Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

A/N: Please be nice, I've had a rough day. My laptop was stolen (again!) That's 2 computers in 2 days. I hope to continue updating 2-3x a week, but since I don't have a comp home, it might take a bit longer to type up chapters & post them..

I love this chap, at least I love the last line...

Italics – memories Snape sees during lessons

Thanks Reviewers!!!!

Chapter 17 volcanic action

Monday morning Severus walked down the school corridors towards the great hall. He was not the least bit happy to be out and about. He would much prefer to stay in bed, dwelling on the past, much like he had this past week, something he is sure that Dumbledore would not approve of. Except for the few times that he went out to fly or to run errands, he pretty much stayed in with his memories. As usual, after his annual 'holiday', he was in a worse mood than when he left. He was tired, he was grouchier than usual and he just wanted to be left alone until these feelings of despondency subsided. He knew that getting back into his 'routine' would speed up the process, but sometimes it was difficult just to get out of bed in the morning.

He had decided last night that he would join the others for breakfast this morning, even if he wouldn't be eating, to show that he was alive and well and back from his 'holiday'. After that, he would willingly take refund in his rooms for the next few days, while he wasn't 'teaching' the brat.

The one good thing about being at the castle at this time of year was that there would be no students around to watch him as he tries to put himself back together. Well, okay, so one student will be around. The fact that this student knew more about him than all the members of staff combined, Albus included, made Severus even more on edge. Severus realized that he would just have to intimidate the boy so that he doesn't mention anything that he has seen or heard this summer regarding his professor's personal life. He would also have to ensure that the boy doesn't learn any more information about his professor's personal life than he already has.

Harry sat down at the table next to Snape. He looked at the man out of the corner of his eye, for no one wanted to be caught staring at the potion master. Harry was surprised at what he saw. For someone who just had a week of holiday, it looked like Snape hadn't slept at all. In fact, he looked worse than he did last week when he stormed out of his office after the memories of his children's funerals were played in his mind.

"Finally had a growth spurt, I see, Potter. Who would think that along with growing a few centimeters in height that your hair would grow in length as well? At least it's a bit neater than your usual 'mop'."

At his professor's words, Harry automatically ran his hands through his hands and noticed that it felt a bit longer than normal. "Good morning, professor. Welcome back." Harry said, determined not to start the week on the wrong side of this professor, especially if he wanted to be admitted into Snape's NEWT class. No, Snape would not get him to lose his temper this week, no matter how insulting he bacame.

"Yes, Severus, welcome back. Have a good holiday, I trust?"

"Good morning, Albus, Potter." Severus replied, ignoring the latter half of the headmaster's words. "Let's hope you've been practicing this last week while I've been away, Potter."

"Yes, sir." Harry said, not sure how to respond to Snape's words, since they weren't really asked as a question, but Harry was sure that if he ignored them and didn't reply, that that would only put Snape in a worse mood.

"Harry," Albus said. "I want you to concentrate on occlumency these next few weeks. It is vital that you learn as much as you can before the remainder of the staff arrives and school starts. The first staff members to return back are Madam Pomphrey and Professor McGonagle. They will be returning this weekend; everyone else will be back by the 19th. Take advantage of having Severus's attention, without other students, professors or other subjects to distract you.

"I would like to see if you can completely block Professor Snape from your mind on a regular basis. If you can do this, you should be able to keep those dreams and visions away while you sleep."

"Yes, sir."

"Have you been writing in the journal this last week, Potter?"

"Yes, sir. Actually, that journal has been filled, but I got another one for my birthday. I also picked up some extras last Saturday when Professor Lupin & I went into Hogsmeade."

At the mention of Harry's birthday, Snape's pale skin, went even whiter and his features tightened as if in anger, before he masked his emotions.

"Hermione helped me find some protective spells to put on the journals, so that they couldn't be read by anyone but me, or someone I give permission to."

Albus, the only one who didn't know about the journals, looked puzzled for a moment before Harry explained about his early birthday present from Hermione.

"That's a fine idea, Mr. Potter. I know that I am able to determine what I am feeling if I actually write things out."

