Chapter II: My Love For You
"I can only remember the you who disappeared... My unchanging feelings towards you... Deeply, deeply, even now, Yes... I love you..."
As the strains of the piano faded away, I stared unflinchingly at Enishi's unguarded eyes. For the first time I saw the flash of pain and sorrow that he sought to hide under his shades at our eventful meeting at the road. Blanketed under a facade of seemingly uncaring aloofness, his pain must have been more real than mine. Having to put it to music, allowing it to flow through his soul to his fingers and vocalizing something so intangible and fleeting... he must relive the anguish all over again. But why? Why subject himself to the hurt day after day, song after song?
"Because it's the only way I know how."
Jerking back to reality with his words, my eyes dropped to his clenched fist on the piano keys. Had I said that out loud...?
"Because I know that no matter how I try to hide it, nothing ever changes the fact that it's there."
"Even if you despise yourself, the pain will not vanish..."
Tentatively yet hesitantly, I leaned my head on his broadened shoulder as we sat in contemplative silence on the piano bench. He, reminiscing the past memories that were dredged up and I, with a flash of red in mind. I brought both hands up to hug his right arm, it only felt right. After two weeks of meeting him and being with him, I finally felt comfortable enough to give in to my initial impulse of soothing his hurt. I knew that a hug would never be enough to make up for the pain that he's had to live with, but it really seems to be all that I can offer him now.
"Daijoubu. Your music reminds me that even in pain, in all the heartache that you've experienced, there is still something in you that is beautiful and unmarred. Your music, your heart, it still retains its dignity and beauty in face of what you've gone through. Isn't that enough?"
He sighed, leaning his head against mine as he relaxed against my semi embrace.
"Only you, Koishii, only you can say such things which coming from anyone else would sound like words of platitude, but from you..." His head shifted as he placed his chin on my hair in a playful yet endearing gesture. "...it's all the words I'll ever need."
Stunned, I simply buried myself deeper in his half hug. I didn't expect the affectation nor him breeching his private space for me. But do you really mind? Smiling as I breathed in his scent, I knew the answer.
"I keep singing the song you taught me, smiling in the dawn..."
"Wow, Missy, you seem to be in a good mood... unlike some of us." Sano muttered the last bit, burying himself back into his 'Statistics: For Management and Economics'. "We're having a Stat. test today, can you at least act stressed for my benefit?"
At Sano's words I gasped.
"Statistics test?? Today?? Are you sure? Are you certain? Positive?? Oh crap oh crap oh crap I for-"
"-got that it's today? Or that we even have a test, Kaoru-chan?"
Kenshin interjected, amused at my ranting. He frowned seeing my anxious gaze as I grabbed Sano's text from under his nose and thumbed through the book like the desperate last minute student that I was. Barely noticing Kenshin leaving the table, I continued my eleventh hour attempt to cram in as much formulas as possible. I was doomed I knew, but if I at least got a decent failing score, I could at least get a lighter sentence from my cruel and strict Statistics teacher.
"And to think she was singing a second ago. Women!" Sano snorted as he scooted closer to me, reading over my shoulder. Despite his grumblings, he still allowed me to continue my rampage through his book for the crucial information that I needed, so I did not snap back as I normally would have, though I could not help smacking him lightly and distractedly for his quip.
"Here." A sheet of paper was shoved in front of me.
"Eh?"
I stared up at Kenshin's concerned look.
"Here are all my notes. It's more concise and easy to read than the text considering you only have 20 more minutes to study before the test begins."
Mouth gaping like a fish, I simply accepted his notes with a nod and a smile. Kenshin always knew how to save me it seems. Pushing the thick text back to Sano, I scanned the papers with Kenshin reading over my shoulder in case I encountered any problems.
"Kenshin, it's not fair! You don't even lend me your notes but when Missy has a problem you just hand 'em over!" Whining, Sano opened his text once more.
"Demo Sano, Kaoru-chan really forgot the test, you, on the other hand, just don't bother with it to even study the night before."
"You're just biased cos she's a pretty girl and all."
Sano really could not allow anyone else have the last say on any arguments, even if it was at the expense of his studying time.
"You know Kenshin..." He continued.
"Sano, shut up." I finally took my eyes off Kenshin's neat and precise work to glare at my hulking friend next to me. "'Cos if you don't..."
