Thanks to MornMeril who is keeping up with this stuff it seems/waves/ yay!
Chapter 4.
"Monday April 11,
Today was the moment of truth. I have finally done the ultimate. I have created a human-like companion. Of course he'll never really be human. He's sleeping on my lap now as I write. He must be exhausted. I didn't want to model him after Xiaolin exactly..afraid I will always be comparing them. I don't want my Yue to have to live up to him. Yes, that's right. I named him after the chinese moon, it was after all, the one thing Xiaolin and I loved. Just like the moon, I gave him long silver hair..pale blue eyes and porcelain skin. I wanted him to be the embodiement of the moon itself, with all it's cold gracefulness. He has my more serious personality since Keroberos' sillyness needs a catalyst..much like Xiaolin had been for me. But the one thing I also endowed him with was a loyal heart. Like Keroberos he has powers and like Keroberos he was given white wings. Yue will be my child, my companion, my angel. He will be the closest thing to a person that I am willing to spend the rest of my life with. Both my creations make me so happy. I can't wait to start my new life in this new country, with my two guardians."
"Well now I know how Yue came about.." Syaoran mumbled as he shifted his position on the bed and puffed at his bangs. He turned the page.
"July 16,
It's funny when you look back on life. I still think about my years with Xiaolin..I don't think I will ever really stop loving him. We grew up together and only a year ago he left this world. And still...I woke up this morning. Kero's fuzzy lumbering self was snoring at the foot of my bed and next to me..next to me was an image that stirred my heart. Yue was also asleep and I tried not to move as I noticed his delicate hand resting on my chest. I sat up a little, taking in the way the light spilled on his long, untied hair. It's true that the sun is what really makes the moon so beautiful..I saw it in Yue as he slept. I swept away his bangs from his angelic face and he awoke at my touch. He opened his lazy eyes and slowly smiled at me. I don't know what it is. I couldn't possibly love my own creation, but he does do something to my heart. It's in a different way than the care I have for Keroberos. Kero is sort of like an intelligent pet..but Yue..perhaps I should not have made him so human. Either way he stretched, kicked Keroberos by mistake and of course the moment was over as Keroberos awoke noisily. Of course I laughed at their antics. Patience and tolerance are probably things I should have given Yue a little extra more of..but then I wouldn't have as much fun."
Syaoran could tell Clow had started feeling better since his creation of Yue..and what exactly were his feelings now?
"October 17th
"I Love you Clow" Yue had told me this evening as I gazed at the moon on my balcony. His innocent yet serious eyes glowed with the moonlight and he lowered his head to my shoulder. I stroked a hand through his long hair and told him the only thing I could say.
"You don't know what love is."
His eyes teared up and he pounded into my chest angrily.
"How could you not know how I feel? Why did you make me if not to be by your side forever? I'm not a man like you..I'm not even human, but I know what I feel..my heart beats like yours and I see the way you look at me.I know you feel like I do!"
I smiled at him..it was about the only thing I could ever do anymore. It was true I had grown to love Yue deeply and part of me wanted to forget my first love and move on. But I couldn't do that when everything reminded me of him. My heart would always belong to Xiaolin and it wasn't something Yue could understand.
"I love you Yue. But my love for you is like that of Keroberos. It is like a father for his son. I could never truly love you the way you want."
"Then who do you love? You live in this house, in this country but you don't interact with anyone. Not even members of your own family back home. All you ever do is stare at the moon, spend time with us and perfect your magic. You keep this intense search for knowing about the future and though you smile happily day after day there is something mysterious about you. You read books, you sip tea, you play with your cards..you tell us about life in England, but never about China. What are you holding back master? Why wont you let it go?"
He had wrapped his arms around me sobbing into my shoulder. I held him close calming him as much as I possibly could. It broke my heart, but the time had come for me to be painfully clear.
"I'm sorry Yue..my heart will never truly belong to anyone. Not even you."
He stopped crying then, wiping his own tears. He looked up at me with a determined cold gaze and stepped away standing long and rigid.
"I'll prove you wrong."
Then he turned and walked back into the house. I knew this night had been coming for a long time. My guardian was intelligent and keen..maybe too keen. Because of his moon powers he felt emotions strongly and his intuitive nature was dead-on. He was determined with a goal I knew he would never achieve. Or did I? I now wanted to know the future more than ever."