"Yes, sir, it does help. Hermione also gave me a special quill. The body of the quill changes colors depending on my mood and the ink reflects the mood I feel about the items I write about. It is also spelled, so that I cannot write something that isn't true."

"Ah, yes. That can come in handy, as well." Albus nodded, eyes twinkling.

"Just don't use that quill in my class, Potter. I have no desire to be reading mutli-colors of ink. Of course, if the quill won't let you write something that isn't true, there wouldn't be much ink on the parchment, now would there?"

"Um, professor? About my potion OWLS-"

"Finally got the results? Remember," Snape said gleefully, "I don't take any students into my class that didn't get an 'O'."

"Well, actually," Harry started to say, before pausing. He wasn't really sure how to bring up this topic. Not only did not get an 'O', but technically, he didn't even get a grade. Harry really didn't think that Snape would appreciate his joke about the two o's in unknown and incomplete.

"You might say that his final Potion score was actually two o's." Harry heard Albus said, the older wizards eyes twinkling brightly at Severus's confused look.

"Excuse me?" Severus asked, glaring between Harry and Albus.

"Something happened when they were grading my exams," Harry explained. "I ended up with an 'incomplete' and an 'unknown' as my official grade in potions."

"Incomplete and unknown, the two o's, I take it? Sorry, Potter, not quite the grades I require."

"Severus," Albus warned.

"What?" Snape snapped, "you know my policy."

"Yes, Severus, I do. I even support you on it, but since it isn't Harry's fault that his exams weren't able to be recorded before the incident, we need to come to an agreement regarding this situation."

"An agreement meaning I let him into my class even without the proper OWL scores."

"That could be one way." Albus agreed ignoring Severus's derisive tone and glare. "The other choices are you can either assign him some potions work, grade them and see if he could handle your class or he could retake his potion OWLS."

"I already know he can't handle my class, he hasn't been able to for the last five years, so by all means, let's have him retake his owls."

"If we need to, we will. It depends on you. Think about it for a few days, and let me know by the end of next week if I need to schedule a make-up OWL exam." Albus said, then stood up as he finished his breakfast. "I believe you two have a lesson to go to, and I have work that needs to be done before the new term starts."

"Come on, Potter, let's see if you have indeed practiced this last week."

During Monday's lesson, a small improvement was noticed. Harry wasn't able to keep Snape out of his mind, but he was able to hold him off for a few minutes. Hey, Harry thought, it's a start.

After the lesson, Harry cautiously asked about working on the appearance potions. He was hoping that the potion master would still work with him on them, but Harry wasn't sure since Snape seemed to be in a strange mood, not necessarily worse than normal, just different. Thankfully, he replied "Meet me down in my classroom after dinner, Potter. If you don't plan on following instructions, don't show up at all."

Harry spent the afternoon outside reading some more books on appearance potions before grabbing something to eat from the kitchens and heading to the dungeons.

He was standing outside the classroom door when Snape entered the hallway.

"Never thought I'd see a Potter so eager to learn about potions."

Harry had to bite his tongue to keep from replying that he wasn't a Potter but was in fact 'Aren Brac Swann'.

"So, Potter, what exactly do you want to know?"

"Well, I was wondering, is there a way to tell if someone's appearance is a result of a potion? Do all potions require an antidote or can they just naturally wear off? Are there any that are irreversible?"

Snape's was leaning his head on his hands and without looking at Harry, he answered, "No common potion is designed to last forever, but if an antidote is required, the potion cannot be reversed without the correct one. Most appearance potions can be brewed as either antidote or timed reversals. With timed reversals, the potion can be set anywhere from five minutes to 20-plus years. You can't tell by looking at someone if an appearance poition has been consumed, nor can you do some silly wand waving or incantation to reveal the presence of these potions. There is however, a potion that can be brewed to detect the existence of an appearance potion is at work. The potion is fairly complicated and is more powerful and accurate if the person it is intended to be used on is the one who actually brews the potion. Which is often a trick, since it is often aurors who try to administer this potion and most criminals aren't very willing to help brew a potion that will send them to prison."

Harry watched his professor as he spoke. Snape seemed so impassive, his voice monotone, it was almost as if he was depressed. "Professor, are you okay? You don't look well."

