Chris: It's the next chapter! Since I know how popular this fic is…I think, I'm updating this faster. Hmm…I need to update my other fics too. Oh well. I'm sure they don't mind. Reader reviews, as usual. Oh, and don't own Fire Emblem. Elibe-Mart, however, and Merlinus's Mart, belong to me and my friend who helped me come up with the idea.
Spritz Rickle: Glad you liked it. Sorry about not putting you in the first chapter, but….I forgot. Anyway, it's a good thing you found music that goes so well with my fic! And…Uh…Softly with Grace is better than Eliwood's Theme. Probably cause Eliwood is a pansy. And I don't think you're weird. Yet. You're getting close though.
Lord of swords and waffles: Yeah, the person who reported it is a jackass. Anyway…Farina did change the pairings…Hmm, I forgot about that. Oh well, I did say I'd change it around a little…Hehehe, you gave me an idea. But you'll have to wait and see.
narugurlee13: Thank you for the compliments. And for mourning for Farina's Diary. And while it's true that "The customer is always right!" is such a bad motto, and never true, it's always fun to see what would happen if it was true.
Lack Thereof: If you're talking about that Eliwood line of "OMG" and stuff, that was on purpose. If you mean the others, then you're right, QuickEdit sucks. And yeah, Farina's Diary was deleted. Stupid asshole who reported it. And for the wrong reason, too.
Nightmare: Yeah, Sain in Ilia…Because that would just be funny. And I hope you have a good time in your vacation!
Aeros Fujita: Thanks for the compliments. And yes, it is odd. But oddity is the…weird salesmen of life.
Mallow-chan (at school): Hehehe, glad you liked it. Just don't make people stare at you while you're laughing.
Kiyoko-chan: Heheh, glad you liked it so much. I try to keep the utmost hilarity in all my fics. And yep, I have explained the wagon! I'll get to the healing part later.
K-Gforever: Heh, thanks. And you'll find out the mischief. It's funny mischief.
Chris: God, too long. If I get more of these, I'll be putting them at the end of the fic.
Chapter 3: He's Good, Just Not Around Girls
"So this is Ilia. It's very…cold." Eliwood shivered slightly.
"Yep! This is my home land of Ilia! Come on, let's get that Elibe-Mart shut down so I can peddle your things at the Black Market!" Farina stepped up, her eyes sparkling in the chill wind.
"Right! Wait, what?" Eliwood looked at Farina.
"Ah, you know I was joking, right?" Farina shrugged. "Come on, let's go."
"Of course, O Farina, beauty of my eyes!" Sain leapt up, and promptly slipped on the snow, landing on his back.
"Don't call me that." Farina kicked Sain while he was on the ground, then helped him up. "And like an idiot either. Although, since this country usually has a lot of girls wandering around, that'd be kinda hard for you."
"Hey, I can control myself!" Sain brushed off any snow that had stuck to his armor. "Whoa, that chick is hot!" He pointed to a nearby pegasus knight. "Hello, beauty of Ilia!" He ran towards the pegasus knight, waving to her.
"He always does this, doesn't he?" Farina looked at his partner, Kent, who was moaning in his hands.
"Yes…Unfortunately, yes. Always yes. Come on, help me get him off of her." Kent sighed and started to pry Sain off of the girl. Unfortunately, Sain had, remarkably, charmed the girl, and now the girl wanted to travel with them.
"Sain, why did you do this?" Kent looked mournfully at his partner, who chuckled.
"Kent, Kent, Kent, my boon companion, don't tell me that you want me to get you a girl too. I can get one for you, if you want!"
Kent waved his hands in front of his face. "No! Of course not! Sigh…Come on, let's just go."
"Of course, my friend!" Sain smiled, and the group walked to the Ilian Elibe-Mart. The girl from earlier, who had introduced herself as Kylia, stopped them before they entered.
"What are you planning on doing?" She looked at Sain, who coughed.
"I-" He looked at the others, who were glaring. "I mean, we are planning to take down Elibe-Mart, because they're cheating morons."
"Oh, okay. I'll be waiting out here, like a good NPC who usually never gets any action!" She waved at them while they entered the supermarket.
Sain walked in first, holding his sword in his left hand. "Listen, Elibe-Mart! You will fall, because I am Sain, and I decree on the hearts of beautiful women everywhere that Elibe-Mart will fall!"
Employees in the Elibe-Mart turned, most of them with smirks on their faces. "Really? Here's what we'll do. We have a couple of games here, and if you can beat us all, then this Elibe-Mart will be destroyed, okay?"
Farina leaned to Kent, whispering, "You know it's a dungeon if it has a really stupid objective in order to complete it." Kent nodded his assent.
"Very well!" Sain sheathed his sword. "What are the games, my honorable foes?"
One of the employees stepped out, a wide grin on his features. "I will tell you the games we have!"
"OMFG! It's a guy!" Eliwood pointed.
"Um, yeah? Just because only girls are pegasus knights doesn't mean that there aren't guys here. You never thought about that?" Farina looked at Eliwood, one of her eyebrows raised.
