His voice was calm when Ed told Al to get the mirror that was on the wall near the window. Al, his mind a mess, obeyed; he didn't note that his brother's voice was calm, true, but it was also strange, hollow somehow. Al brought the mirror to his brother who in turn set it down one handed, on a stack of books on the nightstand next to his bed without a look up at the younger boy. Wordlessly, he pulled Al to sit next to him, then adjusted the mirror.
"Brother...what...?" Al said.
"You wanted to know how I did it...right?" Ed said in that same strange voice.
"Mmmm..." Al said nervously. "But what about mother...? What about the Equivalent Exchange...?"
Ed turned to him with a serious look on his face. "We were wrong about that, Al-but it wasn't what you're thinking." He reached towards Al's face, set a hand against his cheek. "Help me with this, Al."
"With what?"
Ed's wasn't looking at him. "Your...helmet...Help me take it off."
Al pulled his head from his brother's reach. "What do you mean? You can't take that off?" Ed was smiling softly. It was that smile that made Al relax. It was a sad smile. Ed was just trying to help; he didn't want to do this anymore than Al. Al sighed and when he saw Ed's hand touch his jaw and scoop his fingers inbetween his neck, Al braced himself and put his own hand on the other side and pulled up.
"What we transmuted wasn't mother, Al." Ed was saying. Al was waiting for the moment when his sight would shut off as his head was lifted from his body-for surely that would happen. How could he see without eyes? He waited-but that moment never came. Al somehow was looking down at his own head sitting in Ed's lap. Ed's voice was coming from far away."We were wrong. I almost understood what exactly it was we were missing-that piece that we needed. It wasn't the circle and it wasn't the formulas. It was...something else."
Al said without a mouth...or a head for that matter, "What "something else?""
Ed shook his own head, his mouth twisted wistfully. His fingers rested on top of Al's helmet. "I didn't have time to find that out...But it wasn't you Al. It wasn't me. Not like that. We...we loved her. Didn't we? That's why we tried to bring her back...Was that so bad?"
"I...I don't know anymore, brother..."
Ed hesitated. "Come here, Al." he said.
Al came closer and let Ed pull his shoulders down. He watched as his older brother reached into the armor. He wasn't sure from where he was watching this happen. The angle changed from moment to moment. It saw where Al needed it to see. So that means that he saw in the mirror when Ed pointed to something inside the armor, something Al knew hadn't been there before, something written in red. "What is that, brother...?" Al began, but didn't finish. Ed's hand had accidently brushed against that red writing and for the first time since Al had woken in the cellar in their house, Al felt his hand. He felt...
Al pulled back quickly, startling Ed who watched him clatter backwards onto the floor.
"Al...?" Ed asked, his voice full of concern as he leaned over his little brother.
Al's voice was small, "What is that, brother?" Ed hesitated. "Brother...?"
Ed cleared his throat. "You don't have to be strong for both of us, Al. I'm here. Understand? You're my only brother. I'll always be here for you. We're all we have in the world..."
"Brother...?"
Ed sighed and that sad smile was back. "It's a blood seal, Al. It's how your soul is bound to the armor. Last night when you...when you disappeared...I transmuted you using my arm as material..using my blood to write that seal. It bound you. I bound you..." Ed held out his good arm. There was a faint stain on his forearm. It looked exactly like the seal Al had seen inside his armor.
"But..." Al said, amazement setting his mind back to reason, "We never learned how to do that. I never read about that in any of the alchemy books we read...How did you do that, brother...?"
Ed's look was distant, "The gate. That's how I knew." At Al's silence, Ed looked at him. "You remember it, Al?"
But Al didn't remember a gate...
What gate?
Ed was watching Al. It was strange, but even like this, Al somehow still managed to slouch just that way when something was bothering him and one hand nervously figetted, now at his side, now at his left elbow. Al gazed back, headless, his shoulders bent and his fingers tense. "A gate?" he said distractedly, "I don't remember a gate...there was a door, I thought, but it must have been a dream."
But, Ed thought now, wasn't this all a dream?
He imagined he would wake up any moment and there Al would be shaking him awake and Ed would feel the warmth of his hands and see him smile...
"Brother?" Al said.
"Al...what is it like...in...in that body...is it..."
Al paused and Ed looked up quickly, hand raised, ready to erase the question, but Al replied, "It's like..." Al paused again. It was hard to explain. What is the sensation that is no sensation? "It's like when your foot falls asleep."
Ed's face darkened, "You mean, "numb"?"
"No! No...not that...it's like, I'm about to feel something, I'm holding my breath for it...but it just.. doesn't come..."
Ed just stared at him for a moment, a strange looking in his face. His eyes fell to his good arm. Al saw the small fingers suddenly clench into a fist. "Al..." Ed had said and in a sudden move had thrown his good arm around Al's shoulders, buried his face in his shoulder. Al watched him and wondered if he had heard anything after "numb." Al didn't think he had and he suddenly wished he hadn't said it like that...Even if...
Even if it were the truth.
TBC...