John came awake sluggishly. He felt achy and lethargic and strangely gritty. As he shifted his body, preparing to open his eyes, John felt the blanket slide across his highly sensitized skin. That raw feeling you get, like from a carpet burn. What bothered John a little, was not knowing why he felt this way. But despite that fact, he forced his eyes opened and blinked a few times. The face looming over him came slowly into focus. "Hi, Teyla," John said softly.
"Major," she replied, with a nod and a smile. "How are you feeling?"
"Ask me later." As he spoke, John shifted so that he was sitting up more and then he cursed to see the dreaded IV taped to the back of his left hand. "How long was I out?"
Carson bustled into the room just in time to answer Sheppard's question. "About six hours," he replied, as he moved to take the major's pulse. "How do you feel?"
John considered how to answer that, then settled for, "Fine."
"Really?" Carson looked unconvinced.
"Okay..." John winced and went for the truth. "Maybe a little lightheaded." Which he hadn't realized until now. He felt lightheaded and weak and that bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Even to himself.
Carson nodded, then patted Sheppard's shoulder. "You need to eat."
Teyla spoke up, still smiling. "I brought you some Eitar bread, I know that you liked it the last time we visited the mainland." As she spoke she pointed to the rolling bedtable where a wrapped up loaf sat waiting.
"Thank you," John replied, and he meant it. Eitar was like a sweet bread, and had a cinnamony flavor. John did like it and he was touched by Teyla's thoughtfulness. "I'll have some later."
"You'll have some now," Carson interjected, reaching for the loaf. "That is if you want to get out of here any time soon."
John opened his mouth to protest, but snapped it closed when he realized Beckett was serious. So he accepted a chunk of the bread and took a cautious bite. It was hard to swallow and he felt a bit nauseous, but it stayed down. John took another bite, a bigger one this time, then he pointed to his IV. "Why do you keep sticking those damn things into me?" he demanded.
Carson grinned as he checked on the attached bags. One was nearly empty, the other half full. He checked the drip, adjusted it a little, then replied. "For one thing you're dehydrated major, so I'm trying to remedy that. Oh...by the way...how's the headache?"
"Better," John replied, without hesitation. And he could tell that Carson was suspicious of his answer. "Really. It's just kind of an annoying ache at the moment. No big deal." He held Beckett's gaze, knowing the doctor was deciding if he could believe him or not, then Beckett was nodding and John was relieved. He took another bite of bread then asked, "So...when can I get out of here?"
"Maybe tomorrow," Carson allowed, as he fussed with the blankets. "Are you cold?"
John wondered why Beckett would ask, only to realize he was shivering. He didn't know why. "No - I'm not cold," John stated. He wondered why he was shivering, only to decide he really did not want to know. "So I can leave in the morning?"
Beckett rolled his eyes. "More like tomorrow night. But only if you behave yourself."
"Hey...I'm a model patient," John shot back, pretending to take offense. And it felt good to be able to joke for a moment. Everything had been so intense for the past few weeks. In fact, John could feel the tension that vibrated throughout his body. It was hard to remember how to relax. Everywhere he looked it seemed as if some enemy lay lurking in the shadows.
"Maybe compared to Rodney," Carson allowed, and he looked amused.
The mention of Rodney reminded John. "Where is Avitus?"
It was Teyla who answered him. "I believe he is resting now. He told Doctor Weir he was tired. He also asked about you, Major. He was concerned."
"Yeah...well I'm fine," John stated, adamantly. He looked at Carson as he spoke and the doctor simply cocked and eyebrow at him in disbelief. John cocked an eyebrow back then laughed at the image that flickered in his head. They were both channeling Spock.
"Finish eating, major," Carson ordered. "Then get some sleep. Trust me, the rest will do you good."
Teyla leaned in to touch her forehead to Sheppard's in the way of her people. They had done so once before. "I will go and let you rest."
John reached for her hand before she could turn away. "Wait, Teyla...I'd like you to stay for a bit. If you don't mind." John needed to talk to her about something. Or, rather, someone.
