Journey of the Heart: Chapter 7 - Direction
DISCLAIMER: Inuyasha and his companions are not mine to own.
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Kagome unwillingly stirred as the blinding morning light invaded the tranquility of her slumber. However, when she opened her eyes she found she was not lying on the ground as she had expected, but rather she was on Kouga's lap, nestled against his chest. Her hands were clutching his muscular arm so tightly that when she released him her fingers were sore.
Her first impulse was to jump out of his cradling arms, but her body was stiff from sleeping upright. Allowing her body to relax naturally, she realized the wolf demon was still asleep. 'His face is so peaceful.' Noticing his hair was mused from a night of leaning against a tree, she instinctively reached out to smooth the dark black strands.
She enjoyed the soft texture against her sensitive fingertips. Her eyes shifted downward and drank in the flawless skin, his strong features, and then his lips. They were the very same lips she had pressed against her own in an explosion of emotion the day before. They were so close. Everything had happened so quickly before she didn't really get a good idea of what it felt like. 'He is sleeping, and as long as I do it quickly there wouldn't be any harm. He wouldn't even have to know.'
She leaned in closer so that her lips hung only a breath away from his. 'What am I doing? I can't just kiss him. Before, it was in the heat of the moment and I wasn't thinking clearly, but now I am actually planning it.' She pulled back just in time to see eyelids roll back to reveal shining blue eyes. "Good morning," said the beaming wolf prince.
"Agh, I was just...um..." Kagome blushed deeply and wasn't sure what to say at being caught touching him so familiarly. "Good morning," she finally repeated quietly.
Kouga's amusement transitioned into concern as he remembered what had led to her sleeping in his arms. "Are you feeling better?"
"Better?" asked a very confused Kagome. "When was I...worse?"
Raising an eyebrow at the bewildered girl, he carefully worded his thoughts. "You really don't remember what happened last night?"
This caused Kagome's already pink cheeks to redden another shade. Her thoughts spun as she tried to think back to the previous night. She remembered talking to Kouga when she couldn't sleep and him praising her miko abilities, but after that it was just a blank wall. So how did she end up in such a compromising position?
Kagome bit her lower lip and decided she needed to ask. The answer probably wasn't as embarrassing as she was imagining anyway. At least, she hoped not. "No. What happened?"
Frowning, Kouga explained about the nightmare. "I am surprised you can't recall anything. You were quite upset." He covered all facial evidence that would reveal how her memory lapse was dealing a mortal blow to his ego. After all, it was rare for her to turn to him for comfort and not the hanyou. Although Inuyasha had not been an option last night, Kouga had honestly believed her actions stemmed from a change in her feelings toward him and not just the lack of choices.
Kagome took no noticed of the dark clouds rolling through Kouga's normally dazzling eyes as she thought the peculiar situation over. 'It is strange I had a dream so traumatic that I rushed into the arms of the nearest demon, but it was just a dream so it doesn't really matter, right?' She tapped her fingers against the nearest surface to focus her concentration as she often did when she realized that surface was Kouga's arm. 'Eeep! I am still in his lap!'
She tried to jump to her feet, but her coordination was severely lacking, and she fell back against the bare, rippling chest. Kouga's typical whimsical reaction was absent as he reluctantly helped her to stand. Nervously, she fidgeted with her wrinkled clothes and tangled hair while he missed her closeness and longed to hold her again.
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"Kaze no Kizu!" The crimson Tetsusaiga that radiated waves of crackling energy came down against Naraku's barrier violently. Bright, swirling winds obscured the strike from view as Miroku, Sango, Shippo and Kirara stood a safe distance away.
As the energies subsided and the immense cloud of dust settled back to the earth it was clear the barrier was still fully in tact while a very frustrated hanyou was coming apart at the seams.
"DAMNIT!" he shouted with fury before unleashing yet another, "Kaze no Kizu!" Another wave of powerful force was hurled at the impregnable force field and once again nothing happened.
"Keh! Don't think you are getting away that easily, Naraku! Kaze no Kizu!" screamed an almost hoarse-sounding Inuyasha at the silent, unyielding boundary.
"How many times has he hit it now?" Sango asked as her eyes followed the motion of her comrade's attack for what felt like the hundredth time that morning.
"Thirty-six by my count," said Miroku looking a little nonplussed as another attack shredded and scorched the very air. "Make that thirty-seven."