"Aha! I knew there was something between Yue and Clow all along." Syaoran exclaimed, his head popping up from the book.
So it was true, Yue loved Clow. It was no wonder he felt so confused when he met Eriol. Syaoran never knew how much Yue suffered for Clow and it was probably the main reason for his cold nature. He probably never wanted to get so attached to anyone ever again if they were going to eventually leave him. He wondered what Yue would do the day Sakura's life on this earth ends. Or what he would do the day Touya's does, considering how much Yukito loves him. Speaking of Yukito..
Syaoran read the book for a long time. Most of the other entries were certain normal events that happened year after year. The birthdays of his gaurdians. A trip to China. Holidays and special little moments the three shared. Nothing was mentioned again about Xiaolin or Clow's quest for the future untill the last few pages of the book.
"August 14,
I finally did it. All these years perfecting my magic and I have done what no other sorceror has been able to do. I have seen into the future..beyond my years. I realize my time is near..for no sorceror who has seen his own death can live for very much longer. I understand now what I must do and I realize what my quest has only gotten me after all these years of searching. I have become the most powerful sorceror in the world and it's a very dangerous thing, unstable as I may become some day. I don't trust myself with all this power, it is too much for one single person and I yearn to rejoin my Xiaolin as I have seen his spirit on the other side. Looking into the future I have seen things will turn out fine but my body grows old and I will not be able to perform my ultimate goal. It must be done in another manner and I know exactly how to do it..but it must mean the end of my life here. Tonight I will spend the night with Yue..like he has always wanted. It is my last loving deed as his creator, to give him the one thing he has always wanted. I can finally let go of my past since I know my future."
Syaoran could not believe he had finally come down to the last days of Clow's life. He hungrilyturned the page to his last entry.
"December 31st
The snow fell lightly this night as I told Yue and Keroberos that my time is at an end. I have grown too powerful in spirit but too weak in body. Yue refused to listen to my fate. He knew I could stop this all if I really wanted to, but I had a bigger quest in mind now. Keroberos understood and he did his best to calm Yue down. I smiled at my two guardians for I would miss them tremendously. I had shared so much with them and was glad I made them. But I was conforted by the fact that their new master would love them even more than I ever could have. She will have a beautiful life, and because of that stability she will be the perfect one as heir for my power and the Reed line will continue. I will be reborn, in England as I had done so in this life. I will help her become more powerful than I could ever be. The world will rest peacefully in her hands, but she will need help more closely than I could ever give her. That is where Yue and Keroberos come into play. She will find love in Yue's false form who's last name will be Tsukishiro..taking after my dear Xiaolin. She will be good to him like Xiaolin's wife could have been. I will meet people up and down the way..but will ultimately be alone..though guardians I can create again if I should ever feel too lonely. But my heart..It may never truly find it's happy ending. With all my plans intact I gave my current guardians their last goodbyes. A tender kiss for Yue whom I had given a part of my heart to. I would see him again, in good hands. Then I transformed them and kept them dormant in the book that held my cards, so that one day the seal would be broken and they would be released ready to serve their new master.
My time has drawn near. This is my last entry..and I go now to join my Xiaolin before we are reborn again to lead a new life.
-Clow Reed."
Syaoran put the book down and layed back into the soft pillow of his bed. He let out a long sigh.
"So I had never been meant to enter the picture. Clow hadn't meant for his family in China to intrude, in a way I ruined Clow's plans."
Syaoran looked at the Rashin board that hung in his bedroom wall. It had been Xiaolin's..the one who would be Yukito's ancestor but looked just like Syaoran from his chinese side.
"So Yukito had always been meant for Sakura..just like Xiaolin had married that japanese girl. But Xiaolin and the girl never lasted..neither did Sakura's feelings for Yukito, and he fell for her brother..but!"
Then it struck him and he stood up straight breathing heavily from the sudden realization.
"Xiaolin and his wife were not meant to be! He loved Clow. I look like Xiaolin, possibly his descendant, and I didn't last with Sakura..so then.."
Syaoran stared at the book, his heartbeat calming down.
"Who was I meant for?"