"I'm fine, Potter"

Now Harry knew the professor wasn't feeling like his normal self. Normally, Snape wouldn't pass by the opportunity to ridicule him, and having Harry in a classroom to himself with said boy asking personal questions, would usually open the floodgates.

"Did you have a particular potion you are interested in brewing?"

"Well, I'm curious about the revealing potion that you mentioned. Would you be able to help me with that potion?"

"The 'Revealo' potion? Fine." Standing up, he took 'Moste Potente Potions' off the shelf and handed it to Harry. "Read the chapter in there on the potion. Then meet me back here tomorrow evening. Be prepared to brew the potion. I will supply all the ingredients except the last two."

Harry left the dungeons with a puzzled expression on his face. He wasn't use to seeing his professor like that. Sure, the man could be distant and emotionless, but this was just too weird. After the first remark about a Potter's eagerness to learn potions, he never said another disparaging or personal comment towards Harry. Some might mistake the professor for almost being civil, but Harry had a feeling it was more than that. If someone had looked into the professor's eyes, they would've seen what Harry had seen. Hopelessness. Despair. Pain. A pain so deep that it could not be healed by any charms or potions.

Snape watched the boy as he left the classroom. Spending his spare time in his labs was usually a joy to Severus. He even enjoyed having someone to share it with, at least, when it was someone who was genuinely interested in potions, and not a room full of dunderheads. Yet he couldn't help feel angry over the fact that it should be his child that asked questions, his child that eagerly wanted to learn about potions.

No, instead it was the son of one of the men he had most hated. Merlin, how he hated that child. There was no denying that the boy was smart, much smarter than Severus had ever thought he was. If he didn't look so much like James Potter, Severus wouldn't believe that the two were related. It's probably a good thing that the kid inherited Lily's brains, now if only he would use them, Severus thought. Severus was also reevaluating his assumption that the boy was as arrogant as his father as well. He was loyal to his friends and inspired others to be loyal to him, of course, so did James with his 'Marauders'. But the boy did seem to be kinder than his father, the only one the boy got into fights with was Draco, and Severus was pretty confident that it was the Slytherin that started most of those skirmishes. Still, he hated the boy. There was no rational reason, it just was. And today, today Severus was so consumed by his feelings, that he couldn't even bring himself to speak a withering comment to the boy, to torture him as was the norm. It should be easier now, more than ever before, Severus thought, since the boy knew so much about his personal past. The pain of the past that consumed him and had shaped him into the man he is today.

Tuesday night after dinner, Harry went to the potion classroom. He was excited to perform this potion and learn if his 'current' appearance was a result of a potion. He was also nervous about brewing this potion with Snape in the room. Even if the potion master hadn't been that evil this summer, he was still a bit unnerving when he hovered.

Stepping into the room, Harry saw the gold cauldron and ingredients already out on the workbench.

"Everything is there Potter, except for the last two ingredients that you should have with you. Tell me before you add those, now get to work." Snape said as he turned around and sat at his desk, leaving Harry to work along.

Harry looked at Professor Snape in disbelief, Snape wanted him to brew a NEWT level potion on his own?

"If you read the book, you shouldn't have any trouble. This is how I conduct my NEWT level classes, as you'll find out if I let you in. After five years in my class, I shouldn't have to babysit my students any more. I'm here if you have any questions or problems. Now get to work, that particular potion takes a while to brew."

Harry started preparing his ingredients according to the instructions in the book. At first he kept sneaking glances at Snape to see if his professor was watching him. After a while, when Harry realized that Snape wasn't hovering over his shoulder, he relaxed and continued to prepare the necessary ingredients and soon began brewing the potion calmly, and to his surprise, without any calamities.

Severus watched as Harry brewed the potion. He was prepared to put up a shield in case the cauldron exploded. To his surprise, it wasn't necessary. In fact, Severus almost felt like he wasn't needed here. Once the boy relaxed he wasn't doing to bad a job, outside of some sloppily prepared ingredients since Harry seemed to rush things at first. Considering this is could almost be qualified as a post-NEWT level potion, it was a little impressive, especially compared to the level of work that the boy normally submitted in class. If the boy keeps this up, Severus thought, it could be a shame to keep him from NEWT potions. Severus shook his head at that thought, immediately dismissing it. There was no way that Harry could keep up this level of work.

