Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.
Ranma needed to work off some steam. Where was that damn Kuno when you needed him?
A manipulative bastard? Was that how she saw him? And after all he'd done for her! She was unbeleivable! All he wanted was to be able to tell her about his curse without her freaking out. He just wanted her friendship. None of this marriage crap, he hated it as much as her.
I can tell you like girls, because of the way you look at me, sometimes, when you think no one is watching.
Yeah, right. That was just her overinflated ego. What anyone saw in that stupid, no-good, slow, ugly tomboy he'd never know!
Skin, pale and smooth stretching over fine bones and corded muscle, her long dark hair pooling around her head while she sleeps, her smile brightening the darkest corners of your heart– and they're pretty dark, pretty dusty– her eyes, those big, brown eyes that turn red in the afternoon light, when she sits out in her garden.
Ranma winced at his own thoughts, hitting himself in the forehead. Unfortunately, that didn't seem to be the body part most affected.
The way she looks in those corseted monstrosities, her breasts pushed nearly up to her neck so you can see every soft, smooth curve of hers, and you know that all of it's real, remember that one time in the dojo when it was raining. . . that's not creative tailoring, remember how she looked in her shift, that thin white fabric stretched over. . .
A little pig wandered around the corner, and Ranma grinned maliciously, seeing the perfect outlet for his energies. When the pig saw him, it squealed and took a flying jump at his head. He caught it by the bandana and ignored it's angry squeaks.
"Now, now, Ryouga, there will be plenty of time to fight once we get you back into your real form." He muttered. That little twerp, sleeping in her bed as though it were a real pig, and not some sort of perverted loverboy. Honestly, the things these idiots did in pursuit of that brainless, sexless. . .
The only woman you've ever wanted to kiss. . . think of the look in her eyes when you comforted her about her father. That gratitude. That warmth. You were close enough so that you could feel her breath, hot wind on your face. You would have kissed her, you know you wanted to. . . but she thinks you're a girl. And if she thought you were a boy, she'd hate you. She does hate you, as a boy.
Muttering to himself and damning all the little insistant voices in his head, Ranma strode into his bedroom and picked up the kettle of water he always kept warm by the fire. He poured it over Ryouga's head, expecting the lost boy to yeep, maybe look around for some clothes.
He didn't expect a full on attack from a naked man.
That might be why Ryouga's first punch connected so soundly with his face.
Ranma rocked back, absorbing the blow, and rolled to his feet. As a girl, he was smaller and weaker, but faster. He could still take Ryouga, right?
"You animal! How dare you molest Akane-san in such a despicable way!" Ryouga cried. Ranma dodged his next attack, returning with a kick that Ryouga also dodged.
"Who the hell are you calling an animal, pork cutlet? You slept in her bed again! The only molester I see around here is YOU!" Ranma cried. Ryouga screamed as he lunged forward, and the fight began to get serious.
"How do you explain the underwear, then?" Ryouga snarled. Kick, punch, jab, block, leap, dodge, smack!
"You saw her underwear?" Ranma gasped, momentarily taken aback. Ryouga seized the opening and drove his fist halfway through Ranma's gut. Ranma doubled over, and Ryouga slammed the redhead in the back of the head, knocking her flat.
"How could I not, numbskull, she's been sitting around in it all day, just staring at the mirror and trying to take it off! And you're the only jackass I know that's twisted enough to write: "You'll marry me, willing or not" on some chick's panties!" Ryouga snapped. His diatribe was interupted when Ranma's foot hit his windpipe. Ranma did a backflip over Ryouga's prone form, glancing down as his fallen opponent on the way.
"You say she can't take it off?" Ranma asked. Ryouga choked in what may be called an eloquent fashion, and swept Ranma's legs out from under him. Ranma landed, hard, on his ass, and Ryouga leapt up and was bending down, reaching for the collar of his shirt to teach that blue-eyed sucker a lesson when. . .
The maid walked in.
She took one look at Ryouga's naked body and Ranma's shocked expression from about waist height, and turned to run. She made herself pause at the door to deliver her message. After all, if she didn't say what she came to say then that whole scarring image was in her brain without purpose.
"M. . .miss Akane says she n. . needs the Lady Ranma. Ssssssssounded urgent," she stammered. Then she slammed the door.
