Part 9: Pieces of Me

Gonou

I sit with my arms around my legs rocking back and forth. Their bodies lie a few feet away pooled in blood. I did this, but why? Why did I hurt these people. They were no threat to us

"Gonou," Kanan calls from behind me. I turn away as she comes into my sight. "Gonou, stop being so childish. Really, you know how bad they were."

"Do I?" I ask looking at her finally.

Stepping back a bit, she shakes her head. "You have been so sickly. Nii will have to help you feel better."

"No."
"No?" she gasps. "How can you say that when we only want what's best for you."

Gagging a little, I stand and leave the dead behind me. Something isn't right. This can't be Kanan. This can't be me. I've thought that since I woke up with only vague memories of my life before. I remember how kind and loving she was, and now she is blood thirsty. Even more disturbing, I can remember feeling human. Now, I feel like a puppet tangling myself in the strings that they pull. There are things I should remember. Things I should know. Pieces of me are missing.

That first night, I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize my own face. True, I've become a demon since the last time I looked in a mirror, but there wasn't even one thing about myself that looked like it should to me. My eyes are silver. I don't know why, but that is the thing that upsets me the most when I stare into the looking glass. I don't know what color I want them to be, but silver just doesn't seem right. Often, I find myself placing a hand over my right eye, as if that will correct it. When it doesn't, I find solace in the darkness. Why is it more natural for me to shut my eyes than see them?

Glancing to my hands, I see that they are still covered in blood as is my shirt. Stripping off the soiled garment, I trace the scar on my stomach. How did I get this? So many pieces of me. They're all broken and scattered, and I can't get them to connect.

"Gonou, it's time for your medicine." Nii crept up behind me without my noticing.

I spin and shutter at the sight of the needle. "I don't want it."

"Oh, but you need it. You need it ever so much," he says softly. His words flow from his mouth like deadly poison.

"Gonou, take it for me, please," Kanan begs.

"This is all wrong," I murmur as I back away from them. "My name isn't Gonou."

"Oh?" the doctor says raising an eyebrow. "The tell me your real name."

"I am…I am.. I don't know." Defeat echoes through me. "LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE! I can't take this anymore! Let me go. I can't do this."

Kanan takes the needle from Nii and shoves it into me. For an instant, I linger unaffected by it, but then something dark takes me once again.

Kanan

I stare at his unconscious form idly stroking his beautiful vine markings. When he wakes, he will bask in my touch and bow to my desires. Nii was right about him; he is willful. They did a good job of turning him against me…no I mean Kanan. But I am Kanan. It no longer matters.

Gonou stirs a bit under my caress and as smile tinges his lips. It's so strange to see him smile. I will make sure that he stays with me forever, just like this. I will break him until he bends completely to me at all times.

A/N Hey yall! Just wanted to thank you for the reviews. Big kisses to Loveandpeace, Tara, Zan, Shadow, Liz, YoukaiDragon, The Claws, ToffeeChew, KaedeRukawaIcePrince, and Faerie Kosmos. (Gee I actually have time to write and enough time after to thank everyone so here it goes.)

TaraICK! I have been watching volume 4 over and over again to get the nasty Reload after taste out of my mouth. I'm a dork too. I'm even with a man who looks almost identical to Hakkai. (My man is a hottie.) But like you said, Braden Hunt is Hakkai and so on. The killed my boys!

LoveandPeace I have no intentions of giving up on this story, but after it's done I'm planning on going back to the beginning and telling how they hooked up. All this horror is making me want romance.

Shadow YES! Take it back! And for the sake of your sanity don't watch Reload on TV either. SSSSSHHHHH….it will mess with your head.

Zan AHEM! See above. Thanks for your review on both stories.

YoukaiDragon Geeks like me will always be writing, so you may be reading and reviewing for a while. Thanks bunches.

LizLOL I love reading your reviews. You rock! I can't wait until you post something of your own….HINT HINT!

KaedeRuwakaIcePrince- Thanks for the support on both stories. I'm glad to see that you've kept your story going. I was a little worried for a while that you gave up.

ToffeeChewYou an Liz have to be related! You two make my day.

TheClaws Thanks for the review. I'm not sure which I like better. I'm always a fan of the story that I haven't written yet.

Faerie Kosmos Arigato! But I am really jealous of your talent turns green. I love your story and if any Hakkai/Sanzo fans haven't read it, they should.