"Sir," Harry interrupted. "I'm ready to add the last two ingredients."

"About time, Potter," Snape said, as he looked into the cauldron. "It'll do. Pour two ladles of the potion into the smaller cauldron."

A puzzled Harry followed Snape's instructions. He was curious as to why, but decided he didn't want to risk the potion master's temper when he was so close to revealing if a potion was the cause of his appearance.

"Now, Potter, which of the last two ingredients are you going to add first?"

"I thought I would add the hair first and then the blood. I believe the potion would be more effective if they are added in that order."

"Fine. You might want to prepare a vial of your blood now. If you wait until the ingredient is needed you could delay the brewing process or have an inaccurate measurement, which would effect the potions potency. Now add the first ingredient to the potion you just put in the smaller cauldron."

At his words, Harry pricked his finger and let four drops of blood fall into a small vial, that he set aside. He then took a hair from his head and dropped it into the small cauldron. He stirred the cauldron three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, then once more clockwise, pouring the blood into the cauldron during the last stirring.

"Now we wait five minutes, after which you will repeat the stirring process of three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and once more clockwise. If an appearance altering potion or charm was placed on you, the potion will change in color. The color will indicate what potion or charm it could be. If your appearance has not been altered with a charm or potion then the potion will be clear."

"Charms?" Harry asked. "The potion can detect if an appearance charm is used as well, sir?"

"Yes, Potter. Didn't I just say that? I thought you read the book."

"I did, sir" At Snape's stare, Harry continued, "I read the part on the brewing of the potion many times until I had most of it memorized, and I skimmed over the description and history of the potion."

Snape shook his head at Harry's word. "After five years at this school, you should know better, even if this assignment isn't being graded. Time's up, now stir again."

Harry stirred the potion three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, then once more clockwise and looked down into the potion. It looked clear to him. Well, maybe if he squinted it looked like a pale yellow, or was that just the refection of the gold cauldron?

"Well, Mr. Potter, apparently there aren't any appearance charms or potions at work here. Too bad for you, your looks might have improved; instead you'll have to suffer through being a carbon copy of your father. Not that I blame you for hoping, especially with that mop you call hair."

Harry was quiet as he started to clean his workspace. He was so sure that his appearance was a result of a potion, since none of the counter-charms worked. But now it appeared as if no potion or charm had been used on him. He was so aware of the hope he had of discovering his true appearance disappear, that he barely heard Snape's insults, nor did he notice as his professor sealed the larger cauldron with the remaining potion and set it aside.

"Thank you very much professor, for your help and the use of your labs. I'll see you tomorrow morning for our occlumency lesson."

"Fine, Mr. Potter. Hopefully we can make some more progress and stop enjoying each other's company."

Thursday night Harry was in his rooms thinking about the past week and writing in his journal. Each day Snape seemed to be coming out of the trance he was in and became more like his old self. Making comments about everything in Harry's life, including his father, Sirius, his lack of skills in potions, his boy-who-lived status, and even commenting on the few memories he had seen this last week in occlumency.

At the beginning of the week, Snape was extremely cold and distant, not even insulting Harry that much, but as each day came, Snape grew more volatile, and all Harry could picture was a volcano getting ready to erupt. Each day Snape was crueler and more insulting than the last, in fact, if someone were to ask Harry he would saw that Snape had exceeded his previous level of vindictiveness.

While the two of them couldn't be called friends by any stretch of the imagination, there seemed to have been an unspoken truce last month, as each of them tried to make the best of the situation.

Harry couldn't help but be curious as to the reason behind his professor's recent mood swings. Apparently, holidays didn't agree with the man. Either way, Harry was not looking forward to lessons tomorrow.

Although, surprisingly, Snape was more tolerable during potions than occlumency.

Tuesday, he learned how the Revealo potion worked if there were no potions present in the body. On Wednesday & Thursday, he learned about potions that could change your hair or eye color, both as antidote or as timed reversals. He even learned what the Revealo potion looked like if an appearance altering potion was in use. At first, he was surprised when Snape brought out the Revealo potion that he made Tuesday and placed two ladles in a smaller cauldron and had him add the final two ingredients, after he ingested the eye color changing potion. This time, instead of becoming clear, the potion turned a pale orange. Snape even showed Harry how to look up the colors to determine the possibility of potions that were affecting his appearance.

