Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

A/N:

FLASHBACK in italics (some italics are for words that are accented.

Book in bold (bold italics, book in flashback)

Thanks Reviewers!!!! I appreciate the feedback regarding the sibling/twin thing. I think I figured out what will work best (though you won't know for a few more chapters), hopefully no one will be too mad that they stop reading). Mosleyn001 Thanks! & I agree about the HP/NL connection, but at this time, I don't believe it will work into this story. Diamond004 letter? What letter, I don't see another letter...Shadowhand the plot has just begun, a lot of things happen this summer Lady Lily3, not a clue. Thanks Hecate DeMort, Moni, Anna Taure, Searanger, Pure Black, Makalani Astral, WhiteLion, Lady Nicole Malfoy-Potter, white-blaze-dragon, Kaleena Mason, deedee, appreciate the feedback, encouragements & reviews. Many commented on Dumbledore's reaction (I had to get his addiction to lemon drops in there somewhere), I personally don't know if he is all that he appears to be in the books.

Not sure about this chapter, I feel like there is something missing...

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Chapter 7 learning

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Harry was outside of Snape's office five minutes before 9. He truly appreciated Snape agreeing to instruct him in occlumency and didn't want to be late (especially on the first day) and ruin everything. He wanted to show Snape that he was serious about learning this time.

"Enter."

Harry entered the room, standing a few feet from Snape, his feet firmly planted on the floor and his wand ready in his hand to fight off Snape's attack.

"Sit down, Potter." When Harry just looked at him with a confused expression on his face, Snape continued, "Surely you can follow simple instructions, Potter. Sit down."

After a questioning glance in Snape's direction, Harry went to sit down on a chair opposite Snape. Harry was shocked that Snape asked, okay ordered, him to sit down. He had expected Snape to attack his mind as soon as he entered the room. He was prepared for that. Last night, Harry had stayed up reading the book on occlumency and mind control (your own, not someone else's) that he got in the library over the weekend, trying to learn as much as he could about clearing your mind.

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'To clear you mind is to think of nothing. Let your mind be free. Free of thought. Free of memories. Free of feelings. Just relax. The point is not to let your mind wander, but to just think of nothing. A vast empty, infinite space, like the sky on a cloudless day.'

That is the problem Harry thought, he tries to get his mind focused on nothing, but inevitably thoughts of Cedric, Sirius and the prophecy come forward. He'll have to think some more about how to do that. Maybe rather than think of nothing, he can think of one thing and have that on his mind, he thought. Now he just has to find something that will hold his interest and concentration, without letting other thoughts distract him.

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Harry was noticed that book didn't seem to help him much, it never mentioned how to clear your mind, which was the same question he asked Snape so many times last year. He was beginning to think that Snape might have written the book, since it told you what to do, but not how to do it. That was definitely Snape's teaching style in potions and it seemed to carry over to occluemency as well. Why did he choose Snape again and is it too late to change his mind? No, he decided, he made this choice for a reason and he will see it through. But He was still confused about what 'clearing your mind' meant, didn't he have any idea on how to do so, but he will have to figure it out on his own, he wasn't going to repeat last years mistakes.

"Potter! Potter! Mr. Potter!" Snape practically screamed, trying to get Harry's attention, pulling Harry away from his thoughts. "I thought you were going to listen and pay attention. If you're not ready to learn this, Mr. Potter, then I suggest you leave and stop wasting your time and more importantly, mine."

"Sorry sir. I was just thinking..." Harry paused as he debated whether or not he should share his thoughts on clearing your mind to Snape. He finally decided to try to read & think about it some more before he asks Snape. Snape already thinks he's an idiot, he doesn't want to ask stupid questions, at least stupid questions according to Snape, and cement Snape's opinion of him. "I guess I was just expecting you to attack my mind like you did last year. That I was prepared for, I wasn't expecting you to ask me to sit down."

"Hmm." Snape gave him a long look, as if he knew that Harry was thinking about something else and not just his surprise at being asked to sit down. "So tell me, Potter, why do you want me to teach you?"

"Well, sir, I now know the reasons why I need to learn this. I do not want Voldemort in my head, having access to my thoughts, memories, and feelings. That would put the people I care about in danger-more than they already are at least." The last 5 words Harry uttered were spoken softly, as if he didn't want Snape to hear them, but couldn't stop himself from saying it.

