This episode brought to you by Starbursts, Twix, 3 Musketeers (the Halloween loot), and Cherry 7Up, Runts, and a lot of creative... aw nevermind.
Tasuki: Did you read ahead in the script to Empire?
Kouji: Wur. (Trans: hai.)
Tasuki: Did you see my kissing scene with Leia?
Kouji: Wur wur. (Trans: hai hai.)
Tasuki: Man I am all over that. Her socks are gonna fly off. She won't be able to see straight. She'll be sayin "Tama-who?"
Kouji: (skeptically) War werr. (Trans: whatever.)
Tasuki: (indignantly) You don't believe me! (promptly dips Kouji and gives him a passionate wet one)
Authors: EWWWWW! None of that!
Tasuki: (releases Kouji and steps back) Well?
Kouji: (looking googly-eyed) Rrarrarooooo? (Trans: Tama-who?)
Authors: (impressed) Whoa. He wasn't kidding.
Tasuki: (shit-grins and struts off) I told ya.
Ash: That was wrong on so many levels. (shudders)
Jess: (looking at Kouji who is crouched in the corner sobbing) Yeah. I think Kouji is scarred for life too...
Ash: (patting Kouji on the head) It's otay. This too shall pass.
Kouji: (grabbing Ash and pulling her into a passionate kiss)
Inuyasha: (from off camera) HEY! What did I tell you about MY AUTHOR!
Kouji: (still kissing Ash, gives Inuyasha the finger)
Inuyasha: Why you...!
Irate hanyou dives on Kouji and they begin to brawl, forgetting that Ash is still sandwiched between them.
Ash: Ow! Ooch! Gacht! Jess! Oof! You'd better... ung... take... ack... over!
Jess: (wincing as she watches her friend get pummeled in the cloud of dust and fur) No prob Bob.
Chichiri: (coming up behind Jess) That looks painful, no da.
Jess: Hai, no da. But just wait until she starts wailing on them...
Both shudder and turn to the camera.
Chichiri and Jess: On with the show.
A New Parody (part four)
THE MILLENNIUM FALCON SOARS THROUGH THE VASTNESS OF SPACE ON ITS WAY TO THE PLANET YAVIN. HAN AND A BRUISED AND BANDAGED CHEWIE SIT AT THE CONTROLS.
Tasuki: (snickering) I can't believe you got beat up by a girl.
Kouji: Werrrrrrrrr surrrrfffffffff yayayayatooooooooooo. (Trans: It wasn't just a girl. It was some damn half breed too.)
Tamahome: (peeking around the corner) And you should see how he looks.
Inuyasha: (from off stage) Ooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch...
Ash: (in a pissy voice) Serves you both right! Taking on a girl...
Jess: PMS again girl.
Ash: (snarls and goes to sit in a corner with her Twix)
Miaka: (geinki-ly coming into the room) At last, we've arrived at the secret Rebel base. Do you think they'll have any food?
Everyone: (gives the cinnamon-bun-haired Princess a glare)
THE MILLENNIUM FALCON LANDS ON THE PLANET WITH A THUD, CAUSING ITS OCCUPANTS TO FALL TO THE FLOOR
Tasuki: Sorry bout that. Still getting the hang of these damn controls.
Keisuke: (off screen) Easy on the joy stick!
Tasuki: Who asked you!
Keisuki: Nanya.
Tasuki: Nani?
Keisuke: Nanya business. (evil grin)
Tasuki: Ah, a smart ass.
Mitsukake: Can we PLEASE move on?
Chiriko: Hey! Beeps and bleeps. NO talking.
Mitsukake: Beepbidopaipto...
Keisuke: I can't translate that! There're kids reading!
Ash and Jess: (tackle Mitsukake to the ground)
Ash: (stuffing soap into the healer's mouth) We'll have none of that in this fic.
Tamahome: It's too late for that.
Yui: Ahem! (standing with the Rebel welcoming party)
Miaka: Oh! It's Mon Mothma.
Everyone: Who?
Tasuki: The Mamoth Moth?
Yui: And still I get mocked...
Kouji: Wararerwrrr. (Trans: Join the club)
Chiriko: We have shirts. (Waves tee shirt around that says "Mocked, and Proud of It")
Tamahome: You are one sad little genius.
Chiriko: (to Keisuke) I don't expect these Neanderthals to understand the complexities of the innermost workings of the mocked genius' mind.
Keisuke: (giving a blank look) Say what?
Chiriko: (tearing up) I thought you'd understand.
Yui: Can we PLEASE get on with this!
Nuriko: (rushing on camera) Alright people, we need this half of the set to go to this room, and this half to go to the other room over there. Fighter pilots report to Sound Room B. Annoying princess with Cinabon hair, report to the cafeteria, they have lunch.
Miaka: Goodie! (races off to lunch room, unlucky people in her way getting knocked left and right)
Yui: Wait! What about my speech. Nuriko, who died and made you stage manager!
Evil music from "Phantom of the opera, TECHNO style comes on!
