Requiem: Lovers of the Lost Dimension
"Would you like an ice cream, Kaoru chan?"
Kenshin turned his head slightly towards her though his gaze rested on the ice cream vendor in front of them. Kaoru knew he was dying to hop across the street and get himself a cone since the hot and humid weather was a perfect incentive for one. So, pursing her lips, she pretended to think deeply.
"Well…"
"Kaoru!" He mock admonished her, knowing that she was teasing him.
"Go on ahead, I know you can't resist the allure of the Ojisan in favor of your girlfriend here, abandon me, why don't you?"
"You little imp!"
Seeing that Kaoru was grinning as she said that, Kenshin sprinted across the road, his eyes fixed on the vendor.
'All I could see…'
Kaoru shook her head as those thoughts rose to her mind, unbidden and unwelcome. They were just too close to the surface for comfort.
'…right across the street…'
"No, no." She murmured, pleading for the memories to remain where she left them, buried.
'…was you…'
Clutching her left arm tightly in her right hand, Kaoru fingered the jagged and uneven skin. Though the bandages have been off for more than a year, Kaoru still felt them as though they were wet, sticky, bleeding…
But only she could feel it.
These scars were the final reminder of the things she had left behind earlier on, things she wanted to be laid forgotten. Yet there they were, waiting for her to remember and pick them up right where she had left them in more than 467 days ago.
"Kaoru!" Kenshin stuck his hand out at her, waiting for her to take her favorite vanilla swirl from him.
"Oh! Gomen…" She turned to him, bringing her glance away from the road.
'No one ever sees you but me.'
Licking the creamy cool substance, she tried to hold down the torrent of images that were beating against her mental walls.
White, eternal white.
Gray, the slight hue that was found in his eyes.
Pale, the shade of his skin, the porcelain skin.
Colors that she tried to forget, colors that were supposed to be only in black and white, colors that reminded her of her weaknesses.
'I'm not enough. Kaoru was never enough for you.'
Peeping out of the corner of her eye to her boyfriend, Kaoru wondered how Kenshin would react if he knew her train of thought. It was not so much that she did not love her flame-haired boyfriend, but that there were some things she just could not bring herself to leave behind. Things she always beat herself about. Things she could not erase… like the scar he gave her.
"Why are you staring at me? I'm not giving my ice cream as well!" Kenshin lightly yet possessively proclaimed as he licked at his precious delicacy, staring hard at it, afraid that it would disappear if his eyes left the creamy surface.
"Mou! What do you take me for Ken-chan? I'm not a greedy over-eater like you! How do you still manage to play soccer with such a large tummy I would never know!"
"You…!"
Chasing Kaoru around his right hand clamped around his ice cream cone while the left was fisted into a tight grip, Kenshin laughed cheerfully, glad that the pensive gloom that hung over his girlfriend's face was temporarily gone.
Kenshin knew that Kaoru could not leave those days in the white mansion behind. Even as she guffawed gleefully at the puerile games they indulged themselves in like every other normal couple does, she could never forget. He always wanted to find out what happened, the days before that summer vacation, the accident, the long stretch of time she was lost in her coma, Kenshin wanted to know all of them. He wanted to endure the weight of those days with her to remind her that she was never alone andyet he could not.
Every time he broached the question, her right hand would immediately seek her left elbow in search for the scarcely visible wound. It was not that the scar was healing to a faded white, but that Kaoru was always covering it. And Kenshin could not blame her. Neither ugly nor outstanding, Kenshin and Kaoru were the only ones who knew the true agony behind that jagged line.
It was almost as though it represented the distance between them before, a fine stretch which separated the two: Close and yet a little too far away from each other. Still, as he holds her hand every day, the white and angry mark would forever bear the secret he could never quite learn of.
He just wished he could take something to clean it out of their lives. They had to go through so much just to learn that they wished to be together. All too much that it seemed Kamisama was being unusually harsh on them. The bright, vibrant and confident girl he knew from so many years ago had seem to have gone missing. And though she was returning bit by bit back to them, she still managed to remain pensive and self-concious as the days went by.
"Ken-chan?"
"Eh?"
"What do you see when you see me?"