"I also don't want Voldemort to manipulate me because of those emotions like he did last year. I don't want him planting visions in my mind that are not true. I also don't want to witness his meetings or attacks on muggles-I feel guilty enough about all the deaths I'm responsible for, I don't need to see anymore." Again, this last phrase was spoken quietly. Harry couldn't understand why he kept saying things that he never intended to share. It was as if he was compelled. It was a good thing he asked Snape to teach him. Professor Dumbledore wouldn't changed the lesson from Occlumency to a 'let's discuss Harry's feelings & problem' session.

Snape didn't comment on those softly spoken phrases that Harry stated, instead he replied "I knew why you needed to learn this Potter. I knew about the connection you have with the Dark Lord and about the prophecy. I had this information last year, as well. Such a shame you didn't listen when adults tried to help you, instead of being arrogant and thinking that you knew best. What I was asking was why do you want me to teach you instead of the Headmaster?"

Harry felt anger well up inside of him at Snape's words and tone. He took a few deep breaths, trying to get his anger under control, all the while chanting in his mind, 'I'm not going to lose my temper, I'm going to control my anger. I'm not going to lose my temper...' It took all of Harry's control to finally say, "Sorry, sir, that I misunderstood the question. There are many reasons I chose you instead of Professor Dumbledore, some of which are personal and I hope you respect my need for privacy."

Ignoring Snape's sneer, Harry continued. "However, I will tell you this: Last year you saw some of my worse memories, but you rarely asked me about them, never asked me how I felt about them and never used the to humiliate me, whether in private or in class. I appreciated that. I also know that I have you to thank for saving my life and those of my friends that night at the ministry. If you didn't sound the alarm and let the order know about my vision and that we were missing, not only would Voldemort have the prophecy, but we would all probably be dead. This is why I trust you, as mean as you are to me in class, you still try to help me at times.

"I also respect you. You've made mistakes in your life but learned from them instead of letting them take control of you. You are trying to rectify those mistakes by spying on Voldemort for the order. You risk your life constantly for what you believe in, with very little thanks and acknowledgement. I also think that you identify with me. You've met Voldemort, have talked with him, have had him curse you, no one comes away from that unscathed. You also know what it's like to be isolated from the people around you, to have people talk about you behind your back, for whatever reason, when all you want is to be left alone. I also think that you would understand my desire for privacy. I feel that we are a lot alike in that way, both of us keeping things to ourselves and not sharing many of our thoughts and feelings with others."

Snape looked into Harry's eyes, as if trying to measure the truth of the words he spoke. "Fine. But why not Dumbledore?"

"Those are the personal reasons that I mentioned and I do not wish to discuss them."

"What will be done differently this time, Mr. Potter?"

"I will-no, I am trying to keep my anger under control. I will trust that you are doing this to help me and to keep me safe. I will come to our lessons prepared. I will listen to you during lessons as you explain things and will practice clearing my mind at night. I am willing to do whatever it takes to learn occlumency this summer."

"Very well, Mr. Potter, lets put that to the test. Stand up." At his own words, Snape stood and moved across the room, his wand in his hand. Harry followed and stood across from the professor, prepared to fend off an attack.

"Legilimens!"

Harry saw his memories flash across his mind, and knew that Snape was seeing them as well...detention with Umbridge...being banned from Quidditch...Malfoy insulting his family...'Kill the spare' Cedrid on the ground dead...Voldemort rising out of the cauldron...the Ministry of Magic...destroying Professor Dumbledore's office. Knowing that the next memory would be his godfather's death, Harry tried to reign in his thoughts and push Snape out of his mind at the same time.

Snape lowered his wand and said "You're not trying. You need to push me out sooner, not just when a memory comes that you don't want me to see. Again," and holding his wand up again, he cried, "Legilimens."

Being beaten by Dudley and his gang...Aunt Marge insulting his parents...Students ignoring him in 2nd year...Ron mad at him during 4th year...Fudge not believing him about Voldemort being alive...thinking he might be expelled from Hogwarts...

