I can't give up on Malex. I can't. But this kinda helped me to, a little. Music credit goes to Action Action.

Wasting Away
Alex sighed, bringing the bottle up to her mouth and swallowed, staring blankly at the muted television. It had been a month since Marissa had left, and Alex had yet to get even close to over her.
"Pretty darling, stop running down my street. The tears are dropping like a nuclear meltdown. I never meant to let it come to this. Can we blame it on timing, not chemistry. All night long, I'll sing the same somber song. Attack my decisions and the horse they rode on. Everything seems to be less than zero. A mascara hero with a heart of zinc. I never should have kissed... I never should have... And I never should have kissed those lips before. I never should've let you out my door. But now I'm stuck with your photograph. The words you chant, I never thought they'd be so true, dancing in my head. So pause this moment 'til we meet in our next life: a black tabby housecat, a bottle of Xanax. All night long is one repeated love song. When have I become this tree? 'Til we meet in our brand new world. I'll count the rings, if you tie a string..."
She'd seen Marissa just a week earlier. Alex had been heading into work, and glanced over at a group of loud teenagers passing by in an SUV. She saw Marissa cuddling with Ryan in the backseat, but when Marissa noticed Alex looking, the smile and laughter left her face. She smiled, grimly, and waved, averting her eyes quickly. After the car had passed, Alex had had to grab onto the wooden railing by where she stood, gasping, desperate for the air that had been knocked out of her.

Finishing the beer, Alex threw the empty bottle ahead of her at the wall. Much like she'd done when she'd seen the only girl she'd ever really loved cuddling with her ex-boyfriend.

After that night at the beach when Marissa admitted to Alex that she wasn't ready for that, Alex sped home, slamming the door to her house, sobbing in grief and frustration, only to find Jody sitting on the couch in front of her. Alex could only stare.

Swallowing new tears at the memory, Alex closed her eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" She had demanded angrily, tearing off her coat (... the coat that Marissa had touched just ten minutes previous)
And tossing it on the nearest chair. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she shook the strands of purple-streaked blonde hair out of her face.

Jody stood, a look of distress on her face. She pressed closer to Alex, wiping her tears and smoothing her ex-girlfriend's hair back out of her face.

"Sweetie, what's wrong? What is it?" Jody pulled her over to the couch, holding Alex as violent sobs rocked her.

Alex frowned, growling. Needless to say, she had done something that night with Jody that she would later regret. She closed her eyes again, wincing as she popped open another bottle. But she'd been there, and she'd at least pretended that she cared! She argued with herself as she had many times over the last month.

Now she was back together with Jody, in a way. Jody called every night, and, every time, told Alex how much she'd missed her.

But it wasn't the same. Nowhere close. Alex loved Jody, sure, but she wasn't in love with her, and never had been, she realized. Marissa had been her heart, mind, and soul... She made up every fiber of Alex's being. How do you live when all that is taken away?

Alex remembered the night when she was sure it was over, and so early. Marissa had summoned all of her bravery to tell Summer, her best friend, that she, Marissa Cooper, had formed a romantic relationship with a girl, and Alex Kelly, at that!

Marissa returned with a nervous look upon her face. Alex mistook it, and Marissa said: "I tried to tell Summer, but..."

Tears burned in Alex's eyes then, and she asked: "So you're here to break up with me?"

Then Marissa smiled. "But then I told her."

In the beginning, there seemed to be few problems, and Alex was in heaven with Marissa... But then there were problems, later on. The night of the mall... still held pain in the memory. That Marissa would feel so trapped as to lie about it... And then stay in the same tent as Ryan...

Alex grimaced, tossing the next bottle. That damn Ryan. He stole her away! And Seth, he didn't help! All he wanted was for things to be the way they were before, and he didn't care who got hurt along the way.

If I'd been part of the group originally, would things have been different? Would we have been more accepted? She stopped, bottle halfway up to her mouth. No. If they can't accept other people, then fuck them.

