Chapter 2: Shikamaru – First Drink
"Move it, moron."
Just as Shikamaru opened the door to the pub, Temari brushed past him and staggered off into the night. He paused, drew in a lungful of her passing perfume and took the time look at her as she walked away. He knew she wouldn't look back. His breathing was going stupid on him again. He wasn't getting used to that any time soon. Damn it, he should have said something.
Inside the bar was pretty empty. Kankurou and Gaara were there, eyeing him as he entered, as well as a few of the usual patrons, but not his father. This was the third bar he had been to and it was getting troublesome. By now, Mom would be pissed for sure. He walked over to the bar.
"Hey, barkeep, has Dad been here tonight?"
"I haven't seen him all day, sorry Shikamaru"
This made one of the drunks at the bar turn around with a jerk. Shikamaru turned too and looked into the bloodshot eyes of some wino he'd never seen before. The man was pretty skinny, with a sickly, almost greenish skin tone and a mop of uncombed, very red hair. He hadn't shaved, reeked of alcohol, dressed in and trenchcoat and a T-shirt saying "Dr.Superlove". Late twenties maybe, and not living healthily.
"Holy shit!" the drunk blurted. Shikamaru sighed.
"What?"
"You're Nara Shikamaru!"
"And…?"
"Holy sh…You're Shikaku's son! And you look just like him too! Dude, I know your father well!"
"I'm not surprised."
"Well, I am. I haven't seen him in years, jesus, how old are you now? Seventeen?"
"Eighteen."
"Last time I saw you, you were teething! Holy…I'm sorry, I'm just a bit taken aback is all."
He seemed pretty lucid considering how he smelled. Shikamaru turned to leave anyway.
"Well it, was nice meeting you."
"Heyheyhey, where are you going? Sit down, you won't find him."
"How would you know?"
"I've been to every bar in town tonight, trust me, he's on an urgent mission or something – He still does missions right?
"Right."
"Yeah, then it's something like that. Let's talk, sit down."
"I should be going home, really"
"Oh, come on, Shikamaru-san, I know your mother as well. I know for a fact you'd rather spend some time here until she falls asleep. Come on. It'll be less troublesome."
He knew Shikamaru's father, all right.
"Ok then, just for a while."
"Great, great. Want a drink?"
"I'm eighteen."
"That's not what I asked."
"No thanks, I don't drink."
"You never had a drink? Your father and I were drinking when we were fifteen at the latest!"
"Yeah, well excuse me for choosing other role-models."
"Other role-models? What for?"
"Let's just say that my children won't have to come drag me home from the bar four times a week."
The drunk finally stopped smiling as he put his glass down and looked at Shikamaru. This wasn't less troublesome at all.
"I really should be going."
"Wait."
"No, I think…"
"Wait, before you go, let me say this." His voice was lowered now, more serious. He was struggling to keep his eyes focused on Shikamaru's.
"You can say what you want about me, but I won't hear you talk shit about your father. Shikaku is a good man. He obviously raised you right, and he's saved my life twice. And if I could get drink for each time he covered my butt when I screwed up, well, I'd be even drunker. I can't believe no one ever told about the great things he did."
"…"
"Shikamaru-san, would you let me tell you some stories about him? While your mother falls asleep?"
"Whatever. Keep it short."
"Thank you."
Shikamaru took a seat.
Two hours later Shikamaru was shaking with laughter. The stranger, who turned out to be about fifteen years older than he looked, had started off by accounting for most of Shikaku's scars and then quickly moved on to tales of practical jokes and drunken madness.
"So there I was, groping this poor girl through no fault of my own, and when she started slapping me and screaming for the sensei, all I could do was to stand there and take it! Then people came to and I kept going, Shikaku-chan controlling my every move, of course, with that shadow-thingy…
"Kage Mane no Jutsu"
"Right. I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. Honest to god, I thought she was gonna take out her kunai and kill me. But I got back at him. I got back at him good.
"How?"
"huhuhuhh…"
"C'mon, tell me!"
"I hooked him up with your mother."
Shikamaru knew he shouldn't laugh at that. He really shouldn't. But he did. Hard.
"But seriously kid, your mom's a wonderful woman. A pain in the ass, sure, but she'd have to be with you two to take care of. Always liked her. Always did. Perfect for Shikaku… So, how about yourself?"
"What about myself?"
"You've got a girl, right?"
