Journey of the Heart: Chapter 9 - Regrets
DISCLAIMER: Inuyasha and his companions are not mine to own.
WARNING: Character death
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
He was young and foolish.
He was supposed to have been home almost an hour ago, but he had stopped to play a prank on his friends Ginta and Hakkaku. He knew his mother would scold him for his tardiness, but it was worth it to see the look on their faces. To say they were gullible was an understatement, and it was practically his sworn duty as wolf prince to teach them the error of their ways. So when he convinced them there was a wish-granting oracle in the fallen tree trunk when there was really a raccoon who wasn't at all amused at being disturbed, it was really more of a service to his tribe than a mean trick.
"Kouga! Kouga! Get over here right now, young wolf!" called a melodious, but slightly agitated voice.
A whirl of dust kicked up and then immediately settled back down to reveal a small boy with a lopsided grin and long unmanageable dark hair, sporting an equally annoyed countenance. "I'm right here, Mom. You don't have to call for me so that everyone can hear."
The older female wolf demon was firm with her son, but she couldn't help the twinge of a smile that threatened to peak through at his childish attempt at sounding mature. "If you were back in the den when I told you to be I wouldn't have to embarrass you."
She dipped down to a crouching position to have better access to the unruly obsidian hair, emerging from behind her son's headband. She tucked the stray strands away as he fidgeted, trying to break free.
"Aww, Mom." He swiped his hands through his hair until it was once again wild and free just like his irrepressible spirit.
His mother swelled with a strange pride at her only child. He was his father's son, certainly. He was brash and bold and cunning, but he was also fearless and charming. She knew Kouga would one day make an excellent leader for their tribe, just as his father was currently. She only hoped his reign would be free from the incessant attacks that marred their days and nights.
The birds of paradise had been more daring recently. They had been attacking small hunting packs with various results. Generally, they were pretty evenly matched, but the birds lacked honor and their numbers were more plentiful. It was just a matter of time before there was a battle that resulted in heavy losses on both sides. And time was running out.
Scouts had reported back only moments before that a fleet of birds of paradise had been spotted traveling directly for the wolf caves. She didn't want Kouga to stay. He was too young to fight and too old to be convinced of that. She hid her anxieties behind a pleasant smile and patted his head the way she loved to do. It always drove him into a fit, but she could tell he enjoyed the attention.
"I need you to catch dinner tonight," she said holding her voice together through sheer force of will.
Kouga's large eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Really?" He had never been sent out to find dinner on his own before, and he practically fell over from the new size of his head. "Can I bring back fish?"
A genuine smile replaced the artificial one she had crafted to hide her concern. Her boy loved dining upon fish almost as much as his father hated to eat it. Her mate had once even forbidden it from crossing their palettes again, but every so often he would come home to a serving of fish. She always claimed she had just forgotten how much he hated to eat it instead of revealing that it was the request of their son. It was one of the special secrets that she kept for him. Typically, she only served it on special occasions of Kouga's, but tonight she didn't have the heart to refuse his pleading crystal blue eyes.
And after all, if he survived the night it would be a special occasion.
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
He was old and foolish.
At least he felt old and helpless staring at her limp body. He knew he was a fool. He should never have left her side. They knew next to nothing about the world they were in except that it could be dangerous, and they were there because of Naraku.
Kouga's feet had pounded the earth mercilessly from the very moment he felt Kagome might be in trouble. He didn't notice the unnatural absence of a dust cloud in his wake nor the way the scenery blurred into an unrecognizable haze of landscape as he sped back to his previous location.
Upon arriving, he saw no one, including the woman he cared about above all others. However, the torn up landscape was a clear indication of a recent battle. As he readied himself for another jaunt to seek her out his keen sense of smell detected what his eyes had missed--blood.
The metallic twang of the scent sent bile racing from his stomach into the back of his mouth. The smell was unmistakable. It was Kagome's blood. Wasting no time, he raced to the source and discovered Kagome wrapped unceremoniously around the trunk of a large tree.
The normally vivacious girl looked pale and broken. Her naturally rosy cheeks were sallow, and her typically sparkling eyes were sealed shut behind unwavering lids.
Kouga knelt by her unmoving form. He released the breath he hadn't realized he was holding when he detected she was still alive--even if she was not conscious.
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
It wasn't moving.
If there were fish swimming around in the stream then they weren't causing any ripples because the water was as still as it could be. At least as still as it could be considering the three wolf demons carefully surveying its surface by standing waist-deep in the wet expanse.
Kouga had been only slightly upset when his mother instructed him to take Ginta and Hakkaku along on his quest for the night's meal. As much as he teased and harassed the awkward pair of wolf demons he also secretly enjoyed having them around. They were naive, but no one could ask for more devote loyalty.
"Hey, I caught one!" Ginta called out as a large mouthed fish wiggled between his clawed fingers. The young wolf youkai was so excited at being the first one successful in obtaining their scaly prey that he paid too much attention to showing off and too little to keeping a good grip on the squirming body.
As it flopped back into the water and vigorously swam away from its would-be captors all Hakkaku could do was laugh.