Blue curiosity peered into fathomless amethyst as Kaoru stopped in her jog realizing that Kenshin was suspiciously still as he stared across the street where she herself was lost in thought five minutes ago. Not noticing that his ice-cream was melting a sticky and gooey pool on his hand, Kenshin simply trained his eyes on the road where the white chalk partitioned the oncoming flowing traffic, not quite understanding. But all that went through his mind at that moment was…
"It's here, isn't it?" He murmured more to himself than to the questioning girl next to him.
Pausing for a fraction of a second, his left hand stretched out to point at the middle of the road where the pedestrian crossing was.
The streetlight was blinking a fierce red to warn all pedestrians not to venture forth.
"It's here that you met your accident."
Kaoru cocked her head to one side as she curiously regarded her boyfriend even as the memories flooded her mind.
"Tomorrow noon. You can decide whether or not to turn up, but I'll be there."
She could still feel the hardened muscles beneath her head where the rested against his body. His taut physique reminiscent of a lion, stretched out in a seemingly relaxed pose though his prey knew better than to underestimate him.
"I'll be there for as long as I can."
Kaoru's hand itched to reach under her sleeve though she knew that Kenshin would react to that. He was already so cautious, afraid to do anything which might cause her to react badly. His questions which came in droves earlier on in their relationship had ebbed into a quiet dribble that he hardly posed any more. Kaoru felt so guilty knowing that he deserved the truth after what he had to endure along with her, but it just became harder and harder to open her mouth.
Each time, all she could see was the morose eyes of Enishi as his fingers glided across the ivory keys and recall his last song as he strummed the guitar his fingers moving from one frat to another effortlessly. He had told her, he had said…
"Your last chance to escape this all, will you take it?"
She wanted to. God, had she wanted to run across the street and grab onto his hand.
Enishi represented all the security she craved in this world. He was the icon of what she wanted but could not have. And looking to the boy at her left, his left hand hanging limply on his side as his forgotten ice-cream continued crying its impending doom… he loved her. He loved her.
So why can't that be enough for her to open her mouth and mind to him?
"What did you see that day?"
He questioned softly, afraid to frighten her or cause a panic attack like it did before. They have left months ago, the panic attacks, Kaoru had learnt to deal with and finally conquer them, though she knew that the topic would have to remain taboo for a while longer.
"I…"
She wanted to say. Dammit, she was so willing to pour it all out to him. Of how Enishi had requested to meet her one last time. How he promised her with such devotion and sincerity that he would always be with her if only she would allow him to. How those eyes that revealed all and nothing at the same time shone with such intensity that for a moment she could see the stark emotions he harbored, bringing a shiver of fear and anticipation down her spine.
Kaoru would reveal, too, of how she had debated with herself over and over again, choosing the boy she loved for her whole life or give into the new man who entered her world and brought it to its knees. And most of all, she wanted to tell him how she made it to this corner, them both at the two ends of the pedestrian crossing, separated by the black and white lines that crossed yet never touching.
"… I came here to find him."
Kenshin deserved so much more than what she could say, but still she wanted to try. Kaoru knew that he could never understand what it was that transpired between Enishi and her, but Kenshin wanted to know and that was the least she could do.
So even as she did not wish to relive the disheartening past, she still tugged at his shirt sleeve bringing him closer to the crossing as she stood in the same position as before.
"I was here."
The fair-skinned beauty could see him. The pale skin, hair all white, fingers strumming the fragile guitar in his arms like a lost lover. And that was the only thing he has been searching for. How could she have missed it.
Enishi was singing to her while the people walked on, not noticing the maestro that performed amongst them. Fools. They could not understand a genius or his work of great beauty. That was what Enishi was saving her from, that was what she was saving herself from.
"If we run far enough, we could leave them all behind."
'No, you're wrong. They'd always be a step behind. They'd always be there Enishi. What we should do is to learn to live with them, to learn to live in this imperfect world full of imperfections, forever searching for that one perfect moment.'
Strange how her feelings changed so much since that day. With Kenshin now by her side, Kaoru realized that she could learn to look back at that day and at the person she had been before.
'We were so weak then.'
Humming under her breath, Kaoru smiled up at Kenshin. He recognized the song as the one Tomoe had been singing in the room the first time they met. Not knowing what it was, he simply mirrored her thoughts as she pulled his right hand towards her.