"Hey, you're right!" Eliwood brightened. "How about that, Ninian?"
"Of course, Eliwood." Ninian leaned against the red-haired lord as he basked in the glow of his newfound wisdom.
"AHEM!" The employee cleared his throat. "Anyway, the games we have are blackjack, poker, roulette, and rock, paper, scissors."
"We've got rock, paper, scissors!" Sain grabbed his partner and immediately dragged him towards the room that was marked "Rock, Paper, Scissors."
"Uh…Um…I'll do the roulette, I guess." Ninian walked towards that room, twisting her shawl with her fingers.
"I've got blackjack!" Eliwood leaped into the door that blocked the room, and then staggered back, clutching his nose.
"Looks like that leaves me with poker." Farina grinned, and waited outside of that room.
"Okay! First game to be determined, will be…Rock, Paper, Scissors! And I will be your first opponent!" The male employee sat on the opposite side of the table that was in the Rock, Paper, Scissors room. "So, who will go first?"
"Go for it, Kent!" Sain pushed the other cavalier into the seat.
"Perfect." The employee snickered.
"Okay, Kent! Rock, paper, scissors…" The two of them began their game.
"Paper!"
"Rock!"
"Hah, I win!" Kent grinned.
"Oh no you don't!" The employee waggled his finger. "Rock rips through paper!"
"But I thought that Paper covers Rock."
"Yeah, but this is a heavy duty rock! Rips through anything!"
"Oh, right." Kent shook his head. "So…How many games will determine the winner?"
"Let's just say six." The employee grinned again. "Rock, paper, scissors…"
"Rock!"
"Double Paper!"
"I win this time, right?" Kent smiled.
"Nope!"
"But rock rips through paper!"
"True, but this is double paper! That rock ain't going anywhere! Can't rip through two pieces of paper!" The employee crowed in triumph. Of course, if the others had x-ray vision and could see what was happening (Sain was outside of the room.), then maybe they could tell Kent that the salesman was a complete cheat, but then they weren't there, and thank god they didn't have x-ray vision. Especially for Sain.
The next rounds went like that. (A/N: Just so you know, the first one is Kent's move, the second one is the salesman. It goes on like that.)
"Scissors!"
"Tiger Claws!" The salesman hooked two fingers like claws.
"Rock!"
"Beam Drill!" The worker put his five fingers together, forming a drill like figure.
"Paper!"
"Pen Missile!" The employee pulled a pen from the desk and smashed the blunt part against Kent's hand. "I win, sucker!"
"Ow! Damn, that's not fair!"
"Since you lost, you have to work from Elibe-Mart from now on! Here's your uniform." The employee tossed Kent a cheesy looking uniform, with the words 'Elibe-Mart pwns j00!' on it.
"This sucks."
"You have to report after this whole contest thing is over! Now, send in your friend."
"Sigh…Fine." Kent walked out of the room, miserable.
Sain greeted his friend. "So, did you win?"
"No…Stupid Pen Missile."
"What? There's no such move called Pen Missile." Sain looked at Kent.
"Wait…Really? What about Tiger Claws?" Sain shook his head. "Beam Drill?"
"Nope."
"Double Paper?"
"That's new, but no."
"And then I guess rock doesn't rip through paper."
"Never…He cheated, didn't he?"
"Yep…Of that little, conniving son of a bitch…" Kent seethed. "If I could go back in there, I'd kick his sorry, pimply ass."
"Don't worry, Kent! I'll defeat him!" Sain marched inside the room, and the door closed.
"Hey! Is Sain any good?" Farina called to the red-haired cavalier, who nodded.
"One of the best. Just as long as his opponent is a girl." Kent froze for a moment, and then opened the door. "SHIT!" Because inside was a young girl, who was busy playing against Sain. "We're doomed."
"I'll go out on a date with you if you let me win." The girl smiled at Sain.
"Uh…Well…" Sain pulled at his collar. "I don't know…"
"The girl leaned closer to Sain. "Pleeeease? Pretty please? Come on, Sainy! It's just one game."
"Uh…All right, all right! Fine!" Sain broke, and threw the game. The male employee from earlier smiled wickedly and tossed Sain another one of those 'Elibe-Mart pwns j00!' shirts.
"Sigh…" Sain walked out, clutching his uniform. The girl followed behind him. "What do you want?"
"Thank you, Sainy!" The girl gave Sain a kiss and then dashed off. Sain sighed again and joined his friend.
"I do not know if that was worth it."
"Trust me, that probably wasn't." Kent sighed, and then looked at the others. The door to the Roulette room opened, and Ninian stepped inside. Inside, she found another employee seated at a roulette table.
"Okay! If you land on a skull, you lose! Simple as that!"
"Um…Very well." Ninian sat down opposite from the worker, and then looked at the wheel. "Hey, there's only one number there!"
"Well, it's house advantage!" The employee placed the ball down and spun the wheel. Amazingly enough, the ball landed on the only number. Unsurprisingly, the employee kicked the table, and the ball hopped up and landed on a skull instead. "Aww…Looks like you lost. Here's your uniform. You work after this is all done." He tossed her a short dress that had the same slogan as the shirts. Ninian walked sadly outside.