At least he had learned some new skills, Harry thought, as he finished writing in his journal and drifted off to sleep.

Once again Harry was able to delay the potion master's entrance into his mind, but was unable to fight it completely. Memories of the past week flashed across his mind, before Snape stopped the spell and yelled "You're not trying, Potter! Resist me, and if you can't do that, push me out! Again, legilimens!"

His 'talk' with Dumbledore...sharing the prophecy with Remus...celebrating his birthday with his friends.

All these memories were visible to the professor before Harry pushed him out of his mind.

"Come on now, Potter. You should have made more progress than this. You need to try harder. Or do you like the Dark Lord being in your mind? Legilimens!"

Harry blowing out the candles on his cake...opening his present from Ron and the Weasley's...spending the weekend after his birthday with Moony, shopping.

"Boy! Can't you do anything right? How you are still alive is beyond me. You should do the world a favor and stop living, instead of giving them the false hope that you'll save them, someday. You barely made any progress this last week, in fact you're back where you were two weeks ago. At this rate you'll be having visions and killing people again in no time! You're as useless as James, and as arrogant and immature. You with your perfect life, your family and friends that spoil you rotten, your fame that-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" Harry shouted. The combo of being called 'boy', being told that he wasn't worthy of living and being reminded that he was responsible for the deaths of others was all too much for him to take in, especially coming from someone, who up till this last week, he had begun to admire. "You've been a bloody git all week. I've almost expected you to erupt. You know nothing. Absolutely NOTHING, about anything. Not me, or my life, and certainly not my father. Merlin, you call me immature, you're the one that hates me because of something that James Potter did to you 20 years ago. Grow up and get over it!"

"You stupid boy! Do you really think I'm as infantile as that, to hate you because of what you're father did? I don't like you because of who your father is and what he and his friends did to me, but I hate you for more reason than that." Snape said ominously.

"Then why?" Harry asked, against his better judgment. "I have a right to know why you have hated me all these years, why you did your best to make my life more of a hell than it already was, why you've tried everything you could to get me expelled! TELL ME WHY!"

"I hate you for the same reason that the Dark Lord hates you and wants you dead!"

End Chapter 17

Please R&R. I don't know about this chapter...I was a bit distracted trying to proof it, hopefully I can get back on track soon.

If I don't post again (due to computer limitations-see above a/n) Have a happy & safe Halloween!! Yeah! I won 2 awards in a pumpkin carving contest today! (carved 4 pumpkins –macbeth dbl, dbl toil & trbl, fireburn, cauldron bubble scene complete w/ 1 witch on each pumpkin & 4th pumpkin as cauldron-even carved the words...)

Reviewers: Iana Moon, Obiwan Snape, oreocookieqt423, fhippogriff, ShadowHand, Henio41, HarryPFan001, juliedecarson, fragonknight01, Pure Black, Makalani Astral, Hecate DeMort, Talons, Kaleena Mason, Adenara Yatman: Thanks for the reviews! You guys (girls) are awesome!!

Molly Morrison: partly. Replies like that aren't easy to write, it might take a bit.

Lady Lily 3: Well, the chapter is written (but not typed), if that helps. I will tell you that it is not until after school starts.

Risi: let's just say that I am not a believer in the k.i.s.s. principal.

Lunatic Pandora1: got the names from ; it said Aren was Scandinavian, Brac is Welsh, I tried, even if it isn't very Scandinavian, it fits in for many reasons (okay a couple), Molly Morrison, guessed part of it.

Gorman99: I understand, I'm inpatient too, (of course, that could be because I can't wait to find out you all's reaction.

Petunia: Thanks for the info on Lily, now I don't have to worry about correcting it! I had no idea how fast kids grow (I never grew much, part leprechaun, ya know), I got the info from the web, anyways, he grew a lot in month. I'll try to write things out, sometimes instinct takes over when typing and I don't catch it when proofreading either. Thanks for taking the time to Read & review, I appreciate the help.

10/29/2004