"I know, I know..." Sano quickly intercepted my threat before I really blew my top. "... but it's still unfair!"
"Sano..." Both Kenshin and I growled.
"Alright! Alright already!"
Tranquility resumed as I quickly memorized the formulas with Kenshin stood over my shoulder, so close that I could feel the warmth radiating off him. His scent, the woodsy smell that I memorized over and over again, enveloped me quietly as it calmed yet heightened my nerves altogether. Hardly noticing my pause, Sano simply returned to his cramming, momentarily so engrossed that he missed the effects Kenshin's nearness was having on me.
Kenshin... was he still the boy I loved? And am I still the same girl who loved him? Staring at the figures and numbers swimming in front of me, I suddenly felt lost and confused. What did all this mean?
"It all becomes completely quiet...
from the enwrapped sky and the sun
that scorches the body, you are vanishing..."
Looking up at the keychain, a gift from Kenshin, hanging on my pencil case, I contemplated the word engraved on it. Adesso.
"It's Italian for 'now'. We live in this moment, Kaoru-chan, so it's the only thing we can really cherish and create."
He is right. I resolutely brushed aside my questions for another time. Because even if I didn't know what the future held, I at least have now. And now, now I have Kenshin by my side and Enishi with me. So adesso. I'll live for now. Turning behind to tug at Kenshin's coat sleeve, I waited for his gaze to fall on me before mouthing 'thank you' and resuming my studying. His hand on my shoulder was the only reaction I received while Sano, unhappy to be left out of the conversation, simply snorted.
"In case you've forgotten, I'm still here, studying this thick and useless textbook just because someone won't lend-"
"Sano, shut up."
"'Nishi?" I wiggled my toes that stuck out from the soft cushions of the sofa. The house, despite its Spartan furnishing, really exuded a sense of couture. This couch itself seems to cost a bomb, though it was the only furniture in the room.
"Hmm?" He murmured into my hair distractedly as I sat next to him with his guitar in tow. Enishi was such a dedicated musician that he always heightened my level of respect for him and his music each time I met him. Always with his beloved guitar Plum or sitting at the piano bench, Enishi was never far from his passion and that just makes me admire him all the more.
"What's your favorite song, among all the songs that you've written?"
Nonchalantly fingering his guitar, he allowed me to lean my head on his shoulder as he deliberated. As he was quietly mulling over my question, I could not help but stare at the defining angry marks that scarred Enishi's arms. Not quite scratches, they were little dots that seemed even more prominent against his tanned skin, strangely enough. Instead of being hidden under the darker shade, they stood out all the more as the skin stretched across his taut forearm muscles. Feeling comfortable with him, yet not close enough, I dared not ask the question that lay on the tip of my tongue. However, it seemed that I did no need to, for it was not hard for Enishi to follow my eye line to my new area of interest.
"Koishii..." He breathed.
"Enishi..." 'Ask him already!'
"No." He shook his pale locks, which made him seem like he was perpetually standing under a snowing skyline. "Please don't."
Nodding my head, albeit a little instantiated, I still acquiesced to his single request.
"Ahh." I promised.
"But there's something I can answer you."
"What?" I tilted my head to one side; regarding him with a childishly innocent expression that must have been the cause for his chuckle which I so loved. With Enishi, I feel that I could be myself. That there was something or someone inside of me that called out to him and was complete with his close presence. I felt safe, comfortable, and altogether loved. Something I have been wishing for so long and finally have been granted.
"My favorite song is Hoshi no Suna."
"Why?"
"Because it means stardust..." Bending his head down to peer straight into my eyes, he neared me until we were so close it seemed we were breathing in the same air. "... and do you know what stardust can do?"
Mesmerized by his gaze, I vaguely felt myself shaking my head in response.
"When sprinkled on your eyes," he whispered, so softly that his breath tickled my lips that were slightly parted. What were these feelings that rushed through my veins, thumping through my body? "They cause you to be light headed, intoxicated..."
Inching his face closer and closer to my own, his eyes seemed aglow with something I could neither identify nor explain. Something deadly and powerful at the same time, something that made me afraid yet eager to taste what it could be.
"... and then, they make you fall in love."