"Should we stop him?" asked Shippo who flinched as Inuyasha made another futile run at the barrier without success.
"Be my guest." Miroku stated passively.
Shippo caught a glance of Inuyasha's fevered expression and took an involuntary step backwards. "Good point. Breakfast, then?"
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Kagome's head slowly nodded up and down as the steady rhythm of Kouga's quick strides lulled her to sleep only to be suddenly jarred awake as he came to an abrupt stop.
"Wha...?" she called out while rapidly blinking her eyes to perk herself back up in case there was an imminent threat. "Is something wrong?" she asked with just a hint of a yawn obscuring her girlish voice.
"This entire world is wrong. We have been traveling for hours, and we are no closer to finding out where we are or how to get back than we were before." Kouga clenched his teeth as he spoke, upset that he was not a greater aid to his woman.
"But...what else can we do?" Kagome voice wavered because she was a little unnerved by Kouga's doubts.
"That's where you come in. Use your miko abilities to sense for anything that might point us in a direction."
Kouga spoke with so much confidence that Kagome didn't have the heart to meet his eyes. Finally, she replied in a very small, timid voice, "But, Kouga, I don't know how to use my powers like that." He was doing such a good job of being supportive of her, but she felt like she was only letting him down.
Grasping her diminutive hand within his, he squeezed reassuringly. "I know you can do this. You must believe in yourself." He fought the strong urge to complain about how that mutt had been making her feel weak instead of helping her realize her true potential. He knew it would only lead to a fight between them, and he didn't want to be the one she fought with.
Large hazelnut eyes peeked out from beneath long, dark lashes in admiration of the self-assured wolf demon. It was clear why he was the leader of his tribe. Somehow just hearing Kouga's smooth voice encouraging her made the formerly insurmountable task seem feasible. "How do I start?"
Kouga studied her thoughtfully, "How do you normally seek jewel shards?"
She twisted her worn shoe into the firm ground as she realized how lacking her answer would sound. "I can see a pink light surrounding them."
Kouga nodded, "Okay, but what about before they are close enough to see?"
She crinkled her sculpted eyebrows together slightly as she tried to think about the very first signs a shard was nearby. "When they get close my body starts to tingle." The familiar heat of a blush rose in her cheeks when the words escaped.
A sly grin spread over Kouga's face at that responsenot because it helped their current situation but because he enjoyed the thought that his very shard-enhanced presence made her body buzz.
Leaning in almost imperceptibly closer he asked, "Are you tingling now?" His warm breath fanned against her slender neck as he spoke, and Kagome trembled at the intimacy of the situation. Her hands still resting in his, their bodies close, and the warm glow of his skin under the blazing sun were all lulling her into a heady daze.
"Kouga..." She looked deeply into his sterling blue eyes as he tilted her head closer to his.
"Kagome," he responded as he prepared to meet her vulnerable lips.
"KOUGA!" Kagome jolted forward, looking past the wolf prince.
The youkai's head immediately swiveled in the direction Kagome was facing. He was slightly put out by her sudden movement, but he was more concerned by whatever had stolen her attention so abruptly. "What's wrong?"
"There is some kind of energy in this world. I can't be sure, but it might be a shard!" Kagome excitedly pointed toward the ominous, spiraling mountain in the distance. "It's over there."
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Naraku drummed his fingers against the gnarled wooden arm rest of his imposing chair. His narrowed eyes studied the alarming images being fed to him through Kanna's mirror. Kagome and Kouga were boldly embarking toward the mountain in their "world."
'It is fortunate they have located the item. However, she was able to detect it far earlier than she should have been able to; sooner than I would have preferred. They are still too strong at this point.'
"Kanna, tell the spider she must insure they do not reach their goal too quickly. Their journey must not be a fast one." Naraku firmly ordered the small albino girl.
Kanna's unblinking dark, hollow eyes closed as she processed her master's commands. In a haunting voice that should not have emanated from such a petite body she replied, "The spider youkai remains weak and feeble. And there have been unforeseen occurrences within her sphere of influence already. She may be unable to manipulate events to your satisfaction."
"See that she does," he replied in a low voice. It was barely above that of a whisper, and yet there was no missing the finality in his tone.
"Yes, my Lord."
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
"Can we just walk for a little while?" Kagome asked hopefully as Kouga prepared to lift her into his arms for another run.
