The Final Awakening
"Kaoru."
I stirred.
It felt like my consciousness was awakened and something in me started to move. Like a freshly planted idea, it took root and blossomed, flourishing and then...
"Tomoe."
It was him. He was calling out to me from the dimly lit emptiness somewhere.
"Enishi."
I cried out to him, knowing that he would respond in kind. After all, am I not the one he has been waiting for? Am I not the one he gave his entire new life for?
"Koishii?"
His presence neared, the darkness gave way to blinding white as his shockingly-colored hair and pale skin came to view. However, with his cocky grin and twinkling eyes missing, he almost seemed bereft of his entire persona, somehow, almost... vulnerable.
'That's how he's been since you were gone, Tomoe. You're his confidence and reason, something I can never be.'
Kaoru echoed resolutely yet resigned in the depth of my mind, somehow not as far back as before. My musing ceased, though, when I felt his hand brush my arm.
A tentative touch, Enishi was afraid to graze me further as though testing the waters before he was to decide on whether to take the plunge, but I would have none of that. I was no flower, no delicate mimosa that shied away from human touch. Barreling into his embrace, he gasped as my arms wound themselves around him, clutching him as though he was my final salvation. And he was.
"Koishii, it's been too long..."
"Enishi..."
The echo from the depths of my mind rang through my body as I felt a twist in my gut and a wrench in my soul. Grimacing in Enishi's arm, I shuddered and gasped, falling to the floor. It was then that I felt another presence by my side. Though neither able to face it nor turn around, I knew who it was, the phantom residing in my mind.
"Kaoru."
Bending to my side, she smiled at me as the spasms subsided, and though she never touched me, I could feel the warmth radiating off her. Now I could understand why Kenshin fell for such an angel. With her sparkling eyes and bright personality, she was the centre of his universe while he, the satellite planet, basked in her kindness, compassion and great love. It was this abundance of emotions that halted Kenshin's feet, instilling the fear that he could never give her what she wanted and deserved. Because like the lonely planet forever revolving around the sun, afraid to be scorched, fearful too, of inadequacy, he forgets that she is not the sun, and he, the planet. She is just Kaoru, a girl in love with a boy, all too afraid that he would never reciprocate. How love makes cowards of the brave!
I tugged her hand as she bought her gaze to meet mine.
"Kaoru, Kenshin is waiting for you."
I could feel Enishi's hold tighten as I attempted to tell Kaoru all that I could. Love like theirs should never be buried. Love like theirs should have the opportunity to blossom. Love like theirs should be given a chance.
But all she did was smile her soft smile and nodded.
"Yes, I know."
Turning her gaze to Enishi, her eyes told a story of forgiveness, compassion and regret as she spoke.
"Enishi, I thank you for your kindness all this while, though I do realize that most of it stems from the fact that Tomoe was me."
His shocked expression met her serene one as she continued.
"From my days in this darkness, I have learned some truths. Of how you died and lingered on Earth, waiting for Tomoe only to meet me, the body encasing her slumbering soul."
She tightened her hold on my hand as I gripped it in return, hoping to give her all the strength she needed because I knew she had to say the words. Kaoru had to realize what kind of a reality she was living in, and what an illusion it really was, only then can she break this curse, this never ending spiral into insanity.
"I was lonely and sad, Enishi, and though I now know that you took advantage of that, hoping to have Tomoe awaken in the end, I do believe that you did take pity on me and gave me more than polite hospitality. But most importantly, thank you for your music... it cleansed me."
There we were, basking in the silence as the words sank in and my admiration for Kaoru grew. Then, the faint throbbing began. Starting from the tip of my toes, it grew and rose until the entire cloud of emptiness seemed to gyrate in rhythm with it.
"Kaoru."
A whispered word, neither Enishi nor I had spoken.
"Kaoru... where are you?"
We were definitely not mistaken.
"Kaoru... I need you."
It broke through the darkness, escaping into our minds as his voice traced its way into Kaoru's soul. Only an open heart could receive another's message, and seeing that Kaoru and I were inexorably linked forever, I was a stray reception in this binding relationship.
"Kenshin!"
