..: Ra-Ra-Ra-Rogue:..
The sequel has arrived! Um…yeah.
!NOTE! NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED DURING THE PARODYING OF THIS PARODY. However, I cannot say the same for mutants – especially JOTT and Evan – since I haven't finished writing this parody yet. Yeah, I just have to put this in every parody I do. I don't know why.
About the Accents: Rogue's, Remy's, and Pyro's. Since Kurt really did lose his accent, I'm going to drop it. It's just too much of a hassle, plus I mess up on it. Well, I mess up on everyone's, but, yeah. Oh yeah, I'm going to horribly butcher Pyro's, too, and I'm not going to be replacing his i's with oy's anymore.
Here's the full cast list:
Director – Forge (yes, again, but he barely did anything for MotC)
Mulan – Rogue
Shang – Remy LeBeau / Gambit
Mushu – St. John Allerdyce / Pyro
Yao – Bobby Drake / Iceman
Ling – Ray Crisp / Berzerker
Chien-Po – Robbie DaCosta / Sunspot
Mei – Jubilation Lee / Jubilee (JUBBY)
Ting-Ting – Tabby Smith / Boom-Boom (TABAY)
Su – Amara Aquilla / Magma (AMARTO)
Grandmother Fa – Kitty Pryde / Shadowcat
Fa Zhou – Logan Howlett / Wolverine
Mother Fa – Ororo Munroe / Storm
Great Ancestor – Kurt Wagner / Nightcrawler
The Emperor – Evan Daniels / Spyke
Mongol Lord – Scott Summers / Cyclops
Mongol Lord's Son – Jamie Madrox / Multiple
Matchmaker – Jean Grey
Cri-Kee – Raven Darkholme / Mystique
Ancestors (?):
X-23
Pietro Maximoff / Quicksilver
Jean Grey
Scott Summers / Cylcops
Sam Guthrie / Cannonball
Rahne Sinclair / Wolfsbane
Evan Daniels / Spyke
Lance Alvers / Avalanche
Todd Tolensky / Toad
Fred Dukes / Blob
Road Bandits (?):
Lance Alvers / Avalanche
Pietro Maximoff / Quicksilver
Todd Tolensky / Toad
Fred Dukes / Blob
Evan Daniels / Spyke
Little Girls (.):
X-23
Rahne Sinclair / Wolfsbane
Wanda Maximoff / Scarlet Witch
Jubilation Lee / Jubilee
Tabitha Smith / Boom-Boom
Amara Aquilla / Magma
Kitty Pryde / Shadowcat
Jean Grey
Ororo Munroe / Storm
Danielle Moonstar / Mirage
Callisto
Torpid
Taryn Fujioka
Amanda Sefton
Risty Wilde
DISCLAIMER:
"Hey, did you know that pleather is made out of the same material as condoms? So you're basically wearing a huge condom!"
"Thanks, that makes me feel SO much better."
There was lots and lots of billowing smoke, and then Kurt's disembodied voice started talking very solemnly. "Oh, savior of China." Kurt's disembodied voice then started hacking and coughing. "Can you lay off the smoke, please?"
Logan growled, but put out his cigar, grabbing a bottle of beer instead.
Kurt's disembodied voice continued. "You have ennobled the house of Howlett. In gratitude, we honor you. All veneration to you, O Mighty…"
"Say it, mate," Pyro said. "Say my name."
"…Pyro!" Kurt said, very reluctantly.
Two spotlights landed on Pyro in all his one foot-tall glory. "Now that's what I'm talking about! Hey, how you doing up there, mate?" he called up to Kurt, who was leaning on one of the spotlights. "Thanks for the intro!" Kurt rolled his eyes.
Pyro rang a little bell. "And now I think I'd like to visit my beloved pedestal."
Todd, Scott, Lance, and Jean all grumbled. "Let's get it over with," Todd said, and they floated down to form stair steps up to Pyro's pedestal.
"Ceremonial robe of honor," Pyro ordered, holding out his arms. Kurt grudgingly put on his robe, which was orange with flames rising up it. "Ooh, if Rogue could see me now," Pyro said. Sam and Rahne stood on either side of the pedestal with the wavy fan leaf things, and Pyro started climbing the stairs, laughing like an idiot the whole time as he stepped on Fred, Todd, Lance, Jean, and Scott.
