Hope
Embers that burn, embers that fade
Eyes that seek refuge behind that façade
Tales of unparalleled fury and ruth
A ray of hope destroyed by truth
Only to be reborn
Yet again at the break of dawn
Keeping a secret is like holding water in your closed fist. The tighter you hold on to it, the faster it slips out. Remus learned to appreciate this ephemeral quality of secrets early in their second year.
It was a Tuesday. The third full moon of the second year was approaching. Habit and apprehension made Remus twitchy and clumsy, as the evening approached. He sat alone in the common room, waiting for Professor McGonall to come and escort him to the willow. He had been happier after coming to Hogwarts than ever before in his life. He was getting the education of his dreams, nothing constantly reminded him of his alter identity, the beast, and he had three great friends. He had forgotten what it was like to have friends. They would explore the castle and the vicinity, play pranks, and visit the kitchens for food. They would have meaningless banters, half-hearted fights, homework marathons, and midnight flying sessions. They could talk about anything under the sun in their dorm- their space. Their dorm was where they found out about Sirius' antagonistic relationship with his family. Their dorm was where they found out about the secret crush James had on a second year Gryffindor, Alice Wilkins. And their dorm was where Sirius confronted Peter about his fear of the dark, and found out that it had to do with his parents' death at the hands of the Dark Lord. The dorm had uncovered many of their secrets. But not this one…
Remus had felt guilty on many occasions before for not confiding into his closest mates. But he immediately chastised himself for being so naïve. Which self-respecting wizard would accept the existence of a dark creature in their midst? What if he lost the only friends he had made in a long time? What if someone else found out? He'd be out of the school before you could say 'werewolf'. Dumbledore was working hard to keep him in the school. He mustn't let him down. But what about his friends? James and Sirius entered from the portrait hole, after quidditch practice. "Hey Remus, mate! Are you feeling okay? You look quite pale. Perhaps you should…" Sirius trailed off, looking at James. James knelt down beside Remus in concern, felt his forehead and said, "You feel all clammy and cold, Remus. Should we escort you to the hospital wing?" Behind him, Sirius' face mirrored the expression of concern that James had. Remus jerked spastically, swatting James' hand off and edging away nervously. "I am all right. Its just…my mother again, James. I am sorry." He finished pathetically, unable to look up into either boy's eyes. Neither boy backed off at this uncharacteristically strange behavior. "You will have to go home again?" whether that was a question, statement, or a rhetoric question, remained unanswered, as Professor McGonagall chose that moment to walk into the common room. "Lupin, are you ready? Very well, then, I shall escort you to Hogsmeade." They had reached the portrait hole, when Remus heard James call from behind, "Professor, Can I have a word with you?" "Is this really urgent, Potter"
"Um…yes"
Professor McGonagall left Remus near the entrance and moved a little into the common room. Remus' hearing being sharp due to the full moon, he could hear the conversation pretty well.
"Professor, Remus' mother… do you think she is going to be okay?" They were concerned about him…his mother…
" I hope so, Potter"
"Maybe we should accompany him? For support and all that?" They really cared…
"No, Black, I don't think that will be necessary. I will however convey your sentiments to Lupin."
"But Professor-". Sirius. Always too persistent for his own good.
"Don't push it, Black. I don't want to take any more points off my own house, and you have lost us enough points after your little escapade in the trophy room with Rosier and Snape."

The next three days were a haze. The wolf had been particularly vicious this time, as if to mark a raging internal conflict. Even as Remus was being torn apart in his mind regarding betraying his friends' trust, the wolf has practically torn him apart physically. It was only on Saturday morning that he was able to return to his dorm. Only Peter was there, reading his transfiguration text. Remus winced as he sat heavily on the bed. Peter smiled at him a trifle tentatively, and for the first time following a full moon, he saw something other than concern in the other boy's eyes.
"How are you holding up, Remus?"
"I'll live. I missed a lot of work, didn't I?"
"How's your mother?"
"She is fine. Not in very good shape, but the doctors-muggle healershave-"
James and Sirius walked in, laughing about something. Seeing Remus in the dorm, they instantly fell silent, moving to his side.
"Remus! How are you?" This was definitely out of order. Sirius had never looked so serious about anything in the past.
"All right I guess…my mother-"
James and Sirius sat down on either side of Remus.
"Remus, we know." James said the words quietly, yet forcefully. Remus' insides ran cold. They knew. They knew. Oh, Merlin…
"What are you talking about, James?" his voice was surprisingly calm, if a trifle artificial even to himself.
"I can't believe you didn't tell us before…something as big as this…Remus what were you thinking of?" Remus forced himself to look up. Sirius looked genuinely disappointed.
I have let them down. They want out of this…not that I blame them. I am the monster here.
"What was I thinking of? You ask me what was I thinking of? I'll tell you…I was thinking that after seven long years I had friends…people who treated me as equals. People who weren't scared of me. People who cared. Now look what has happened. Look at you all. Peter here looks at me like I will bite him any minute now. Sirius, you think I have let you down and discounted your safety for my selfish reasons. And James-"
"Remus, mate, will you listen to us for a minute?" James' words were reasonable, but his voice betrayed a sense of frustration that Remus misread as anger.
"You are right. You all are right. I don't deserve friends. Why would a monster need friends anyway? I am better off alone. Should have never come here. Look, I'll talk to Dumbledore tonight and tell him this was all a big mistake and that I should leave Hogwarts"
James and Sirius looked at each other and then at Remus. There was no convincing him when he was in this mood. "Fine! Be that way. Hate yourself. Call yourself a monster. Seclude yourself. But don't expect anyone else to like you or respect you when you can't like or respect yourself." Knowing that he now had Remus' attention completely, James softened his tone. "Remus, we came to tell you that we don't care if you are a werewolf one night a month. Okay, I take that back. We do care, but in a good way. We care about you, see?" Remus looked on blankly as if he didn't register what James was saying. Peter edged closer, drawing courage from Sirius and James, mumbled almost incoherently, "We are friends. Why should this come in the way?" He didn't sound entirely convinced though. Sirius sighed impatiently. "Remus, you are not leaving Hogwarts, and if you are we're coming with you. Now, you wouldn't want to deprive us of our education, would you? I mean that'd be pretty cruel coming from someone who gets on my case for not completing my assignments…" Remus' lips quirked up in an uncertain smile. "You really mean it? You don't mind about my being a-" "Monster." Sirius finished with a smile. "No, we don't. If fact it'd be sort of cool to have our very own monster. How many people at Hogwarts can boast of having their personalized monster?" Remus smiled. Genuinely. They didn't mind. Sirius had used the word monster affectionately, as if to describe a kid brother. They were his friends. All he knew at that moment was that he had three of the greatest friends on the surface of the earth.