Disclaimer- Dark Angel belongs to James Cameron, Eglee, and Fox.

Loving and Losing

He had said in his note that he would do anything for me no matter what it was. He wrote that I was his sun and that he revolved around me, that he thought I was perfect. That I was the most beautiful person his eyes had ever seen. He said that if he could he would've said all this to my face, but couldn't so he said he opted for the cowards way out. He said that if he could he would have stayed, but that our lives were just two different. He said he was leaving to protect me because I would most likely get hurt in his violent and kinetic life, and he just couldn't bare the thought of me getting hurt. He said the he was in love with me and loved me more than any words could express. I believe him.

I'm sitting here in my car, outside my apartment with some of my bags in my backseat and trunk and my other larger objects in the moving van. I'm leaving Montana. I'm going somewhere that doesn't constantly remind me of him. He's been gone for nearly three months. Three long months…

I could have gone after him, but when I got in my car and reached to start the engine I stopped. I remembered what he had told me through his note. He was leaving me, letting me go, to protect me. And the truth is I didn't go after him because I was protecting him. I knew that if I had gone after him and found him that I would have only been a liability to his safety. So like him I let him go. Despite the fact that a large part of me died with his leaving, I let him go. I let him go to protect him; I let him go because I loved him.

He's somewhere with his siblings now I suppose. At first when I read that he had to go because with his renewed memories also came renewed responsibilities to make sure everyone was safe I was angry. I was angry at them for taking him away, but my anger left. They hadn't done anything wrong. They only wanted their protector back, because they missed him and loved him. I understood and accepted this and again let him go. Someday though, I don't know when, they'll be forced to share because I'm not letting him get off this easy. When the time is right I'll go to him and this time I won't let him go. I'll stay and fight for him, with him.

Today though the simple fact is I'm alone and wishing I wasn't. I'm alone because I let him go. I let him go because I love him.