Kurt glared from where he was standing next to Pietro, who was holding one of the spotlights. "Rogue saves China one time," he said. "And now he thinks he's The Spyke."
"I'm climbing a stairway to heaven," Pyro said.
"Actually, it's only an equivalent of the second floor," Kurt said.
"Quiet!" Pyro snapped. "You're ruining my moment of glory! Pedestals, perks, and props! Ceremonial bath of honor!" he ordered.
Everyone shuddered, but set up a tiny bathtub for him. Pyro jumped straight out of his ceremonial robe of honor and dove into the tub. Everyone automatically flinched. "Don't worry, mates," Pyro said. "I'm wearing me ceremonial boxers of honor!" They were adorable red boxers with flames on them. "You better take a deep breath now," he said to them, "'cause I'm not leaving my pedestal for the next thousand years."
Scott, Jean, Kurt, and Evan (holding his head in one hand) all groaned. "Let the whirlpool begin!" Pyro said.
"This is disturbing on so many levels," Kurt said.
"Hey, you're not the headless one," Evan said.
Everyone ignored him.
"I said, let the whirlpool begin!" Pyro said. Scott, Jean, Kurt, and Evan all pulled out little bamboo straws and started blowing bubbles into Pyro's bath. Well, until Evan's head started choking.
"Evan, you idiot!" Scott said. "You're not supposed to breathe in!"
"How can he choke, anyway?" Kurt said while they watched Evan's head cough up soap bubbles. "He doesn't have a throat or lungs or anything!"
"Shut up," Evan rasped between soap bubbles. "I'm still The Spyke."
"In this parody, that not much of an improvement," Kurt said.
"Hey, look," Pyro said, pounding Evan on the back of his head. "If you hit him on the head, he coughs out water!"
"How is that even possible?" Kurt asked.
Pyro shrugged, but didn't stop pounding on Evan's head. "Who cares? He's a hiccupping water fountain!"
At The Howletts' House…
Well, technically, it was only Logan's room. And he really wasn't liking the invasion of privacy.
Kitty was doing some weird love prediction thing with sticks and coins. "According to this chart," she said to no one in particular, "I, like, put the coins here…" She looked up at Ororo, who was pacing the room. "Relax, Storm. The spirits tell me Remy will arrive and, like, propose to Rogue before the sun sets," she said.
"Really?" Ororo said skeptically.
"Yeah!" Kitty said. "Kurt, like, told me a few minutes ago. There's still time to get in on the pool!" she added, waving the betting sheet at her.
Logan choked on his beer. "Kitty!" Ororo said.
"Gambling is like playing mah-jongg with blank tiles. No one really wins," Logan said wisely. "Unless Wanda's on your team," he added, turning and bowing to Ororo, who rolled her eyes and continued pacing. Logan held out a handful of coins behind his back, and Kitty grabbed them.
"I'm enriched by your presence," she said with a giggle. "Oh, and I hope you know that Bobby, like, totally hocked a lugie into that beer," she added.
Ororo stopped pacing. "What?"
Logan got up quickly. "I think I'll, uh, go pray," he said, and ran out.
"Yeah," Kitty said. "To the toilet bowl god!"
There was a knock on the door, and Ororo opened it, looking out to see…no one. "I could've sworn someone knocked on the door," Ororo muttered to herself.
"Down here," a rather P.O.'d and all-too-familiar voice growled. Literally. Ororo looked down to see a seven year-old X-23 glaring up at here. "So Forge got to you with that de-aging ray of his, huh?" Ororo said.
"Yes," X-23 said.
"There's a re-ager too, right?" Ororo asked.
"Yes," X-23 said.
"Why do you look so worried, then?" Ororo asked.
"He's only tested them on Logan," X-23 said.
"…That was pointless," Ororo said.
"Yeah," X-23 said. "So, where's Rogue?"
"She's in the Danger Room," Ororo said.
"Yeah, training," Kitty put in with a laugh.
"…I'll go train with her!" X-23 said, running out down the hall.
Ororo laughed and closed the door. "The X-Kids all love Rogue," she said.
"And, like, why not?" Kitty said. "She's-"
!WARNING! THE NEXT SONG IS TOTALLY NOT FROM THIS MOVIE, AND WAS CAUSED BY KITTY OVERDOSING ON PIXIE STIX AFTER MUTANTS OF THE CARIBBEAN. I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE BEFORE SHE STARTS.