Kaoru's delighted gasp was heard as she pulled herself to her full height, trying to peer out of this abyss.
"Go to him, Kaoru."
I commanded. It was the only right thing to do.
"But..." She hesitated, looking back at Enishi and me.
"Tomoe is already out of you, I am contented."
In those few words, I found acceptance in Enishi and Kaoru. He was releasing her, and she, finding the freedom that she needed.
"Kaoru," Enishi paused, wondering whether he should continue or not. "I'm sorry I've been keeping you here. And now, my music and my Tomoe is here, I hope you can find happiness with Kenshin."
I smiled up, clutching Enishi's hand affectionately as he spoke the words that I believe Kaoru needed to hear.
I was right because right then, Kaoru smiled.
If this life is put into this minute
Who do I miss the most?
It would be you who I can't lose...
Kenshin's fingers accurately yet somewhat awkwardly strummed the guitar cradled in his hands.
There Kaoru lay, so pristine and perfectly on the bed that he was almost afraid he was interrupting her beautiful dream and would rudely awaken her. Yet if he truly thought about it, the pale pallor of her complexion gave away the ugly truth that his beloved Kaoru was held captive in a never ending nightmarish slumber.
All the good times are illusions and dreams
Who can understand the joy of life?
I would say, for love, everything is right
Who is more important than you?
"Ken-chan,"
If he tried hard enough, Kenshin could almost hear the faint affectionate moniker she labeled him with.
"Why do we learn to speak? Why?"
If he struggled hard enough, he could almost conjure the words she spoke years ago.
"Why, if only so we can hide and lie?"
If he labored hard enough, he could almost believe that she was awake.
Victory or losses are unimportant
Who is more important than you?
Gales and storms all turn for you
...Even as I chase again and again
She looked so genteel in her seemingly eternal slumber that for a second, Kenshin nearly envisioned Tomoe's serene face staring back at him. It must have been, for haven't they been the same person before? Tomoe and Kaoru, Kaoru and Tomoe, the names rolled around in his mind even as Kenshin sang his song to her. Were they really that same or different?
Two sides of the same coin, the sun and the ocean, parted only by a thin line in the horizon...
All the good times, though not many,
But one minute with you and that satisfies me
To be with you, tiding these times,
...it's not in vain.
Sometimes he wonders how he never quite noticed it. The changes in Kaoru and how she's distanced herself from everyone since then. He couldn't stop himself from the guilt and blame that he piled on himself. What signs did he miss? How could he have been that unobservant?
"Go... I'm fine. I'm always fine, so don't worry, ne?"
Kaoru, oh Kaoru, why did you have to lie?
The more passion that love has,
The more mistakes are made,
... but who wants to try again?
I will say that it's only because of you
That even if it's a mistake,
- I would try again and again
Kenshin knew that he never took the time out to watch over Kaoru the way she fussed over him. In all his life, it was always Kaoru who took care of him, Kaoru who sat by his side when he was down, Kaoru who was there every step of the way as he stumbled and fell. Where was he all this while? Where has he been while she was facing her own demons, the loneliness she never revealed?
"Please don't worry about me. I'm really fine. I'm... really fine."
Where was he was she was standing there in the shadows lying to cover up the bruises and scars hidden by her brilliant smile?
Thinking of chasing every minute and second in my life
Only now do I see
Where was he?
... that is foolishness
You are the real destination
"Kaoru..." Kenshin whispered as the song faded into the air, echoing in the depths of his bleeding heart.
As I chase again and again
Only now do I see that I've never been lacking
"Kaoru... where are you?"
Only now do I see that it is with you
"Kaoru... I need you."
... with you that simplicity is my every want and need.
"Kaoru... I need you."
She stirred. Barely perceptible to the unobservant eye, but she did stir.
"The song... was it... for me?"
She brought her fingers up to the tears that leaked through his closed lids. Amazed, he opened his eyes to stare back at her cerulean orbs.
"K-Kaoru?"
He knew it was her. She was back.
"Kenshin." Her face blossomed into a smile at his one word.
"You're here, you're here, you're here." He crowed while embracing her thin frame.
Laughing weakly, she could not help but sigh contentedly in the one place she's always wanted to be – there, with Kenshin and only Kenshin.
