Chapter III: Orenji no Taiyou

Something was wrong. It's one of those feelings where you're standing in an open space and you just know that something is not quite right. You can't put your finger on it, but before you even know it, it has started raining. My hand was poised on the handle of the door, the entrance to the living room of the mansion where the closed door itself already made me feel uneasy. Enishi never closed the door. He always left it open for me. Always.

"'Nishi?"

The door creaked open ominously like the Sixth Sense coming back to life in front of my eyes. Scanning the room from the right to the left, I quickly noticed an anomaly in the form of a huddled figure at the corner of the room. Shivering with his head thrown back at an awkward angle, it was only when I snapped back to reality did I realize that figure was my beloved Enishi.

"Enishi!!"

A shriek tore out from my throat long before I realized what I was saying. Frightened beyond my wits I ran to him while repeatedly telling myself that he was alright.

'How can he be fine?? The whites of his pupils are showing!! He's convulsing!!!'

"ENISHI!!!!"

Pulling him up from his limpid posture, I had no more strength other than to lay him comfortably on the floor. It was only then that I noticed the needles on the floor. Half-filled with some strange substance, it did not take me long to put the pieces together.

"Oh 'Nishi, why…?"

"Hnnn…"

Enishi moaned as he shifted from his position onto the floor and turned so he lay on his side facing me. Even still, he did not show signs of regaining consciousness anytime soon. With a sigh of relief, I knew that he was fine… for now.

Yet, gazing at the form of the man I came to care for, I wonder what possessed him to turn to such dangerous methods of surviving. I thought only music could touch him, and up to recently, I believed that I was enough. I suppose, nothing ever is enough.

My hand stretched out of its own accord to brush aside the unruly snowy bangs of his. I knew that they would never be put into place, neither would the image of a tamed Enishi be possible, but I just wanted to feel him. To reach out and know that he was within my grasp, that he was there. Somehow, between that fateful night where I met him at the lonely pavement, to the day he took my first kiss, he found a special place in my heart and buried his presence there.

"And once a person is buried in your heart, they scorch your very soul with their being and then, you never forget them, Kaoru-chan. That's love, that's the strength and tenacity of love."

"Oh 'Nishi, what do you want from me?"

Finally, my racing heart slowed to a relaxed pace as I rested on my haunches and silently kept a close vigil on Enishi. Staring at his peaceful visage, I realized that I have yet to see him so at rest before. Even when he was with me, he always seemed to be on guard, watching and waiting… but for what?

"Koishii…"

Enishi murmured as his hand reached out in his sleep, his expression so anxious that I could not help but comply as I fitted my palm comfortably in his. Strange how he always seemed so cold though autumn was barely arriving. Nevertheless, I kept my hand in his as the worries seem to melt from his face and he smiled.

'So innocent, so sweet, so warm… that must be what he lost.'

"Koishii…" He repeated, so affectionately that it made my heart skip a beat to hear such depth from him. Is this what it would be like to be loved? Treated with such deep emotions, revealing your vulnerability to the person you care for? Stripped of all pride, pretences and masks, all your thoughts and feelings laid bare before the one you love?

I think I could learn to reciprocate.

"Koishii…"

Stifling a yawn, my eyes teared up regardless as I stretched in my uncomfortable chair, hoping to keep myself awake.

Poke.

My stretched limbs found their way back to my side as I turned to the culprit behind me. Not even glancing at his face, I knew that Sanosuke was the one who would be irritating me in the middle of class. Not only was it because of his strategic seat behind me, it was also because of his annoying habit of making me mad. He just so loved to see me spitting flames out of my mouth and witness the burning wrath and promised threats in my eyes. What a dunce.

"Sano…" I softly yet harshly growled out his name, putting all my pent up frustrations and exhaustion into that one word.

Yet when my eyes bore a hole into the guilty party, all I saw were concerned purple orbs staring back at me.

"Ken-kenshin?" I blurted out surprised. Was something amiss?

"Kaoru-chan, are you alright? You seem so tired today and your uniform is crumpled! It can't be from studying because the summer break is arriving at the end of the week and we don't have any tests, so why are you always yawning? Didn't you sleep well last night?"

Sleep? Last night? Just thinking back about the day before made me want to crumple onto the floor and weep.

"Koishii, stay. Tonight. Just for tonight, could you stay by my side?"

As if finding him on the floor high on some strange toxins a few days back was not enough, Enishi was more demanding of my attention and time. Yet faced with his pleading gaze and gentle embrace, there was nothing I could do but assent to his request. Because beyond his eyes and hugs, I knew that he was hurting and begging for love, more than anything else. It reminded me of the one request I made of him that he gave to me willingly without hesitation:

"Is… is it alright if I just stayed here and listen?"

So for once, I held him in my embrace and fell asleep in that position. Still clothed uncomfortably in my school uniform, I clung to him the way I hoped someone would hold me one day. At least if I could not fulfill my own impossible dream, Enishi would have had a wish of his granted.

