By: Nicole Wagner: The Deadly Gambit
Summary: Tired of getting E-Mails and reading Remy in very sexual situations... Alisa E-Mails the Logan and Remy Slash Club to Complain and Explain...
Rated PG-13 for Language and possible violence... and lots of mentions of Slash!
Alisa LeBeau cringed... her E-Mail box, seeing over 200 E-Mails, mainly from Logan and Remy worshippers asking her questions on their relationship. She let out a groan, nearly smashing her head into her laptop screen. This was rather stressful... okay, really stressful. Some of the E-Mails were rather... dirty... and somethimes, she'd get regular mail as well. Mainly women and men sending their underwear to be given to Remy. This was the final straw, Alisa LeBeau could only take so much! With a growl that could have been mistaken for Logan's, she started to type franticlly on her pink "Hello Kitty" laptop, the one Logan gave her as a gift from Japan. She entered the Logan and Remy Slash yahoo Club... and began to write an Message on the Message board. She was so fustrated, she was even typing in her accent.
Dear Logan an' Remy Fans,
De next person ta send mah dere underwear ta give ta ethier Logan or Remy shall be payin' mah next t'erapy bill... an' believe mah... Emma Frost does not come cheap! Now on dat lovely note. Ah am tired... really tired... really, really, REALLY tired o' gettin' E-mails which requests dat ah send nude photos o' Logan or Remy... or even pictures o' de two in bed together. First o' all... ah respect dere privacy... an' dere love fer one an' other. Second... Mon Dieu! Ah'm Remy's lil' sister! Why would ah 'ave nudie pictures o' mah broder? Ah mean, Logan is understandable... but REMY? You people better non be de same people dat sent mah dat Logan/Remy/Alisa pairin' story! Ah mean... ewww... Dat added to mah t'erapy bill.
On to mah next complaint, an' answer to yah questions. Non, ah don' know 'ow BIG mah big broder is... an' again, 'ow would ah know dis? All ah can tell yah people is ta use yer imagination... But ah mus' say dis... Remy is non a piece o' meat! If he was a piece o' meat, he'd be a rump roast, 'cause he can be a bit o' an ass... an' don' yah dare insert a "And he's got a nice, tight ass" comment here! Ah swear... you do dat, ah'm comin' ta yah house!
As fer what Remy an' Logan do in dere spare time, ah'll happily tell you guys dis! De two hold hands, go out to eat, go dancin'... an' sometimes, Logan takes mah big broder to a Day Spa to relax... t'ough de last time dey went, Logan tried to 'ave his back waxed, an' nearly killed de poor sap who tore de strip off his back. In Remy's spare time, he enjoys readin', bathin' in de sun, watchin' movies... he actually likes dem historical drama movies, an' he always enjoys a good swim. Logan... well... he's different den mah broder. He likes ice hockey, action films like "Die Hard", he enjoys campin' out in de woods, cuttin' logs wit' his claws, Danger Room sessions, an' bein' wit' Remy. As fer dere sex lives... since mah room next to dere's... which ah wished it wasn' ... it's very, VERY active.
Okay... ah hope dis answers some o' yah questions... an' yah get de point dat ah don' know everyt'ing. On one last note... could someone please add mah into a NICE fan fiction? One where ah am non mamed, killed, or even raped? You know... sumt'ing nice, like mah bein' an X-Man an' workin' wit' mah broder an' Logan? Anyone? Oh well, ah tried. Enjoy de rest o' yah day!
Much Love,
Alisa Brex LeBeau
P.S.: Non ah don' even KNOW what mah middle name means... don' even know 'ow ah got dat, too.
A sigh finally escaped Alisa's lips as she presses the send button on the message, and it posts. Placing her hands behind her head, she leans back on her bed, the top of her head resting against the wall. As soon as her eyes closed, the sounds of a bed creaking, and the sounds of moaning and screaming could be heard on teh other side of the wall. One of her eyes bolts open hearing all of this, and a groan escapes her lips.
"Oh Logan... Oh yes! Right dere! Right dere! YES!"
Slapping herself in the face, she then makes a fist and starts pounding on the wall behind her.
"Dat's de SIXTH time today yah two been doin' dat! You wan' mah ta tell de truth about what yah two REALLY do behind closed doors to dat Logan an' Remy Club?"
The End?