"I will be happy to stay," Teyla replied. "If Doctor Beckett says that it is all right."
"Aye, it's fine. Just don't stay long," Carson told her. Then he shook a finger at Sheppard. "Eat and rest. I'll be back to check on you in a few." With that he turned and strode out of the area.
John grimaced. "Lucky me."
Teyla looked sympathetic. "He is just concerned for your...well being."
"I know." And John was grateful. But he had something else on his mind at the moment. He set the piece of Eitar bread that he was still holding onto the bed stand. Then he focused on Teyla.
"What do you think of Avitus?" John asked because he trusted Teyla's instincts. For the most part she had good, sound insights about people. She sure as hell had his number, John reflected, ruefully. He knew she didn't really get him, but she came closer to understanding who he really was than anyone else in Atlantis.
"I like him," answered Teyla honestly. And she looked at Sheppard in a way to let him know that she was aware of what he was really asking. "I do not sense any danger from him."
John nodded. He didn't get that sense either. But then he reminded Teyla of something. "You thought Chaya was okay too." They both had. Truthfully, John didn't know how he felt about Chaya any more. When they had joined, John had gotten to know Chaya. To see the woman she really was. Sometimes it made him feel unsettled. In part because he knew that she had seen who he really was in return, and she had reminded him, once again, that they were not so different. John shook his head. That was a thought for another time.
Teyla tilted her head as she studied Sheppard, as if trying to read him. "Chaya did not harm us, Major. She was not honest with us, but she had her reasons not to trust. We show caution when meeting strangers, why should she have acted differently? She had no cause to trust us without getting to know if we could be trusted first."
"And, ultimately...she didn't trust us," John muttered. Because Chaya had only admitted to be Athar, the Ancient, once McKay had figured her out. "She could have trust us," he continued. "She's an Ancient with the power to blast wraith ships into space dust. She had no reason to fear us."
"Who are you trying to convince Major? Me - or yourself?" Teyla prompted, her voice soft.
John sighed and he wasn't entirely sure himself. "So...you trust Avitus?" he prompted.
Teyla nodded. "Yes. He has given me no reason not too. But I sense that you do not trust him."
"I don't know." That was as honest as John could get. "I trusted Chaya and Rodney didn't, but now it's like a role reversal."
"But Avitus did not hide who he was from us," Teyla countered.
John had thought of that. "Yeah...I guess. But we have a saying on Earth. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Teyla looked thoughtful for a moment, then she nodded. "I have found your instincts to be sound, for the most part, Major. Do not lose faith in them...or yourself."
"Yeah...I have a great track record with that," John drawled. He wasn't going to pretend otherwise. There was more he wanted to say but it was cut off by a jaw cracking yawn.
"I will go now so you can rest." Teyla lightly touched his arm then she turned to go.
John almost called her back but he was tired. So he let his eyes drift closed and soon he was wrapped in warm darkness. But then he dreamed.
John stared at the console, feeling a surge of anger towards it. Anger laced with fear. He knew that it was important, important in a way that Rodney could only guess at. But John did not want to be here. Still he moved towards it, one hand reaching out. A hand that was shaking even as he pressed his palm to the cool surface. He felt the hum of power as a bright light flashed, making him close his eyes. Then the light faded and in his mind he saw a Wraith hive ship in space. A familiar ball of light zoomed towards it, enveloping it, and then the ship exploded into space rubble, just like before. When Athar had destroyed it. The hum within him faded.
"NO!" John came awake with a start, his voice hoarse and his throat tight. He was shaking and his skin was slicked in a cold sweat. Then the nurse was there, checking on him, and John assured her he was fine. He took a sip of the water she offered, let her wipe his face with a soft cloth, then he curled up on his side and tried to forget.
oOo
Somehow John managed to fall back asleep and not dream again. But he felt tired and worn out and he wished he knew why. Still, he hid that fact as best he could when Carson came to check on him. It was morning and John wanted out of here today.
