Today's chapter is brought to you by the letter's, "P," "Q", and "X" and by the number... 59 billion. We are also indebted to Lay's potato chips, (Again! But it's 'Stax' this time, not just a bag of them!) Starbursts and Skittles left over from the anime party, and more ice water than you can shake a water stick at!
AngelAsh: Chapter....whatever...scene.....something... OH! Two!!!!!
Jess: (shaking her head in disgust) AngelAsh, when are you going to get it together?
AngelAsh: (confused look on face) Get what together?
Jess: (scowling) Never mind....
A NEW PARODY (part two)
Scene Two
SCENE OPENS ON LUKE, OBI-WAN, AND THE DROIDS AS THEY ARE ATTEMPTING TO ENTER MOS EISELY. THEY ARE STOPPED BY STORMTROOPERS WHO ARE LOOKING FOR TWO DROIDS
Stormtrooper #1: We need to check the memory banks of your droids.
Tamahome: Why?
Stormtrooper #2: 'Cause someone stole the secret doughnut recipe that Lord Vader had stolen from the Dunken Doughnuts man...
Stormtrooper #1: (whapping his companion on the head) Shut up! They don't need to know all that.
Tamahome: (sweatdropping) ...
Chichiri: These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Stormtrooper #2: (pulls out a photo of R2 and 3PO. Looks at the photo, and then at the droids, and then back to the photo) They look remarkably like the droids we're looking for.
Chichiri: (pointing behind the stormtroopers) Is that Oola, Jabba's dancing girl?!
Stormtroopers: Where?!!
Chichiri: (puts an illusion on R2 and 3PO so they look like Plum and Chii from Chobits)
Stormtroopers: We didn't see Oola... (spot R2 and 3PO) Oooooohhh, hey, you're kinda cute.
Chiriko as Chii: Eek! I'm too young for this!
Mitsukake as Plum: Why am I always the short one!
Tamahome: You don't talk!
Mitsukake: Du weep, wa bip, da oop!!
Tamahome: Hey! Watch your language!
Chichiri: We have young readers, no da!
Stormtrooper #1: My ears are burning...
Stormtrooper #2: That was SO uncalled for. (walks away in disgust)
Stormtrooper #1: (yelling to Chiriko as he follows Stormtrooper #2) Call me!
Chiriko: (shuddering) ...
Tamahome: (to Obi-wan) That was the Schwartz?
Chichiri: No, no da. That was hormones, and bad language.
Tamahome: (facefaults into the steering wheel)
Commercial Break
Have you always wanted to be a Jedi Knight? Well now you can! With the Jedi Knight bath kit. Comes with lightsaber shaped soap, wash cloth with your favorite character's face on it, and a Jedi cloak bath towel. Also comes in Sith, and Princess Leia.
Keisuke, with the Jedi cloak tied securely around his neck, leaps onto the screen with his lightsaber soap in hand. He begins a mock battle with the Flaming Painted Wonder, who is wearing the Sith bath set. Both strike a pose.
Tomo: (gleefully) Loser has to take his cloak off.
Keisuke: Eew! That tears it! I quit!
AUTHORS WALK IN WITH TAIITSU-KUN. TAIITSU-KUN SENDS TOMO INTO ORBIT WITH VARIOUS NYAN-NYANS AND THE AUTHORS KNOCK KEISUKE OVER THE HEAD AND PUT HIM IN THE CLOSET FOR LATER.
Authors: (bowing) Gomen nasai minna-san!
This commercial was brought to you by Taco Time's Bavarian créme empanadas, and stuffed mexi nuggets.
Tasuki: Well that was entertaining... (turns to Kouji. He screams and falls over in terror)
Kouji: (sporting a distorted Miaka face on a wash cloth) Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggg hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. (trans: hysterical Wookiee laugh)
Tasuki: (recovering) That ain't funny!! (Walks off in a huff while Kouji follows, poking him with the cinnamon-roll shaped soap)
Back to the Show
LUKE AND OBI-WAN WALK INTO THE CANTEENA LOOKING FOR A PILOT TO TAKE THEM TO PRINCESS LEIA. AMIBOSHI IS PLAYING WITH THE NYAN-NYAN BAND (filling in for the sick gal) VARIOUS KUTO AND KONAN SOLDIERS ARE FILLING IN FOR THE ALIENS
Tamahome: Freaky.
Chichiri: Hai, na no da.
SPOTTING HAN SOLO AND CHEWBACCA IN A CORNER, LUKE AND OBI-WAN BYPASS ALL THE ALIENS AND HEAD STRAIGHT FOR THE STRANGE PAIR (who, by the way, are trying to see who can open the most Starbursts with only their tongues)
Kouji: (pulls out another Starburst paper and holds it up triumphantly) Guraaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Tasuki: (spitting out his Starburst, which gets stuck in Kouji's fur) Damn! It's not fair! You've got fangs.
Kouji: (trying to pull the candy out of his fur and glaring at Tasuki) Gwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hurrrr mwar mwar ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggrrrfffffffft! (trans: You have fangs too baka! There goes my deposit on this costume. You own me money pal!)
Tasuki: (spotting Tama and Chichiri) Hi! Business?
Tamahome: Is that why they call him Chewie?
Kouji: (going to kill Tamahome, but is restrained by Tasuki)
Tasuki: No! No! They're paying customers. You can get your deposit money back. Bad Wookiee. Go fire up the boat.
Kouji: (still miffed, but not trying to kill Tama anymore) Gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaakkk aaaaaaaaaaffffffffffffffff hurrrrr. (trans: A'ight)
Tasuki: What can I do fer ya gents.
