Part 18: Count On Me

Gojyo

I pace nervously downstairs waiting for Hakkai. My knee throbs and for a moment I can see those silver eyes as he tried to slice my leg off. I shake away the thought. That wasn't Hakkai. We went through some shit together and I know Hakkai well enough to know that no matter what he'd never try to harm anyone without a damn good reason. Gonou would, but that's not Hakkai. When I think back to all of the unresolved shit between us, I can almost understand why he would want to kill me, but that isn't his way.

I hear steps coming down and I look up at my best friend, my former lover. "Gojyo, I guess it's been a while," he says softly. He opens his arms and I embrace him.

"You've got a bad habit of saving people and getting your own ass in trouble. You should probably work on that," I tell him trying to keep control of the ball in my throat.

"I don't regret saving anyone…no matter what the cost, and it looks like it's a good thing I did or Lirin would have been without a husband." That signature smile crosses his face. "Your son looks just like you. I thought it was you for a minute when I first started to come to."

The sharp pain screaming in my leg won't go ignored and I motion for him to follow me into the kitchen. "Let's take a seat."

"Are you alright? How did you hurt your leg?" he asks. Hakkai always did play the nursemaid, and I'm not sure I know how to tell him that he did this to me. I stay quiet for a second regrouping my thoughts, but he's already figured it out. "Oh, God I'm sorry. Gojyo, I don't know what I can do to show you how sorry I am. I would never intentionally hurt you."

"Calm down, Kai. It's fine. Yaone says that I'll be dancing again in a few more weeks. I just have to exercise it and get my muscle back. I know that you weren't in control when this happened."

He nods, but I know that he'll carry the guilt no matter what I say. It took me years to fully realize that the only sins he couldn't forgive were his own. Maybe that's what makes him and the monk so perfect. God knows Sanzo's the only one who blames others as much as Hakkai blames himself.

Sitting at the table, I study him for a long time. I've only ever seen him in human form, barring once or twice when he took the limiters off to clean them. Despite the markings and the sharpness to his features, it's still Hakkai. Beautiful Hakkai. It's odd, but he's really not doing it for me anymore. Once upon a time, the mere thought of him made me hard as a rock, but now…now only one person makes me horny as hell. Lirin. "Well, I hope you know that you and Sanzo are gonna have to fight my wife if you want your house back."

He just laughs. "We'll find a place of our own." Suddenly, an odd look comes to him. "I would kind of like to see it…especially the garden." A light blush tints his cheeks.

"I'll take you on the grand tour, but things are different than they were when it was your little love shack," I tell him. You'd think the guy had just fallen.

"Everything's changed. I just can't wait until I get things straight with the who's who. So how's married life?"

I think for a moment. How do you describe the most natural part of your life? "It's what I've been waiting for my whole life. Not trying to bring up old shit, but I think that's why I cheated on you…why I slept around my whole life. I mean you were half of it, I loved you, but I needed more. She's my heart and soul."

He sighs. "I'm so glad you feel that way. That's what I felt for a long time with us—it was almost but not quite what I needed. When you showed up that day, I wasn't sure you'd understand that about Sanzo and I. But now, you've made me feel so much better about everything."

"You were my first love, Hakkai. It took me a while to get over that," I say honestly.

"What the fuck!"

I turn to face my son. The blood has drained from his face and he stares at me in wide-eyed shock. "Jien, I guess I owe you an explanation."

"Damn right you do! Does Mom know about this?" he rages. I guess I should have expected this.

Hakkai stands. "I think I'll leave you two to work this one out on your own."

I sigh wearily. "Sit down, this is going to be a LONG story."