"If you eat good you can leave in a few hours," Carson allowed. "But I want you to take it easy, Major. And if your headache gets worse I want you in here immediately. Do you understand me?"
"Got it." John would agree to anything.
He watched Carson remove the IV then he slid out of bed. He needed to use the bathroom. Once he had relieved himself, John washed his hands then splashed cold water on his face. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and he was surprised by how pale he looked. And his eyes were dark and he was shaking. He knew what haunted him. That damn dream. He couldn't shake it off. He wondered if it meant something. If maybe it was a warning in some way. If maybe it connected Avitus to Chaya and they needed to be careful and cautious. But to believe that would be to believe in premonitions, which John did not. So he dried his face and headed back to his infirmary bed.
Weir was there, waiting for him. She drew the covers over him, fussing a bit like a mother would, then she stepped back while the nurse placed a tray of food on Sheppard's lap.
"You look better," Elizabeth said, when they were alone again.
John nodded, chewing and swallowing a piece of toast before replying. "I feel better. I'm out of here in a few." He took another bite of toast but it was hard to get it down. He just wasn't hungry. But he washed it down with a swig of what passed for Orange juice, then asked, "Where's Rodney?" Usually Rodney came to visit when he was in the infirmary.
"He's holed up in his lab with Zalenka," Elizabeth replied. "They're going over the information Avitus gave them about various aspects of Atlantis. He sort of gave them a verbal version of an instruction manual." She looked amused. "By the way, there's a briefing in two hours to further discuss what Avitus can do for us...and if there is anything we can offer him in return."
"I want to be there." John was adamant.
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?"
John pushed aside the tray and locked eyes with Weir. "Sitting in a chair...talking...isn't exactly strenuous. Besides...Beckett's cleared me."
"I know...I spoke to him before I stopped by." Elizabeth sighed. "All right, you can come. Actually, I was hoping you would."
"Good." John was glad that they seemed to be on the same wavelength. But he wanted to be sure. "Can I ask you something?"
Elizabeth nodded. "Of course."
John pondered how to word his question, then just blurted out, "Do you think we can trust Avitus?"
"I think so." Elizabeth didn't hesitate in her reply. "I think he is who he seems to be, and I think he really does want to help us. And that, unlike Chaya, he is capable of doing so."
"McKay seems to trust him." John realized that he wasn't exactly responding to what Weir had said. Right now he was just thinking out loud.
Elizabeth narrowed her gaze at Sheppard, as if trying to get inside his head. "Yes, he does," she replied.
John folded his arms over his chest and narrowed his own gaze back at her. "Doesn't that seem just a little bit weird, after the whole Chaya thing?"
"I've thought about that," Elizabeth allowed. "But if there is one thing that I learned from that incident, it's that Rodney's instincts are pretty good. He was right about Chaya so I'm inclined to trust him in regard to Avitus."
"Yeah...he was right about Chaya." John closed his eyes then pressed his palms over them. His headache was charging up again. And he couldn't help flashing back to his dream. And he remembered when they had connected. It had surpassed anything purely emotional and physical. They had touched on a different level. Touched souls, maybe. And through it all John remembered the feeling of power. The way it had thrummed through him, like a low level vibration. The power Chaya possessed was both breathtaking and terrifying, and she had allowed John to feel it.
"Major?"
Shaking away his thoughts, John realized Weir was talking to him. He lowered his hands and blinked at her. "I'm sorry...what were you saying?"
Elizabeth studied him for a moment. "Are you sure you're okay? Maybe you should stay here and rest for a few more days."
"I'm fine!" John hissed, more sharply than he had intended. He waved a hand at her and apologized. "Sorry...I'm just tired of being here."
"Then you'd better eat or you'll be staying." Elizabeth set the tray back on his lap.
John made a face, but he grabbed another slice of toast. "Don't start the meeting without me," he beseeched.
Elizabeth smiled. "I won't." Then she touched his arm before heading out.