Nuriko: Ash put me in charge since she had to throw Jess in the closet with the sinful monk and she told me, and I quote, "FIX THIS DAMN MESS!" end quote. (looking smug and satisfied with himself)
All: (screaming) AHHH!
Nuriko: Wrong "AHH!" I want A-W-E! Like, "Awe! Ain't that cute?"
All: AWE!
Nuriko: FABULOUS! Cut, print, moving on to the next scene.
EVERYONE TROOPS OFF AFTER NURIKO, SAVE FOR YUI WHO IS WISHING SHE WERE SOMEWHERE ELSE
Yui: One lousy scene. They give me one LOUSY scene!
AS NURIKO MOTIONS FROM THE DIRECTION OF THE BRIEFING ROOM
Nuriko: Mon Mothma, get yer butt in here! You have one more scene!
Yui: (gives a tiny cheer move) YES! (runs in after everyone else)
EVERYONE IS SITTING AROUND THE BRIEFING ROOM, SOME DRINKING COFFEE AND GETTING WAY TO HYPER WHILE MIAKA STUFFS HER FACE WITH ALL THE DOUGHNUTS
Nuriko: Alright, everyone. This little journey through space is draggin and laggin. We need to speed things up a bit here. Princess?
Miaka: (mouth full) HAI?
Nuriko: (rolls eyes heavenward) Suzaku, give me strength! (wacks the glutenous girl in the back of the head. Chewed up doughnut spews out all over Keisuke and Kouji the Wookiee)
Kouji: WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG- uuuuuuuHHHHH! (Translation: SSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCC-KKKKKKK!)
Keisuke: (wipes soggy food from face) Glad to see your finally SHARING, Miaka! (sarcasm dripping along with the wet goo)
Nuriko: Great, someone help clean off the Wookiee. Sprinkles on blue fur is SOOO last year!
Tamahome: (to Tasuki) This is what they get when they put the Fashion Fairy in charge...
Tasuki: (whispers back) Well, where the hell else they gonna put him? Her? IT?
Nuriko: I HEARD THAT! YOU ARE SCREWED FLAME BOY!
Tasuki: (disgruntled) That's what I was afraid you'd say, freak.
Nuriko: (sputters then bursts into tears) How could you, you heartless BASTARD! (punches the seishi into the next wall leaving a large an painful looking hole with Tasuki's outline in it)
Ash: (returning from trying to get Jess out of closet with Chichiri, failing miserably) Nuriko, did you just send one of our leading men into orbit?
Nuriko: (blushing and batting eyelashes at Ash) I wouldn't say orbit exactly, but he'll be sputtering out dust for a while.
Ash: (drops head into hand) Baka...WE ARE GOING TO GET THIS THING IN GEAR AGAIN PEOPLE! WE ARE ALREADY OFF SCHEDULE AND THE BUDGET IS NEARLY BUST! GET IN YOUR SPOTS NOW!
THE ENTIRE CAST SCRAMBLES ONTO STAGE ONCE MORE, FEARING LIFE AND LIMB FROM THE PISSY DIRECTOR
Ash: Ahh, yes. Much better. Now where the hell were we?
Inuyasha: (sporting a baseball cap and carrying two cup-o-noodles and a script under his arm) Somewhere around the big blow up part with that little plastic moon set thing over there.
Ash: Ahh, right. (picks up blow horn) CUE FIGHTER PILOTS! LUKE GET THAT BUTT ON DECK! TASUKI, Er, HAN! BLUE WOOKIEE...
Inuyasha: (slurps noodles) Hmmm... chewy...
Ash: Oh, right, CHEWIE! ANYHOW, GET ON THE FALCON AND TAKE OFF! YOUR NOT IN THIS SCENE YET, HOSERS!
Inuyasha: Keh! Nice one, boss. (watches with glee as everyone scrambles about to get into place)
Tamahome: (Getting into cardboard X-Wing) Where's R-2?
Mitsukake: (being lifted by pulley system and six burley stage hands, over the cardboard fighter) This is ridiculous...
Ash: R-2...(warning tone) Beeps and blurps please!
Mitsukake: (gives director steely gaze) #!
Inuyasha: (mouth falls open and noodles dribble out) DAMN! They say I'm bad!
Ash: (ears burning) I hate temperamental actors... LEIA! Your up.
Miaka: Oh Luke! Must you go?
Tamahome: (climbs out of fighter and takes her into his arms) I'll come back for you! I swear!
Ash: (to Inuyasha) Okay, I'm not seeing this on the script...
Miaka: (still being dramatic) OH! Kiss me! Kiss me like you've never kissed me, you fool!
Keisuke, Tomo, Nuriko and Yui: (from off stage) GET A ROOM!
Tamahome: (grabs Princess Leia and dips her for a long and passionately noisy kiss)
Ash: (into blow horn) Cue water hose...
A SUDDEN BURST OF WATER HITS THE PASSIONATE COUPLE AND THE FORCE OF THE WATER SENDS THEM TUMBLING HEAD OVER HEELS
Inuyasha: (dumbstruck)You hosed them!
