Somewhat ominously, the room began to fill up with yet another overused cloud of pink smoke.
The old man and the seamstress both looked at each other with perturbed faces. "Oh for heaven's sake..."
And thenTakahata laughed... like a hyena finding its prey, like a maniacal power-hungry dictator having conquered the entire world, like someone who had inhaled some of Takani Megumi's laughing mushroom powder... and it made everyone distinctly uncomfortable.
Aoshi groaned in disgust, pulled out his kodachis, and dissipated the pink cloud with one swing. He glared at Takahata. "Ok, I want to see the old man get what's coming to him, but no more god damned pink!"
The cloud dissipated, but it was too late! The room had melted into...some...pink contraption. Blushing feathers were floating through the air...
Aoshi slumped against the wall in defeat and slid down until he was seated cross legged on the floor. He closed his eyes. "Okay, I'll just sit and meditate until I see everything in blue...," he thought. However, Koneko had no intention of letting him just sit there and meditate. She crawled languidly onto his lap and smushed her furry head into his abdomen (and mewled obnoxiously). That would teach the skanky bitch to make HER Aoshi out of breath...
Of course, as fate (and Takahata) would have it, the "skanky bitch" showed up, and picked her up into her scrawny arms, away from Aoshi's most intoxicating presence.
Aoshi opened his eyes and gazed at Megumi. "Thank you," he said, his lips curving slightly upward.
At this point Takahata-san screamed loudly, "You're all not paying attention to the PINK GRAND FINALE!" before passing out.
Meanwhile...Okina's head was spinning. What the hell is going on now? he wondered.
And where was everyone?
"Okina-san..."
The old man stared as Natsuei approached him, wearing a rather elaborate kimono. One suited for...well, a wedding. A quick check revealed that he himself wore, quite inexplicably, a dark wedding kimono.
He considered pretending to pass out. But Aoshi was glaring at him. Well Aoshi was also glaring because, he too, was now in a dark kimono just as Megumi was in an elaborate kimono. Unfortunately, several of the decorative elements were pink.
Okina was just about to pull his best Overcome By Rare Emotions and Possibly A Lack of Oxygen As Well Fainting Technique(TM) when he heard Misao shriek "Ohnoyoudon't!" With a well-placed Angry Demon Bird Kick she punted him, stumbling only slightly upon landing, over to where the priest and the miko stood, waiting for the wedding participants to arrive at last.
Misao stood smiling evilly, the tips of her kunai glinting from among her fingers. "If I have to wear a neon pink kimono, you're gonna have to make it worth it."
At that moment Takahata-san woke up, and seeing that all were assembled, he snapped his fingers and was instantly garbed in a light pink kimono embroidered in red roses. His hair was curled and pinned to perfection with the latest style of hair ornaments. He pulled a rose-scented hankerchief out of his matching bag and lightly dabbed at his tear-filled eyes.
"You're all so beautiful!" he cried.
But of course, how can we forget our dear kitty Koneko? Koneko, not exactly in the best of moods, let out an extremely annoyed yowl as she launched herself up from the ground... and landed with her claws tangled right in the middle of Takahata-san's lovely head of curls.
Takahata-san responded by instantly morphing into a pink kitten; Koneko meowed happily and instantly began to lick his face. "Damn cat," Takahata he laughed. "Now if only everyone else would behave predictably."
With a click of his claw, Aoshi was down on his knees in front of Megumi, a giant sparkler of a ring in his hands. "Much better!" Takahata squealed, hearts reflecting in his eyes. Indeed, because of this little tableau, Misao, ever true to character, blacked out--again. And Aoshi, Megumi, and Koneko once again commenced the all-so-familiar glaring.
"Well, I'll be damned if that lad beats me again," Okina muttered as he began taking his sips of ceremonial sake.
Natsuei-san obediently sipped her sake, thus completing the ritual of marriage.
"NOW IT'S YOUR TURN," Okina pointed a finger in the direction of Shinomori and Takani. "JUST DO IT BEFORE HE UNLEASHES THE PINK PLEASURE PALACE!"
Megumi looked bug-eyed at the old man. "Oh god. You too?"
"B-but he can't!" wailed a piteously plaintive voice, and suddenly Misao was awake again, sitting up from where she had lain sprawled on the floor. "He's got commitment issues... he's still got an entirely unresolved, ambiguous relationship with ME... and then there's all that yaoi doujinsh--" She slumped over, unconscious again, and began snoring lightly.
Koneko miaowed, puzzled. Had she seen Aoshi move...?
"...or forever hold your peace," muttered Okina with a shrug.
"Yaoi?" Takahata's eyes were bright. Too bright. "Doujinshi?--"
"Megumiwillyoumarryme?" blurted out Aoshi, thrusting the ring in Megumi's face.
Tears ran down Megumi's face, but whether it was from rioting emotions or the blinding rays of light emanating from the ring, few could tell.
"I--" she stammered. "I..."
(Well, she stammered, because quite honestly after all those earth-shattering fangirl -squeal inducing kisses earlier, this had to qualify as one of the classically worst ways to ask a woman to marry a man.
After what felt to Aoshi like a lifetime, Megumi did her best to compose herself, and, taking a deep breath, said, very quietly, "Of course." (Although, she mentally stabbed Aoshi with a pair of chopsticks for doing it under duress and SO unromantically.)
Then, at the somewhat complacent smile in Aoshi's eyes, Megumi turned her face away and added airily, kitsune grin in check, "Well, I /am/ getting older and fewer opportunities will be presenting themselves...besides, I don't think Sano is coming back anytime soon..."