Left alone again, John worked his way through his breakfast, but all the while he was haunted by the memory of his dream.
oOo
After a bit of begging and groveling on his part, John was released. The first place he headed for was his room. After a long shower he dressed in his uniform pants and a long-sleeved black shirt. From habit he strapped on his thigh holster. Then he was ready. He left his room and headed for the conference room. The briefing was set to start in five minutes.
To John's surprise, everyone was there but Avitus. And after John took his usual seat, he realized Teyla was missing as well and commented on it.
Elizabeth replied. "Teyla is Avitus's guard for today. I'm sure they'll be along soon."
"Of course they will," Rodney interjected. He was eating a powerbar while typing on his laptop. But he paused for a moment to study Sheppard. "You look...better." He didn't sound all that sincere.
"Thanks," John drawled, feeling a bit offended. "I feel fine."
Rodney grimaced. "Yeah...well you sure didn't look fine yesterday."
John glared at him. "Can we drop it, please?"
"Whatever." Rodney went back to typing.
"Gentleman," Elizabeth said firmly, when she saw Sheppard about to reply back. And it was at this moment that Teyla appeared with Avitus in tow.
Teyla nodded at Weir. "Sorry we are late," she apologized.
Avitus was smiling as he shuffled his robes about before sitting down. "My fault," he stated. "I am easily sidetracked here. It has been wonderful being able to reacquaint myself with my home."
That comment hung in the hair and there was a long moment of heavy silence.
Which Rodney broke. "Okay...let's get this show on the road, shall we? To bring everyone up to date, I just want to say that the information Avitus has given us is proving to be very helpful in explaining what the various devices and consoles throughout Atlantis do. And as great as that is, I just want to go on record as saying that there is much much more to explore."
"Thank you, Rodney," Elizabeth said, interrupting him before he could ramble on. "You've left it open for me to bring up something I've been wanting to discuss with Avitus." She turned and focused her attention on the Ancient. "We really do appreciate all that you are doing for us, which leads me to wonder...What can we do for you in return?"
"Friendship." Avitus responded, promptly.
Elizabeth looked puzzled. "Friendship?" she echoed. "That's all? Don't you have any questions for us?"
Avitus shook his head. "Doctor McKay has been most helpful in that regard."
At that John looked at Rodney and saw that he looked a bit sheepish, which made him wonder just what he might have told Avitus. Rodney had a bad habit of running off at the mouth.
Rodney looked up from his laptop to see Sheppard glaring at him, which he promptly ignored as he said to Avitus, "Shall we continue the tour then? I think we've covered everything of importance, and there is still a lot we need you to activate for us."
"I believe you told me that Major Sheppard has the strongest ability with the gene," Avitus countered, and he was looking at Sheppard as he spoke.
"Yes...that's right," Rodney replied.
Avitus looked pleased. "Then I would like for him to accompany us on the tour."
Elizabeth was about to protest, but John cut her off.
"I'd be happy too," he said firmly. John wanted to keep an eye on Avitus. He wanted to make sure that the Ancient didn't try anything, and to stop Rodney from giving away any sensitive information.
"You're supposed to be resting, Major," Elizabeth reminded him.
John shrugged then turned on the charm, offering a boyish grin. He could see that she was aware of what he was trying to do, she always knew, but she let herself fall for it anyway.
Folding her arms across her chest and glaring just a bit, Elizabeth nodded. "All right, you can go, but for no more than an hour. If you're not in your room and resting by then, I will send out the marines to escort you back to the infirmary, Major. Understood?"
"Understood," he replied. John pushed his chair back and stood up, focusing on Rodney. "So...where are we going first?"
Ten minutes later, John was sorry he had asked that question.
They were back in the room with the console. Rodney seemed fixated on it to an obsessive degree. That worried John a bit, but he didn't voice his concern. He simply stood there as watched as Rodney spoke with Avitus. He watched and tried to ignore the anxiety that skittered up his spine.
After a moment, Avitus turned from Rodney to speak with Sheppard. "Have you tried to active any other console in Atlantis, major?"