Dumbly observing Kaoru taking the ice-cream out of his hand as she threw it away and wiped his palm clean with a wet tissue, Kenshin only realized how gentle Kaoru could be at times. How was it that he never saw it before?
"What song is that?"
She shrugged.
"Enishi sang it before and once again that day. He wouldn't even tell me the title. Mou!" Kaoru pouted hoping to lighten the atmosphere but all Kenshin did was to tighten his grip on her and asked.
"What happened?"
Her soothing ministrations ceased as she stared across the street once more.
"He tried to kill me."
Kenshin stared at his raven-haired childhood friend standing in front of him. He could not believe how casually she revealed the information. How could she speak it as though commenting on a test grade or a piece of trash on the pavement!
Finally, his eyes drifted down to her hands, the ones that were shaking and clutching onto each other as though they would not survive without the tension and strength… and then he knew.
"You… you couldn't see him, Kenshin. No one could, only me."
Her eyes wandered to the spot that lay scarcely a block from them. Kaoru knew that place. As much as she knew Enishi's music and the pain he endured to create it. This was where her life truly began and ended.
"This was where I met Enishi for the first and last time."
Kenshin nodded. He knew it too. He was here when the horrifying sight of Kaoru crossing the street on a flashing red light greeted him. He was here with Sano when she stopped in the middle of the pedestrian crossing, transfixed by an unknown sight in front of her, a sight neither of them could witness. He too was here when he screamed her name, begging her to run before the swerving truck reached her and claimed her life.
She had turned slightly to him, but it was too late.
Kaoru cocked her head to one side as she pulled him across the black and white lines easily bringing them to the other side of the street.
"I really wanted to go with him. I did. All I could see then was Enishi. He sat there waiting for me to go to him..." She confessed lightly as though her impending death was inconsequential. "But then, you called my name."
Kenshin's free hand fisted at his side as he relived how close to death his love was before.
"It's strange how close this place was to the mansion. I never noticed it until now, but you can practically see the white washed windows from here."
Kenshin turned his head, surprised to see that she was right. There, barely hidden by the pine trees, was the cemented and painted window frame peeking through the thick leaves.
Smiling softly at her boyfriend, Kaoru tugged at his hand and gently asked.
"Shall we?"
The dilapidated building that rose before her was something that Kaoru had not expected. Always kept in the best of conditions, the young woman was surprised to see the rusted iron fence, boarded gate and worse of all, the overgrown weeds. Enishi had prided himself in cleanliness and neatness that seeing the house turn into such a wreck brought a spasm of pain through Kaoru's heart.
"Wha-?" Despairing eyes bore into Kenshin's. "What happened to this place? It… it was so beautiful the last time I was here…"
Kenshin shook his head, partly in ignorance but mostly in disbelief.
"Kaoru-chan, the mansion has always been like this. Ever since I'd seen the address on the piece of paper in your pocket to the last time I returned here and met with Tomoe, the house had always been this way."
Confusion clouded Kaoru's thoughts as memories of the beauty that this place had been flashed through her mind. The brightly-colored tulips, the neatly trimmed grass, the freshly painted walls… what had happened to them?
Then it struck her.
"It's all in my mind. It's always been in my mind, isn't it?" Kaoru whispered, afraid that to speak any louder would mean that it was true.
"Kaoru…"
Kenshin could not finish his sentence though, because just then, a piano sounded. Even before the next few chords could be played, Kaoru ran towards the tarnished fence and snuck through the hole, finding her way into the mansion.
"Here we go again." The red-haired man sighed despite knowing that this was important, just that he had thought he could finally leave this place behind and here, the memories were being dredged up again. "Let's just hope that this would be the last time."
The wooded door creaked opened as the notes wafted their way to the couple. Holding her boyfriend's hand loosely in her grasp, the pale beauty wove her way to the piano room expertly. This was the route she took then, the path nearest and fastest to Enishi in the days when she had imagined her own importance to him, not what lay before.
Just as they were nearing, a guitar sounded. The chords so familiar, the tune so close to her heart, Kaoru raced straight to the spartan room determined to find the answers to her painful question.
'Sorry Kenshin. I didn't mean to let go of your hand… but I really need to know…'
The door crashed open as Kaoru sprinted into the room.
"Enishi!"
She huffed from the exertion she placed on her body, yet she could not help the quickening pace of her heartbeat. Could this be…?