Chichiri: We need your ship, no da.
Tasuki: (wicked fanged grin) Okay, but it's gonna cost ya.
Tamahome: (gently pushing Chichiri aside and cracking his knuckles) Ah, negotiations. This is my area of expertise.
Tasuki: (gulp) Ah shit.
A FEW MINUTES LATER NEGOTIATIONS HAVE ENDED. OBI-WAN AND LUKE LEAVE SMILING WHILE HAN STARES AT THE PACKET OF 'GREEN GUM' CHEWING GUM
Tasuki: (dejectedly) Man, he's good.
BEFORE HAN SOLO CAN GET UP A RODIAN, GREEDO BY NAME, SITS DOWN AND POINTS A GUN AT HAN
Greedo a.k.a. Keisuke: I'm gonna get shot aren't I?
Tasuki: (shrugs and pulls out his blaster) It doesn't hurt that much...
Keisuke: Then let me shoot you! (Takes a pot shot and misses)
Tasuki: Now I don't look like a heartless bastard when I shoot you.
Keisuke: (sobbing) Fine! Just do it! Oh, but before that, Jabba wants his money.
HAN TRIES TO SHOOT GREEDO, BUT NOTHING HAPPENS. GREEDO GRABS HIS CHEST AND FALLS OVER
Keisuke: (mumbling to himself) Good thing I'm the special effects guy. (winks)
Tasuki: Damn it! I wanted to kill something.
Keisuke: (sitting up) I don't think Miaka would approve of you killing her older brother. Besides, in the Special Edition version, I'll make it look really graphic.
Tasuki: Well, that's okay then...
Tamahome: Can we get a move on please! My Miaka radar is giving me a major migraine.
Tasuki: Keep your Jedi pants on.
Flaming Painted Wonder: (popping out from a corner of the set) He took his pants off?!?
Tamahome: That tears it! We are leaving NOW! (grabs Chichiri and storms out the door)
UPON ENTERING THE HANGER WHERE THE MILLENNIUM FALCON IS KEPT, LUKE AND OBI-WON STOP DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS AND STARE IN COMPLETE HORROR AT WHAT THEY SEE
Chichiri: Is that duct tape, no da?
Tamahome: Are you telling me that the entire ship is made out of DUCT-TAPE?!?
Tasuki: (coming up from behind) What? She's the fastest ship in the galaxy. She may not look like a lot, but she will get you where your going.
Tamahome and Chichiri: ....Rrrriiigghtttt..... 'no da!'
Tasuki: Ye' otta feel right at home, vibes man! (slapping Chichiri on the back) This is held together by the Force!
Tamahome: The force of what?
Kouji: (coming up to stand beside them wearing spectacles and carrying a mini felt board with little felt articles. Sets board down in front of them all and begins to explain) Grrr or or, row-ggeeeaaahhhhh! Weeehhhh grrrrr rrrrrrroooowwweeeegaaahhhhh. Ccccaaaahhhh grrrr rowwwow gggggggggggg -chew!-
Everyone: Bless you!
Kouji: (nods his thanks and continues) grrr raaaa raaaow gnaaahhhh. (trans: Duct tape- it has a dark side and a light side... like the Force! It has the power to bind the universe, and ships like the Millennium Falcon, together -sneeze- thus, while you are on this ship, the Force will be with you. End translation)
Tamahome: (wiping tears from his eyes) That was beautiful. Can we go now? (grabs Chichiri and drags him towards the ship)
Chichiri: Why am I always being dragged, no daaaaaaaaaa......
Tasuki: (to Kouji) Where did you find those nifty props?
Kouji: ( hooking thumbs under his armpits with pride) Rrroow-grr. (Trans: Made them.)
OUR HEROS BORED THE SHIP AND FIND 3-PO AND R2 ALREADY INSIDE, DUCT TAPED TO THE WALLS AND LOOKING RATHER MIFFED
Chichiri: Why are you duct taped to the wall, no da?
Tasuki: (coming in from behind and unrolling a length of duct tape) Seat belts! (moves forward to attempt taping Chichiri to the wall and suddenly finds himself wrapped from head to toe in the stuff)
Chichiri: Nice try, fat chance, no da.(drops empty roll of tape)
Kouji: (moves forward to help Tasuki get loose and gripping an edge, yanks hard. A ripping sound ensues and Tasuki lets out a scream of pain as the hair from his back, arms and legs is ripped off)
Tamahome: Yeouch! That had to hurt! Wasn't that a bit harsh, master Jedi?
Chichiri: (taking off his mask partially and giving them a look) Better him than me, no da.
Authors: Holy cow! That was painful to watch.
Jess: ...and not in the script....
AngelAsh: And this shocks you...why?
Jess: (glaring at Ash) Don't push me. I'm close to the edge, and that duct tape is looking tempting right now....
AngelAsh: (sweat dropping) Sheesh! We need to find you a make out partner!
Tasuki: (crawling over to authors) Bleeding here! I could use a bandage if it ain't ASKIN' TO MUCH!!!
Jess: (exasperated) you ARE the one who started it Fang Boy.
AngelAsh: Maybe we should just continue on.......
THE MILLENNIUM FALCON TAKES OFF IN A MAGNIFICENT BURST OF ROCKET POWER, MOSTLY FUELED WITH GATOR-AID AND REFRIED BEANS (EWW! WHAT A NASTY MIX!) AND HEADS FOR THE STARS ABOVE