehasgotnotastewhatsoeverandisaniciclewithalightbulbforahead. He is KAIBA! Former (mind the several growls of Seto) champion Duel Monsters and owner of his own multibillion company! And oh oh oh, what's the word I'm looking for? Uhmm..sorry people, got a little bit carried away there. I meant: Who Oh Who is the happy teamcaptain who will get him in her team! And no, I'm not a cheerleader, I'm just overwhelmed with joy and happiness." Caroline took out a get-the-little-fishy-with-a-cheap-plastic-fishing-rod-that-has-a-magnet-sticking-onto-it and angled up an abominable pink fishy. "And it's…JESSICA!"
Of course the Easterman wanted to come in sight and held up a sign that said "OPEN THE DOORS". After the doors were opened by some members of the crew all hell broke loose. Fangirl-screaming, cheering, waving, and jumping for and on top of a VERRRY shocked Kaiba made sure our beloved CEO was at the bottom of a humongous pile filled hysterical teenage girls.
"Oops," Caroline said, "He must have a lot of fans." /giggle/ "Better pull this lever!"
And what was said, was done.
A trapdoor opened beneath the pile and everybody fell at least fifty feet down. A mechanical arm made sure our loaded bishie didn't fell into oblivion and swung the CEO on the seat next to Jessica.
"And on we go to the last contestant of the day! This youth has an exceptional urge to shock people and at the same time make them lose their minds. He's from top to bottom, from head to toe the ultimate masochist. He's longing for the twilight that will notify night has come. His favorite TV-shows are: Buffy the vampire slayer and E.R. I'm talking about the man with the coolest hairdo on earth and beyond! Audience, put your hands together for…..YAMI BAKURA!"
The spotlight moved to a screen with a silhouette behind it. All of a sudden a grating, monotone voice was bellowing through the studio.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are requesting you to please put away all your jewelry and to dress uncovered body parts, especially the neck. Under your seat you'll find a long, white, authentic Russian scarf (made in Russia) and a safe. We hope you'll have a splendid night and a safe drive home."
Bakura jumped to the screen and was desperately looking for any necklaces or bracelets, but received only disappointment.
Meanwhile the Easterdude was back in action. Unfortunately rheumatism struck, what let to no signs to be held up, but a button to be pressed in. A sign with "applause' lighted up while a roadie took out a flamethrower and knitting needles.
"OKAY! I think it's about time we start the show! The team that will play the first round is Jessica's!"
A huge video screen behind Caroline became visible that was meant to keep track of the scores.
"Okay! And here is…"
"WHAT ARE WE PLAYING FOR?" Yami Yugi, who flew up six feet, yelped.
"Excuse me?"
"We have to play for something!" the pineapple said. "It's no fun playing games when there's nobody in danger! I HAVE to save somebody, or else I can't play!" The little multi-color fruit gnome pulled out his contract and was currently heavily poking at the fine print. "It's all here in my contract! Read the fine print!"
/Universal anime fall/
"OKAY, okay! Uhmm…let's see…you will play for…A WHIPPED CREAM DESSERT!"
"Uhmm….Not exactly what I had in mind" >.O
"Hmmmm…How about Joey's life?"
"I can live with that" :D
After Yami's agreeing words the roof shoved open and a cage with the guy who made McDonalds rich was screaming inside of it.
"Ok, Yami, if you win, you'll get Joey as a gift, but if you lose…."
"We'll get him as our gift and we'll be allowed to set him on fire and to electrocute him!" Yami Marik finished.
"Hmm…" Yami considered. "That sounds fair enough! Let's begin!"
Seto Kaiba was fixating his irritated gaze at Caroline, but changed that to smirking as soon as he noticed Joey's cage that was momentarily placed above a pool with hungry crocodiles while a vast protest by Yami and loads of sadistic laughing by Esther, Bakura and Marik was hearable.
As soon as peace had returned Caroline thought it was about time to prepare Yami for his gamebaptism of fire. "Yami, you know you're up first. I assume you know how this part is played?"
"Of course I know! The only thing I have to do is to believe in the heart of the….uhmm… the… uhmm… button!"
/Universal sweatdrop/
"Ok…I think it's time for an intro. What the game is really all about is to guess the name on the sign that will pop up after you've pushed the button. In order to get the right answer you must ask the opposite team questions that they can only answer with 'yes' or 'no'. You'll have exactly ninety seconds to figure out who you are. The more seconds you waist, the less points you'll gain."
"I have to say…who I am…" Yami was stuttering with an unhealthy shade of white. "But…who am I? I mean…Who will I be? I don't even know who I am right now!" The unhealthy shade turned to lobster red and the little leprechaun who uses his hair as a brush to paint the fence of the my little pony princess was currently blowing off some steam, literally.