Ranma glanced up at Ryouga, and found that his rival was halfway to being catatonic, just staring into space as his face turned bright crimson red. He took the opportunity to pour cold water on him. Even as a pig, Ryouga just stood there, frozen. Ranma stood and straightened his clothes, frowning.
"I'll just bet it's urgent. Enchanted underwear. Pah. What's next?" he muttered, leaving the room. He shut the heavy door behind him, effectively trapping Ryouga in his room, and made his way down to the chambers of the Princess.
He opened her door, and damn near just slammed it shut again.
Ryouga wasn't kidding. She really was just sitting around in her underwear, a dazed, upset look on her face. Actually, she looked like she had been crying. But that wasn't what nearly made Ranma slam the door shut. This wasn't just any underwear she was wearing. This was not like a slip and some petticoats.
She might as well have been wearing nothing at all.
The only thing covering her breasts was a little lacy thing, it clung to her skin and he was almost, but not quite sure, that she was holding it up more than it was holding her up. But he could see her whole stomach! He could see every inch of that warm, smooth skin and the muscles sliding around underneath it.
"Ranma!" she cried, her voice full of tears. That was really all that stopped him. She seemed so upset, how could he turn away from that? So he stepped into her room and closed the door behind him. She got up and walked over to him, seemingly oblivious to his eyes bugging at the sight of her legs.
She wasn't wearing a skirt! She was just wearing these little things that looked kind of like skimpy, lacy shorts and they did indeed say what Ryouga said they said but how did Ryouga concentrate long enough to tell that. . . oh, hell, he could see everything, the lace wasn't solid cloth at all and he could tell that all the hair on her body was the same dark blue as her hair. . .
"Ranma, I can't get it off. You have to help me get this off or he'll come and claim me and I won't be able to fight him and this is will be the least of my troubles. . ."
Ranma didn't even hear what she was saying. He turned away rom her, pressing his forehead and palms against the door and closing his eyes. There were muscles tightening in his lower abdomen that he shouldn't even have, that had never happened before. . .
"Akane, put some clothes on, please. I'm begging you," Ranma pleaded, his voice tight and husky even in his own ears. She stamped her foot, he could feel the reverberations through the floor and it made his feet feel like they were on fire.
She was walking around like THAT, and HE was the manipulative one?
"I don't want to put clothes on, I want to take these off!" she wailed. She touched Ranma's shoulder tentatively, and he felt as though she'd set fire to him. He jerked away from her hand, only to find another on his back. She was standing behind him, all but naked, and she wanted what?
This had happened before, with women who wanted to trick him into marriage. But that had been before his curse. She was acting just like all those whores who couldn't see he didn't want them, didn't want to marry, didn't want to deal with girls and sure as hell wasn't interested in all that kissy crap they tried to pull. A guy could land himself a wife and kids that way.
So, before, finding himself in a room alone with a naked woman, he had fled. They all wanted something. Money. A better position. An easier life. What did this one want? He didn't know, and he couldn't think, but it wasn't what the others had wanted because she thought he was a girl. . .
"Akane, you need to put clothes on right now or you're going to hate me later. . ." he whispered. She removed her hands from him, and the silence stretched. What kind of girl lounges around all day like that?
"I'm sorry if this is hard for you, but we ARE both girls and it's not like you've never seen breasts before. I thought. . . I thought maybe where you're from you might have stuff like this, and you might know a trick to get it off. . ."
"You think I'm from a kingdom where they make outfits for whores?" Ranma shot back. It didn't come out the way he'd meant it. It was just, what kind of a girl wears things like that? It looked like it was more uncomfortable that anything, and she might as well be laying around naked for all it covered. But he never got a chance to explain himself.
Akane grabbed his shoulder and whirled him around, the force of her open palm against his cheek staggering him and driving his head the rest of the way around. . . until he was looking straight at her. She stood there with her hand raised, tears in her eyes.
"How dare you. . ." she began, but he never heard the rest. He was too busy staring. Staring at the sweet clean lines of her, curving down and around. . . he could see why sculptors so often made statues of women, there was a grace there, a softness under all that muscle. . . Ranma felt his hand rising to touch her skin, see if she were real. A red panic flooded his senses. He couldn't. . . wasn't. . . there was not a chance that he . . .
