A/N: That took... a long time. I'll spare you my life story, and just skip to the review replies and story.

Review Reply:

Hinoiri-Maiden: Thanks. I love you too. X3

Gerbil: CHIZZY! Poor Chizzy... -hugs her and pets her and feeds her alphabet soup- Better?

azn-sakura17: Doesn't grab you much? -winces- I'm not very good at writing action... sorry about that...

SesshouMaru-sama's Rin: That's because she iiiiiiiiis... that's because she is...

SakuraEvil twin of Sango: Thank you! I wasn't sure about the "soon" part, but...

dark daimon fate: Thank you! Thank you! I would like to thank my parents, my friends, and all the little people I had to step on... XD -hugs Maddi- BANZAI!

Neji Wife: once again, I'm not sure about the "soon" part, but... ehe...he...he...

OnlyCoolEmoBoysKiss: Of course it isn't... of course... I know you're a Renny fangirl, so I ask you this, proceed on future chapters with caution... but really, it's all Jakotsu's fault! Really!

Makotsu the Shichinin-chick: YES! SHAKE IT OUT! -cough- Here's the next update!

On to the story!

Chapter Two: Jakotsu's Best Friend

"So."

"Yes."

"...Want to know my name?" the girl asked, her eyes sparkling from hope.

Bankotsu really didn't know how he got into this kind of situation. Renkotsu was so much better at talking to people. "Sure, I'd... love... to."

"Well," she said smartly. "It's Fiona Lacewire Matten Quirrel Sanvasta Kawaiibakaarigato."

Bankotsu stared at her in shock.

"Fiona for short."

"So your name is Jakotsu?" Fiona asked as she plopped down (gracefully, mind you,) next to him. "It's so nice to meet you."

"Like wise." Jakotsu snarled. "Now get out of my face before I do something to you that I'm not going to regret."

"Oh, you're so silly! Hey, you want to be best friends?"

Jakotsu felt a headache coming up. "No. I don't want to be friends with filth. Especially a filth who likes my ooaniki. Now go away!" Jakotsu pushed her and then shuddered at the thought of how long it'll take to get the germs off of his hands.

"Come on!" she whined. "Let's be best friends! Then we can talk about how cute boys are and rant over them together!"

"...I'd really rather go eat slugs."

"You like slugs?" she cried in horror, wrinkling her nose delicately. "I mean, I love all animals equally, but slugs... ugh..."

Jakotsu wondered why all the girls were either annoying, stealing away cute guys away from him, or just plain, downright stupid. "Slugs are prettier than you."

"You really think so?" She said, twirling her kimono around her majestically. "I guess black silk would remind people of slugs, but I was aiming for of the mysterious 'Black Raven' kind of thing."

Jakotsu was also pretty certain that her kimono was pink a second earlier.

Not noticing Jakotsu's silence, she rambled on about her self until three butterflies fluttered past her.

"Oh my gosh! They're so pretty!"

"Mm hm." Jakotsu mumbled with a wistful look at them as they danced from one flower to the next.

"Hey!" Fiona's shrill shriek brought Jakotsu back from his daydreaming. "I bet you've got this angsty past, haven't you! Tell me about it! Tell me!"

"You have no shame, you know that?" Jakotsu spat at her in disgust.

"Me? Have shame? Why should I be ashamed? I'm perfect!" then she paused and thought about it. "Well, maybe I do have some. I mean, who wouldn't be ashamed of being forced to work like a slave with little/no food at all in dirty ugly rags?"

Jakotsu wondered if she knew that no one really cares about all that.

"No wait..." she frowned. "Was that this life or my past three hundred lives? I can't remember..."

"Gee, that's great. I would really like a best friend who's of the gender that I hate, is practically immortal, and just basically a freak." Jakotsu said sarcastically. "Now go and play with fire or something and kill yourself."

Fiona (who just remembered that Katheranta was one of her middle names) gasped. "You aren't very nice!"

"No, I'm not." Jakotsu answered in a deadpan voice. "Unless you're ooaniki. Which you aren't. For starters, you aren't hot, nor do you have a braid."

"I can grow a braid." She supplied helpfully. "Did I mention I could change my hair length and colour at will? I can only do that to one eye though... But people think it's exotic, so..."

Jakotsu pretended that he hadn't heard that comment, because if he did, that would confirm that, yes, he has reached the bottom of the stages and Nirvana was now just a far off dream... Not that he thought he might reach it, mind you. Killing hundreds of people tended to dampen your chances somewhat.

"I think I can change my skin colour too. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm pretty sure I could."

"...Why are we having this conversation?" Jakotsu asked. "I hate you, you're damaged in the head, and we should avoid each other- though you should avoid my ooaniki as well-and all is right with the world, okay?"

"Um, well, no, not really-" she started to say.

"Great." Jakotsu interrupted. "Now get out of my sight. Go bother Mukotsu or something like that. I'm going back to hunting."

Fiona managed to walk a few steps towards the low-self esteem member of the Shichinin-tai before she turned and asked quizzically. "Hunting? For what?"

Jakotsu smiled a slow and dangerous smile that promised lots of blood, pain and death. "I'm going filth hunting.

"Are you Mukotsu?" Fiona asked Kyoukotsu, who was towering above her, munching on the leg of a deer.

Kyoukotsu stared at her in bewilderment. Why would anyone confuse him with the shortest member? "No, I'm Kyoukotsu."

"Hey, that's great! Nice to meet you Mukotsu! My name's Fiona." She beamed at him, happy to get to know another one of the Shichinin-tai.