This all to great pleasure of Marik, Bakura, Esther and Seto Kaiba. As misfortune would have it, Jessica was seated next to Yami, who was clinging up to her.
"Jessica! You have got to help me! You have got to have faith in our friendship and in the heart of the…button! Please! The destiny of the world is in our hands!"
rigggght… "I only thought Joey's life? But no sweat, we're going to win, as long as you keep believing in the heart of the ...button."
We're doomed…
With a confident attitude Yami walked over to the contestant's table with the pushable button. The pushable button made sure a sign came out, with the name of a person on it. When Yami tested this theory, he was startled so much by the flying sign that he fell backwards, to great pleasure of the opposite team on the other side of the arena. Sweatdrops appeared on the heads of the players in his own team.
"LETS SEE WHO HE IS!"
Name written on sign: Seto Kaiba
"And the clock starts ticking…NOW!"
"Ok, this question is for Marik: Do I know this man/woman personally?"
"I can't say yes or no to this question. Depends on your perspective." Mind the huge grin produced after this.
He just wants to take Joey away from me, but I can't let that happen! The world depends on me!
Meanwhile, time was ticking away happily as ever.
"My next question is for Bakura: Does the person who I am have special clothes, or does this person have a casual style like me?"
"This isn't a yes/no-question, but I'll be more than delighted to answer: casual like YOU!" On the side of the arena were we can find our fair share of bad guys was the conceptlaughing momentarily beingsuppressed AKA There were suddenly severe cold attacks.
Yami's eyes popped out and shot lightning. He checked his hearing aid to see if the batteries were empty and then blew up to the size of an elephant. "H-How dare you….HOW DARE YOU TO CALL ME A CHEATER!"
Please notice the pineapple's hair transforming into a Mohawk.
"Besides, you aren't asking yes/no-questions either!"
After hearing Yami accusing him, Bakura's coughing fit went up another level and so did his partners'.
"And I can't concentrate with Joey screaming because of those freaking alligators beneath him," Yami pointed out.
"STOP THE CLOCK!" Caroline shouted. She beckoned to aim the cameras at Joey and his cage while the crew hung the cage 10 feet further. This time Joey was above a pool with nice little white sharks. "And were pushing the clock's play-button…NOW!"
"Okay, my next question shall be answered by Esther. Have I dueled against him/her? If so, do I want to be friends with this person?" And while the last word of the last sentence slipped out of Yami's mouth he realized he made a grave mistake. Could he even name one person whom he didn't want to be friends with?
"Yes and yes," the brunette with a huge grin answered. "By the way, you've only got 45 seconds left. Keep asking this kind of oh so smart questions and you'll win for sure!"
"Do you really think my questions are that smart?" Yami said, smiling happily at his loyal fan.
"Not the king of games, but the king of bakas!" Bakura reckoned.
The coughing fit meter that was placed on the table of the three psychos showed that level 5 easily got reached after this remark.
His attempts to cough my precious time away will not work! "YOUR ATTEMPTS TO COUGH MY PRECIOUS TIME AWAY WILL NOT WORK!"
"Thirty seconds left…" Esther said with one last cough.
Our dear CEO, who was kept a bit on the back for some reason, had been following the whole spectacle with pleasure, yet had still managed to maintain that apathetic glare. Jessica on the contrary couldn't do anything besides glancing while being extremely irritated with regard to Yami's clever remarks and questions.
Thanks to a wonderful thing that goes by the name of amnesia, our little pharaoh forgot that some people were making fun of him and went on with questioning as if nothing had happened. "Kay, this is another question for Bakura. Does this person have any brothers or sisters?"
25 seconds left
"Yes."
"That isn't true!" Marik shouted.
"No?"
"No…Not any brothers or sisters, but a little puppy who follows him around all day!"
"Yes!" Esther screamed.
Seto made him self noticeable for the first time in this gameshow by means of spluttering his glass of water out and changing to the color of a strawberry. "DON'T EVEN DARE TO SAY M…"
WHAM
Please take note that the 'WHAM' was produced by the Easter bunny suit wearing guy and his sledgehammer that hit the head of Kaiba.
"TEAMMEMBERS AREN'T ALLOWED TO HELP EACHOTHER!"
"Huh? Was Kaiba trying to help me?" our pharaoh with a height that doesn't even surpass the length of Tom Cruise his nose asked.
Ugh… Yami should have gotten the leading part in 'Clueless'. Jessica thought while checking if Kaiba didn't land on something hard. Unfortunately the studio didn't have any pillows scattered on the floor. As luck would have it, Seto first bumped his head on the pointy table edge before hitting the cold floor.