He did the only thing he was capable of.
He fled.
Akane stared at the open door for a long moment, before slowly shutting it. She could still hear Ranma's running footsteps . . or maybe it was just the pounding of her blood in her ears. She had thought, for a moment, that the little redhead was going to kiss her. To grab at her. And she hadn't been quite sure what she was going to do, if that happened.
Akane leaned against the door, feeling the blood drain from her cheeks as warm tears washed them. There was. . . no one left to help her. None of her maids had been able to get the damn things off, and she hadn't been able to cut them. Now, Ranma was gone, and had called her. . .
Perfect. The only person she'd even let come close enough to kiss her in years was a girl. Not just any girl. A girl who thought she was a whore.
There was only one cure for this. She had to find a protector. A male protector. A husband. Someone strong enough to defend his claim to her. After all, anyone would be better than that horrible old man, right?
Akane straightened, wiped her eyes, and got dressed. So much for independence, eh? So much for love. She should have just gotten married while she had lots of choices. She should have given those silly men calmoring for her more of a chance. Maybe she would have found someone to be happy with.
Maybe she should have run away, like her sisters.
That was all water under the bridge now, anyway. She didn't need that stuff to be happy, right? Her father had always said that a woman's true happiness comes from the lives of her children, not her own. She'd always hated him for saying it, but. . .
She had royally, completely, and irrevocably screwed her life up. Maybe it wasn't too late to run away?
It was. Shit.
"Eliza?" she called out. A young girl with scraggly dark hai poked her head around the corner of a wardrobe. Akane couldn;t blame the maid for hiding during Ranma's visit, Ranma can be damn scary when she wants to be.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"Call my father's war council. I need to know who the strongest man in the known world is."
-----------------------
"Your Highness, surely a tourney of some kind would be advisable?" Rufus suggested, his thin, aristocratic eyebrows furrowed together. He was a neat man, always dressed immaculately and obssessively conservative in his motions. He looked comepletely out of place next to Argus, who was twice his height and smelled of blood, having been brought back in the middle of a hunting expedition.
"No, a tourney would draw the old man out, and then he would not only have a private claim to the kingship, but a public one as well. What I am asking is simple, gentlemen. I want to know which young man, from your memory, has been the most successful at tourneys thus far," Akane repeated herself, forcing her voice into calm, demure tones.
"That Kuno kid won several sword competitions last fall." This from Junus, who was simultaneously pulling at his long, grey beard and picking his yellowed teeth.
"What about the men who have been too busy leading troops to participate in tourneys? The last I saw of him, young Fanelia was a wonder on the battlefeild." Yinus, the youngest of the war cheifs, conciously mimicking his uncle, Junus.
"The draconian? I don't think so. Whatever happened to that young Saotome kid? I heard he was really tearing it up a few years ago, then he dropped off the face of the earth. Anyone heard from him?" Urus, her father's youngest brother, slouching in his chair and speaking around his pipe. Akane frowned at Urus, wishing she didn't have to include him in these meetings. If he;d just put the damn pipe out. . . and who cared about some kid no one had heard from in years?
"I think he's dead. Queen Saotome has been in a period of mourning for her son and husband for over a year now," Angus said gruffly. "But he would have been perfect, you're right. Hey, what was the name of that kid he was always fighting? The one that always came in second to him?"
"The kid with fangs!" Yinus shouted.
"Fangs? Was he a Hibiki?" Rufus asked, blinking at the roughnecks assembled around him. He was rewarded with a hearty–almost too hearty– slap on the back from Angus.
"Yeah! That's the one! He just got crowned King of the Gold Mines, didn't he? Old Reme Hibiki bit the dust about a year ago," Angus grinned. Rufus coughed delicately and shrugged hsi shoulder out from under the heavy weight of Angus' hand.
"He passed away, dear friend, he did not 'bite the dust,' as charming as that sounds. Quite wealthy, you know," Rufus replied, with a meaningful glance at Akane.
"Oh, yes, very wealthy. And a damn good fighter too, strong as an ox. I've seen the kid poke holes in the sides of fortesses with just one finger!" Junus announced. Akane almost whistled, but restrained herself. Ladies do not whistle. Ladies drop handkerchiefs. Whores whistle.