Aoshi winced inwardly at the remark, but allowed Megumi her little revenge. He supposed he deserved it, hopeless cold fish that he was. (although, Meg knew differently, now didn't she? )
In the meantime, Takahata-san was growing seriously bored. "Might as well make this even worse," he mused aloud before doing two things. First, apparating Kenshin and Kaoru into this pink domain. Kenshin responded to this outrage without even blinking an eye. Of course, with his fuschia gi, he blended in so well, that he almost disappeared.
And second, announcing obnoxiously to Megumi and Aoshi, "You're married. Because I say so. And you better not argue, because you're pregnant."
Misao woke up, heard the word "pregnant," and fainted again.
"How many times does that make now?" Okina asked Aoshi.
"I've lost count," Aoshi replied before fainting himself.
Megumi was startled, but luckily, caught his head before it smacked onto the floor too hard. "Aoshi? Are you all right! Wait. I'M PREGNANT!"
Takahata cleared his cat-throat and answered on behalf of the semi-conscious Shinomori Aoshi. "Yes. Even though ... well, you two just sort of recently became intimate as of this moment you are technically pregnant. And so that the rest of us can get on with our lives (except for Misao Makimachi who appears traumatized beyond degree), accept that you are officially married by this PINK DEMIGOD OF LOVE!"
Aoshi opened his eyes and turned his head to marvel at Megumi's belly. "Pregnant? Really?"
The woman beamed. "Did you hear that Aoshi? A baby!"
"And you're married!" screamed Takahata.
Megumi wrapped her arms around Aoshi's shoulders and hugged him. "Ohhh...this is wonderful, Aoshi! We can be together as much as we want now!"
"Zuh?" was his reply.
Megumi rested her forehead against his cheek. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"Why?" Aoshi answered, bemused.
"Because then I'd have to tell everyone about the pink pleasure palace and how good you look in black silk."
"You wouldn't."
"I would."
Damn.
"So what do you want?"
"I just want us to go home."
"We're in a pink alternate dimension with a pink cat, black cat, Okina, Natsuei-san, Kenshin, Kaoru, and Misao. I don't think it's going to be that easy."
From somewhere, the pink cat yowled. "Easy! You forget what I am! I am Takahata-san the granter of all dreams and fantasies! I'LL SHOW YOU EASY!"
And with that -- Aoshi found himself back in his office in the Aoiya, with a black cat meowing at his feet, and a cup of tea in one hand and group of letters in another.
He blinked, puzzled -- wondering if he had fallen asleep somehow in this strange chair and if everything had, in fact, been a dream.
"Meow!" The black cat trotted up to his leg, and Aoshi sneezed.
The shoji door slid open then, and he looked up to see something which probably give him dreams of another sort for weeks to come.
A vision in black silk carrying a box.
The smile that curved about her lips sent feelings of dread and delight through him.
Megumi walked up to him and placed herself in his lap.
(Yes definitely ... his dreams would be very interesting in the weeks to come.)
"Takahata-san sent a box for you," she leaned over and let her fingers run up and down the front of his shirt.
This had to be another fantasy.
"Aoshi, will you open it?"
Effectively snapped out of his reverie, he nodded, "Aa." Between the two of them, he lifted the lid of the box and peered inside.
Ohayo Aoshi-san and Megumi-san! I just wanted to say congratulations on your recent...copulation...and a DOUBLE congratulations on the new addition to your family in the upcoming months! I have never had such a hard time with a case before, so I hope you treat each other well and get all gushy over your new situation. I have taken the liberty of returning you all to your respective homes...well, except Megumi-san, who will be staying with you. Her things are already in your shared bedroom. I'll leave it up to you to spread the news. wink
As for myself, Koneko opted to stay with you versus traversing the world with me...seeing the sights. Keep an eye on her! If there are any more problems, let me know and I'll be there in a jiffy to help you out! Toodles!
So Much Love it Hurts,
Takahata-san"
Underneath the note was a matching silk garment for Aoshi.
"Aoshi...?" Misao asked, walking into the room. And stopping. And eyes bugging out. And a thunk when she fainted.
"Hmm...think we could get used to this?" he asked.
Megumi leaned in close, nuzzling close to his chin. "Definitely."
He could live with that.
...the end?
(What, you think we're normal?)
Can't have a great story without a great epilogue...
Takahata-san, after taking one last peek at his two lovebirds, decided to do them one last favor--free of charge, of course, for giving him the most fun he had had in centuries.
After all, Misao would only keep distracting them with her fainting spells. Therefore, she needed to be distracted herself...
He giggled with glee at his new matchmaking scheme. Cupid would be so proud of him! With a snap of his fingers, the unconscious Misao was whisked from the room and gently placed in a lavender-scented bubble bath in a beautiful appointed bathroom in the Pink Castle of Love.
Misao woke up when she breathed in a soapy bubble.
She screamed!
Suddenly the door was flung open, and a young man stared at Misao's bubble covered nakedness in slack-jawed awe...
"Misao?" he breathed out with a gasp.
"Sano?"
Now, it's The End
OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
Author's Notes: This last portion was distributed and completed in LJ a few sentences at a time by Leila Winters, Amberle, Mirune Keishiko, MiJ, Trupana, Shimizu Hitomi and eriesalia.. To see who contributed what, please refer to http/www. livejournal. com/ community/megaoshi/1123.html
Our special thanks to Cherie Dee, chiisailammy, and Barbara Sheridan who also participated in this roundrobin in its early stages. We hope you are pleased with the insane ending!
For those of you who wish to see what we're up to now, we are currently slowly building up our next RR fic at http/ /community /megaoshi . If you have a LJ account and wish to watch the community, or read some of the locked threads, or potentially join in the madness, please contact Leila Winters or eriesalia.
FINALLY -- Thank you all who have watched this fic since the beginning. Much love to you, our crazy and loyal supporters.