Yughee… One of my team members has outdumbed his Chihuahua, and the other one is out cold. This will get us very far, Jessica thought.
Esther /steps forth from the shadows/ With grave sadness I have to announce you people that this is the end of chapter three... So many questions must have risen in your massive brains... /chuckles/ But don't worry my dears this all will be answered in the next part!
Jessica: Y'know, you always step forth from the shadows...I find that rather suspicious. Well, whatever. /shifty eyes/ Hihi I just wanna say this was fun translating /thinks of future chapters and is ROFL/ People, brace yourselves:P
Esther: Oh yeah, please do... Brace and buckle up cuz you're definitely in for some turbulence /evil grin/
You think I'm suspicious, my sweet friend? That's one down... 6 billion to go...
By the way… That nose thingy. Something didn't fit (except for the nose in my computer screen) It was the fact that that little remark would mean Yami is taller than Kaiba! Excuse me, hun, but I don't see -that- happening for the next some millennia...
Jessica: I know, I know, my kind of impossible humor. On with the disclaimer? Or do we have to say something first that I completely forgot?
Esther: Hmm... Well, if my mind makes something up I'll throw it into the conversation, but for now no alarm bells are ringing...
Jessica: So the pleasure of disclaiming is ALL mine... People, pay close attention because the lawsuit you were planning will have to be cancelled. We do NOT own: The Dutch gameshow "Who Am I?", the anime "Yu-Gi-Oh", we don't have a blond hostess named Caroline either, we don't own the movie "Clueless" and we want to thank God, my parents and every other universal force that made sure we do not are/own/have touched/have been the lover of Tom Cruise's nose,
Esther: Or Yami's Chihuahua...
TC's nose: O.O PERVERT /wacks Esther with inflatable sledgehammer/
Esther: X . X
Jessica: I don't get that pervert part...
TC's nose /rolls nostrils/ Dah, you're no pervert...
Jessica /rofl/ bwahahaha, that's so twisted!
Esther /looks at TC's nostrils/ yeah and in more than one way...
Jessica: I feel like I'm on speed... WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Will somebody else do the claiming , s'il vous plaît?
TC's nose: ok, ok... I'll do... /sweat drops/
Esther: or should we say: snot drops/evil look/
Jessica /snot-erm-sweat drops/ look that's what I meant with having to warn sometimes in the future... YOU'RE GOING TOO FAR!
Esther: /angelic look/ sorry, can't help myself...
TC's nose: Ah well I'm used to the attention... Kinda like it anyway! So the claiming... Lets see... They own the piranha and shark pit, the Esther bunny guy,
Esther /death glare/
TC's Nose: Sorry, I meant EASTER bunny guy... and they own... themselves!
Jessica: Thank you, nose.
Esther: Oh my Ra I'm having Addams Family flashbacks here... /sweat drops/
TC's Nose: wha? well whatever... It's time to return to my rightful body before the poor guy has to smell something... Oh and they don't own the Addams family either/takes off/
Jessica: Ugh I HATE loose body parts. Well to all the good reviewers out there, please review /desperate look/ We only got one review for the last chapter /sad look/ SO PLEASE REVIEW
Esther: Yeah, PLEASE! Omg /gasp/ you've got ME begging! Me! This is serious! You don't even have to make 2 word pages... just one sentence is already ok... one WORD! So if fanfiction lets you... Even flames are welcome... /expects tons of flames from angry Yami and Joey fangirls (and several crashed Seto-ones)/ Oh and you know what's going to happen if you don't, right? XD /glances at scythe/
Jessica: Well lets get on with the review replies, will we? And since we forgot last time we'll also reply to the reviews on chapter one!
Esther: ALL CHEER!
Replies:
SuzukaKinomoto Well, We've updated! And yes, we agree a carrot would fit him better… /grin/
Seto's sister: Glad you like it! XD
Carmen Takoshi: E: Well, to keep a long reply short… /evil look/ It's going to take a long time before we've read the whole NOV fic. Please forgive us… Luckily I've got trusting parents. They know I'm plunging stories on the internet and they don't make too much of a deal out of it… (actually they don't know I've got contact with people too… ah well, lol Life's supposed to be social, ne?)
J: Is the parent thing a silent gesture for: STOP WITH THE GODDAMN HUMONGOUS REVIEWS? If so, keep on dreaming. Short reviews aren't in my nature…at least not when I'm reviewing/messaging you. My parents don't know of my social contacts either. I guess the words PRIVATE BUSNESSare perhaps the words we're all looking for. I played Runescape too! But I stopped enjoying it. Esther got banned too...By her dad. Lol XD
Esther: Well that really was it for now! See ya /takes off hat and disappears in a poof of smoke/
Jessica: Stay tuned for more "Who Am I?"!