Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

A/N: If anyone is interested in being a beta for me/this story, please let me know.

Tried to post this last night from home, but kept getting error messages, I hope it was just a one-time thing, otherwise, that is seriously going to interfere with my posting schedule.
Thanks Reviewers!!!!
Connie Eressea: at the end of ch 10 it explains the ch title; Slytherinkid07 Thanks, I'll have to go back when I get a chance & revise it. I appreciate your help (and I know that I do love ellipsis); Anna Taure who would imagine that the world is that small that you were adopted in another country & actually know your parents, plus nothing is making it obvious now (we only know because it is a severitus challenge); HecateDeMort why can't it be? Makalani Astral, Thanks I appreciate it, but it might not hurt to have a beta, since I read these over so many times & there are still error.
White-blaze-dragon, Shadowedhand, Lady Lily3, Kalena Mason, merlihalliwell: Thank you for reading!

Chapter 11 results

Harry started the weekend off by writing to Hermione to thank her for the journal.

Dear Hermione,

Thank you for the early birthday present. I used it last week and it helped. I'm glad that you were able to pick up on the clues that the professor kept dropping, because I didn't! I don't know why that book isn't in the library, it sounds much more useful. I'll definitely have to take a look at it in September.

I used it for the first time this week, and I actually made some progress. In fact, you wouldn't believe what I have to tell you. Our professor was married and has kids. Two of them, about our age, can you believe it?

Anyways, I haven't made much progress on that research project I mentioned, I am kind of at a dead end right now, but hopefully I can figure it out. Although, some of the research books I were using in the library have disappeared. They were there one day, and when I went to look for them again, they were gone. Which is very strange considering there are only four of us in the castle right now, and I don't see any of them looking into this topic.

That's about it for now, just wanted to thank you for your help, I really appreciated it (and thanks for not making the journal pink)

Hope to see you soon,
Harry

PS, do you think you could help me find a charm for the journal so that no one else could read it but me?

Harry wasn't sure why he mentioned the memories that he saw to Hermione. He knew she would yell at him for being in his professor's mind and sharing what he saw, but for some reason, it just came out and seemed right. He did know better than to share that information with Ron, Ron he knew would tell the whole school and, of course, Snape would trace it back to him, but Hermione would keep it to herself. Harry's letter to Ron, mostly just talked about Quidditch and how Harry was spending his time at the school, other than lessons.

The rest of the weekend passed by quickly, with Harry trying to spend as much time in the library as possible, without being caught by Moony. It seemed that everywhere Harry went, Moony was sure to follow. Needless to say, this was seriously cutting into Harry's research time.

Harry continued to use the advanced silencing & locking charms that needed a password to be terminated, he first used these charms last Saturday when he was trying to reverse the appearance charms. With these charms in place, he could 'study' without interruption. Most of the meals he took in his rooms, to also avoid being cornered by Moony.

He finally decided to forget about reversal charms, since nothing seemed to have worked. He was amazed with the number of appearance charms & reversals there were, the list seems never ending. He was now considering potions that changed someone's appearance, especially long-term or semi-permanent potions that won't wear off until the antidote is taken. If his present look was a result of one of those potions, he knew that he might never find the correct antidote, and his true appearance could be lost forever.

Occlumency lessons on Monday and Tuesday were very quiet. Snape didn't say anything except for "Legilimens". He didn't even criticize or insult Harry for not being able to push him out of his mind like he did last week. Snape was too busy wondering if Harry was going to ask or comment on the memories he saw. Some people might call the boy 'curious', Snape thinks a more fitting description was 'too nosy for his own good'. This waiting and wondering for the ball to drop, kept Snape's stress level high. He could barely even concentrate on his potions. Darn the boy, he thought, for distracting him like this. This was not how he envisioned his summer.

Harry on the other hand was thinking about what else he didn't know about his professor. He'll admit that seeing those memories surprised him, and he was very curious indeed as to what else was in the mind of this professor.