"Come on, stop messing around! We've already been out here forever. Concentrate!" demanded the young prince as his watchful eyes skimmed the surface of the stream, searching for a likely target.
Muttering under his breath, Ginta pouted. "Not like you've caught one yet."
On a normal day of helping his father track down game Kouga was very skilled at the hunt, but today he felt a great deal of pressure to do well, and it was making his fishing technique sloppy.
Seeing something enormous idly swim by his legs, Kouga immediately plunged his small but strong arm into the crisp water. Clasping his fingers around what seemed to be an unusually long fish, he withdrew it from the stream only to discover it was not a fish at all.
His little hand was firmly holding a very angry looking sea snake youkai by the tail.
The snake's head darted at Kouga. Its fangs were bared and it was aiming for a kill, but the young prince managed to avoid its strike just in time even though standing hip deep in water was significantly impeding his normally swift movements.
"Let go!" Ginta and Hakkaku both cried out in unison.
Kouga dodged another near fatal attack before realizing he was still dumbly gripping the snake's tail. Instead of letting go, it gave him an idea.
As the snake launched at him a third time Kouga dropped low into the water causing the incensed predator to pass directly over his head very quickly. Then as the confused snake continued hurling away, Kouga planted his feet as firmly as he could to the rock bed of the stream and swung his arms forcefully and released the tail. Using the snake's own momentum he managed to send him flying off the bank and straight into a boulder. The last part was more of a happy accident than anything, but Kouga would never admit that when relating the tale for years to come.
The scaly demon was motionless for a moment before stirring. It shook its bruised head and turned back to see the blur of a pack of wolf demons. At least, the snake believed it was a pack with the sudden onset of double-vision. Wanting no more to do with wolf demons, blurry or otherwise, it slithered back into the stream and zoomed away.
"You did it!" Hakkaku exclaimed while jumping up and down.
"That was amazing!" Ginta enthusiastically agreed.
Kouga's arms and legs burned with the strain of having expended so much energy and power. His heart was throbbing wildly inside his chest from all the adrenaline still coursing through him, and his lungs struggled to regain a normal breathing pattern. "Oh that? It was nothing."
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
Nothing.
She seemed like she should be responding to his coaxing, but her normally blazing cinnamon eyes were still hidden from view. For the time being it seemed there was nothing he could do.
He felt powerless.
He knew enough about humans and the treatment of injuries to know it was not wise to move her, but he couldn't help but cradle her head on his lap as he stroked her hair. Small strands clung to her delicate cheek stubbornly as his fingers carefully arranged them behind her ears.
There were no visible major wounds. There was blood on her palms and her right knee from scrapes, but they had stopped flowing and appeared worse than they actually were. Her cheek was scratched, but not seriously. The most evident injury was on her ankle which had swollen significantly and taken on a bruised appearance, sporting a variety of colors.
He wanted to wash away the blood and dirt from her normally flawless skin, but that would require water at the very least, and he was not about to leave her sight again. The minor injuries were clotted and no longer a concern, so he only continued to watch the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest that ensured her continued life.
It wasn't the wounds he could see that bothered him so much. They could all be treated once they were able to move to a nearby spring and she would be no worse for wear. But with her still unconscious he had no way of knowing what was happening inside her body. He had heard of humans bleeding on the inside until they died.
His breath froze in his throat. He couldn't watch Kagome die in his arms. No one should watch a woman they love die, and they definitely shouldn't have to do it twice.
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
The gathered fish fell and scattered upon the dry, cracked earth.
Kouga's large sapphire eyes soaked in the death and devastation laid out before them. Dark crimson wolf blood was splattered upon torn gray feathers. Youkai bodies were mangled and strewn about the normally peaceful and beautiful landscape in tattered heaps.
The acrid scent of blood attacked his senses and overwhelmed him. Kouga found himself doubled-over, releasing the contents of his stomach onto a fallen tree which had obviously been slashed down in the midst of battle.
After the run in with the sea snake youkai Kouga felt invincible. He caught fish with a renewed vigor, and it wasn't long before they had collected a bundle large enough to feed several members of the pack--not just his own family. He had marched back with a huge grin, spreading ear to ear, but as they grew closer to the wolf caves it was obvious something was terribly amiss.
Now, his suspicions were horrifyingly confirmed. No one was still standing in the open lands below the caves.
The three youths staggered through the killing field in silence, taking a mental toll of who they saw lying cold and still. Their mentors were all here. The brave warriors they looked up to and adored for their skills and heroism were bloodied, beaten, and broken.
Another wave of sickness rose up in Kouga's throat as one body in particular came into view, but he suppressed the urge to relieve it this time. His short legs, wrapped in furs, only pulled him inevitably closer to the dead wolf demon a few paces away.
Kouga's entire body shook uncontrollably as he stood over the remains of the man who used to be his father and the leader of the wolf tribe. Tears stung the back of his eyelids, but he refused to cry. His father never cried, and he was determined not to show weakness in front of him now--even if the eyes staring back at him were hollow and void of the lust for life they used to possess.
A hand on his shoulder reminded him there was more to see, and the three friends continued toward the dens.