What faced her though, was something else completely unexpected.
There seemed to be at least twenty people in the room, lights flashing as an assortment of equipment filled the previously spartan space. And right there, in the centre of the room was the antiquated grand piano. However, seated on the bench was not the white-haired musician that Kaoru knew so dearly. Instead, it was a man dressed in clothes of the Victorian era; hair dyed a golden shade and eyes a piercing forest green, more from coloured contacts than genetics. Though he was most definitely a man of the arts, she was certain that he was no Enishi.
"I'm sorry Ma'am, but you're not supposed to be here."
A middle-aged man sitting behind the camera, the director probably, spoke up, instantly breaking the uncomfortable and stunned silence that fell upon the room.
"I.. what…" "What's going on here?"
Kenshin interjected knowing immediately what it was that Kaoru wished to know. He too was most shocked when faced with this scene.
"A music video, what does it look like?"
A womaninterjectedfrom behind the lights. Her tone annoyed and displeased. They were already behind schedule as it is, this distraction was not needed at the moment!
"Ah… but that song, it belonged to someone I know -knew…" Kaoru sputtered in her embarrassed and perplexed state. Though she did not know the title, it was a melody she would never forget.
"Quite right. We're doing a cover of one of the older songs. However, we're running late.. do you mind?"
Kaoru wrung her fingers knowing that she should leave but still…
"It should be alright if they stayed…" The pianist spoke up from behind the keyboard for the first time.
They all chuckled this time as she nodded her head so violently it seemed it might break from her abrupt movements.
"Yes, Yes! I promise I won't get in your way. I'll just sit here, I won't even talk or move if you don't want me to!"
The words she had spoken not so long ago.
'You won't mind, would you? You won't mind my staying here, right Enishi… even if it's not me you wanted.'
Kenshin moved from behind her to her side as he slid his hand perfectly into hers.
The piano sounded once more, and everything else lost its meaning.
yuugure ni kimi to mita orenji no taiyou
nakisou na kao o shite eien no sayonara
In the evening, I saw with you the orange sun
You looked like you were going to cry eternal goodbye
The strains of the last words drifted into the wind. Quiet and respectful silence greeted the finale as the moment seemed to stretch into eternity with its evocative probing.
This was the magic and mircale of Enishi's music – the birth and death of beauty in its painful decay and starkness, forever searching, forever unafraid of the future.
Shouts of relief and triumph echoed throughout the room as the workers bustled along to clear up and leave for their hard earned rest.
"How was it?" The pianist came up to the couple who barged in earlier on. He was curious and taken aback that anyone would be anywhere in the vicinity of the building, considering how the road was deserted most of the time.
Witnessing the tears streaming down from the young woman's cheek, he was even more startled.
"Beautiful." She choked.
"Thank you so much for letting us stay behind." The man standing next to her gently grasping her hand spoke up on her behalf. "This means a lot to us."
"Oh? Did you know the musician?" He knew that the composer had died a while back and naturally assumed no one else would be informed of his identity.
"Ahh, Enishi was a talented musician, that he was. This song in particular is special to us." The young man offered a vague explanation, yet it was one that threw the young singer into a greater loop.
"How could you… this song was never released before. The company had found it in Enishi-sama's possessions recently." Stunned, the blonde stared at the weeping woman. "Could you be… Kaoru?"
Shock stopped the tears as Kaoru jerked her eyes up to the greenish orbs of the singer.
Hastily he trooped them over to the piano as he reached for the music score he was playing from. Shoving it in their trembling hands, he continued.
"We picked this house for the shooting since it was Enishi-sama's abode before his death and it was also here that we discovered the lost manuscript. It too was the place where he spent most time with Tomoe-san and wrote his music… but how would you know Enishi-sama? You would have to be very young for him to have met you…"
But Kaoru could not hear his barrage of questions and comments for she could feel her scar throbbing as Kenshin's hand squeezed her own in silent encouragement.
There written on the top of the page, right next to the song's title, was the one sentence that caused Kaoru to break into a sob: For Kaoru, thank you for staying by my side when no one else would.Be happy.
"Orenji no Taiyou… that's what it was called…" Kaoru breathed while Kenshin hastily returned the papers as she turned to bury her face in his shirt.