"Never go again, never go anywhere, just stay here ok?" He released her reluctantly as Kenshin's worried violet eyes bore into her sleepy ones. "I don't know what I'd do if you were to pull a stunt like that again!"
Shaking her head as her eyes filled with the mirth she was too tired to express, Kaoru softly replied.
"It's not like I had a choice!"
Chuckling, Kenshin gently stroked her hair, allowing all the love he hid before to be revealed to the world. He was always too late before. Always a step behind, hurting her without letting her know what he was thinking or feeling. But the time for that has passed. When he saw her lying broken on the bed, it took all of him not to howl in grief and fall into the depths of despair.
"I just need you too much, Kaoru, I just need you too much."
Leaning down to plant a kiss on her raven hair, Kenshin breathed in the scent of life on her, drinking in the comforting knowledge that she was indeed back with him again.
"Ahh." Was Kaoru's drowsy reply.
Kenshin noted her tired response and lay her back down on the hospital bed while pressing the button calling the nurse to notify them of Kaoru's progress. There were many things left to be said between the two, but right now, his Kaoru was fatigued, and he was too, from all the constant worrying.
"Kenshin?" Kaoru's slurred voice broke him temporarily from the fog that descended on his sleep-deprived mind.
"Mm?"
"Will you be here when I wake up?"
Tucking her comfortably under the covers, Kenshin held her hand as he settled on the seat next to her, where he had always been.
"Of course koi, I'll always be here."
"Promise?"
She tightened her hold on him while straining to keep awake, afraid that if she closed her eyes before he agreed, he would be gone once she shut them.
'So this is how uncertain you are of my affections, how did I never notice this before?'
"I'll never lie. I promise."
Closing her eyes, Kaoru rested while Kenshin watched over her, content in the revelation of her love and the knowledge that she had returned to his side.
Adesso. He had her love now, and she had his.
kieta kimi o omoitsuzukeru koto shika dekinakute
boku no kawaru koto no nai kimi e no omoi wa
fukaku fukaku ima mo,
sou...aishiteiru
I can only keep remembering you who disappeared
My unchanging feelings towards you
Deeply deeply even now,
Yes...I love you
That was enough.
"Rest now, Koi."
Owari
A/N: Oooooh man, it's been such a long time since I've last updated eh? Well, school isn't making it any easier. I should be studying now, but I've really no mood to do so. Let's hope that I'll still do ok anyway. The story is finally over. I'm thinking of putting in a little bit more, maybe an epilogue of some kind, but that would depend on YOU. Mostly because I don't know whether you guys have had enough of La Ballata della Luna or not. We'll see.
To my WONDERFUL, SWEET, ENCOURAGING and most definitely PATIENT reviewers:
Wallpaper: Yeah, it's weird. I reread my stuff and I get confused too! Hehe, is the magic part coming out? Well, this is the last chappie, so if you don't understand what's going on, I've really done a terrible job. I think at the end of the review replies, I'll explain what really happened, I'm sure there're many of you out there who don't know what's going on. I hate how the idea germinates in my mind and it never gets expressed properly. Ah well, thank you so much for your words nonetheless. It's my manna.
Iryl: Thanks for the encouragement, see what happened? I finally wrote something! This should make a little more sense, if not, scroll down to the explanation below!!!
Masutsa: -eyes bulges out- you understand??? Wow, maybe I should find some award to give you for that. –pats Masutsa on the shoulder- You are the reason I write! –eyes shining- I want to cry...
MaryDFair: Hehe, welllllll... I think you can return to the previous chappie and press that little button, here's the answer to your queries!!! God, I miss writing so much, if only I could quit school and do this full time. Now... I just need to find a rich man... -sigh-
Tsuki-san!!!!: OH my GOD!!! How much I've missed you. I'm so sorry I've missed all your stories, it's been such a hectic life for me, what a rollercoaster it's been! Please write and tell me how you've been, how's your health, your writing, everything. There's too much silence, and though I know it's my fault, I wish I could rectify it. Love you!!