The piercing eyes of a decapitated bird of paradise seemed to watch them as they journeyed forward. Its enormous fang filled mouth was curled into a knowing smirk. Kouga felt like it was mocking him. It was too much for the young prince to bear quietly.
Suddenly breaking the sullen, melancholy pace he had been keeping, he furiously attacked the dead enemy. His fits flew against the severed head. It sent a cloud of feathers into the surrounding area, choking his throat and stinging his eyes in the process. In a final effort he grabbed a broken tooth that had been knocked loose at some point while it was still alive and jabbed it into the bird's taunting eye.
Kouga's arms dripped with a slightly violet colored blood, but he didn't care. His futile actions had somehow put the anger of his father's death on hold. In its place a torrent of concern washed over him.
He sprinted to the dens, desperately searching for his mother. Ginta and Hakkaku were close behind him, but he wasn't paying attention. His thoughts were consumed by the overpowering need to find his mother as quickly as he could. It was as if he instinctively knew he was almost too late.
He skirted through the remaining members of the pack. Those in the best condition were treating and comforting those on the brink of death. One such patient was lying in dim lighting at the far corner of the cave in a private den. It was the space reserved for the pack leader and his family.
One of the older tribal women was holding her fragile looking hand as Kouga approached. Her sympathetic eyes told him everything he needed to know--he was about to lose his mother too.
"Kou...ga," she said in a shaky voice. She strained herself to open her heavy eyelids, revealing brilliant emerald eyes. Her long, silky raven hair spread out around her like a halo as she lay on a soft bed of furs. A thick blanket mercifully covered her body, hiding the worst of her wounds from sight.
"Did you...catch a...fish?" she asked, pausing for the occasional gasp of air.
He wanted to cry. He wanted to go back out and kill every bird of paradise he found. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her and how much he needed her to stay. He wanted to save her. But he couldn't, so he tucked her weak hand into his small palm and held it tightly. "I caught lots of fish, Mom." His words wavered only slightly as he spoke.
"I...knew you...would. You...will make...a fine lea...der just...like...your..."
The last word never came as her eyelids slipped closed for the last time. The tears he hid from his father soaked into her blanket as he buried his face against her neck. He was sure she would never tell. It was the kind of secret mothers kept for their sons.
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
Kouga's face was nestled against the top of Kagome's head as he continued to hold the unconscious girl. He had been unable to escape the haunting memories plaguing him. Once again, he had been away when someone he loved needed him. He was so engrossed in feelings of regret and guilt that he almost missed the small sound that escaped from the girl in his arms.
Craning his neck to gaze upon her face, he watched as her eyes began to twitch beneath the closed lids until slowly the lashes separated, exposing hazy, dark eyes. Blinking a few times, the sparkle rejuvenated within her.
"Kouga?" she said with a slightly hoarse undertone.
He knew he should be gentle with her, but all rational thought had been sent spiraling away as she spoke his name again. He pulled her tightly against his chest and crushed his lips to hers.
At first, her eyes opened wide with surprise, but as his warm lips massaged her lips; her rational thoughts flew off to join his far, far away.
-ooo-oooooo-ooo-
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Kouga had very little face time in the last chapter, but I made up for it this time around!
FF Reviewers: Chaos-and-Serenity (So many questions, so little time to write chapters...but I will get there slowly but surely. Thanks for reading!), Nichole Hibiki (I think Kouga is probably feeling pretty open right now), VangieGirl (I'm glad I inspired procrastination in others! Fluff on its way), Imagenation Queen (No, I don't think he likes that he did that either), nunofyorbiz (She is already dead!), ahanchan (Arigato!), Nikolyta (There will be more on the Inuyasha troop soon. Kouga just needed a big spotlight this time), southstar (Thanks, you are cool for reviewing!), SquirrelLou (I'm slow, but determined! Updates will keep coming!), SailorKagome (Still not much interaction, but lots of Kouga at least!), Iridescent Twilight (I love your penname. She needs to be with Kouga every so often I think. Though I'm endeavoring to write a sympathetic Inuyasha just so everyone can feel all angsty and conflicted over it. Why do I do that?), Angel6582 (I'll send some fluffiness your way next chapter. This was more the tear-jerker chapter), BlackRose725503 (I'll make sure to let the current #1 know about her reassignment. :)), Gloomy Goddess (High praise, indeed. Thanks for your kind words), BelleDayNight (blush favorite? me? Seriously, thanks for reading this over and giving me your thoughts. I was frantic to get some initial feedback!)
AFF Reviewers: Fairia13 (You probably won't be able to read this for a while, but thanks for all your help with this story so far. I hope you enjoyed this chapter even though it missed the benefit of your assistance), Gem (If you liked Kouga's depth then this chapter was for you! And ahem you may have figured something important out there. Shhhhh), Kari (aww, I know it is weird to be excited about making someone cry, but I love that it was touching for some readers at least. And anything that can make someone laugh can't be all bad. Thanks!)
MM Reviewers: Twilight Myst (Yea! Someone from MediaMiner reviewed! Seriously though, thanks that means a lot)
Kouga's Den Readers: Feel free to e-mail me reviews at wastedthoughts (remove spaces).