After hearing what Rodney had to say about the black hole and the destructive damage it would do, everyone filed out of the conference room. Everyone but John and Elizabeth. She called for him to stay behind.
John stayed, but he rose from his seat and paced the room. He felt antsy and wound up and he knew why. Atlantis was calling to him. She wanted them to be connected again. John curled his fingers into fists and tried to ignore the hum in his head.
For a moment she watched Sheppard, then asked him, "Do you have a plan?"
"Kind of." John stopped pacing and turned to face her. "You won't like it though."
"Try me." Elizabeth looked grim.
John went back to pacing. "I have to leave Atlantis for a while."
That surprised Elizabeth. It showed in the way her eyes went wide and her stance suddenly became defensive. "Why? Why do you have to leave Atlantis? We can keep you safe here."
"I don't need protecting, Elizabeth," John reminded her, gently.
"You know what I mean!" she snapped.
He did know and he was grateful to her and the others for wanting to watch over him. But that wasn't how things were supposed to be. It was his job to protect them. Even when he had just been John Sheppard: Air Force major and ranking military officer of Atlantis. Now, with his connection to Atlantis and the powers he possessed, he knew that this was what he had been born to do.
Coming to Atlantis had been like coming home. Only he hadn't been ready to accept that fact. Until now. "I do know what you mean," John assured her. "But I have to do this. I have to leave Atlantis, and I'm going to take Avitus with me. For all he's been insisting that he can't interfere and suggesting that he has no real power here in Atlantis...I don't trust him. I think he can do a lot of damage and I want him the hell out of here and away from all of you."
Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't want you out there, somewhere, all alone with him, John."
"I'll be fine." John went still and tilted his head, listening to something only he could hear. Atlantis needed him. He locked eyes with Elizabeth. "I have to do this," he told her. "And you have to trust me to do this."
"John..." she began, only to break off and rub a hand over her face. Her weariness was visible. After a moment, Elizabeth nodded. "I do trust you. Do what you have to do."
John was relieved. He would have gone with or without her permission, but he preferred having her support. It made things easier on both of them. "Thanks." With that he turned to go.
Elizabeth called him back. "When will you leave?"
"Tonight." John paused in the doorway. "I have to talk to Avitus and tie up a few loose ends before I go."
"You make it sound like you won't be coming back!" Panic flared in Elizabeth's eyes and she stepped towards him as if to block his way.
John wasn't going to lie to her. "Look...I have every intention of coming back, but that said...I don't know what's going to happen. I'm making this shit up as I go."
Elizabeth exhaled a shaky breath. "I know. None of us were prepared for the things we've had to do. And I never thought I'd have to deal with one of my team being an actual ancient."
"I'm not!" John protested, more because he still wasn't ready to accept what that meant than because it was true. But even as the words were out, he was shaking his head and apologizing. "Sorry...reflex action. I really do have to go. I'll pack my stuff and talk to Avitus then let you know when we're ready to leave."
"Are you sure Avitus will leave?" Elizabeth queried.
John nodded, a grim smile curving his lips. "I'm sure. I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." With that, he slipped out the door. Atlantis was calling.
oOo
The first place John went was the control room. He headed straight for the console and placed both palms on the cool surface. He caught his breath at the instant connection and at the relief he felt flooding through him. Not his own, but that of Atlantis. She was worried about him. John didn't blame her. He was worried about himself. Closing his eyes, John let the city slid into his mind...into his soul. He felt warmed as she drew him inside of her, taking him on a journey through the past. John became a part of the images she revealed.
He didn't just see the past, he was a part of it, and that evoked an awe inside of him that shook him to his core. But what was even more intense and mind-boggling was when Atlantis showed John how she viewed him. To the city he was a child. Her child. Born of her loins, and loved with a passion that ran deep and pure. In some ways, the depth of her love for him scared John. He pulled back from it, not wanting to hurt her, but needing to take a breath and to let his scattered thoughts and emotions reassemble into something that made sense to him. He needed to make everything more simplistic so that he could deal with it. Right now he felt as if he had shattered into a million pieces that needed to be melded back together, like a puzzle.
"She will never let you go," said an amused voice.
John whirled around to find Avitus smiling at him. "We need to talk," he said firmly, as he moved to face the other man.
Avitus nodded. "Indeed...we do. Time is running out, John. It is time to accept your destiny."
"My destiny is on hold for the moment," John retorted.
"Foolish child!" Avitus roared, and his anger reverberated throughout the chamber, making the very air seem to vibrate.
John stiffened as he faced Avitus's wrath, but he held firm. "You can't just dump this on me and think I'll go along for the ride. Too many lives are at stake. Or doesn't that matter to you?" He was angry now too.
Avitus made a show of calming down, folding his hands together before him and adopting a cold smile. "All life is precious," he allowed. "But sometimes we don't have the luxury of saving everyone."
"No kidding." John knew all about that first hand. He shook such thoughts aside, burying them back down inside him for now. "I'll make you a deal," he countered.
"A deal?" Suspicion clouded Avitus's voice.
John didn't blame him, but he forged ahead. He had to make the old man agree to his deal. "Look...I might consider your plan...but I want something from you first."
Avitus arched one eyebrow then asked, "And what would that be?"
"We leave Atlantis and you teach me how to use, and control, my powers," John replied.
"We don't have to leave Atlantis to do that," Avitus protested.
John locked eyes with him, letting the Ancient see that he would not be swayed on this point. "Right now I'm a danger to Atlantis. I can't control the powers I possess and I won't risk hurting anyone. So we leave. I don't care where we go, but we leave and you teach me and then...maybe...I'll consider your idea."
Avitus opened his mouth as if to protest, only to snap it closed. He turned away and paced a few steps and when he turned back to face Sheppard, he looked grim but determined. "As you wish," Avitus stated. "We will go to my homeworld and I will teach you what you wish to know."
"Great...good," John mumbled. He felt a little off-balanced because he hadn't expected Avitus to be so agreeable. But he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "When can you be ready to leave?"
"Whenever you like." Avitus looked resigned.
John considered. "How about tonight?" He knew Elizabeth wasn't going to be happy, but he also knew that she really did understand why he had to do this.
Avitus gave a slight nod. "As you wish," he replied. Then he turned on his heel and strode from the room.
John shivered in the aftermath, feeling a coldness that seeped into his bones. He reached out with one hand, letting his palm drift over the console, wanting to feel the warmth of Atlantis in the hope that she would chase away the chill. But all John felt from her was the echo of his own fears.