Next up was Eliwood. "Come on, Farina! I want you to come to make sure that the guy doesn't cheat!"
"Well, okay." Farina followed the lord into the blackjack room.
Farina stood behind Eliwood as he seated himself in front of another employee of Elibe-Mart. The employee dealt out the cards, and Eliwood peeked at his. He had a king and a six, while his opponent's card was an ace.
"Hm…How many games?" Eliwood looked at the employee.
"Four." With that exchange, they got into the game.
Eliwood flipped up his cards so his opponent could see them. "Hit me!"
"ELIWOOD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Farina gaped at the lord, who smiled confidently.
"Do not worry. I believe in the heart of the cards. I cannot be defeated."
The employee, who looked dumbfounded for a moment, handed Eliwood a card, which was a five. "Eliwood! You've got twenty-one!"
"Hit me!" Eliwood slammed his hand on the table.
"What are you doing!" Farina clutched her head, astounded by the lord's apparent stupidity.
"But sir…You've got twenty-one." The employee looked at Eliwood.
"Don't question me! Hit me!"
"But sir!" As he said that though, the first employee from earlier entered and whispered in the young man's ear. The man nodded. "Very well." He dealt him another card, which was a ten. "Looks like you bust, sir."
"Drat!" Eliwood tossed down his cards. "Just a minor setback."
"Eliwood, you freaking idiot!" Farina felt like crying, and then strangling Eliwood.
"Don't worry, Farina. I will win. I have faith in the heard of the cards." The next hand was dealt. Eliwood flipped his cards face-up, once again. They were a jack and an ace.
"Another blackjack! Dude, this is creepy." Farina looked incredulously at Eliwood's cards.
"Hit me!"
This time, Farina didn't bother saying anything, and sat down, completely drained from the lord's stupidity. Eliwood's opponent gave the lord another card, which was another jack.
"Hit me!"
"ARGH!" Farina ripped the table leg off and started clonking Eliwood on the head. She was forcibly restrained, and dragged outside of the room, where she was screaming curses. Back inside, Eliwood shook his head.
"Why did she do that? Doesn't she know that I believe in the cards?"
"I have no idea sir. Do you wish to continue?"
"Of course! Come on, heart of the cards!"
"I feel like I'm clubbing a baby rabbit."
It continued in that fashion until Eliwood finally lost, since he always hit even though he had twenty-one. Idiot. So Eliwood got drafted in the Elibe-Mart machine, and only Farina was left. Since it was the last game, they decided to hold it in the main building, so that everyone could watch.
"Ha! Prepare to lose!" The first employee they had encountered was now in a heated duel of cards with Farina.
"In your dreams!" Farina grinned. "Show me your cards!"
"Six aces!"
"Six aces? You're only allowed to have five cards in poker! And there are only four aces in the deck!"
"No! She knows the rules!" The employee looked around frantically. "Fine! Four Aces!"
"Royal Flush!" Farina cheered. "Take that, loser!"
"Noooooo!" The employee grabbed her cards and began dealing again. "I'll get you! Four more games!"
"Deal!" Farina flashed him a predatory grin, no doubt thinking that it would be an easy win. And it was.
"Full house, Aces and Kings!" The employee smiled, certain that he had won.
"Straight Flush!" Farina laid her cards out, winning again.
"Four of a Kind!"
"Higher Four of a Kind!"
"Straight Flush!"
"Royal Flush!"
"Royal Flush!"
"Royal Flush of Spades! Owned, sucker! Looks like I win!" Farina laughed as she took all of the employee's money.
"Noooooooo…Master Nergal! I have…failed you!" The employee let out a scream before dissolving into dust and disappearing.
"Amateur…" Farina smiled. "Nobody has better luck that me." She stood up, cracking her knuckles. "So who's next?"
All of the Ilian Elibe-Mart employees fled, running for their lives. Eliwood, Kent, Sain, and Ninian were left, holding their Elibe-Mart uniforms.
"Come on, Farina! You've got to save us!" Eliwood pleaded to Farina, who thought about it.
"Eh…I don't know. After all, I think you guys would look pretty cute in those uniforms."
"FARINA!"
"Okay, okay!" Farina held up her hands. "I'll help, I'll help. Geez. Give me a couple of days to think of a plan, okay?"
"Fine." Eliwood grumbled.
"See you guys later! Don't suffer too much without me!" Farina waved goodbye to them as she left the market, thinking of a way to defeat the master gamblers of Ilia. She rubbed her hands together. "Aha! I've got it. I just need a couple of days to contact some people, and I'll have my friends rescued! And then I can demand rewards from them!" Farina continued chuckling as she headed for a nearby inn. She had a couple of favors to cash in, and she was certain that the Ilian Elibe-Mart would fall.
Chris: Well, there you go. The first installment of the Ilian Elibe-Mart adventure. Hope you like it, and review please!