"I'll be here, until you close your eyes and sleep. So just rest, just rest, 'Nishi…"

Another poke.

"Kaoru-chan!"

"Ah??"

The warning came a little too late because a ruler slammed on my table as I turned back to lock gaze with my livid Statistics teacher.

"Miss. Kamiya!"

"Hai!"

It was safer if I sounded eager. Hopefully he would find some semblance of pity in his black, filth-coated heart to forgive this poor girl with the puppy-dog eyes.

"Don't think that you can turn your attention away from my class and get away with it by looking pathetic!"

Or not.

At least I tried.

"And don't you dare think that just because you managed to scrap through the last test, you are permanently off the hook!!"

Brandishing his thick wooden ruler as a Samurai would his katana; the teacher pointed it at me like a gauntlet he was more than eager to throw.

"I'm watching you, Kamiya." Stabbing the ruler towards me with each word, he repeated the sentence in a dangerously soft and quiet tone as he bent closer to me.

"I'm. Watching. You. Kamiya."

"H-hai."

I unconsciously shrank back in my seat hoping that the chair would just implode along with me so I could escape the frighteningly piercing glare of the teacher. If he just so as much raised the level of intensity by a few notches I'm sure I would have shriveled up and died in that spot.

Thankfully, the bell rung as the teacher was about to make another caustic remark and he merely huffed as he turned to grab his books.

"Class dismissed!"

Barely catching my breath, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt a warm hand clasping my shoulder.

"Kenshin! You scared me half to death!"

Patting my chest in an attempt to slow my thumping heart from the abuse it was placed under earlier and Kenshin's abrupt gesture, I cocked my head to send a mock glare in his direction.

"Gomen, Kaoru-chan. But are you alright? You've been so lethargic and listless today, it's really not like you at all."

Shaking my head and shooting Kenshin my sincerest smile; and it was real, all my smiles turn genuine when it comes to Kenshin; I assured him of my healthy condition.

"Please don't worry about me. I'm really fine."

Other than the fact that I met up with a wonderful guy who's a little strange, abusing drugs like there's no tomorrow and to top it off, he' leaving when summer break arrives!

"I'm… really fine."

Looking at me disbelievingly, Kenshin merely sighed when faced with my stubborn posture and unyielding smile. Kenshin then placed something in my hands, and I was surprised to see that it was my favorite Cadbury Hazelnut chocolate. My puzzlement must have been very obvious because Kenshin grinned worriedly at me.

"It's nothing really, but whenever you're tired, it's good to have some energy booster. I got this for you during break… and since we have this class together…"

"Ahh…" Tearing the aluminum foil off, I took a bite. "Oishii desu!!"

Kenshin's wane smile turned to a full bloom grin at my enthusiastic reaction as he brought his hand up to scratch his head in embarrassment.

"Take care of your heath ok? I… worry about you."

"Hai!"

But when I turned away, the smile could not help but fade as I took another bite of the chocolate in my hand.

Oh Kenshin, why did it take you 'til now to finally be caring?

"Why?"

I stared at the lush scenery outside the window, feeling the faintest rays of the sunlight streaming over me, bathing me with their soft warmth. Even faced with all the greenery, all I could really see was white. The white leather jacket that he always wore, the white baggy pants, the shocking white hair... they were always the sight I see when I closed my eyes. And now, even with my back towards him, all I could ever see, was white.

"Why what?"

His nonchalant answer just made my hackles raise a notch higher. What kind of an answer was that!

"Why. Did. You. Take. Those. Drugs?"

His footsteps neared my position at the window sill as I felt the reverberations on the floor. Despite my visual impairment at that time, I could feel his close proximity, his over-bearing presence scarcely a few centimetres away from me. His coolness, his tickling breath and tantalizing scent overwhelmed me just as his fingers reached out to curl themselves around my right arm.

"Why?" His reply came out laconic and lazy, yet laced with a tinge of concern and strangely misplaced rapture. "Why does it matter to you?"

Whipping my head back, my eyes ablaze, it was then that I noticed his expression of pure confusion. Has no one ever cared for him? It can't be so, for how else could he have written such beautifully poetic music otherwise? Yet here he was, bewildered by my gesture of pure affection.

"Because I care. It matters to me because I care for you. That's all."

"Why do you care for me?"

He planted his hands by his side, having long since released his grip on my arm. He looked adorable with his hair mussed up in its usual manner and his head cocked to one side as he regarded me seriously, more morosely than I have ever known him to be.

I shrugged.

"Do I need a reason?"

"Of course."

He replied without hesistation. For that split second, he reminded me of one of the students in my class, a boy who sat at the back, always staring out of the window, hoping for a chance to open it and jump out to explore the world. So fascinated was he by what was outside that he was utterly convinced it was the only truth and beauty in the world. Thus he missed the lectures and lessons, securing himself a position in summer classes and a great deal of verbal lashing from my form teacher as well as my acid tongued Statistics teacher.