"He saw me. He saw me…"
No answer was needed as Kenshin comforted the treasure in his embrace. Now it seemed Kaoru was ready to put the past behind her. Maybe it was a miracle, maybe it was the ultimate gift, but Enishi's music had finally bridged the rift between them and healed the scar that Kenshin was afraid would haunt her forever.
The walk home was filled with tenderness and deep affection which made Kenshin feel as though he could burst from all the happiness.
"You're happy?"
Kaoru laughed.
"Yes," she replied softly. "This… I had thought that the entire time I was with Enishi, I was simply a replacement. Seeing the music score, knowing that the song was entirely for me… it gave me confidence. It told me that for a second, Enishi had seen me, meas I was. As Kaoru, not Tomoe. Simply Kaoru."
Kenshin pulled her to him as he softly kissed her, finally understanding her strange question earlier on.
'What do you see when you see me?'
"Ah, I see. But know this too," he lightly brushed her bangs behind her ear as his forehead gently touched hers, "to me, you're always Kaoru. Only Kaoru."
She smiled, breathing in the same air that he did, loving the same way that he loved.
"I love you too, Kenshin."
Fin
A/N: This is one of the hardest chapters to write, definitely. It had a lot of foreshadowing, a great deal of nuances that I had to think about a great deal before laying it out for you guys. Very much disheartened with this story and thinking that I'm much better off leaving it as it were, I just went to watch the movie, Last Quarter, of which is based on the manga which inspired this fic. Confusing? One of my favourite Japanese singers acted the part of Adam, who was Enishi, and his name is Hyde. Recognize him?
Regardless, I was unhappy with the movie and the ending, although it was most definitely an interesting portrayal. Nevertheless, I hope that I managed to convey the doubts and issues which plagued the couple long after Enishi had returned with Tomoe. Kaoru was most definitely affected, and in some way I wanted Kenshin to fight harder for the relationship, feeling a little put off (on Kaoru's behalf) that she was the only one who kept holding onto their love. Please let me know if I was successful.
Mystal made a really good suggestion of Enishi's point of view to reveal more of the accident, but I couldn't quite do that yet because I need to work out the kinks of the life after death or 'where-the-hell-is-Enishi?' part. So once I can come out with that, you might see a spin off!
A little shout out to my readers and reviewers: Daffybear (don't worry about not getting the drug-abuse bit, I did a really poor job of it. I wanted to add it in here, but it seemed to be rather awkward too, so I left it at that.), Thai (Thank you so much for your support. Your kind words really helped me along in this chapter!), Triste1 (You got it right, both women were the same! Yea! Haha, hope you'll like this last chapter too!), Iryl (Haha, here's some KK fluff though I must say that it's not as fluffy as my other fics. Tried my best though!), Scarlet Ravyne (Here's the Epilogue you wanted. A little late.. heh, but still something you can read right? I'm definitely thinking of an EK ending. Still in the works though), MaryDFair (See? I did write more. You just have to wait for it. That's me. Only when inspiration hits can I sit down. Hope you enjoy this one too!), Donna8157 (yo girl, when are you gonna finish your Possession? I'm still waiting for it!), Jen (thank you so much for your support. I love EK too, that's why I wanted this story because there're bits of both in it. Although having Enishi leave kinda put me in a funk. Hmm, maybe he'll return in a sequel? Maybe…), mystal (haha, Kenshin with musical talents! To be honest, I sat and read my story again and was literally like this: O,o;; thinking to myself 'waaaat, I made Kenshin sing?' haha, couldn't believe it myself. Ah well. Must be my muse!), Wistful-Eyes (I need to do something about not needing a guide. Everytime I write I seem to need one, so it means that I'm not doing a good job! Haha, so here's the last bit for you, hope you like and let me know!), Wallpaper (You love me? Really? Haha, that's great, cos I love you too! ), bionne (Thank you for the thought. RKRC? Man, it's an honour. Haha, I'm actually wondering what happened to it too considering one of my poems was lost in the pile of stuff there. Let me know when you find out!)
Lastly, here completely ends this tale, something which makes me feel somewhat sad considering how well received it is by everyone. A sequel or mirror tale (something of a different ending) might be in the works, but we'll have to see about that. So bye for now, and thank you for your support!
Love
Haruko