"Not really," John replied, as he watched Avitus move closer. He had to resist the urge to take a step back as the anxiety he felt flared up from an ember into a flame. "I've been a little busy. Besides which, I'm military so it's been left to Rodney and his scientists to focus on bringing Atlantis online...so to speak."
"But you have the gene," Avitus persisted, as he moved a step closer to Sheppard.
John gritted his teeth and held his ground, but the flame of anxiety was now a burning tingle that singed across his skin, and his headache was now thumping in his temples. Still, he locked eyes with Avitus and replied, "So do a couple dozen others, including Rodney."
Avitus's mouth twisted into a grimace. "Doctor McKay's gene is artificial," he countered, scornfully. "The city will respond to it...to an extent, but it knows the difference, major."
"It does?" Rodney interjected, and he looked both surprised and curious. "How?"
"Atlantis knows it's own, Doctor McKay," Avitus replied, but he was still focused on Sheppard.
Rodney looked disappointed, but shrugged it off. "Oh...right." He moved to the console and patted it. "So...Avitus, feel free to fire her up anytime."
Avitus smiled. "As I said before, I think Major Sheppard should try it first."
"No." John spoke without meaning too, and a sudden spike of pure panic made him finally take a step back. He did not want to go anywhere near the damn console. Lifting one hand to his head, John rubbed at his temples.
The pain was back full force and Carson was going to have a field day with him, which pissed John off to no end, and he took his anger out on Avitus, blaming him for this. "I already told you...I tried. Nothing happened!" The pain was a heavy throb in his temple and it was taking a side trip, slipping behind his eyes. John closed them for a moment.
"Did you really?" Avitus countered, and he sounded angry.
Rodney, on the other hand, was impatient. He wanted to get the console activated. From the moment they had found this room and this particular console, he had been certain that it would be important to them. That somehow it was the key to unlocking Atlantis. Or, at the very least, to pointing them in the right direction to finding the key.
Huffing out a sigh, he said to Avitus, "The Major is telling the truth. We had him touching things when we first arrived. Nothing happened. We need Ancient energy, so to speak. Which you have in spades."
Avitus turned to McKay. "Ah...but things have changed since you first arrived on Atlantis, Doctor McKay. Have they not?" As with his last words he turned back around to focus on Sheppard. "Perhaps he should try again."
"No." The word came out as barely a whisper this time. John felt sick and nauseous and he was fighting the urge to turn tail and run. The image from his dream flashed in his head again, taunting him. He saw himself touching the console. He blinked at the remembered brightness of the cloud of white light. And then he watched the Wraith ship go boom. Slowly, John backed away towards the door.
"Oh, all right already!" Rodney grumbled. He moved to Sheppard, grabbed him by the wrist and hauled him forward.
John tried to stop his forward momentum, but he felt dizzy and he stumbled and the next thing he knew, he felt something cool and smooth beneath his palm. John looked down to see that Rodney had his held pressed flat to the console. And in that moment it flared to life, lighting up from end to end. John gasped, feeling a tingling in his hand, which then skittered under his skin. It was warm, heating up as it slithered into his veins and then it was too hot and the heat began to vibrate and John could almost hear the hum of it in his ears. He knew what it was, remembered what it felt like. Pure power. He yanked his hand free and cradled it to his chest.
Rodney looked disappointed as the console powered down again. He had just begun to scan it. Turning to Sheppard he snapped, "Touch it again!"
"No." John shook his head and backed away, and this time he did not resist the urge that burned inside. He turned and ran.
"What the hell?" Rodney looked stunned as he watched John go. "What was that about?" It was pretty much a rhetorical question.
But Avitus answered it anyway. "He is...frightened."
Rodney frowned. "By what?" Then he shook his head. He would never understand what made Sheppard tick. "Never mind," Rodney stated. "Okay, Avitus…you touch it."
"It is not for me to do so, Doctor," Avitus replied. "It is for Major Sheppard. He is the one who belongs here now." And with that, Avitus turned and strode out of the room.
"What the hell is going on?" Rodney wondered, as he was left on his own. Then he strode out as well. He wanted answers and, somehow, he would get them.