Part 12: Who Wants to Live Forever

Goku

I sit down on my bed and take a long sigh. Sanzo will turn up eventually. All in all, it kinda goes without saying that Sanzo can take care of himself. Even if he did have a run in with Gonou, I know that Hakkai would not harm him. Today has been draining. I'm not sure how to get my head to stop spinning. Twenty-five years ago, we mourned him and now he's back like nothing ever happened to him. I can only imagine what he's feeling right now. He'll come back when he gets things in check.

A light knock on the door sounds. "Dad, are you awake?"

"Yes, honey. Come on in."

Mayu slips through the door with an almost soundless grace. At almost thirty, no one would think that she was a day over seventeen. She looks just like her mother did back then. Her large golden eyes question me. "Will you go after Gonou again?"

I nod. "We have to do something about this. Don't worry; I haven't gone soft yet. Your old man can still kick some ass."

She graces my sad attempt at humor with a small smile. "You're not old yet."

Had anyone else said those words, they would just assume that it was a good thing.

"No, I'm not. Who knows how long it will take for me to get old? Mayu, I'm sorry that I have…I've passed on traits to you that make things a little harder, but we are stronger and you have to remember that we have to use it when it will make a difference. But we can't let that change the way we live our lives."

She sadly reaches up and touches the golden crown on my head. I'm so glad that my children at least escaped that fate. "But it does. It changes everything. All of us have changed. I know you are proud of Taka and Ayumi for..for being like you, but…"

I laugh. "Trust me, they are much smarter than I ever was. They do what they do because they are true to themselves. That is what I am proud of. I am proud of all of you. Shinta has proved that he is a devoted monk. Hisoka and Tsuzuki are an interesting pair that no one dares underestimate. And you. Mayu, you are the strongest woman I know. That came from you mother. You are so like her, but you have your own spirit. Someday I hope that you find it in you to let it out."
Tears form in her eyes. It always kills me to see her cry. "I just can't! What if I loved someone and he died like mom did? I'm not strong like you! I wouldn't be able to do it."
"Listen to me, Mayu. I am strong because of you and your brothers and sister. I wanted to die with your mother, but I am here because of my love for you and because I believe that we all have a destiny to fulfill before we leave this world. Don't hold back your love for someone just because you're afraid to loose them. If I hadn't let myself love Houmei I would have missed out on a lot, including you."

"Dad, I love you."

"I love you, too." I sweep her into my arms.

Below us, I can hear the door open and close. Sanzo. Releasing my daughter, I tell her to go to bed and walk down stairs to see him. I've seen him look better. His hair is a mess and there are thin lines of blood on his cheeks. "Gonou?" I ask simply.

He shakes his head. "Hakkai. It's him alright, but Gojyo was right….amazingly. They've done something to his mind. Do you remember the bee woman?"
I think back for a moment. "Yeah, she had the half demon kid."

"We know that Nii was manipulating people even back then. In the time that he's been quiet, it's possible that he managed to get even more advanced. Hakkai recognized me on some level, but it was like something was holding him back."

I hand him a damp cloth for his face. "It's obvious he wasn't trying to really hurt you. Those are barely even scratches."

"Part of him knows me, Goku. I'm not giving up until he's back." His voice shakes with conviction.

"I know you're not. You wouldn't give up on him because you love him. Just like he wouldn't give up on Kanan all those years ago."

"He still won't give up on her."

"Sanzo, what if we took Kanan out of the picture?"

A light flashes in his eyes. "He'd go nuts if we killed her, but if we prove that she really isn't Kanan"

"Exactly."

"Heh, so you're not such a stupid monkey anymore."

"Nah, I never was. You guys just didn't know real genius when you saw it."

He looks away for a moment. "Goku, you really are a grown man now aren't you?"

"Yeah I am. Twenty-five years will do that to you."

"I really am sorry for leaving. Killing myself seemed like the only way to stop the pain, and when the goddess came… I should have stayed and kept my promises."

"You're here now, Sanzo. Looking out for us now. And you are living now when you have a chance to be with him." Shaking my head, I know I have to say it. I have to confess. "I blamed you for a long time. I thought that you were such a coward, and then I went through it. One night about a month after, I went up to our room carrying a knife. I was going to do it, but then there came this little knock on my door and my children were all out there. They were scared and sad because their mother was gone. I put pillows and blankets all around the room and they all slept with me that night. I lived only because I loved them."

"Goku.."

"Sanzo, you have a chance that I never will get. I don't blame you for taking it, and I'm going to do everything I can to help you."

"Thank you, Goku."