Nearly two weeks had passed since Sheppard had left Atlantis.
Elizabeth missed him. She knew she wasn't alone. Everyone missed him. He had been the heart of Atlantis. His passion had warmed everything and everyone he touched. Metaphorically, of course. Although maybe not so much so as far as Atlantis was concerned. Sometimes Elizabeth felt certain that even the city, herself, missed Sheppard. Certainly, in the time he had been gone, she seemed less responsive to everyone. There had been more than one moment with power fluctuations and the other day they spent six hours in the dark when the back up generators refused to kick in.
Heaving a sigh, Elizabeth tried to focus on the reports on her laptop, but her gaze kept straying to the doorway of her office. She kept expecting Sheppard to be there, charming smile on his face, a smart remark sliding from his lips. Right this moment she would have happily embraced a pissed off Sheppard, even if his fury was directed at her. Anything was better than this feeling of emptiness. It was as if she had somehow lost a part of herself. And that was a feeling she didn't want to explore beyond the surface. She couldn't afford the luxury.
So she made herself pay attention to the reports, although she found herself still listening for the sound of his voice.
oOo
Teyla moved across the floor of the exercise arena with lithe grace. Her bare feet made no sound as she glided and spun, her sticks flashing and flicking through the air. Dipping down to one knee she went still, the only sound in that room that of her heavy breathing. Inhaling deeply, Teyla tried to exhale the sadness that she felt.
She missed Major Sheppard. Missed the way he would smile at her, as if to reassure her. She missed the way he would try to pretend that the practicing with her was merely because he was bored. But then he would become intense, his eyes focused, his stance purposeful, and she had felt as well as saw the progress he had made, long before he had...changed.
But he hadn't really changed all that much. Rising to her feet, Teyla moved to the window seat and curled up on it, drawing up her legs and resting her cheek on her knees. Nothing could change the core of John Sheppard. He was a man of great passion. A man brave of heart. A man who was intensely loyal to those he called friend. A man who had the courage to risk his own life for the sake of others. He was a man who looked her in the eye and saw who she was, not who he wanted her to be. Teyla valued the way he had respected her. She missed that. But mostly, she missed his easy charm and his ability to face each day with hope.
Stretching out, Teyla rose to her feet and gathered her belongings. As she left the room she carried with her the hope that Major Sheppard would come home soon.
oOo
Rodney muttered to himself as he reached for his coffee mug, only to curse when he realized it was empty. Rising off his stool, he winced at the stiffness in his limbs as he staggered the dozen steps over to the coffee maker he and Zalenka had created out of used parts. It beat having to make coffee runs to the mess hall.
Reaching for the pot, Rodney sighed as he realized it was empty as well, and only now he remembered he had meant to make more after draining it for his last cup. Instead he dropped his mug onto the table, wincing at the clang it made as it hit the surface. He had the mother of all headaches, which he fully blamed for his being distracted. Rodney had spent the past three hours working on one circuit board and he still hadn't discovered what was making it malfunction.
"Stupid..." Rodney muttered as he scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of both hands. And he wasn't talking about the circuit board. He was angry and Sheppard. Angry that the man felt he had the right to leave Atlantis to play hero. As if it were his sole purpose in life to put himself at risk to save the world. Or rather, in this case, the whole fucking galaxy. "Idiot!" Rodney hissed, but it didn't make him feel better, even if it were true.
It was better when Sheppard was around to throw Rodney's barbs back at him. In fact, he would have given pretty much anything to have Sheppard in the room right now, smirking at him, as they discussed...whatever. Hell, Rodney would have been content watching the Major's stupid football tape. Which fact bothered him to no end. Just when did he start becoming so needy? As in, needing Sheppard's friendship. And that in itself was a kick in the face because Rodney didn't have friends. Didn't want them, sure as hell didn't need them. Friends were a complication he didn't have time for.
"Damn fool..." Rodney muttered, as he returned to his work station. He wasn't at all sure if he were talking about Sheppard...or himself. He tapped at the keyboard and brought up a page of Ancient text when the lights flickered. Rodney frowned. "Not again." In that moment he was plunged into darkness. As he bumped into the corner of the table, while searching for his flashlight, a rather frightening realization clicked in Rodney's brain. Atlantis missed Sheppard.
oOo
He felt like shit warmed over. Everything ached, even his hair. His skin felt sensitive as he snugged the blankets over himself, and he shuddered at the feeling. It was like the painful tenderness of a sunburn. But it was his head that bothered him most. When he tried to sit up his head felt like it weighed a ton and nausea rolled over him in waves. So John tried to keep as still as possible, mentally cursing himself for over doing it.
He remembered overhearing his mom telling one of her friends what her migraines felt like. Sadly, John could now sympathize. Any light hurt his eyes and it felt as if a vise were clamped to the base of his skull, twisting it tighter and tighter until the throbbing pain spread out in circuitous waves. There was no relief and John was just about ready to knock himself out.