Wednesday's lesson wasn't much better, although the two seemed more relaxed with each other. Snape, because he realized that the boy was probably too afraid to ask about the memories, especially if he remembered Snape's reaction to the pensieve from last year. Harry on the other hand realized that if he kept thinking about Snape's memories then either A) he won't learn occlumency, despite last week's progress; or B) Snape might see his own memories in Harry's mind-and that would most likely mean death for Harry when Snape realized how much Harry thought about those memories.

After being dismissed on Wednesday, Harry hesitated, wanting to ask the professor a favor, but not sure if Snape would be in a good enough mood to agree, then again, was Snape ever in a good mood?

"Well? What is it, Potter?" Snape asked exasperated.

"Sir, I was wondering if you could help me research and possibly brew some potions on appearance altering and their antidotes?"

"Aiming a little high there, aren't we Potter? Those are advanced potions, usually not addressed until 7th year. Of course," Snape said with a sneer, "you might want to learn them now while you have the chance, because I highly doubt that you did well enough on your owls to be eligible for my NEWT class. I refuse to take anyone who scored less than an 'O', you'll be lucky if you passed." That was the most Snape spoke to him in days, so Harry really wasn't surprised that most of it was insults.

Harry didn't say much in response to this last statement, mostly because he also thought that he might not pass, he knew that the odds of him getting an 'O' in potions were extremely slim. He also thought it was best to agree with his professor rather than get defensive, especially since he was asking for Snape's help. "Most likely, sir. So, will you help me?"

"Since you will probably do this without me, knowing your total disregard for the rules, and will most likely blow up not just the cauldron, but possibly the school itself, if left on your own, yes. However, you must obey me at all times in the lab or you will never step foot in my dungeons again. We'll start the week after next."

"But why not nex..."

Before Harry could finish asking his question, Snape replied, as if talking to a 3 year old, "If you're going to argue, we won't do this at all."

"Yes, sir." Harry replied, repeating to himself "I will not lose my temper, I will not lose my temper', before he left the office.

Severus couldn't help but wonder what that was all about. Why would the boy want to learn about appearance altering potions? Granted, it might come in handy someday if he became an auror, but that was doubtful, since he wouldn't be in my NEWT class come September. Of course, the auror program will probably take him anyway, since he is The-Boy-Who-Lived, at this thought Snape was totally disgusted at all the 'exceptions' that were made for this particular student.

Snape finally decided that he really didn't care why Harry wanted to learn these potions. Most likely it was for a joke he wanted to play on his friends, or perhaps some research for the Weasley twins & their joke shop. Snape had heard last year at Headquarters, that Potter was their financial backer that enabled them to start their 'business'. Either way, as long as the school didn't collapse and the cauldron didn't destroy his rooms, Snape didn't care. The continued existence of the building and the safety of everyone inside said building was the extent of his involvement with this project.

That wasn't so bad, Harry thought. Snape agreed to help me and he didn't even ask why. Which was a good thing, since Harry couldn't tell him the truth and he wasn't skilled enough to lie to his professor. Especially when the professor in question is a skilled Legilimens and can detect when he is being lied to.

Harry was a little upset that they wouldn't be starting until the week after his birthday, especially when Snape wouldn't give him a reason why they couldn't start next week. Upon further reflection, though, Harry realized that this could be a good thing, now he can spend some time next week researching appearance altering potions and the ingredients.

Glad that he finally had a plan and hopefully a way to remove the appearance charms or potions that have been placed on him since he was an infant, Harry started to write in his journal before going to bed.

Friday's lesson did not go well. Harry was so busy thinking about other things last night that he forgot to write in his journal. As a result, some of his more potent memories were available for Snape to see.

It wasn't until after the fifth try that Harry was able to push Snape out of his mind. It was on the sixth try when Snape almost saw Sirius's letter, that Harry was once more trapped in his professor's mind when he attempted to push him out. At first he didn't realize what he was seeing.

Snape crying, holding a lifeless child in his arms...Snape standing between two small coffins...Snape kneeling in a cemetery, placing another yellow rose on his wife's grave, a blue rose in front of a tombstone that read "Synclair Leif Snape", and a pink rose in front of one that read "Seren Lenore Snape"...Snape packing bright colored clothing into boxes

Harry stared at Snape, not knowing what to say or do. "I'm sorry." He finally said, apologizing not just for seeing Snape's memories, but also for the loss of his children. Children he had loved very much, judging by the look of grief and the tears on his professor's face.