"So... where does your music come from?"

"From inside me."

"Where inside you?"

He was stumped, I could tell. It was rather surreal, seeing the ever cool and collected Enishi fumble with a simple question.

"How would I know?" was his irritated answer followed by a brash tussling of his already messy hair.

"So how can you expect me to know why I care for you?" I tugged his left hand with my right as I smiled gently to the confused boy. "It's like your music. Something deep in you calling out to you to answer. It nags and pulls at you until you give in to it."

Feeling myself ensconced in his arms, I relaxed into his embrace. Though it was not the warmth that I would have wanted, it filled my soul with a kind of quiet peace that I could not seem to find anywhere else.

"Never again, Enishi, promise me. Never again."

Without having to ask, he merely nodded his head as he buried himself deeper into my being.

"Ahh... no more."

I held his hand within mine as we lay on the sofa, facing the same window. The setting sun sent streaks of crimson-orange all over the land. Bathed in the soft glow of the burning disc, the land looked like it was crying. Crying for some redemption that always seemed too far away. Next to me, Enishi lay his head atop mine as he hummed to a nameless tune I did not recognize. It must have been something new.

"Yuugure ni kimi to mita...orenji no taiyou... (in the evening I saw you... the orange sun)..."

I sighed in his embrace gently caressing the needle marks on his exposed skin.

"...nakisou na kao o shite... eien no sayonara... (you looked like you were going to cry... eternal goodbye)..."

Enishi stopped, bringing his free hand up to thread his finger through my hair. It seemed that my dark locks must remind him of the past because each time he does that, he always has that faraway look in his eyes, one that speaks of great sorrow and anguish.

"Is that a new song?"

"Ahh."

He was rarely this quiet which made me all the more worried. Enishi reminds me of the moon. So beautiful, so visible and so very lonely. Belonging entirely to himself, he hangs sadly in the midnight sky, his pale light illuminating the way home for so many lost souls, yet always stuck in the same spiral himself. Down, down, down.

"Sou. What is it called?"

Lifting his head from its position next to mine, he smiled softly.

"...ikutsumono yorokobi ya kanashimi mo... kazoekirenai deai ya wakare mo... (A great many joys or sorrows... countless meetings or farewells)..."

"'Nishi..."

And suddenly I didn't really need to know, because he was singing our song. The song that was a living proof of me lying in his arms right now, of the rapid thumping of my heart and the strange stinging sensation behind my eye lids. This song represented everything that needed to be said, and it spoke of the silences that did not need to be explained. It was the beginning and the ending of everything.

"The day after tomorrow, Koishii. We will meet then, that will be the last day."

He did not need to explain further, I knew what he was saying.

"Must it be so?"

Anata ga kieteiku... you are vanishing...

"You can leave with me."

He was serious, I could tell. Tightening his hold on me, Enishi enveloped me in his arms with all the intensity and passion he could muster. And I embraced him with all the fervour and emotions I could give.

"How can I?"

I asked incredulous. It meant...

"Drop everything, come with me. I'll be waiting."

"But..."

He brushed my hair back, gazing at me with those eyes that spoke of sadness and great anguish. Didn't I want to erase them away?

"Think about it. No promises now, but I'll be waiting anyway. I'll be there, at the roadside. I'll be there... So if I see you there, it means we're going, if not, I don't ever want to hear 'goodbye'."

I lightly kissed your cheek
And always watched
As you walked away

Tsuzuku

A/N: This is going to be very brief because I'm so tired from all this writing. Please check the previous chapter. I've installed something new at the end, right after the replies to the reviewers, it's a few scenes of 'Outtakes!', something that my strange, obsessive and perverted mind came up with. Hope you enjoy it! It's sort of in response to a T for teapot who mentioned that I should merge something with the author's note. Let me know what you think of it. In fact, it'll be really interesting for you the reviewers and readers to come up with your own outtakes of the story too! I'd be most interested to see what you can come up with!

To my wonderous (wonderful and fabulous put together) reviewers:

Matsuta, T for teapot, Angie, Jen, BelleDayNight, MaryDFair, , cattleya, bluejeans, blackheartedkid, donna8157, Firuze, kenshin's angel, graviaddict, Tsuki-san, Silent Tears of Agony, Yukimaru. Thank you so much for your continued encouragement and dedication to this fic. I feel greatly honoured to know that when I hit a rough patch like this, I can count on you for your support and endless words of comfort. This fic would have never made it this far without you. Please forgive me for my delay in updating as well as not having individual thanks because I want to put this up asap for all of you. This is dedicated to the ones who taught me that the true meaning of writing lies not only in me conveying my thoughts, but the want to share something of mine with you. You are my moral support and a great reason why I'm still writing. Thank you.

Haruko