"My daughter says he's not too bad looking, either. He's the one you want, my lady," Junus continued, with a lascivious wink at Akane. She nodded grimly. If he could poke holes in stone walls, he was most definately the one she wanted.
"Make the announcement that I shall wed this Hibiki man as soon as. . . well, as soon as he gets here, I guess," Akane muttered. She looked around the table, a horrific idea occuring to her. "What if he doesn't want to marry me?"
They all looked at her for a second, then burst out laughing. Urus nearly choked on his pipe.
"Well, what if he doesn't! Some men don't you know," she said, crossly. Yinus held up a hand and tried to catch his breath,
"He. . He's only been moping around the castle for . . . what, two years now? I'm pretty sure he'll damn near die of a coronary when he hears," he chuckled. Akane sighed in relief.
"Well, let's hope he doesn't, hm?" she muttered. She rose and left the table, leaving the group to their laughter. She paused in the hallway. Did she want to go to her quarters. . . or the kitchen?
She remembered the look on Ranma's face as she fled. There had to be something she could do for her friend, something she could offer. . . and she couldn't offer what Ranma most obviously wanted so. . .the next best thing.
To the kitchens.
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You were going to kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, kiss her, you love her, love her, love her , love her, love her, love her. . .
Ranma stared in wide-eyed horror at the courtyard below him. He didn't. He wasn't. She couldn't. . . But all he could feel was the sting on his cheek, and all he could see was . . . her. . .
He'd seen naked women before, right? Even himself. . . when he was like this. But never before had he ever . . . known them, really. . . it wasn't just any girl, it was THAT girl, and now he'd seen almost all of her. . . and now he could never tell her about his curse, because she'd kill him for seeing it. . .
"Ranchan!" Ukyou again. Ranma groaned openly and looked down at the spatula weilder. She had her hair down, and was actually wearing a skirt. Not a dress, mind, but a skirt.
She was going to try and woo him again. Not now. . .
"What do you want?" he asked, his voice hoarse. She blinked at him, taken aback.
"Oh, I guess you already heard," she said, sounding dissapointed.
"Heard what?"
"About Akane's engagement. . ." Ukyou began, but her words ended in a shriek as Ranma landed about an inch away from her.
"What engagement?" he ground out, blue eyes narrowed to slits.
"She decided to marry Ryouga. She said I should help you. . . that I should. . . take care of you," Ukyou said, each syllable slower than the last as she felt Ranma's battle aura flare against her skin. "I . . . guess. . . she didn't tell you?"
"No. She did not," Ranma muttered, closing his eyes and forcing himself to calm down. She wasn't. She couldn't. There was no way she'd ever marry the pig. This was just another one of Ukyou's ploys. It had to be.
Akane said she didn't want to marry anyone!
She said it a thousand times! She always beat up all those guys!
And she let Ryouga sleep in her bed. . . and she let me sleep in her room and she let us both see her. . like that. . .
THERE IS NOOOO WAAAAAY SHE CHOSE THE PIG OVER ME!!!!!
Without opening his eyes, Ranma turned and ran away from Ukyou, ignoring her when she called after him. He ran across the courtyard, jumped over the garden wall, and ran all the way to the foot of Akane's wall. Then he started jumping.
He was going to find out from her own lips just what she thought of him.
--------------------
Akane closed her door behind her, leaning against the smooth, cool wood. She was going to be married soon, to a stranger. Not too soon, of course, state weddings take quite some time to plan.
And Ranma? Would she leave, when she found out? Or would she fall for Ukyou, the way she fell for Akane, and stay? Akane so wanted a friend. . .
"Ranma, Ranma," she muttered, closing her eyes.
"Yeah?" a hard voice asked. Akane opened her eyes and shrieked in surprise.
"Don't DO that! You scared me!" she panted, clutching at her chest. The redhead ignored her.
"Huh. Yeah. I scare you," Ranma muttered. Akane suddenly found herself staring straight into stormy eyes, just a few inches in front of her face. "It is true? Are you really going to marry Ryouga?"
"Y-yes, but it's more a matter of protection that anything else. . ." Akane began, but Ranma cut her off.
"I was protecting you! What can he do that I can't!"
"Marry me, for starters! I was trying to tell you before, but you jsut called me that name and ran away. . ."
"Tell me what!"
