Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

A/N: There are some questions for you all at the bottom (survey says...).

Thanks Reviewers!!!! Love to all!
Anna Taure: thanks for letting me know where the quote was from, I was too tired to read through the bks to try to find it...not too mention I would still by trying to find it.

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Chapter 9 how charming

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Harry had been in a much better mood since receiving the letters from his friends yesterday. After he wrote the replies, he started thinking out Lupin. He still needed to apologize to him for this part in Sirius's death. He really wasn't looking forward to that conversation, but he knew it had to happen. Harry knew that he could no longer try to avoid the werewolf, especially since he kept trying to corner Harry in the library or in the great hall after meals, or even stopping by Harry's room hoping to catch him in. Harry was very grateful for the advanced locking & silencing charms he used that needed a password to disable. It looked like all that extra studying on charms was beginning to benefit him after all.

As if he had conjured Remus up just by thinking about him, there was a knock on his door.

"I've been looking for you. Haven't seen you around much these last few days."

I know, Harry thought, remembering how he had been avoiding the werewolf and why.

"How have you been?" Remus asked Harry after he entered Harry's rooms after lunch.

"Okay, all things considered."

"Same here," Remus replied. "I miss him, but I know that he wouldn't want me to spend my life grieving for him and ignore the opportunities in life."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what he said," Harry replied, thinking of the words Sirius wrote telling him to find the beauty and magnificence in life.

Hearing Harry's unintentional slip of the tongue, Remus looked inquisitively at him. Uh-oh, Harry thought, I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't going to bring up Sirius' letter. I don't know if I'm ready to talk with him about that, especially before I apologize to him for my role in Sirius's death. Without giving Moony a chance to ask what he meant, Harry quickly said, "I'm sorry, Moony. I'm so sorry" The minute Harry started talking, his voice started breaking, as if every word was causing him pain.

"For what?" A puzzled Remus asked, not understanding the change in topic or Harry's apology.

Harry answered in broken phrases, barely audible around the lump in his throat, "For the ministry...for Sirius dying...For believing Voldemort's vision and putting everyone in danger...for making it necessary for Sirius & the order to come rescue us...for causing Sirius's death." By the time Harry was finished, he could no longer hold back the tears from his eyes.

"Harry, it's not your fault. No one blames you. It was a mistake, part of being human," Harry cringed at the phrase that Remus used since it was the same one Professor Dumbledore used the night that Sirius died. "an error in judgment, we all make those."

Again Harry thought of Dumbledore, this time, realizing that Dumbledore himself was human and made errors in judgments. It was a start to healing the rift between the two, but Harry knew that it was going to take a bit longer before he could really talk to Dumbledore again. First he had to sort out his thoughts regarding everything that Dumbledore had shared that night, then he'll have to find the courage to share those thoughts with the headmaster, only then could the trust be rebuilt.

"Actually, Harry, it is I who should apologize to you."

At Remus's words, Harry stared at him in shock, "why?"

"For not being there for you these last few years. It was a joy to get to know you the year I was teaching here. I would've enjoyed spending time with you and had wanted to do so, even if I wasn't going to be teaching at Hogwart's. But after Sirius escaped and we knew that he was innocent, I figured you had your godfather back, and didn't need me in your life. You would want to talk with him, confide in him. I didn't want to interfere with that relationship, so I stayed out of the picture. That wasn't right or fair to you. And I really can't expect you to trust or confide in me now, when I wasn't there in the past, but please know that I am and always will be there for you. I give my pledge as a Marauder."

"Thanks Moony. I'll remember that."

There was a moment of awkward silence as the two men gathered their thoughts and brought their emotions back in control. Remus thought that since he was the older of the two that it was up to him to break the silence. "How was your first week of Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape?"

"Not too bad. I still don't understand the concept of clearing your mind, but I'm trying harder than I did last year."

"I'm glad that you are trying harder this time. I admit that I was surprised when you chose Professor Snape to teach you instead of Albus."

"I, er, spent a lot of time thinking about it. There were a number of reasons for either of them to teach me, and just as many reasons for each of them not to teach me. I tried to base my decision on who would be best to teach me, not on how I was treated in the past."