He had pushed himself too far. Carson had warned him not to do that. John wished he had listened. But he wanted to learn everything he could while Avitus was still willing to teach him. They both knew that, ultimately, John would use what he learned against the Ancient. That he would do everything in his...considerable...powers to stop Avitus from doing any serious damage.
The headaches should have been a warning. From the first day they had arrived here, John had felt the thrum of pain in his head. He had ignored it. But each day it got increasingly worse, eventually making it hard for him to concentrate. Yesterday had been the worst of it. John had mastered moving from place to place with just a flicker of a thought. And he had mastered other things as well. Such as the weather.
Avitus had pushed him to create an atmospheric thunderstorm, complete with lightning and John had stunned himself by doing so with ease. Only the pain in his head had swelled into a crescendo of white noise and he had lost his control over the storm and the energy had surged back into him, knocking John about twenty yards where he had landed with a jolt, feeling more than a little scorched.
John had cursed his headaches. Avitus had loomed over him, smiling smugly, reminding John of Rodney until the Ancient had stated that Atlantis was the cause of his distraction. Rising to his feet, John had returned to his room and drifted off to sleep, only to be awakened by sad whispers and he knew Avitus was right. Atlantis missed him.
He missed her too. The feel of the city itself, and his connection to her. But more than that, he missed the people and he wondered what everyone was doing now.
Hoping to distract himself from the throbbing pain in his head, John let himself remember his friends. He could easily picture Elizabeth in her office, sitting at her desk, her focus on her laptop as she read her daily reports or scrolled through Ancient text.
He thought of her standing at the top of the stairs, or on one of the catwalks, arms folded over her chest as she nodded at him before he led his team through the gate. John winced at that thought. He missed going on missions. He missed his team. Although once Ford had returned home, it had never been the same.
Sighing, John let his thoughts drift to Teyla. He missed their practice sessions. He actually missed her kicking his ass. Once he had gained his powers, the dynamic between them had changed in more ways than one. It wasn't the same going against someone when you knew every move they would make, even before they did. But more than the sparring between them, John missed Teyla's serenity. There was an aura of calm about her that always seemed to wrap itself around him whenever he was with her. He could use huge doses of serenity about now.
Then there was Rodney. Oddly enough, John missed him most of all. Missed being able to trade barbs back and forth knowing that feelings wouldn't be hurt. And it was fun not feeling like he needed to hide his intelligence. John knew his rather heavy math ability, and the fact that he passed the Mensa test, often made people treat him differently. So he had learned to hide that part of himself at an early age. As he got older he learned to mask his intelligence for other reasons. It gave him the upper hand when he needed it most. But with Rodney, John could just be himself and still not reveal too much.
It was this later thought that reminded John of why he was where he was at this moment. He needed to keep everyone on Atlantis safe. To that end, John let himself reach out with his mind, sending tendrils of himself slithering away, searching and seeking contact with the world around him. He was too sick to leave his room, physically, but John now had the ability to fly without wings.
As the tendrils of himself branched out, John was able to focus on his senses. They were heightened to an awareness that was beyond human comprehension. He could see and hear and feel and taste things that most humans were unaware even existed. Everything had a texture and a scent. The very air itself. It had a flavor to it as well, and humans would be surprised to learn that even a blade of grass made a sound that was like music. If you knew how to listen.
Closing his eyes, John exhaled and felt his body relax. Then he let the essence of himself ride the tendrils of his consciousness. Silently he whooped with joy as he rode on the wind, soaring higher than any eagle, moving fast than the speed of light. He tasted the sunlight and felt the warmth of it as something velvet soft and silky smooth. He danced in and out of raindrops that were high in the atmosphere, tickles of wetness that would evaporate long before they touched the ground below.
John felt the heaviness of his physical form dissolve as he became the breath in his body, misting into molecules that skittered and scattered into the universe and beyond. He ricocheted off stars, absorbing their fire into himself before hurtling down through clouds where he cooled off into tiny balls of ice only to shatter like a shower of sparks that drifted on the wind. Only he was the wind. He was everything.
There was no pain in this form, no sorrow. There was only peace and joy and he never wanted to go back, but he knew he had to return and so he let himself skate back into himself. But slowly. He took the time to feel and see and taste and touch everything. And that was when he felt it. He wasn't alone in the plane of awareness. He knew who the other was. He touched the essence that was Avitus and shuddered.
There was nothing warm, bright, or good about it. It was cold, dark, heavy and evil. There was a shimmer of something quicksilver and elusive. Taunting John. He went after it, capturing it within his ephemeral grasp only to recoil in shock as it wrapped itself around him like an icy shroud and the moment it touched him, John knew what it was. Madness. Pure madness. Frantically he tried to disconnect but it cost him. Pain cut through him with sharp, stabbing blows, leaving John shaking and gasping for breath. But even as he slid into blessed, numbing, darkness he knew he hadn't completely broken free. A sliver of quicksilver madness danced within him, creating shadows in his soul.