Disclaimer: I RULE THE WORLD! Not.
Don't go to Sleep. So Many People Die There.
Mark Twain
It was late that night before we got any sleep. I wanted to head out for the Fort of Regrets immediately, but Margarite insisted that we be well rested. I was too tired to fight against her.
Karin stayed in the village that night. She slept in the cathedral. The townspeople had seen the body of Jeanne, and it was likely they would take their own revenge if they saw she was free.
I couldn't sleep. I have been plagued by insomnia for many months now. Almost a full year.
No, I cannot lie to myself. It is not insomnia. I am afraid to go to sleep. Every time I lie down and shut my eyes the whispers start. You could have saved him, they say. It's all your fault…so many have died…why do you think they all left you? Your mother, your father, Yuri…you don't deserve happiness…
I get up and read. Or find someone to talk to. Anything to keep from thinking. But it is still no use. Whenever I am alone, they start up. I don't know whose voices they are. My demon eyes don't tell me anything, so I am left to the only conclusion. It is myself. And I cannot hide from myself. Tonight they say only one thing, over and over.
Murderess. Murderess. Murderess. Murderess. Murderess. Murderess. Murderess. Murderess.
I toss and turn. I am so tired...! If I could just fall asleep. When I am asleep, the voices stop. I do not dream.
This is why I push myself to exhaustion. Why I work until I literally fall from tiredness. If I make myself tired enough I don't have to think. But sometimes, this happens. I am not tired enough to fall asleep immediately. But I am too tired to move, to get up, to do something else.
The voices change now. I see the face of the boy I killed. He was so young.
You killed me! Murderess! You shot me in cold blood…
I see his face before my eyes. The other voices keep chanting, murderess, murderess, murderess, and now the boy's face changes. He looks scared, terrified. He screams. No! You sent me to hell, murderess, demon, killer! I'm in hell…they're torturing me…no…! Your fault! You! Murderess, murderess, murderessmurderessmurderessMURDERESS!
I sit up, bathed in sweat. I do not scream – I don't know what will answer. I force my tired muscles to move, to make me sit up, and then get out of bed. Slumped over from tiredness I move slowly across the room, over to the pitcher of water Geppeto left on front of my mirror. The only part of my body that is not slumped from tiredness are my eyelids. My eyes are wide, fixed, staring at nothing, at everything. My head jerks from side to side. There is something behind me…no, nothing. Maybe…
I reach the pitcher and splash my face with cold water. I look up at the mirror and I freeze.
That is not my face in the mirror. It starts off as mine, but the eyes are purple, glowing. The face changes before my eyes, becoming a deaths head, a skull with flesh dripping from its bones. I stare horrified, and the face slowly fades away, leaving only my pale reflection, my large blue eyes staring into the abyss. I grab the pitcher and swing it at the mirror, smashing it to pieces.
Then, exhaustion catching up with me, I slump to the floor. The last thing I see is a strange reflection in the shards of glass. An oddly wooden, yellow, face, laughing at me.