"You want to share those reasons?" Remus asked, for he still had not found out what had happened between Albus and Harry. The headmaster refused to answer him and Harry had been avoiding him for the last week.

"They are somewhat personal and I'll prefer not to share them." Harry said after a long pause.

"Fair enough." Remus replied, although a bit disappointed, well, onto the next topic: the library visits. "You've been spending a lot of time in the library lately. Find out anything interesting?"

"oh, a few things. I was looking at some books on occlumency, but they don't seem to be helping much. I should probably ask Professor Dumbledore or Snape to recommend one, though."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They would probably be pleased that not only are you asking for their help, but that you are showing initiative to learn this time. Well, Albus will be happy; I don't think anything could make Severus happy."

Harry chuckled at this, since the same thought occurred to him many times.

"Anything else you've been reading about?" Remus asked, remembering that day in the library with the upside down occlumency book. He suspected that there was another subject that Harry was interested in, and that it might be related to Sirius's letter.

"Just reading some things on charms."

"I thought you were finished with your homework?"

"Just about, but I figured I'll take advantage of the extra time and resources I have here. Usually during summer holiday, I would have to hide my books and try to complete my homework by torch under the covers in the middle of the night. It's nice not to have to worry about that anymore."

"Your mom always liked charms. It was one of her best subjects in school. She was incredibly talented in that subject, probably the best one in the school when it came to charms. What is the topic of your charms homework?"

Realizing the opportunity presented before him, Harry brought his Slytherin side to the surface and casually answered, "just some things on appearance charms."

"That is an interesting topic," Remus replied, meaning it in more ways than one. Not only was the subject itself fascinating and fun to experiment with, but Remus clearly remembered appearance charms being something only NEWT students would study, not something a 5th year would have for homework. Remus decided to give Harry the information that he knew about subject hoping that 1) it would help Harry and 2) that Harry would trust him after this and share why he was looking for this information.

"There are many charms on appearance, some to just change hair or eye color, some to change hair length or texture. Height and weight charms are usually popular as well. There are also some charms to make you look like another person. Some of these charms actually change the way you look, while others, concealing charms, actually hide things without changing them, like warts, birthmarks, or scars, things of that nature."

Harry absentmindedly ran his hand over the scar on his forehead. When he was reading about the charms, he was so busy trying to find out what charms might have been placed on him, that he didn't even think about the possibility that he might be able to hide his scar. "Remus, do you think one of those charms would work on my scar?"

"I don't know Harry, you're scar is the first one of its kind. If you really want to know you should probably ask Professor Dumbledore or Flitwick."

"I'll think about that. So, how can you tell if someone is wearing an appearance charm, then?"

"If you are Alastor Moody, you just look at them with your magical eye. For most of us, however, the best way is to perform a charm on yourself that will allow you to 'see' through most appearance charms. This is a good charm to use, since the person with the appearance charm on does not know that you saw behind the charms."

"Oh," Harry said, wondering first if Moody had noticed charms placed on him and second, if he could perform the charm Remus mentioned on himself and look into the mirror to see through the charms that he knew had to be placed on his appearance.

"Another option is, of course, to cast a spell to end someone's charms."

"How can you do that if you don't know what appearance charms they might have applied?"

"Most charms can be terminated with 'Finite Incantatem'; some of the more advanced charms require a specific incantation to end them. Of course, there are some very advanced charms that are set to passwords."

"How does that work?"

"Like a key to a lock. The charm can only be terminated if the person said the correct incantation and then the password. The password is set by the castor at the time the spell was cast. Anyone can end the charm, as long as they have the password."

"Oh, I haven't read about that yet."

"As I mentioned, those charms are very advanced. Most wizards and witches cannot cast them. It takes someone with incredible talent in charms to successfully cast this spell."

Remus went on talking a bit more about appearance charms, before he left. Most of later information he shared Harry had already read about in the books he had gotten from the library.

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Remus once more found himself in his rooms, contemplating the situation that was Harry. He could think of no reason why the boy would be looking up information on appearance charms. It couldn't just be because he wanted to cover his scar, although there was no doubt that he was eager to see if a charm would work for that purpose.