The Sinner: Has the confusion been washed away? I certainly hope so. Otherwise my ego as an author would be thoroughly crushed. I tried my best to leave the word 'reincarnation' out for the sake of ... religious reasons? It's partly to be politically correct because I know some people (well, a great deal of people actually) don't quite believe in it, but then again, this IS an AU, so I'm forgiven ne?
MZ. Amber Eyes: Yes, Kaoru does finally know that Kenshin loves her. In the end at least. It's hard not to when a guy does stuff for you that he would not do for other people. Ie the chocolate in one of the chappies! But she's confused then because of her growing misplaced love for Enishi. Nevertheless, thanks for everything, GOD I LOVE YOU!
Wistful-eyes: Hey, when are you updating your stories???? Heh, now I can say that since I finally updated mine! –grinz- And yes, you're definitely getting it right. Smart, here's a cookie. Seriously though, thank you so much for everything you've done. Your continued support and encouraging words always pulls me through my writer's block and helps me tide the hard and dry times. Thank you over and over again.
Rain angst: well, your wait is finally over. Please tell me what you think about it and whether the confusion was rectified. Thank you for your comments!
Scarlet Rayne: Well, the thing was, you're actually supposed to be confused. That's mirroring poor Kenshin's confusion as well. But I'm thoroughly sorry because I know how frustrating it can be. Especially when you're trying to understand what's going on! Hopefully this chapter makes up for it. Thanks for your kind words!
Mystal!: God I miss you! How do you find this chapter? I value your words, so keep them coming! Does it make sense? Does it tie in or does it sound abrupt? I'm a little afraid that it came out somewhat not quite what I had in mind, but it's been almost a year, so my frame of mind has changed so radically I fear that chapter 1 and this chapter has varied so drastically. Tell me!!
Jen: Tomoe is here because... well, by now you should know right? And I you don't, you'll never know. Kidding, hang around for the explanation. It goes all the way from the first chapter to now. Hope you like it. Thanks for everything!
The story:
The story starts with Enishi and how he stands at the street waiting for Kaoru, Tomoe's reincarnate. He was a singer before who devoted his life and heart to Tomoe and before she (Tomoe) died, he promised that he would wait for her, which was what he did. Enticing Kaoru with his music and his understanding of her pain, he draws her in. Kaoru keeps returning to Enishi despite her obvious deep emotions for Kenshin not realizing that it was out of loneliness and Tomoe's residual love for Enishi that binds her to him. Mistaking love for all of that, Kaoru is torn between the two men. I was hoping to make the house somewhat significant, but it may have to be explained in the next chapter, if I do write one, that is.
Anyway, Enishi asks Kaoru to join him where he induces her to get into an accident. (The nature of the accident itself doesn't matter, it's the actual happening of it that does. If you'd like to know, I could write it in a separate spin-off, we'll see.) In her coma, it is then that Kaoru's dominant persona is shut into a corner and Tomoe within her is released. However, Enishi did not count on Tomoe being released into the real world rather than the world that he was in. The thing was, Enishi was given a specific amount of time to linger in the world, hence his desperation for Kaoru to meet him by that time, and his trying to gain sympathy by showing her his drug abusing side. (Didn't realize that eh.)
Now, Tomoe was in the living world with Kenshin where she originally looked like Kaoru because of Kaoru's personality slowly shutting off into Tomoe. Imagine it like one of those morphing pictures except it takes days for it to happen. In this world, Tomoe, like Kaoru earlier on, has memories of things that she isn't sure of, along with that is some sort of deep seeded affection for Kenshin (obviously that came from Kaoru) and so she wants to be there for Kenshin as well.
Finally, this chapter speaks of the three meeting in the abyss where the dead souls (and a shut off Kaoru) come together, Tomoe is finally released to the nether world and Kenshin and Kaoru are reunited.
Final note: A great big thanks to everyone who contributed to this fic in one way or another. Thank you so much for the amount of time you've invested in this fic be it through reading or reviewing or giving me more points of view. This really expanded my horizons, improving the story one way or another. I do hope that I would have the time to continue writing, but regardless, the experience has been made all the more wonderful by you. Hope to see you on another KK journey! (P/S: I distinctly remember telling someone I might write this story with an EK ending, anyone interested?)
Haruko