"About the old man that wanted me to marry him!"
"Oh, one more guy wants to marry you, and you run right into Ryouga's arms because of it. Thanks a lot, Akane, glad to know where I stand with you," Ranma spat.
"You're supposed to be my friend!"
"You turned down my friendship! You thought I wanted something else, and you wouldn't trust me! And now it's too late, it's too late. . ." Ranma broke off, and turned away.
"If you don't want me around, I'll go," she offered. Akane reached out and laid a hand on Ranma's shoulder.
"I DO want you around, Ranma. You're the . . . the only friend I've got," Akane whispered. Ranma felt tears burning in his eyes, and blinked them away.
"Thanks. . . but. . . there's something you don't know about me, and when I tell you, you're going to hate me. So . . . it's not much of a friendship, eh? If there has to be a secret between us. . ." Ranma rambled.
"Don't be silly. Tell me. Nothing could make me hate you, Ranma. I mean, what could be worse than liking girls?"
"You'd be surprised," Ranma said, taking a deep breath. "But even if I do tell you, you're still just going to marry this Ryouga guy anyway. . ."
"Would you get off that? It's not like I have a choice."
"Maybe you do. . ." Ranma whispered. He was getting up the courage to tell her. After all, Ranma Saotome doesn't run away from anything, right? He could do this, he would do this, he ahd to do this. . .
He never go the chance.
The door burst open, and the human whirlwind, known as Ryouga, crashed through it.
"THERE you are, Ranm. . . . A. . Akane-san," he muttered, losing his focus and twiddling his thumbs. Growling at the intrusion, Ranma strode over and hit Ryouga on the head as hard as he could.
"You stupid pig. . ." he grumbled, raising his hand for another strike. He was just about to connect, too. . . but Akane stepped between them.
"Ranma! What's gotten into you? You know better than to bully the weak!" she shouted, frowning at him. He felt all the strength go out of his arms. She . . defended Ryouga. . .
Ranma ran over to the window and jumped out, ignoring the voice calling after him for the second time that day. If that was the way she wanted it, he would just go home. If he was lucky, his mother would even kill him.
----------------
Ukyou plaited her hair back from her face, the image of Ranma's fleeing form stuck in her mind.
He didn't want her. This was stupid. This was ridiculous. She was wasting her time.
She would be foolish to stay in the Kuno court. Screw him and his damn poetry. Screw him and his crazy obssessions! She didn't need him, or Ranma, or any man.
She could pretend to be a man.
Ukyou hefted her bag over one shoulder, and her spatula over the other. Time to blow this popsicle stand, sucker.
-----------------
It was raining when the young heir to the Saotome throne reached his ancestral estate. Of course it was raining. It rained on Ranma the entire time he was traveling. He woke up in the rain. He slept in the rain. He hiked in the rain. He hunted in the rain.
He had tried, in some of his less lucid moments, to murder the rain.
He leapt right over the wall, too tired and sick and hungry to care about little proprieties like alerting the guards or telling his mother of his arrival. He headed straight for the kitchen. He was beginning to love kitchens. Kitchens are where food and hot water come from. Maybe he should sleep in a cot in the scullery.
He strode right past the startled maids that were preparing supper, jumped right over the head cook who was loudly demanding to know just who he thought he was, and upended a pot of soup over his head. He grinned at the startled looks from the assorted women in the room, and took the moment of startlement to help himself to some fresh bread.
Ahhhh . . . bread. . . .
"Prince Ranma!" the head cook stuttered. He flashed her a charming grin, and grabbed some more food. Ahhhh. . . . food. . . "We must tell your mother at once! She's been worried sick about you!"
"Yeah, I guess we should," Ranma muttered, doubtfully. The head cook grabbed his wrist, and he had just enough time to pick up a pudding for the journey before she had hauled him out of the kitchen altogether.
He was led through the familiar labyrinth of rooms and corridors, not that he was really paying attention. He was completely centered on the food in front of him. By the time he had reached his mother's sewing room, the pudding was entirely gone. The head cook turned to him, her eyes narrowed.
"You are going to be a perfect gentleman for once in your life and let that poor woman fuss over you as much as she wants, got it?" she demanded, in menacing tones. He barely had time to gulp and nod before she had opened the door. He could hear his mother's voice through the opening, but he couldn't see her around the body of the cook- -he was amazed the woman ever got through any doorways.