Cocking his head to the side, he responded. "It won't be as efficient." Inside, he was more bothered that she seemed to be shying away from physical contact.
"I know, but I haven't had much of a chance to exercise while being carried around all the time. And it is beginning to make my body feel strange." She stretched her arms out to increase the blood flow. She didn't want to make a big deal over it, but her limbs had been feeling peculiar ever since they arrived.
Kouga's eyes swept over her form in search of any sign that something might be amiss. Seeing nothing on the surface, he only nodded his agreement.
They walked in relative silence for almost an hour while Kagome struggled with her thoughts.
'I woke up in his arms and almost attempted to kiss him and not long ago I nearly kissed him...AGAIN! And the worst part is that I wanted to. I enjoy all the attention he is showing me. It feels...right, somehow. But how is that possible? I was in love with Inuyasha. LOVE! Wasn't I? Or was I just infatuated with him because he looked so cute and helpless pinned to that tree when I met him?
'My life was so boring before I came to this time. I'd wake up, fight with Souta over who was going to use the bathroom first, run to school with Mom scolding me over how I should eat breakfast first, and then I'd study and see my friends. The biggest adventure I ever had is when I missed the bus and the most responsibility was taking care of Souta if Mom and Grandpa were gone.
'And then I fell through the well, and everything changed. I am not like other people my age anymore. They are still worried about the insignificant aspects of life that I look at as vacations from the real world. The more time that goes by, the less I feel like I belong in my time. This era is changing me whether I like it or not.
'So was I really in love with Inuyasha, or was I just falling in love with what he represented?'
Kagome looked over to the wolf demon who was carefully keeping in step with her slower movements. 'And more importantly, what am I feeling for Kouga?'
"A fish for your thoughts."
Kagome blinked in surprise at the unexpected phrase. "Excuse me?"
His lips curved into an inviting smile. "It is something my mother used to say to me when I was younger if she thought I had a lot on my mind that needed to be voiced. My favorite food was fish, so she would offer it like a trade. If I told her what was bothering me then she would prepare fish for the night's meal even though my father hated it."
"I've never heard you talk about your mother before. Where does she live?" Kagome asked with sincere interest.
Kouga's blue eyes took on a distant expression at the question as if he was seeing events from the past that he had locked away. "She died a long time ago when I was still a pup." His voice seemed to waver just slightly as he spoke, but then flashing another smile, he continued. "I can't promise fish, but I will make dinner if you want to talk about what is bothering you."
A lump formed in Kagome's throat as she watched Kouga dismiss the difficult subject matter. She wanted to put her arms around him and make all the pain of his childhood go away. But instead she decided she would let him talk to her when he was comfortable enough to let her in and not when she felt like she was ready to comfort.
Realizing she still hadn't answered his question, she finally spoke. "I was just thinking about how much I've changed since coming here."
"I bet it is less than you think."
"Why do you say that?" She asked with honest confusion.
"Because of something a wise youkai once told me; the more things evolve, the more they remain as they were." Kouga took her hand to help her cross a decomposing, fallen tree. Kagome blushed slightly at the polite gesture.
"Your mother?" she inquired before she could stop her ill-timed curiosity. Biting her tongue, she waited for the wolf prince's response.
In a soft voice he answered, "No. A wolf elder, actually. He raised me from a pup."
Kagome did manage to halt her questions about Kouga's father that were threatening to be asked. She understood that there was something unpleasant in Kouga's past he might not be ready to talk about, and she had already done enough damage. So instead, she asked about his original comment. "So what does his statement mean?"
"He was trying to tell me people only see how much something or someone has changed. They see all the little differences, but not the whole object or person. If they stepped back they would understand that remaining true to its spirit in the face of so many shifting details really makes something the same because of those differences, not even in spite of them."
Kagome knitted her brow together as she tired to follow his comments, but still found she was lost.
"I guess I don't explain it as well as he did." Kouga laughed at her contorted expression. "I've never really been very good at using words. I suppose that's why I learned to be so fast on my feet."
"You are a lot better at expressing yourself than some people I know." Kagome said a little too honestly.
Kouga froze in place. "I am not Inuyasha, Kagome." There was a biting edge to his voice and his eyes were shadowed beneath his flyaway bangs.
"I...I know that." Kagome felt a little off guard as though actually bringing up his name had broken some kind of unspoken vow between them.