"Me? No, I can't be bothered with that stuff."
"I'll bet you could be bothered with that blonde from earlier on, though."
"What?"
"The tall one with the fan."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dude, it was obvious. Her mates were pissed at you."
"Kankurou and Gaara were mad?"
"So you do know what I'm talking about?"
"I don't…I mean I know them, but I'm not…"
"Right..."
"No, I mean it."
"Hey, it's okay, she's pretty hot. I've always preferred bimbos too."
"She's not a bimbo!"
The stranger just smiled. Then he said:
"How about that drink now?"
"If I have one drink, will you shut up?"
"Attaboy."
On his first night out Shikamaru quickly learned that there is no such thing as "one drink", and as the sun rose to slowly fill the streets with horizontal rays he found himself walking along with this man, drinking sake straight from the bottle and talking about Temari. How she cocked her head when being condescending, how she talked down to her brothers, how she smiled when she won a battle, and she how controlled the winds that makes the clouds beautiful. His father's alleged friend was getting quite plastered but that didn't make him any worse of a listener. He was clearly paying attention, nodding gravely the whole time.
"But she's three years older than me and…Well, I'm just really lousy at these sorts of things."
"Not necessarily" the old man said abruptly.
"Whaddyamean?"
"I mean you're a smart kid, and you said you played chess, right?"
"So? Girls hate chess."
"Most of them, yes. But that's not what I'm getting at. What I'm getting at is that getting girls to like you is a lot like playing chess, except you don't know the rules."
"Well, what are the rules?"
"There's a different set of rules for each girl, but they've a lot in common, see? Like, well, a lot of them enjoy getting flowers, not necessarily because they enjoy the sight of flowers in itself, but because it is such a classic and obvious sign of admiration. Get it?"
"So I should get her flowers?"
"Hell no! Not this girl, not before she's in love with you anyway, then pretty much anything goes. But for now, you shut up and let me tell you the rules."
"…"
"Good. Now this Tanari-chick…"
"Temari."
"Whatever. She's into drinkers, and mysterious guys."
"How do you know?"
"Trust me on this one. She's also into guys her brothers don't approve of, which makes your age almost as much of an advantage as a disadvantage. Nobody wants their big sister dating someone younger than themselves. And the mysterious part is probably all good too, seeing how you don't dare talk to her. You're already working on the drinking part, obviously."
"That's it?"
"No, not quite. There's more you've got going for you. Seeing how she's a pretty smart girl, she probably likes smart guys, and you're smart as hell, I could tell the moment you tried to walk out on me. Plus you're handsome."
"Heh."
"And there's your arrogance. That's good. Arrogant girls don't like timid guys. They want to feel like they're the only girl cool enough to be with you. Most of them, anyway."
"uh-huh."
"But that's not all. I happen to know, never mind how, that her favourite pick-up line is "Wanna make out?" Either because it's bloody arrogant or because her brothers hate it, probably both."
"You're kidding."
"Not at all, this I'm sure of. What you need to do is approach her while she's with her brothers, and with a nonchalant face – you're good at those – ask her if she wants to make out. Ignore the bros completely and for god's sake look her in the eye. Wait until she's had a drink or two, no more, smart girls get defensive when they feel drunk."
"I can't do that."
"If anyone can, you can."
"But it sounds so…"
"Troublesome, I know."
"I was going to say "stupid"."
"What's stupid is sitting around feeling like a useless punk while the girl you want goes bar-hopping! What's stupid is not getting off your lazy ass to do what has to be done! When you've wasted this much time you have to take some chances. Trust me; you'll surprise her in a good way."
"You really think so?"
"Dude, I know."
"Maybe you're right."
"That's the spirit. Look, do it tomorrow. When you wake up sober, this will not seem like a good idea. But remember: Your logic doesn't apply here. Her does. You go get her."
"Yeah, I just might. I've got nothing to lose."
"Good! Now go home and sleep it off. When you see your father, tell him I'm in town, and that I'd love to catch up."
Shikamaru's newfound mentor started down the road.
"But you never told me your name."
"Didn't I? It's Tegata. But people call me Dr. Superlove."
"Why?"
Tegata looked at him in disbelief.
"Why do you think?"
"Because of your T-shirt?"
"That's right."
Authors note: The first version of this chapter was full of typos and mixed sentences. It should be better now. If you like it, love it, hate it, think it's boring etc, please let me know. Thank you for reading.