"My lady, I have good news."
"What is it, Jeanine? Is there more of that chocolate from Spain?"
"No, my lady. Nothing so trifling. Sit down, sit down, so you don't fall." and with that, the head cook stepped aside and shoved Ranma into the room.
He mother dropped her embroidery with a gasp, her hands flying to her face. She had aged a great deal since he'd last seen her. He realized, with a flash of guilt, that worry over him had caused the change.
"Mother . . " he started, and she dashed across the room, throwing herself at him and wrapping her arms around his shoulders.
"You're real!" she gasped, and burst into tears. After a few moments, he let himself cry too.
And when she asked him what had taken so long, he told her. He told her everything. He told her about the merchants they'd met along the way, he told her about the curse, and he told her about Soun Tendo's illness. But most of all, he told her about Akane. And after his mother had seen with her own eyes that he was telling the truth about his curse, and cried over her son's ill fortune, she drew him aside and made him side next to her on the sedan.
"It's not manly to run away, Ranma," she said, sternly. He blushed and rubbed the back of his head.
"Well, it's not real manly to have menstrual cramps, either, so I guess you'll be wanting me to . . ."
"Don't be ridiculous. I'd never make you do such a thing, I . . ." Nodoka sighed, and closed her eyes in resignation. "Turthfully, I only made Genma sign that to keep him in line. Make sure he didn't bully you too much. I never intended you to. . . Besides, it isn't the physical attributes of a man that make you manly, my son. You can be manly even when you are in a woman's form. I'm sure, in your travels, you've met women who take the guise of men and behave like them."
Ukyou flashed into his mind, and he nodded.
"I'm just worried that you're going to be . . well, not very manly about this buisness with Akane. A real man never gives up," Nodoka admonished. Ranma winced and averted his eyes.
"But she's already chosen the man that she wants," he said. Nodoka waved his words away.
"Hogswash. You had a claim first," she said. Ranma blinked at her.
"I did?"
"Yes, you . . . well, her mother and I were very close friends. Before Kimiko died we used to travel and visit each other, and we always used to dream that you and Akane would get married some day so we'd have a better excuse for the journeys. But. . . well, that's not to be, rest her soul.
"I still remember, one of those visits, we were playing in the nursery upstairs with the two of you. She had older daughters, and they were running around and talking already, but you and Akane were still so small . . she could barely sit up, and you could barely crawl. But she was sitting next to me, and you crawled up to her, touching her head and her hands, sitting as close as you could with your clumsy little body. Then you looked up at me, your eyes so big and full of wonder. . . and you smiled, a knowing little smile. . ."
Nodoka smiled herself, and patted her son's hand. "You chose her when you were eight months old, Ranma. It just took you a few years to remember, is all," she announced. Ranma stared at her in shock.
"You're kidding," he muttered.
"Not at all. Actually, until the time of Kimiko's death, you two were as thick as honey. You would always follow each other around. . . and you were always trying to touch a part of her. Keep a hand on her shoulder or a foot on her ankle. It was kind of. . . weird, actually. A little too adult for such small children."
"Uh-huh," Ranma muttered. He thought about it for a moment.
"You think I should go back and win her over," he said, softly. "You think I should tell her everything."
"Of course I do, dear. And when you're married, bring her back here for a while. I've missed you," Nodoka smiled. Ranma smiled back, feeling as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders.
"Tommorow morning?" he asked. She sighed, but nodded.
"Yes, dear. But for now, let's talk some more. What other idiocies has my husband forced you to endure?"
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Princess Akane and King Ryouga were, to all outward appearances, happy with their lot. They would often stroll around her garden for hours, in companionable silence. He wrote her love letter after love letter, and helped her send the rest of her suitors away. Her father even recovered from his mysterious illness.
It wasn't love, and the Princess did seem a bit sad, but what can one expect? At least the groom seemed to be in seventh heaven.
The little man in the purple gi, however, was quite far from seventh heaven when he heard the news. He was quite far indeed. So far, in fact, that he did not feel his wrath alone would be enough to completely decimate and humiliate the entire kingdom. So he called on his friend, the little old witch who never walked anymore, she just hopped on a cane.
"We have a wedding to crash."