"I'm not Mukotsu, I'm Kyou-"

"You know Mukotsu, that other guy, Jakotsu, isn't very nice at all..."

Kyoukotsu sighed. "Look, I'm not Mukotsu. My name's Kyoukotsu."

Fiona had a confused look on her face. "What do you mean? Of course you're Mukotsu!" she laughed. "Don't you know your own name? Oh, you boys are so silly!"

Kyoukotsu wondered if he could eat her. Then he remembered that ooaniki had said "No matter how annoying she gets, don't harm her in anyway. That includes eating her." Well darn. She looked tasty too.

"You want to tell me about your life story? I'm a psychologist too, you know..."

Maybe he should run away. Yeah, that'll work. But what if he got lost? Hmm... to stay and hear her ramblings or run away and risk getting lost and maybe getting attacked by some random wolf demon. They were rumored to live around these places. Well that was an easy one.

Kyoukotsu, chewing his deer leg, started lumbering away.

Fiona sighed. This was boring. Jakotsu didn't like her, Mukotsu ran away, and Ginkotsu had only been able to say "Gesh", before a bald guy (whose name was Renkotsu, she figured.) had glared at her and demanded to know what she was doing. She of course, informed him of her plan to get to know everyone better. For some odd reason that she didn't understand, he had screamed at her to "LEAVE US IN PEACE!" and "YOU'RE WORSE THAN JAKOTSU!" He had screamed awfully loud too.

There were two members left to meet. Kyoukotsu and Suikotsu.

It was simple, yes? Kill her, dump her body somewhere, clean off the blood and tell ooaniki that she was eaten by cat demons. Never mind the fact that there haven't been cat demons for at least a good few decades.

Oh, our silly, silly multiple personality doctor... He forgot one of the most important rules ever for girls that ooaniki brings back (second only to rule 2.a which stated that you must be nice to her at all costs.), which was that she cannot be killed.

So after she came back to life for the umpteenth time, Suikotsu gave up. Not killing her, mind you, just merely of trying to hide the fact that he was trying to kill her. Because the blood was just way too much work to clean off after the twenty-sixth time.

Fiona staggered away from Suikotsu dizzily after two hours of killing and regenerating. Some deep power from within herself told her that staying away from the nice doctor was a good thing.

Regenerating was a hard task, one that always made her feel rather nauseated, as well as giving her a rather nasty after taste in her mouth. In fact, she was feeling so horrible, she didn't notice the lump on the ground until she tripped over it.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she gasped kindly. "Even though you are a mere rock, my kindness propels me to apologize to you!"

The 'rock' glared at her. "I'm not a rock, thank you very much. My name's Mu-"

Mukotsu's sad attempt to tell her his name was cut off by a very ear shatter shrill from her. "I know you! You're Kyoukotsu!"

"...Um...no." Mukotsu was now beyond confused. "I'm Mukotsu."

"You're Kyoukotsu."

Mukotsu thought that maybe this girl has some identity problems. She did think that he was a rock when she first saw him, right? Maybe she was just born damaged in the brain? "...Y – Yeah... I'm... uh... Kyoukotsu."

She squealed again. Mukotsu figured that his eardrums should have shattered right about now.

"Are you actually staying to hear me talk about my life and stuff instead of killing me, screaming at me, and/or running away?" Fiona asked, her eyes sparkling as the thought of someone finally staying to hear her life story.

"Sure?" Mukotsu may be a killer, but even he has sympathies for the mentally ill. Oh, that and hot chicks.

Five hours and three lifetime stories later, Fiona was back at bother- I mean, talking, to Bankotsu.

"So? How was your day?" Bankotsu asked, trying to be nice and strike up a conversation.

"Positively wondrous!" she sighed joyfully, as the day's events replayed in her mind. Apparently her mind had conveniently erased parts about people running away from her in horror, and Jakotsu's scathing remarks. "I can see why you look so happy all the time! You have such great people to support you!"

"Well we are kind of a makeshift family..." Bankotsu paused for a moment. "Wait a second, where's Kyoukotsu?"

"Kyoukotsu? He's over there mixing poison!" Fiona replied with another eye blinding smile.

"Umm... I think you mean Mukotsu."

"No, no, no." Fiona sighed. "Mukotsu's the tall one who ran away from me into the forest! I wonder why everyone always gets those two mixed up..."

"Oh..." Bankotsu was now pondering why girls had to be so... weird. "Yeah... that would be... Mukotsu alright..."

"Oh! I'm also best friends with Jakotsu!"

Jakotsu? Bankotsu wondered if he heard Fiona right. "...Are you sure? Jakotsu... doesn't like... girls..."

"He doesn't?" Fiona asked puzzled. "I know he doesn't like filth, which mean that he's probably a really tidy person, but girls? Are you sure? He seemed really nice to me!"

"...Well, if you're sure."

"Jakotsu and I are going to have so much fun together!" she said, making sure to get her grammar correct. "Maybe we'll make flower chains together! I've never been best friends with anyone before!"

Bankotsu supposed that edging away from her would seem impolite.

"Well then, what are we going to do?"

Bankotsu blinked. The stars outside twinkled slightly as they beamed down on earth. "Do about what?"

"Why sleeping arrangements of course!"

A/N: Ahem, in the next chapter 'masterfully named' as "Moonlit Walks andBananas" in which Fiona attempts to pry out Bankotsu's past; and the hatchings of an evil and disturbing plan begins to hatch within Jakotsu's mind...