Posted: 6-6-05

Chapter 9: There's No Place Like Home (fortunately)

AN: Well, this is it! The end! Wow, it feels like I've been ending so many fics lately. I guess that's an improvement on the old days! Heh, I don't know when my next humorous Inuyasha (which I don't own) fic will be. All of my ideas are serious. Well, there is one idea I've been playing with. I love comedy, it's just that I'm learning how to do drama and I end up being more proud of it cause it's harder for me, lol. I am fairly positive that I will not do another Wizard of Oz (which I also don't own) fic, though. So yay for that, hee hee.

The group made their way back down the long hallway once more, again having problems getting past the strange old gate guard. They entered the large room and waited nervously for the Youkai to appear.

After a few moments, the big purple horned creature appeared in another huge puff of smoke. They all still felt a little taken aback, although the Cowardly Kitsune was the only one trembling this time.

"What do you want now?" he boomed, seeming to look them all over carefully. "Have you brought back the bow of the Wicked Miko of the West?"

"Yes," Sango replied, tentatively laying it on the ground in front of them. "It's right there."

"So she's dead then," the Youkai said, seeming to be lost in thought.

"Uh... Yeah, sure," the Hanyou answered.

"Very well," he finally said, more flames and smoke shooting up. "Now, be gone!"

"Wait, what!" Sango exclaimed. "We did what you wanted! Aren't you going to grant our requests?"

"I told you to go," he continued. "The Great Youkai has commanded it. Maybe I can squeeze you in a few months from now."

"A few months!" she cried, glancing at her shocked friends. "But we've all worked so hard! What about the Cowardly Kitsune's courage, or the Houshi's heart, or the Hanyou's brain?"

"HEY!"

"And I need to go home! I think."

"I said leave. If I am able to find time for you, I'll send word..."

It was at this point that they all suddenly stopped listening. Their eyes had turned to Kilala, who had apparently run off during the recent mess and was now sniffing a strange pelt in the corner. After a moment, she grabbed the edge with her teeth and started pulling on it.

It began to fall away, revealing a man with long dark hair underneath it who seemed deep in thought. Suddenly his eyes snapped open and he looked down at the cat in surprise. The others looked at each other and started making their way over.

"Uh, pay no attention to that man beneath the baboon pelt!" the Youkai said as the man's mouth moved. He was trying his best to snatch his cover out of Kilala's jaws.

"You're the Youkai, aren't you?" the Hanyou asked with a frown.

"How could I be..." the man began, before sighing as the large purple creature faded away. "Yes."

"Well, you're nothing but a weird man wearing eyeshadow," Sango commented.

"I know," he replied, looking annoyed. "Why else do you think I have to use that fake youkai to strike fear into the hearts of my people?"

"Why you want to scare them?" the Houshi asked.

"Because," he replied. "It's what I do."

"Feh," the Hanyou snorted, "I can't believe we went through all of that only to find out that this "wonderful youkai" is really just a hack."

"Oh, I assure you I have great powers," the Youkai responded. "How else could I make such an illusion with just my mind?"

"Actually, if you set up some device of some kind..." Sango began.

"And now, since you've discovered my secret, I'll have to do something to keep you quiet," the Youkai continued.

"W-what!" the Cowardly Kitsune exclaimed. "B-but we..."

"Silence."

They all took a step back in fear. He seemed pretty serious and they had no idea of what his way of keeping them quiet was.

The Youkai grinned menacingly. "I hope you're ready. This is the end for you."

"Now wait just a minute," Sango said, trying her best to keep her cool. "You can't just... get rid of us. Wouldn't people notice if we didn't come out of here?"

"Not really," he answered, frowning.

"W-well," she began, seeming at a loss for words.

Just then, the other three jumped out in front of her. "You can get rid of us, just let her go," the Houshi said, raising his staff.

"Yeah," the Hanyou added. "If you just get her out of here, there's no way she could breathe a word to anyone."

"And we won't let you hurt her!" the Cowardly Kitsune said.

The Youkai stared at them for a moment. "What else did you think I was going to do?"

"Wait, what?" they exclaimed.

"I'll just get you out of here so you won't talk," he said. "Besides, it's not much of a reward from what I know." Sango frowned.

"Well, what about us?" the Cowardly Kitsune asked. "Will you give us what we wanted?"

The Youkai laughed. "Of course not! What, did you think I was going to give you some pointless items and tell you that they would work because you had it in you all along? You're all hopeless. You'll never be brave, the Houshi will never get any woman, especially now, and the Hanyou will never get a brain."

"I want to be a full fledged demon, dammit!"

"G! The rating is G!"

"I'll never find out who's saying that, will I?"

"They can't be hopeless!" Sango exclaimed. "You're supposed to be great and powerful. You can't just give them nothing after all of this."

"I am great and powerful," the Youkai replied. "I'm just giving you the facts. They've all gained something, I think, if that makes you happier."

"Not really," the Cowardly Kitsune sniffed.

"What did you mean when you said "especially now" anyway?" the Houshi asked.

"Don't worry about it. I said it was hopeless, didn't I? Now, about getting you and your little cat creature home..."

The Youkai thought for several moments. "Well?" the Hanyou finally asked, still grumpy from the earlier comments.

"Nope, I can't think of anything," he finally said. They all stared at him in shock.

"So you can't help any of us?" Sango exclaimed. "Then what was the point of all of this."

"Hey, at least I tried," the Youkai replied, grabbing his baboon pelt and walking away. "I have powers, you know. Just because they wouldn't affect you doesn't mean that I'm not great and powerful."

"Whatever," the Hanyou growled, watching him leave.