ALSO, IF YOU DESPISE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE MOVIE BRING IT ON, JUST SCROLL DOWN PAST ALL THE BOLD ITALICS.
Kitty jumped onto Logan's bed and started chanting.
She's sexy! She's cute!
She's popular, to boot!
"No, she's not!" Jean snapped.
"You're living in denial, sheila!" Pyro said.
She's bitchin'! Great hair!
Remy always loves to stare!
"SWAMP RAT!" Rogue yelled.
"Heh heh…chacon, y' can shut up now!" Remy said.
She's wanted! She's hot!
She's everything Jean's not!
"HEY!" Jean yelled.
"I totally agree," Jubes said.
She's pretty! She's cool!
She dominates Xavier's School!
"That is not true!" Jean said.
"That is so true," Tabby said.
Who is she? Just guess!
Remy wants to touch her chest!
"SWAMP RAT!" Rogue bellowed.
"Dat's all Kitty talkin', not Remy!" Remy said frantically.
She's rockin'! She smiles!
("Around Remy," Kitty added.)
Stupid Jean just thinks she's vile
She's flyin'! She jumps!
"Don' even think about that, Swamp Rat," Rogue said threateningly.
Remy already had his fingers stuck in his ears and was mumbling incoherent French words.
Remy can look, but he can't hump!
Whoo!
"And he better not if he values his life!" Kurt added.
She's major! She roars!
But Jean is just a whore!
She won't cheer, but she leads!
With Pixie Stix, she'll act like she's on speed!
Hate her 'cuz she's beautiful?
Well, she don't like you either!
She is Ro-ogue! She-she is Ro-ogue!
But first, Roll Call!
They all turned to Jean, while the New Recruit Girls lined up behind her.
Call me Big Red, Jean chanted, pushing up her boobs and winking.
I'm Jubile-ee! Jubes chanted with a whipping noise.
Ba-Ba-Ba-Boom-Boom, rrow! Tabby meowed.
Dude, it's Magma! Amara blew a kiss.
I'm big bad Wolfsbane, arroo! Rahne howled.
Bobby came running up with dark-green-and-black pom-poms.
"Oh mah…" Rogue trailed off, hiding her face in her hands.
Just call me Iceman! Bobby shouted cheerfully.
Kitty shoved him over.
Jean's not Big Red!
She's sizzled! She got scorched!
"Thank you, thank you!" Pyro said, bowing as people applauded him over what had happened to Jean at the last attemptat a barbecue.
And she better pass the torch!
The ballots are in!
Kitty grabbed a piece of paper that had been passed around the room and looked at it.
And one girl had to win!
She's not Miss Perky, but she's fun!
And now she's Number One!
Ki-kick it, Ro-ogue!
Ra-Ra-Ra-Ro-ogue!
"Is she done yet?" Rogue moaned.
"Almost," Bobby said. "This is the part in the song when Sexy Leslie and Jan-Jan the Cheerleading Man are picking Torrence up. Speaking of which…"
"Aaah!" Rogue shrieked as Sexy Robbie and Ray-Ray the Cheerleading Gay picked her up and slowly rotated her around in a circle. "PUT MEH DOWN!" They did, fearing the wrath of Rogue.
"Don't worry," Bobby said to her. "See, Kitty's about to start up again."
She's strong and she's loud!
She's gonna make us proud!
She's Ra-Ra-Ro-ogue!
Our captain, Ro-ogue!
"No, that's Scott!" Jean said.
"Oh, Slim Shades-y passed the torch," Kurt said.
Let's! Go! Rogue!
She is The Ro-ogue!
The Mighty, Mighty Ro-ogue!
She's so terrific!
She must be Rogue!
(1) And Kitty sat back down.
"…" Rogue was thoroughly shocked and embarrassed. "What has gotten into yah?" she demanded.
"There's, like, something in these Pixie Stix, I swear there is!" Kitty exclaimed drunkenly as she downed another one.
"Then stop eatin' them!" Rogue yelled.
"I eat them 'cuz I'm hyper, and I'm hyper 'cuz I eat them," Kitty said. (2)
"Hear, hear!" Jubes said, holding up a Pixie Stick as if toasting to Kitty.