Like a wave crashing to sea, finding that momentum, that single rhythm that makes the entire water body act as one, I felt that little click, that voice which spoke me 'this is it, this is it'. Enishi pulled me closer as I clung onto him, bending and meshing myself into the form that felt so wrong yet right at the same time. Now, later, a second, a century, time rushed pass me like a bullet train with too much oil on the tracks, and I in there, clinging onto any handle feeling myself spiraling out of control
Vanilla and ecstasy.
It tasted entirely of vanilla and ecstasy.
Tsuzuku
A/N: I think I overdid it a little on this chapter, what do you think? What I wanted to portray in this chapter was mainly the growing closeness between Enishi and Kaoru, not forgetting to have a little interlude (comic relief anyone?) to show that Kaoru still retains some feelings for Kenshin that is completely different from what Kaoru feels for our white-haired friend.
Yes, the supernatural bit is so small it's almost insignificant, but it's building up, it's building up! A little patience is what I'm asking of you. The next chapter should be before the watershed chapter. So it's also a little 'bridge' chapter, but it's important. Something is going to be revealed so do watch out for that! Goodness, I feel like J.K.Rowling telling you to read up on the second book for more clues… --;; Gomen.
To my beloved reviewers without whom I would not survive or continue writing:
Firuze: The one reviewer who I leave my sanity and work entirely in the hands of. I hope that this KK won't turn too strange. I trust you to steer me in the right direction, as always. This chapter seems more EK than KK, to which you can imagine how delighted I am with it! Maybe when I'm done, I'll do another story that veers from this chapter, turning into an EK. I'd be interested to see where that goes! I do believe that you're on the right track with the supernatural bit, drop me an email to see what you're thinking of. Who knows, you could have a better idea than me! (to which, can I borrow it???)
Jade Catseye: It's been awhile since I've heard from you! How're ya?? I hope that this update is soon enough for you! This story has been in my head for so long that I can't help but write it all down before my muse sputters and dies out on me.
Donna8157: Can I enquire what the numbers are significant of? You're born in 1981 on the 5th of July or the 7th of May? Lol I'm too curious for my own good. I have an obsession with showing and not telling, hence the multiple gestures. It's rather important and a great encouragement that you saw right through what I'm trying to do. Thank you! And yes, a KK from me! I needed someone to do something that only Enishi is capable of, and unfortunately, he doesn't quite end up with my heroine. Tragic but true. Do let me know what you think of it though!
BelleDayNight: I hate grad school too! Not cos I've entered it, but cos it's taking you away from the ffnet community! Thanks for having me on your alert though, it's such an honour! Thank you thank you thank you! The rating is mostly cos I'm too lazy to 'up' it, but since you've mentioned it, with the little 'romance' bit, I suppose I should raise it huh. AK? Hmm, I'll keep that in mind for my next fic, sounds real interesting! Thanks for the idea!
Kenshin's-angel: Nope, didn't do the song, but I love it. Hoshi no Suna is actually the 'theme song' of this fic, so I'd really recommend getting it if you like the fic. Maybe I should make it a general announcement in the next chapter. But anyway, hope you like this chapter cos I tried to make a 'sweet' Kenshin moment. Let me know what you think of it!
MaryDFair: Well, like I told Firuze, I might decide to branch out from here and write another fic with a different ending, a EK ending. But this plot is just too stuck in me right now to change, so I'll have to see after I'm done with it. Glad you like my fics, I have a reader who returns to my fic, Oh my God! It's such a wonderful wonderful honour. Thank you so much!
Crescent Star: Updating, updating! Let me know what you think of this. I'm glad you've enjoyed my little bit of imagination so far, but let me know if I'm in the right direction k, I depend on you guys to help me along!
The evil witch: Hmm, wonder what you've done to be deemed evil. The story is still underdeveloped in my mind, so I'll probably need a few more chapters to expand, I'm just glad you're not bored of it yet! That would be the worst thing to happen!
Lendra-chan: Definitely a KK fan too. I love EK, but sometimes an occasional KK makes my day too. I love odd pairings as well, but suffice to say, I'm a huge Romance fan. I do believe that put in different situations with the right kind of circumstance, any two people can be put together. That's why I love to read SaitouXMisao and AoshiXKaoru too!
Haruko