She sighed, thinking back to that night when she walked in on Julie Cooper-Nichol.

"Marissa's only loved one person in her life, and she looked a lot different in a wife-beater." When Julie Cooper said that, the cold aching in Alex's heart finally sunk in. But at that time, she was too stubborn to accept that Marissa was just using her to get back at her mom. Yeah, Marissa was always the rebel child, but... she cared for me. Didn't she?

Desperate to think of happier times, tears streaming down her face, Alex thought of their first date. It had been quite true, what she'd said about first dates on Valentine's Day. Bad luck. She realized now that that was just what happened. Stupid, stupid. She scolded herself, but inwardly knew that the day had nothing to do with it. Just a shitty coincidence.

"Let's go to the beach." Alex said, taking Marissa's hand and leading her outside.

Their first kiss had been absolutely wonderful and brilliant and breath taking, fireworks bursting inside their heads, completely as it should be... Or, at least... That's what Alex thought.

Could it have been just a crazy experiment for Marissa? A new way to make her mother mad? Alex shook her head. Even if it is true, I don't want to accept it.

Then the day of the rain... Alex could think of no better day in her life. Her girlfriend saying that she'd told Julie Cooper-Nichol of all people that she and Alex were together. How could this fail now? Alex had thought, then. Lying in bed, smiling and talking in hushed voices with the girl she loved, listening to the soft tap-tap of the rain on the roof... Alex would never forget the smooth skin of Marissa's neck, the soft feel of her shoulder against Alex's cheek...

Alex gulped, choking back sobs. She now did not regret in the least what she'd said to Ryan that night, but it was obvious to her that it had done no good.

She sighed, closing her eyes as she remembered the morning after the bonfire. The doorbell rang. Jody had left early to catch a cab back, but Alex was still asleep. Pulling a robe around her pajama pants and tee, Alex sleepily got up, calling: "One second!"

Still barely awake, Alex opened the door. Upon seeing Marissa's face, the averted eyes, last night came flooding back into her mind. Desperate for words, Alex struggled.

Marissa cleared her throat, turning around and grabbing a box of trash bags. She shakily said: "I... I'm here to pick up my things."

After an excruciatingly painful half hour of Alex sitting on the couch and choking back tears, Marissa emerged from the bedroom, lugging about five bags, completely full. Alex stood on entrance, instantly saying by instinct and without thought: "Here, let me help you." She grabbed the bags, and Marissa smiled shyly in thanks. However, she moved her hand to Alex's, making her drop them. She took an empty hand, and, with one of her own, opened it. In it, she dropped the silver necklace that Alex had given her months ago.

Alex looked up, gulping, a tear finally falling. "No, Marissa." She shook her head, taking Marissa's hand back and placed it there, closed it. "I gave this to you in friendship... I mean, you aren't saying that that's ended, too, are you?"

Marissa shook her head quickly. "Alex, no, I'm sorry... Of course I still want us to be friends!"

Alex bit her bottom lip, nodding. "Good. Okay. Listen, I'm leaving tonight... Remember me by this." Alex closed her eyes and turned away.

But she felt Marissa turn her back around, and then felt a kiss on the cheek. She opened her eyes to see Marissa crying. She leaned forward and touched her forehead to Alex's like they used to do.

"I'll miss you." They whispered, at the same time. Marissa sniffed, then grabbed her bags and headed out the door.

Alex bit her bottom lip now, eyes closed, thinking back. She wasn't sure why she lied about all the out of town stuff. Maybe she was still planning to do it, at the time; but none of it ever happened. She remained here, in Orange County, still working at the Bait Shop.

The next day, at work, she went outside for a cigarette. Smoking had become a bad habit that she picked back up after the split. Standing in the back alley, she saw a figure emerge from behind a car. It was Marissa.

And Alex couldn't help but notice. She was still wearing the necklace.

Sigh... R.I.P. Malex!