"Besides, Rogue, you're supposed to be in the Danger Room with X-23!" Kitty said, squinting at Rogue.
"Bobby dragged meh here," Rogue said.
"Oh," Kitty said, nodding. "Well, get to the Danger Room!"
Rogue grabbed Remy's Bo Staff out of his trenchcoat. "Ah need this," she said.
"Y' can have Remy's staff anytime y' need it, chere," Remy said, winking suggestively.
Rogue whacked him on the face with his own Bo Staff, knocking him unconscious. Oh, and giving him a black eye, too, but it healed right away because of Divine Intervention. Then she stomped out.
"…I don't believe it," Jubes said. "Kitty just did that cheerleading chant, totally embarrassing both of them…and he flirts with her anyway!"
"He's hopeless," Sam said, shaking his head.
"Yeah, kind of like you!" Robbie said, and he, Ray, and Bobby started cracking up.
"Hey, shut up, Sexy Robbie!" Sam snapped. "And you, Ray-Ray the Cheerleading Gay. And Mr. Just-Call-Me-Iceman!"
"Hey, man, I have no problem being a cheerleader," Robbie said.
"Hate to say it, but I actually agree with him," Ray said. "You get to help girls stretch!"
"Ah thoughtyah would mind," Sam said to Robbie. "Ah mean, yah're the gay one, after all."
"HEY!"
"Sorry," Sam said quickly. "Bi."
Robbie glared at him. Sam failed to care.
"Yeah, being a cheerleader would rock," Bobby said with a dreamy look on his face. "You can look up the girls' skirts…" His eyes widened. "Did I just say that out loud?"
"Yeah," Sam said.
"Crap," Bobby said as Jubes, Amara, Tabby, and Rahne ran at him.
"Bobby's dead!" Kitty giggled drunkenly. She emptied another Pixie Stick down her throat and tossed it in the air…
And it turned into Remy's Bo Staff in the Danger Room as Rogue grabbed it and did cool tricks that I can't explain with it!
Outside The Danger Room…
Rahne, Wanda, Jubes, Tabby, Amara, Kitty, Jean, Ororo, Danielle, Callisto, Torpid, Taryn, Amanda, and Risty were all standing outside, having all received notes to come there.
"I wonder who gave us these?" Jean said.
"Well, it's on tie-dye colored stationery," Taryn said.
"…Kurt?" Jubes tried.
And then Forge popped up out of nowhere, brandishing his de-aging ray. "Say hello to my little friend!" (3) he said, zapping them all with it.
Ten seconds later, 14 very P.O.'d looking seven year-olds glared at him. And then X-23, who had been standing just outside the door to the Danger Room, watching, started laughing at them.
Everyone got scared. "You're…laughing?" Amara said.
"You're all seven year olds!" X-23 gasped out.
"…So are you," Jean pointed out.
"Yeah, but the looks on your faces were priceless!" X-23 nearly collapsed as she laughed, leaning against the door.
"Well, I'll see you groovy girls later," Forge said, and sped out of there. He ran back in. "It was all Bobby's idea!" he yelled, and ran off again.
X-23 stopped laughing. "Come on, let's go bother Rogue," she said, grabbing a mini Bo Staff lying next to the door and ran into the Danger Room. Everyone else grabbed a Bo Staff and followed her in.
Rogue turned around from where she was doing cool tricks with Remy's Bo Staff that I can't explain. "Aaaah!" she shrieked when she saw them. "They've all been cloned!"
"No," Forge said. "Just been zapped by my de-aging ray."
"Oh, okay, then," Rogue said. "What are y'all doin' here?" she asked them.
"We wanna be like you, Rogue," X-23 said. "So we can kill Forge later."
"Yah can' kill Forge, he's tha Director," Rogue said.
"Oh," X-23 said. "Damn."
"Well, there's always Bobby," Tabby said.
"Good point," Rogue said. "But Ah'm still learnin' myself."
"Please?" Amara whined.
"Okay, Ah guess I can show yah a few moves," Rogue said.
"Rogue's gonna show us how to kick Bobby's butt!" Tabby yelled.
"Wait, wait, wait," Rogue said. "That's lesson number two. Tha first and most important lesson is ta be gentle at tha same time we're bein' tough."