Once again, Snape stopped the spell. "You didn't even try to push me out that time. I shouldn't be able to get in at all, Potter, if you cleared you mind. If you can't do that you need to at least try to push me out as soon as you realize I'm there. Now, focus. Legilimens."

And so it continued for the next two hours. Snape attacking, Harry's vision drifting across his mind for both of them to see, and Harry making little progress, well no progress if you asked Snape. After being reminded to clear his mind before he went to sleep, Harry eagerly left Snape's office, glad that his first lesson was behind him, only 39 lessons left. Oh joy, quality time with Snape, a dream come true, Harry thought sarcastically.

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Severus watched his student as he left the room. It is going to be a long summer, he thought. He truly expected to have nothing to do with the boy this summer. Instead he was going to be stuck with him alone in a room for 2.5 hours every day. Well, with him and his memories. He never wanted to know the details about his non-slytherin students' life, especially this student. Now he was going to find out much more than he would ever want to know, and he couldn't even use it to torment the boy. Well, he suppose he could, he didn't promise that he wouldn't, but it would be morally wrong, especially since Potter said he trusted Snape for that reason. People might not think that Severus has morals, much less hold to them, but if there was one thing being a Death Eater taught him, it was about morals, or perhaps the need for morals. If he didn't have them, if he didn't know what was right or wrong, if he didn't have a conscious, he wouldn't be here. He would either be in Azkaban or at the Dark Lord's side. One might also think that Snape wouldn't care about betraying someone's trust, but he does. He knows the value of trust. Severus knows that trust is often a two way street. Severus, himself, does not trust many people. Likewise, not many people trust the one-time-Death-Eater-turned-spy. In fact, Severus could count on one hand the number of people who trust him, okay, on one finger if you don't count Harry Potter, which Severus doesn't. Dumbledore, he trusts Severus, and not many people know exactly why. That is one reason why Severus trusts Dumbledore. Even though it would be easier on Dumbledore to give the reasons for his trust in the potions master, Dumbledore has not revealed Severus' secrets to others.

Much as he tried, he couldn't detect a hint of deception in Harry's words. There wasn't a hint of anything in his tone either. It shocked the professor that one of his students could feel that way about him, let alone share it. Trust. Respect. Those can be pretty powerful words. It seemed as though the boy meant it, but Severus knew this couldn't be true. Who would trust the professor that tormented him year after year? Who would respect someone who tried to get them expelled at every opportunity?

Severus thought back to the other words Potter spoke, or rather, the words he whispered. "In danger more than they are", "all the deaths I am responsible for", now Severus could honestly say that he personally didn't care about the boy, but since the future of the wizarding world is on his shoulders, all that guilt cannot be good for a favorable outcome. In fact, Severus thought, those feelings of guilt is probably what prevents him from successfully clearing his mind. Oh Merlin, Severus thought with dismay, if he doesn't find a way to deal with that guilt, he will have to mention it to the boy and then talk about it with him in order for him to learn occlumency. He'll even have to talk about Potter's mutt of a godfather, and he'll have to be somewhat nice about it, since the purpose of that conversation would be to help Potter, not to have him feel more responsible or to get mad. Oh how Severus really wished that Albus was chosen to teach him occlumency this summer.

Recalling more of Potter's speech, Severus grew angry. How dare that child think, let alone say that the 2 of them are alike. They were nothing alike, if you asked Severus, and would never have anything in common, well, Severus relented, maybe the desire to rid the world of Voldemort, but other than that, nothing. The boy was an arrogant fool, just like his father was. Gryffindor's golden boy couldn't have any idea of what Severus' life was like, let alone whether he 'kept things to himself and didn't share his thoughts or feelings'. The boy must be dumber than he thought, and with that insight, Severus left the classroom and headed to lunch.

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After the lesson, Harry didn't feel like sitting in the great hall with his professors, so he went into the kitchen with the idea of getting something to eat and bringing it back to his room so he can read more on occlumency. He really wanted to go back to the library to finish reading the book on adoption. He had a feeling that the next chapter "Adoption, How Charming", would have some of the answers he was looking for about charms on appearances. However, Harry knew that he needed to act like an adult and be responsible and make learning occlumency is first priority. People's lives didn't depend on his adoption, Harry thought.

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End Chapter 7

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

619841.doc - 7 - 10/4/2004