Chapter 8. To let go.
"Himura arrives at Kyoto. If you wish to meet him, go soon."
Kyoto…meet him…soon. Answers were needed. The growing frustration wouldn't stop until his answers were had.
The annoyed feeling came to him again; like when he fought Kenshin. Focus was out of reach and oblivion took over. Soujirou clutched his head while sitting on the polished wooden floor; against a shadowed corner with his thoughts. Alone. The abandoned child, just like when she found him by the river. The child screamed and shouted his cries to the man named Himura, the battousai. He had convincing skills hidden away behind such a deceptive smile, was that why he fell? Because of his loss to Himura, he couldn't take such shame. Or did Soujirou realize what he's become, and attempt to take his own life for the ones he'd slain.
"Soujirou…"
"Stop it." He ordered.
"But-"
"I said stop it!" he repeated, yelling and heavy with rage, "Don't call me that."
The small girl welled her tears though she refused to; she wanted to take control of his comfort, "Doushite! Why are you like this when I mention this name? Let me help you!"
"Stop it. No one can help me."
"IIE!"
He faced her, eyes burning with mindless fire, "Hottoitekure. (Back off/leave me alone.)"
Kikari stepped back, afraid of him for the first time; those eyes were far different then anyone else's. They had all the emotions she had locked up inside, and the anger that condemned his own soul, "Who are you…?" The question escaped from her mouth, unable to contain that fear.
His reply was short and simple, "I am…a murderer."
"No…"
"I am! Don't you know what I've done?"
"Yes, you've done good things to me, and to others." Kikari responded, wanting to encourage Soujirou's good nature.
"You're wrong. I've killed people. I'm the one who killed that man."
A slow and weak breath was drawn from her lips. Kikari paused to imagine the death she'd seen the night before. "No…you can't."
"I did." He assured without heart, "and I will do something more horrible if I don't find Himura-san." She cried softly, wavering to the floor with blinded strength. He looked down on her without a smile, "I must. And I do not wish for you to come with me."
"I don't understand!" she shouted, making him stop and wonder inconsiderably, "What is it that you want? Have you not sensed my fondness for you? Why don't you feel similar?"
"Perhaps you've overestimated. I'm sorry that I've confused you."
He steps were slow and trailing out the door, leaving the orphan girl more alone than she'd ever felt.
The moment of his dissent scarred Kikari with great consideration. She stared into the darkness, where he'd last sat undisturbed, and remember again, the reason for his departure. She watched the corner endlessly, through the light and dim, the corner remained shaded and unmoved. "But-…I love you..."in a shy whisper, her words were said with her heart full of mixed emotions for Soujirou. But ill-fatedly, the lost boy had left her far away already, and on the next traverse to Kyoto.
"Aoshi-sama, look over there." Omasu pointed to the boy in the blue gi sitting in the far end, and watching the window with unblinking eyes and dullness. "He looks terrible…Should we talk to him? I don't think it was a good idea to let him know…Maybe it was better if he didn't. I wouldn't want to know about my past if I were him. Shishio must've been so cruel."
"Mind yourself."
She sighed with little anxiety, "I feel sorry for him…He looks so lonely. -Where's that girl that was with him?"
"Mind yourself."
"I can't help it, Aoshi-sama. I should go talk to him or at least-"
"Omasu-chan! It's best if you obey Aoshi-sama. Don't look into it so much. I'm sure he'll manage…and so will Himura-san."
Still solid and superior, Aoshi looked to Soujirou for the first time that day, unable to read his emotions, as battousai couldn't. He knew Soujirou heard every word of their conversation, despite the obstacle of noises around them. And he knew Soujirou felt gray eyes upon him, trying to find out his true nature. Soujirou let him none of it. It was reserved for Himura, his problem was all on that man named Himura.
Soujirou waned from his vision behind the crowd of people.
"All ready!" The uniformed man yelled, "All aboard! To Kyoto!"
"Yes." Aoshi said, "He will manage."
The train moved, slowly departing its place. Soujirou looked away from the glass and rested his head down, not wanting to see the pain he'd left behind. The look of pain on her face, the pain in her heart he'd seen. He felt guilty, but was willing to consume it for his answers, in trade of her pain. The image of her shattered look remained on his mind, and made the amnesic hurt.
It was a constant reminder.
For he'd seen her not too long ago.
In the mist of people, standing on the rocky ground, gaping into his eyes for forgiveness.
Aye…Sorry for taking so long…It's all my fault! And I didn't even write that much, ne? I'm sorry! I should slap myself! Sorry unexcused procrastinating girl! Darn me!
Thank you past reviewers for reviewing this pathetic gar-bage barely considered a "story".