Maybe he doesn't want to look like a replica of his father. Everyone who meets him comments on how much he looks like James. In fact, that is the main reason Severus doesn't like him, because he is a reminder of James and the tricks the Marauders played on him. Remus remembered Molly mentioning how she thought Sirius was confusing him with his father, since they looked so much alike. Could this be the reason? If it was, Remus did not see the connection between this and whatever Sirius had put in his letter. Surely, Sirius couldn't tell him anything that would make Harry want to change his appearance.

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"Finite Incantatem!"

"Em Wohs!"

"Falsetto!"

"Finite Incantem Appero!"

"Estrufle!"

"Ind Thes!"

"Potraho!"

"Denudo!"

"Ostendo Dicis!"

"Gerolateo!"

"Imago Texi!"

"Secerno Simulatio!"

Harry had looked up the counter spells to every appearance charm he could find. For over 2 hours this morning he had tried all of them at least twice. None of them worked. None of them were canceling the appearance spell that was placed on him as an infant. He still looked like Lily & James Potter. Not a single hair had changed. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

Harry thought back to the conversation he had with Remus last evening.

Harry wondered if he should contact Moody and ask if he had sensed any appearance charms on him. Then decided he had better not. He didn't want Moody to start asking questions, about why Harry wanted to know if appearance charms were placed on him. Especially since Moody would most likely ask Dumbledore, who in turn would ask Harry and probably wouldn't let Harry get by with 'no reason' for an answer.

Oh, Merlin! His mom, er, Lily, excelled in charms. What if she used an advanced charm that required a password in order to be terminated? She probably thought that she would be around to reverse the charm if it needed to be done. With a deep ache in the pit of his stomach, Harry suddenly realized that there was a possibility that these charms might never be reversed. He might look like James Potter for the rest of his life, not that that was necessarily a bad thing, for he had nothing against James. It was really the thought never knowing what his true self looked like that was bothering him.

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Sunday morning, Harry was greeted at breakfast with an owl carrying a package to him, he eagerly tore the package open, it wasn't often he received presents, especially since it wasn't his birthday for a couple more weeks.

Dear Harry,

I got you an early birthday present. Please use it.

I really wanted to learn more about oc. For one reason it sounded so interesting

Harry laughed, only Hermione would think occlumency was interesting, then again, she wasn't the one that had to learn it.

For another reason, I wanted to help you succeed in your lessons.

One of the books (oddly enough titled 'The Art of OC'), mentioned how our memories are tied into our feelings. I believe that's true. Think about the memories that are the hardest to clear from your mind, aren't they the ones with the strongest feelings behind them?

This journal (I hoped you already opened it.) is for you to write about your feelings, especially your feelings regarding the memories that you want to clear from your mind. By getting your emotions out onto paper (and out of your mind), this will let you sort through them, thus clearing your mind, which is the main goal behind oc.

Please, please, please use the journal, Harry. For me?

Love,

Hermione

Harry looked at the journal after reading the letter. He'll have to think about this. Writing in a journal, especially about his feelings, just sounded too girly, almost like keeping a diary. It might as well be pink, he thought as he placed the navy blue journal in the desk drawer.

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End Chapter 9 how charming

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I truly appreciate any feedback..

QUESTIONS FOR YOU (viewer's poll):

So, Where do you think the book is? Did some one take it? If so, who?

Also, back in Ch 3, the 2nd letter SB wrote to HP (the one that RL was keeping hold of) fell to the floor...who (if anyone) do you think finds it??

I always wondered where RL was in bk 4 & 5 & why he didn't keep in better contact with HP-his best friends son (not to mention all the years before POA)

"Em Wohs!"backwards 'show me'

"Falsetto!false, reminded me of singing, had to use it

"Estrufle!"anagram for 'true self'

"Ind Thes!"change i & e, 'end this'

"Potraho!"latin 'reveal'

"Denudo!" latin 'reveal'

"Ostendo Dicis!" latin 'reveal appearances'

"Gerolateo!" latin 'appearance (gero) hidden (lateo)

"Imago Texi!" latin 'appearance reveal'

"Secerno Simulatiolatin 'hidden appearance'

619841.doc - 8 - 10/8/2004