Hey folks! This is your host, Tasselhoff Burrfoot with another episode of...
KRYNNISH IDOL!
Thanks to all your lovely reviews, the Authoress has decided to finally update, and as you remember, last time poor Raistlin got rather ill so, lets go check on him shall we?
BACKSTAGE
(The Authoress is standing outside the bathroom yelling.)
Authoress: "RAISTLIN! WOULD YOU STOP WORSHIPING THE PORCELAIN GOD FOR PETE'S SAKE! WE HAVE A SHOW TO PUT ON!"
Raistlin: "You IGNORANT MORTAL! You can't even imagine what I've been through! You expect me to go back out there and watch dozens more equally horrifying displays of stupidity!
I WON'T DO IT! I CAN'T, I WON'T!"
Authoress: "But what about your fans! Dozens of Girls out there, me included are reading this because of you! You're their hero and they were so worried about you puking your guts out! Some even bought you bottles of Pepto Bismol! You can't just leave during the second chapter!"
Raistlin: "Really? How swe- I MEAN FINE! I'll try it again, just for my fans."
Audience: "RAISTLIN WE LOOOVE YOU!"
All The Judges Are Seated
Goldmoon: "Raistlin, if you had just stayed here I could have healed you with my staff. I finally got a license for it!"
Theros: (Nearly strangles Raistlin with a hug) "Yeah buddy! I really missed you. Anyways, do you have Caramon's number?"
Raistlin/Think of the fans, think of the fans./
Tas: Well folks, looks like it's on to the next contestant, and today what do you know, it's...DRUMROLL!
KITIARA THE SLU- I MEAN UTH-MATAR!
Raistlin: "This is a nightmare."
"DID SOMEONE SAY NIGHTMARE? LOOK RAIST! BUNNIES!"
Raistlin: aaahhhhhhh!!!!!
Authoress: "CARAMON! GET BACK IN THAT STRAITJACKET YOU IMBECILE!"
(Meanwhile, Kit's entrance is still sinking in.)
Goldmoon: "Slut."
Theros: "She is? COOL! Hey, Raistlin, do you have her number?"
Tas: "As I was saying, Kitiara Uth-Matar singing...
Kit: "Shut up you pint-sized freak, this is my time.
Also, I'd like to dedicate this song to Tanis Half-Elven."
"You keep saying you've got something for me.
Something you call love but confess.
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
and now someone else is gettin' all your best.
These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do,
one of these days these boots are gonna walk right over you.
You keep lying, when you ought to be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.
These boots are made for walking. And that's just what they'll do,
one of these days these boots are gonna walk right over you.
You keep playin' when you shouldn't be playin' and you think you'll never get burnt.
Ha! I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah,
and what he know you ain't HAD time to learn.
(Somewhere BACKSTAGE)
Tanis: "Kit! Wait! I LOVE YOU! I just love that elf chick too, I mean, come on! How come you can't share me but I have to share you all the time! Can't we just forget about Laurana? I mean, you sang about Boots! Is that some weird way women ask you to take their boots off?
Kitiara! Wait! I LOVE YOU!"
Are you ready boots?
Start walkin'!
Tas: Wow! That was beeeautiful! And those were some sexy boots too...hehehe but I don't think Tanis will be taking them off anytime soon..Kit looked pretty P'od.
Anyway, let's hear from the judges."
Goldmoon: "Raistlin, why don't you evaluate the slut-I mean your sister first."
Raistlin: "Not bad sister, though I'm not a big Nancy Sinatra fan, you had him crying like a baby. I applaud you."
Kit: "Thanks Lil bro..."
Raistlin: "I'm not finished yet! You have a terrible singing voice, so I'd stick with your present occupation if I were you, and if you love your troops, don't take them to any kareoke bars. Ugh."
Goldmoon: "Like your brother said, you're not a singer, you're a slu-I mean Dragonlord/Commander/Dark Queen wannabe. Stick with it."
Theros: "That was amazing! Do you hire out?"
Kit: "Thanks anyway, but I have enough puppies on leashes for now, but I'll call you if there's an opening handsome."
Theros: Anytime sugar!
Goldmoon: "Raistlin, we need to talk to the Authoress about Theros, he's just not normal."
Raistlin: "Don't worry, The Authoress and I are doing an experiment, what happens when you mix Ritalin with Viagra."
Goldmoon: "No wonder..."
Tas: "Well folks! Guess what? For being such good reviewers, we have a little extra something for you... TAKE IT AWAY SKIE!"
(Suddenly, A LARGE Blue Dragon Lands in the middle of the Mosh Pit)
Tas: "AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!"
Skie: "I know I'm supposed to start singing, but how can I with all this squishy stuff underneath me."
Authoress: "You mean the audience?"
Skie: "oh."
(At this point Skie continues to squish around trying to get comfortable on top of the late moshers, and then he can be seen giving the signal, and the MUSIC STARTS!)
Tas: "AND NOW SKIE THE DRAGON SINGING..."
"Yo Listen up, here's a story about a little dragon that lives in a blue world
and all day and all night and everything he sees is blue like him inside and outside
blue his house, with the blue little window and a blue corvette and everything is blue for him and hisself and everybody around cos he ain't got nobody to listen...to
I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di...
I have a blue house with a blue window, blue is the color of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are blue.
I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue.
Blue are the people that walk around, blue like my corvette, it's standing outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me...
I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di...
I have a blue house with a blue window, blue is the color of all that I wear.
Blue are the streets and all the trees are blue.
I have a girlfriend and she is so blue.
Blue are the people that walk around, blue like my corvette, it's standing outside.
Blue are the words I say and what I think.
Blue are the feelings that live inside me...
I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di...
Blue his house with the blue little window and blue corvette and everything is blue for him and hisself and everybody around cause he ain't got nobody to listen to...
I'm blue da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di da ba de da ba di!"
Authoress: "WHO INVITED THE DRAGON! HE JUST STOMPED EVERYONE IN ROW A THROUGH 4 TO JELLY!
RAISTLIN!"
Raistlin: "I didn't do a thing! I'm just doing my job! Judging! I have no idea why the kender is pointing at the sack I'm holding! It's just a regular old sack, not even the kind that would hold a Dragon Orb! Just a regular sack..."
Authoress: "And I'm Queen Takhisis."
Raistlin: (mumbling) "sometimes I think she is..."
Authoress: " I HEARD THAT!"
Goldmoon: "Are we supposed to judge the dragon?"
Theros: "How should I know? I've been busy. Kitiara's boots needed a spit shine."
Goldmoon: "I'm going to leave it at that. But you have to admit, he can rap pretty well for a reptile.
(At this point Kit emerges from where she was ensconced with one of the camera men.)
"Skie puffy cakes! It's time to go! Did you have a good time my little baby waby?"
Raistlin: "Does she always talk to you like that?"
Skie: "You have nooo idea."
(Dragon, and Dragonlord fly away...)
Tas: "Wow! What a show folks! While the Authoress is tearing her hair out in frustration, here are a few little announcements.
People should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever ,ever, ever, ever, mix medications with alcohol or suntan lotion.
Also, Show your support and Review!
Also, The Authoress knows that Kitiara was totally OUT OF CHARACTER. Pointing this out, may very well cost you your head.
And Remember! Even flames, go to a good cause.
Tune in next week when everyone's favorite Dark Elf makes an appearance...What do you mean I wasn't supposed to say anything? It was on my cue card!
Hehehe, um, forget I said that!
JUST REVIEW!"