Snape didn't say a word, just turned and walked out of his office. A few minutes later a door slammed with such force that Harry was sure it could be heard and felt all the way up to the astronomy tower.

Harry skipped lunch in the great hall that afternoon. He was sure that Moony and Professor Dumbledore heard Snape's door slam, and he didn't want to answer any questions they might ask about his lesson that morning. Harry suspected that Snape wouldn't go to lunch either, but just in case, he decided it was safer in his rooms. He didn't want to face Snape right now, not after the memories he just saw.

That explains a lot, Harry thought, to lose your wife, only to lose your children soon afterwards, Harry's respect for his professor grew that day. To continue on living after something like that, Harry couldn't imagine how difficult that must be. Harry had a challenging time when Sirius died, he couldn't even imagine what Snape must have been feeling.

Harry couldn't escape Snape's memories, all he saw was Snape. His professor's hands as he clenched the three roses and one by one placed them on the graves of his family; His professor's face streaked with tears, and eyes red as if crying all night; Snape's eyes, that in previous memories sparkled, filled with laughter and love, now solid black with not even a hint of sparkle; His face now so expressionless, had a look of desolation, as he packed his brightly colored robes into boxes.

What hit Harry the hardest was when he remembered his thoughts and feelings from the night before. He remembered feeling envious of his professor for having a loving family to spend holiday's with, being able to take summer trips and create memories, something Harry had never had an opportunity to do with his parents or with Sirius. He inwardly cringed when he remembered the feelings of jealousy he felt towards his professor's children for having a father that loved them and cared for them. Something Harry didn't remember, had always wanted, and even now, hoped for since he found out about his adoption.

The Dumbledore, Harry and Remus had just finished dinner Friday night, when Dumbledore handed Harry an envelope and said "It was delivered in my care, since the wards around your aunt's house keep unknown owls from finding it."

Opening the letter, Harry realized it was his O.W.L results.

Harry had a pretty good idea of how he did on his exams, the only score he was really worried about was potions. He was pretty sure that he didn't fail, but he was also sure he didn't get an 'O' either, unless a miracle occurred. That one score could keep him from the NEWT class and ultimately from becoming an auror. Most of his scores were what he expected them to be. He was glad to see that he earned an 'O' in DADA, thanks partly to his patronus. He also received an 'O' in COMC, Hagrid will be pleased with that. He also received an 'O' in charms, at the beginning of the summer, he might have attributed this to inheriting Lily's talent for charms, now he gives the credit to Hermione and her study schedules. He was glad that he met McGonagle's requirement of an 'E' in Tranfigurations. The 'E' in Herbology he can thank Neville for, you can't live with that boy without learning something about plants (hopefully that knowledge of plants would benefit him on the written portion of his potion's exam, as well). He was shocked to see that he did so well in Astronomy. He actually received an 'A'. He was expecting a 'P' on that one, since he thought that he ended up watching Hagrid and McGonagle being attacked by Umbridge, more than he watched the night sky. History of Magic, well, no surprise there, considering he fell asleep during the test and once he woke up, couldn't concentrate due to the vision he had from Voldemort. And then there was Divination, he didn't need to be a 'seer' to know that he had received a 'P' on that one. No, the only score he didn't understand was Potions...

End Chapter 11 Results

This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated. I am still learning as I am going so to speak, but I do appreciate the help/input. I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.

Synclair - A clear sign; besides, Snape's kid named 'Syn' who could resist that?
Leif - besides being an anagram for 'life'; meaning is beloved descendent;
Seren - from the word Serendipity, one def is 'unexpected blessing'
Lenore – light

In case the blue/pink roses didn't give it away: Syn-male, Seren-female.

What did you think of the names for SS's wife & kids? Thought about naming Synclair 'Slade'-def "child of the valley", but not crazy over def; or 'Skylar'-def "learned one",

10/13/2004