this is my very first hp fic! And I am very glad indeed…ü

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. If I did, you'd all hate me and probably start throwing knives at me, wouldn't you?

Nothing But Hopeless

Even if supposedly assuring words are spoken to feed the flame that is hidden deep within the heart, empty it remains.

You are hopeless. But haven't you always been? You're selfish and stubborn; even if it hurts you, you still won't give him up.

You are his lover. But this is something you don't relish. You know that when it comes right down to it, Harry will always reject you, refuse you.

If danger comes your way, he'd never save you if it would cost him his life.

Of course, the same wouldn't be said for his friends. He'd always be glad to sacrifice for them.

You are his so-called lover. But you will always be second.

Never first.

You know that your relationship is all superficiality.

But you're hopeless. You're stubborn. You never learn.

You hear light footsteps advancing towards you.

"Harry."

A slivery cloak falls to his feet and you are met with familiar emerald orbs.

He closes the distance between you and presses his lips on yours. Firmly, he pushes you down to your bed as you let his hands wander off.

A voice at the back of your head tells you to push Harry away. But you never do. You pull him closer, as if that were still possible. You melt into him, like you constantly do. Even if you know it's all a game.

A game where Harry is always on the lead. A game where Harry always wins. A game where you always fail, yet accept it without question.

Then it all ends. It's all over. He keeps still for a few moments to catch his breath. He starts to dress, and leaves without even a backward glance.

As always, you are left with the familiar ache in your chest that never seems to fade.

It continues to throb ceaselessly, that you are already used to it. Sometimes you forget its there, but then, it throbs harder, reminding you of its being, whenever he comes to you.

He approaches you not because he needs you; on the contrary, you're the one who need him. And he knows you are waiting.

Forever waiting.

And you know it's true. You yearn for him. His tender lips, his electrifying touch, even just his presence.

But all this is just plain lust to him; for you though, it means everything.

He means everything.

Agonizingly, you are nothing to him. He is Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived. Everyone else seemed to be worthless.

And you?

You were probably just good enough in bed.

You've always known that. But you chose to ignore it.

Because you're stubborn and you never learn. Totally hopeless.

Harry.

That's all you want.

Harry.

But you want all of him.

Harry.

Mind, soul, and especially his heart.

Why?

Because he has all of you.

You are his,

but he can never be yours.

You search for him, because you aren't satisfied. You want to talk things out, hoping that beyond his harsh actions, he really does care.

Finally, you spot a mop or black hair and eyes as green as the Ever Glades.

Everything around you blurs and all you see

…is Harry.

You're frozen to where you are and thoughts of turning back run through your mind.

As your feet begin to move to turn around and just forget all of your hopeless demands, pools of jade met ones of misty gray.

You walk towards him with faint optimism.

"Potter."

"Malfoy."

"I need to ask you something."

He doesn't respond.

Silence fell heavily.

Finally, he looks up at you with an expression of either weariness or boredom. You really couldn't tell.

"Well?"

"I…" You don't know what to say. You haven't really thought about it.

"Please," You struggle to find the right words, but can't find them.

"Draco, whatever it is, can't it wait? I've got other important things to do."

He's always got something to do. And they're always more important than you.

"Fine. Go on then…"

As simple as that.

"Right. I gotta go, I'm sorry."

Ha! You know he's not. He never was, and you know he never will be.

You sit alone in the darkness. You recognize the throbbing ache in your chest as you hear light footsteps approach.

He's here. As always.

You accept him whole-heartedly, happy for what little you could get from him.

No matter how much it hurt.

You just never learn do you?

You're a stubborn fool.

And like your superficial relationship that you delude yourself in,

you're hopeless.

If life is not always fair, what more is love that gives meaning to life?

060405, 7:16am

a/n: awww.. sad.. ahehe..ü please review guys, I'd really appreciate it!ü