"Yes, but you have been comparing us since we met. You can't expect to just make a pro and con list to decide whom you love. How you feel about me doesn't depend on him. You either care about someone or you don't, Kagome. It is that simple!" Kouga's eyes flashed dangerously as his temper flared.
"Kouga," she muttered weakly, surprised and even a little afraid to see the way he was acting.
Kouga clenched his hand into a tight fist. He was already upset at himself for speaking to her so unkindly, but he was growing frustrated and impatient at the way she remained closed off from him especially after his recent candidness. He decided they both needed some time apart to think things over.
"Stay here. I'll be back." Strong legs sped the angry wolf demon away from the shaken girl.
Tears stung her eyes and her breathing came in quick spurts. The sound of her emotional outpouring was just loud enough to block out the tiny snap of a branch being stepped on and broken behind her.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please review! Special thanks to Fairia13 for a chapter critique!
FF Reviewers: BelleDayNight (As always you are a constant source of support for my writing), Nichole Hibiki (Love is in the air. Even if they aren't quite ready for it), NenaBabylocs (I feel the same way about this pairing), SilverMoonsBlackWings (Hehe, glad you are enjoying), nunofyorbiz (Aww, thanks), Fairia13 (Thanks for all your help!), Angel6582 (All will be revealed in time), Yoko-obssessor (Arigato), andi-chan (Hope this was soon enough!), VangieGirl (There was a little fluff in this chapter, but there will be more to come!), Trinity (I am flattered), wynter89 (You can read as much of my work as you like :)), Kagome Jane (I'm glad you like it!), SailorKagome (Hopefully you will be back to a computer to read this chapter soon), sakurablossomskxk (You are so awesome to review every chapter as you read!)
Sorry for the length of the next response, there was no e-mail to respond directly.
Amber (Thanks for your reviews. I wanted to respond a little to your comments. I'd also like to add a disclaimer to what I am about to say by explaining that I've never had a class in Japanese, and I am by no means a native speaker, so this is coming from reading several websites and referencing a friend of mine who took three years of Japanese. So if a native speaker has anything he or she would like to clarify I would be most happy to learn it because I find this kind of thing fascinating. Also, I sincerely hope this doesn't sound condescending. Your comment just made me want to confirm the difference, and I thought I would go ahead and share my findings. Personally, neither translation bothers me.
Anyway, the reason I use Kirara instead of Kilala is that I watched the anime in subtitles instead of the dubbed version. My understanding is that the translated manga also used Kirara, but as I've never read the translated manga that is neither here nor there. My point is I am more familiar with the Japanese form of the fire cat's name which is Kirara. In Japanese there are not two distinct sounds for R and L, but rather a sound that lives somewhere in between the two. When Japanese kanji is translated into western letters R is the preferred letter to be used. However, it is difficult for native English speakers to pronounce, so in many cases it is adjusted to a version with L's like in Kilala.
I am surprised you didn't bring up the Kouga versus Koga issue because that too is normally the difference between someone who watched subtitled versus dubbed anime. But my explanation of Japanese vowel sounds will have to wait.
As far as the Keh versus Feh sound debate, I could find no evidence that the F and K sounds were in any way related. From what I could tell the F sound in Japanese is weaker than the F sound we are familiar with so if it was Feh we would be more likely to say Heh. But since it is a sound he makes when upset (which is kind of a lot) a more forceful sound makes more sense. In the subtitled version, it sounded like "Keh" to me and since this is only an exclamation like "Arg!" spelling is more likely to be played fast and loose because it isn't the type of thing that appears in dictionaries. I've seen it appear both ways in fan fictions, so until I have more concrete evidence to the contrary I will continue using "Keh" for consistency's sake if nothing else.
Now, granted, I am writing in English, so the use of any Japanese isn't really consistent, however, I do enjoy the "flavor" it adds to fan fiction. And it could easily be compared to the way much popular Japanese music incorporates English phrases amid primarily Japanese lyrics.
Can you believe how long my response was considering how brief your reviews were?)
AFF Reviewers: Nikolyta (You rock, girl), ANJU (Thanks), lost child (And I would like you to read more)
MM Reviewers: Where is the love, people?
Kouga's Den Readers: ThunderShootingStar#7 (Thanks for the e-mail! I fully intend to keep Kagome as a strong character.) And everyone feel free to e-mail me reviews at wastedthoughts (remove spaces).