Constellation Wars Special Feature: Behind the Otaku
With you hosts; Jessica Wolfe and AngelAsh
Ever wanted to see what goes on behind the scenes of Fushigi Yuugi, Constellation Wars? Well tough beans! You get to see it anyway. We, your intrepid authors, have taken a camera behind the scenes to show you what the cast does when they're not acting...
CAMERA PANS ACROSS A BUSTLING TRAILER LOT. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LOT A HEADED GAME OF 'GO FISH' IS IN PROGRESS.
Chichiri: Tasuki, it's your turn, no da.
Tasuki: (looking a little glazed) We come in peace, (whispers to Kouji) shoot to kill, shoot to kill...
Kouji: Warwar wer wer waga ug HURANG! (trans: We're not Trekkin anymore. We're fishin'. Now FISH!)
Tasuki: A'right, a'right. No need to yell. (Mumbling) Gimme all yer fish.
Chichiri: That's not how you play, no da. Get with the program, no da.
Tasuki: (throwing cards onto the table) We've been playin this friggin game for hours now. Can't we do somthin else?
Tamahome: (half asleep) I'll see your yen and raise you two more... (snore)
Keikuse: We were betting?! I'm losing!!
Chichiri: (tosses cards on the table) Forget it, no da.
THE CAMERA PANS OVER TO THE LUNCHEON TABLE WHERE A SCAT SESSION IS IN PROGRESS.
Miaka: (singing in an annoying, high-pitched voice) There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow. There's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off Jim.
Keisuke: (slides in on his knees (authors wince: that's gotta hurt) singing in Scottish accent): Yeh canna chenge theh lows o' fizz-icks (gets booted into the stratosphere with various Nyan Nyans)
Mitsukake: (monotone, looking board): It's worse than that, he's dead Jim, dead Jim, dead Jim. It's worse than that, he's dead Jim, dead Jim, DEAD!
Authors: (swirly eyed) Finally, some emotion.
Chiriko: (wailing) It's life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it. It's life Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.
Tasuki: (barely audible from the card table where he has faceplanted) Scotty, beam me up.
Keisuke: (walking in with pretty stars orbiting his head from his landing) Yeh canna ghenge theh oxy n' moron ye Jimmy.
Mitsukake: (dazed and confzzled) It's worse than that, it's physics Jim.
Hotohori, Nakago, and Eiken (form a cancan line and, in deep voices, sing): Star Trekking across the universe.
Nyan Nyans: (in another cancan line in front of the guys) On the starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk, only going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse.
Taiitsu-kun: (slams the door to her trailer open, scaring the life out of everybody) WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP, YOU CELESTIAL IDIOTS! I'M TRYING TO STUDY MY LINES!
CAMERA FALLS TO THE FLOOR. ONLY SHOTS OF VARIOUS FEET CAN BE SEEN RUNNING IN ALL DIRECTIONS. BREAKS TO STATIC AND THEN GOES BLACK.
Announcer: (in a dry British accent) That is all for our special this week. Join us next week for out next installment of Constellation Wars: Behind the Otaku.