"How can you be tough and gentle?" Danielle asked.
"Ah know, it does sound funny," Rogue said. "But tha world is full of opposites, and so are yah. To be a good warrior, yah have to bring it all into balance."
They all gave her Huh? Looks.
"Uh, let's see if this helps," Rogue said, and started singing.
(The hah's are Rogue doing punches, and the mmah's are Rogue doing a sweep with the Bo Staff. They're in the song.)
Earth, sky, day, night
Sound and sahlence, dark and lahght
One alone is not enough
You need both together
Winter, summer, moon and sun
She kicked Remy's Bo Staff into the air, spun around, and caught it.
Lesson number one!
Lahke a rock, hah, hah
You must be hard, hah, hah
Lahke an oak, mmah
You must stand firm, hah, hah
Cut quick, like mah blade
Think fast, hah, hah
Unafraid
X-23 and the other girls broke into song.
Like a rock, hah, hah
I must be hard, hah, hah
Like an oak, mmah
I must stand firm, hah, hah
Cut quick, like my blade
Think fast, hah, hah
Unafraid!
"Okay, Rogue," X-23 said, brandishing her mini Bo Staff. "I'm ready!"
"But yah're still out of balance," Rogue said, tipping X-23 over with a nudge. "Yah're only halfway there." They all sat down, and Rogue started singing.
Lahke a cloud
Yah're soft
Lahke bamboo
Yah bend in tha wind
Creepin' slow
Yah're at peace because yah know
Mystique the Cricket ("Why do I always get these roles?" she demanded exasperatedly) jumped onto Taryn's head, and she freaked out. Mystique jumped onto Rogue's finger, and Taryn carefully petted her.
It's okay to be afraid
The girls started singing again.
Like a cloud
I am soft
Like bamboo
I bend in the wind
Creeping slow
I'm at peace because I know
It's okay to be afraid
Rogue started singing, and the others joined in, following her across a hill, then jumping from rock to rock in a simulated river.
One alone is not enough
You need both together
Winter, summer, moon and sun
Lesson number one
The girls all split up, signing different parts.
(La la la – X-23, Torpid, Jean, Kitty, Risty, Jubes, Rahne, and Taryn singing)
(La la la – Wanda, Tabby, Amara, Ororo, Danielle, Callisto, and Amanda singing)
(La la la – Rogue singing)
(La la la – everyone singing together)
Like a rock, hah, hah
Like a cloud
I must be hard, hah, hah
I am soft
Like an oak, mmah
Like bamboo
I must stand firm, hah, hah
I bend in the wind
Yah can fly
Cut quick, like my blade
Creeping slow
Think fast, hah, hah
I'm at peace because I know
Unafraid
It's okay to be afraid
All the girls started dancing in circles around Rogue.
Yah have begun, Rogue sang.
Lesson number-
Lesson number-
-one, lesson number
-one, lesson number
Lesson number one!
They all tossed their Bo Staffs into the air, did a flip, caught them, and landed perfectly. Forge quickly zapped them back to their normal ages. And the mini Bo Staffs mysteriously grew with them.
And Bobby came walking in, reading a note written on tie-dye colored stationery. "'Come to the Danger Room for an emergency meeting.' Who writes on tie-dye colored stationery?"
"Ahem," Jubes coughed.
Bobby finally looked up. "You do?" he asked.
Jubes rolled her eyes. "No."
"Don't gotta be sarcastic about it," Bobby said.
"I WASN'T BEING SARCASTIC!"
"Oh."
Amara welded the door to the Danger Room shut.
"Uh oh," Bobby said.
"Ladies," Rogue said, pointing Remy's Bo Staff at Bobby, "Have at him!"
(1) – Do ya like Kitty's version of the chant from Bring It On? Don't worry to anyone who hasn't seen Mulan 2, that song is NOT in it, But the scary thing is, I totally know that off the top of my head. Hey, my friend knows all the moves along with it, so don't start looking at me like that! Hm, maybe I should do a parody of that…TODDAMN PLOTBUNNIES! Okay, should I? Or should I not? I've already practically got the whole roster.
(2) – From Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Fat Bastard says that at the end of the movie. Well, actually, he says, "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat."
(3) – Hehehe…Scarface's line…in Forge's groovy lingo…
Wow, I didn't expect to be done this fast! Review, please!