Ash: Somebody had too.
DRIPPING WET LUKE GETS TO HIS FEET AND AFTER SCOWLING AT THE DIRECTOR CLIMBS ONCE MORE INTO THE FIGHTER. R-2 IS NOW STRAPPED IN TO THE RICKETY CONTRAPTION
Tamahome: (singing) We're off to see the wizard-
Inuyasha: (freaking out royally) NOOO! THAT'S MY PARODY!
Tamohome: (same song, different words) We're off to kill the Death Star, the most darkest old Death Star of all...
DOGS HOWL MISERABLY IN THE DISTANCE. GLASS SHATTERS ALL OVER THE SET
Ash: (dumbstruck) He can't sing!
Inuyasha: (covering ears in agony) Ya think?
Ash: But.. But... he sounded so sexy on the character CD's!
Keisuke: Ahh! The beauty of voice over!
Ash: (confused) They got a voice over for the voice over!
Keisuke: Yup. Confusing, isn't it?
Ash: (slams head against nearest wall.) NEVER MIND JUST GET ON WITH THE SCENE!
THE REBEL FIGHTERS ROCKET AWAY (thanks to hydraulics and use of mechanical lifts) AND SHOOT INTO SPACE, HEADED FOR THE DEATH STAR (which is made from plasic)
Inuyasha: I thought we were using a papier-mache moon.
Ash: Miaka ate it...
Inuyasha: That chick eats everything. So where do we go from here?
Ash: (gives blank look) Eeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh...
JESS WALKS ON DRAGGING AN EXHAUSTED BUT SMILING CHICHIRI BEHIND HER
Jess: I feel refreshed. Now where were we?
Ash: You were about to take over the final fight with the Death Star while I and the hanyou go take five in the closet.
Inuyasha: Eh? (looking worried)
Ash: (grabs Inuyasha) Come on fang-boy...
Tasuki: Somebody call?
Ash: (ignoring Tasuki) You and I have a date with a small dark room.
ASH DRAGS INUYASHA OFF WHILE JESS AND CHICHIRI STARE
Chichiri: At least I went willingly...
Jess: (huggling her monk) Yes you did you sweetums you! Now, on with the show!
SCENES OF REBEL FIGHTERS IN COMBAT WITH IMPERIAL FIGHTERS. CAMERA DOES CLOSE UP ON LUKE WHO IS STARING INTENTLY INTO THE DISTANT DARKENSS THAT IS THE DARK MOON
Chichiri: (voice muffled from off camera) ...use the schwarts, Luke... (sounds of passionate kissing)
Tamahome: (tapping his ear peace and looking somewhat scared) Tomo, that had BETTER NOT BE YOU DAMMIT!
Jess: (grabs headset microphone from Chichiri and shouts into it) IT'S NOT THE FLAMING PAINTED WONDER YOU AIR HEADED SPACE CADET! NOW TAKE THE ADVICE AND LET ME GET BACK TO MAKING OUT WITH 'THE MASTER JEDI'
Keisuke: (to Yui) I thought they were done.
Yui: Apparently not...
Tamahome: (bursts into tears) I don't wanna play no more!
VARIOUS CAT CALLS COME FROM OFF STAGE
"Wooose!"
"Sissy boy!"
"Pansy ass little ghost!"
Tamahome: I KNOW THAT WAS YOU, TASUKI! (dives out of X-Wing with 'oni' flaring and tackles the red-headed seishi. Fist fight sounds ensue, as well as swearing)
Cast: (to Jess who is ignoring the fight) HELLO! Hormone crazed director! Can we get through this scene!
Jess: Someone kill the Death Star already.
Tasuki: (who has recovered, grins wickedly, showing fang, and runs over with a lighted firecracker) WOOOO WHOOOOO!
FIRECRACKER GETS STUFFED INTO THE 'EXHAUST PORT' ANDTHE DEATH STAR'EXPLODES' INTO A BILLION LITTLE PLASTIC BITS
Tamahome: HEY! That was my job!
Tasuki: You snooze, you lose ghost boy.
CAMERA FLASHES TO THE MAIN AUDIENCE HALL OF THE REBEL BASE WHERE LEIA GIVES OUR HEROS THEIR NIFTY LITTLE MEDALS (WOOKIEE EXCLUDED) AND THE END CREDITS BEGIN TO ROLL
Darth Vader: Hey! They sank my battleship! Er... battle station...
Oola: Still sucking helium dear?
Darth: Son of a...
Thus ends this chappy. Will the rebels ever get it together? Will Vader ever find his oxygen tank and give up the helium? And what is going on in that CLOSET?
Tasuki: Who the hell cares!
Koji: WWWWEEEEREEEEEEEE! (Translation: MEEEEEEEEE)
Note: The cast party and interviews that will follow are being conducted by MXE's own Kenny Blankenship and Vic Ramano. (With the occasional appearance of The Captain and Guy (Pronounced 'GEE'... go figure...) le Duche ) Tune in to our next chapter!