"Well, what do we do now?" the Houshi asked, looking at the others.

"I... I don't know," Sango replied, seeming sad. "I was really relying on him being able to take me back. I can't think of anything else I can do now."

"You can stay with us!" the Cowardly Kitsune exclaimed. "After all, how are we supposed to look after ourselves since we couldn't get what we wanted either?"

"What do you mean by that?" the Hanyou barked.

"Yes, stay here!" the Houshi said, edging toward her. "Things would be so much more interesting if you were around."

"Don't touch me."

Just then, they noticed an arrow surrounded by pink light heading toward them. It landed nearby, and from within the light appeared Kagome.

"Hey, I finally found you!" she exclaimed, walking toward Sango. "Sorry about that whole hail thing..."

"Kagome?" the Hanyou said. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, it's you!" she replied, looking at him in surprise. "I have seen you around in a while. Where were you?"

"I was pinned to a tree!" he exclaimed. "Why didn't you come and release me?"

"I was busy helping the Pipsqueaks!" she replied.

"I take it they know each other?" the Houshi asked. Sango shrugged.

"Uh, Kagome," she interrupted. "We're kind of busy trying to figure out what we're going to do next. The Youkai couldn't do anything for any of us."

"Really?" Kagome replied, looking confused. "Why didn't you just use the jewel?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did I tell you about that?"

"No."

"Oh, well, if you just hold the jewel in front of you with both hands and make a wish, it will come true!" the Miko of the North said.

"Hey, I can use the jewel to become a full demon!" the Hanyou said.

"Wouldn't you rather get a brain?" Kagome asked.

"Not you too..."

"Anyway, that's not going to matter in a few minutes."

"What do you mean?" the Cowardly Kitsune asked.

"Nothing. Just don't worry about it. Now, Sango, do you know what you want to wish?"

"Yes," Sango said, picking up Kilala. "I'm going to wish for Kilala and I to go someplace where we can be happy! It may not be home and it may not be here, but as long as I don't have to put up with people who annoy me, then..."

"Wait a minute, I thought you wanted to go home," Kagome exclaimed.

"No! Aunt Kagura hates me. I 'd much rather get away from her."

"Well, um... Just wish to go home, okay?"

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

Sango sighed and held out the jewel, wondering why no one ever seemed to be on her side. Kilala sat on her shoulder, looking at her questioningly. Sango took a beep breath as a strange light began coming from the jewel.

"I want..." she began, closing her eyes. "I want to... go someplace where I'll be happy!"

"Sango!"

The light began to encircle her and a strange feeling overcame her. "Bye, everybody!" she yelled.

Just then, everything went strangely dark and she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head...

"W-what happened?" she murmured. Her eyes slowly opened and she found herself back in her room with four people staring at her.

"Oh, she woke up," Kagura said.

"Be nice!" Shippo replied. "You know you were worried, too!"

"I... I ended up here again?" Sango exclaimed, trying to sit up but finding that she was too weak.

"What are you talking about?" Inuyasha asked.

"I... I left!" she said. "I was in this really weird land, and there were these short people, and this girl in a really small skirt, and then there were these three guys and we went to figure out how I could get back, but there was this guy wearing eyeshadow and this other girl who was ten times more bi-"

"Calm down," Miroku said. "We came in after the storm and found you knocked out in here."

"Yeah. It must have been a bad dream," Shippo added.

"Well, things were kind of bad, but it was so much better than here!"

"What do you mean by that?" Kagura asked. "Look, now that you're awake, I've got stuff to do, so see you later."

"Hey," a voice came from the window. "I heard someone had died here."

"No, Naraku," Kagura sighed. "She just woke up."

"Oh," he replied, walking away.

Sango still looked around in confusing, trying to grasp what had just happened. She noticed Kilala sitting next to her, and sighed sadly. "What was the point of that entire adventure if it all turned out to be a dream?"

"Hey, if you learned something from it, maybe that's all you needed," Inuyasha said.

"I think I did learn something. I learned that you three can't do anything without me and even though Aunt Kagura and Kikyo annoy me, I need to stay here because I annoy them just as much!"

"How did you get that from your dream?" Miroku asked.

"Don't ask," she said with a sigh. "All I know is that there's no place like home. Which may or may not be a good thing."

AN: The end! (cries) What a run it's been, my friends! Sure, this wasn't a 30 chapter epic with 500 plus reviews, but it still meant a lot to me. I decided to end it as strangely as I started it. Honestly, style wise I wasn't too happy, but humor wise this was fun for me! Was it really weird? Of course. But that's how I wanted it to be. Messing things up is my purpose in life (well, not really...). Maybe if I can think of another good musical I'll do a parody of it, or if one of you comes up with something that I know well enough. For now, I move on to my many other projects, some started, some yet to be posted. Laters!

...Oh yeah:

moonlitStarDestiny: Hee hee, thanks! As for my gender, I like keeping it secret for some odd reason. I think you can figure it out, though. But then again that's me and I know what I am.

Fantasical Queen Ebony Black: And so she did go home! Well, maybe not the rehab part, lol.

afuzzybunny: Thank you very much! (polishes 9)

medlii: Heh, yeah, I like touching on things that never made sense to me. Glad you liked the story! Well, who knows, maybe you hated this last one, lol.

SilverWolf2214: Hee hee, thank you!

Okazin: Thanks! I was proud of that song myself.

Ryune: Heh, thank you!

Candyland: Cookies? Where?

animeluvur: O.o Wow...

Amarina: Thanks! I've always been a parody fan for some reason...

And I'd like to give just one last shout out to everyone who reviewed! You guys kept me going, even though I took a six month break in there. Thanks a ton!